28. Isla
ISLA
Iplopped myself down on the couch in the library at Lochbrae, squirming as my sweater rode up, exposing the bottom of my belly.
Lena snorted, walking in behind me with a tea tray featuring Agnes’s cheese scones. If one thing could get me out of the inn these days, it was those scones. “Having some technical difficulties?”
“I swear this fit yesterday,” I complained, tugging my sweater back into place. “This kid’s going through some sort of growth spurt.”
“Well, don’t be surprised if all you get for Christmas is maternity clothes,” Lena joked, setting down the tray between us. “I heard we’re in for a cold January. Apparently, we’re going to get a ton of snow.”
I arched an eyebrow. “Which weather presenter have you been listening to?”
“All I’m saying,” Lena said, “is that you’re going to need clothes that actually cover your belly or baby boy is going to freeze. Hey, what about a shopping trip before the holidays?”
“Mmm…” My eyes darted to the massive Christmas tree that had been erected in the corner of the library.
It was one of several trees that had sprung up around the estate in recent weeks.
No one could say the Kincaids weren’t in the holiday spirit.
Even Milo and Bonnie were running around the grounds with ribbons attached to their collars.
I really needed to get Ranger a cute Christmas sweater or something.
“Cat keeps trying to get me to go down to the shops in Edinburgh, but I just…” I wrinkled my nose.
Between Locke and my father, that was the last city I wanted to visit, even for a shopping trip. “I’m not really in the mood.”
Lena hummed. “That’s fair. We could always pop down to London.” She wiggled her eyebrows at the idea. “Take the jet before you’re not allowed to fly anymore. I’ve heard you’re quite a fan of the ice cream Weston keeps stocked in the plane’s galley.”
A smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. “I’ll give it some thought. Is Aisling still on the hunt for her Christmas presents?” I asked.
“She checks around the trees every morning,” Lena said, sitting down in one of the wingback chairs.
“And everywhere else she can think of. Weston pulled her out from under our bed the other day. She claimed she was looking for Milo.” Lena shook her head, laughing.
“The only bonus to Lochbrae being this massive is the sheer number of hiding places. That girl is determined.”
“I bet Weston’s hidden them out in the barn with the sheep.”
“That actually was one of his original ideas,” Lena said, grinning. “But Aisling spends too much time out there. I can’t lie, it’s been really fun seeing how excited she is for the holidays.”
“I think kids make Christmas more magical,” I agreed.
“Next year, you’ll have your own little bundle to make magic for,” Lena pointed out. “He’ll even be big enough to enjoy it.”
“Oh God,” I said, pressing my hand to my forehead. I slumped back against the couch cushion, a little awestruck. “I can’t believe I’ll have an almost-nine-month-old this time next year.”
Lena looked thrilled by that fact. “He’ll be crawling by then. We won’t be able to put any ornaments on the bottoms of trees. At least not anything breakable.”
“We’ll have to wrangle the kids into matching outfits for Santa pictures down at the pub,” I said. I actually couldn’t wait.
“Weston wants to have a tiny sleigh made for Bonnie to pull around the grounds.”
I gave Lena a pointed look. “He’s out of his mind if he thinks I’m putting my son in any contraption with Bonnie on the other end.”
Lena barked a laugh. “That’s what I told him! But he’s convinced it’s a brilliant idea.”
The moment grew quiet, contemplative, and I knew we were both envisioning Lochbrae next year, packed with loved ones—our chosen family.
Me and my baby boy. Agnes. Callum and Maisie.
Alistair and Kenna. I supposed Locke would be there, too, if he could pry himself away from work long enough to bother.
He was still one of Weston’s longtime best friends after all.
But we wouldn’t be there together. I supposed that’s what our life would be now—forever orbiting, never connecting.
The warmth in my chest dimmed, and I swore under my breath, pissed that I was still letting Locke mess with my heart. That I was still letting myself miss him. Lena tilted her head, regarding me. “You okay?”
I shook off the melancholy. “Yeah.” I picked up my tea and took a sip. “How’s the adoption going? Is everything still on track for that?”
Lena nodded, pleased. “If all goes well, it should be tied up with a neat little bow before the courts close for the holidays.”
“Now that’s the real Christmas present,” I said. “Aw, Lena. There’s going to be so much to celebrate in the new year.”
She reclined back in her chair, nodding in agreement. “Aisling. The baby. And Weston has just mentioned that Alistair’s been looking for property in the area for him and Kenna.”
I perked up. “He’s leaving London?”
Lena lifted her shoulder. “They’re going out to look at a place this weekend.”
“Do you think it’ll really happen?”
“I don’t know…Maybe? It could just be a temporary thing, but wouldn’t that be amazing?”
I couldn’t stop picturing it. Aisling, Kenna, and baby boy.
All growing up together. I imagined them at the summer festival next year, rolling around the green.
This was the kind of community I wanted for my child.
Friends who felt more like family. Neighbors who would know his name.
A bevy of honorary aunts and uncles. I was determined to make sure he’d never be lonely.
That he’d never feel the burden of Locke’s repeated absences from his life.
“That would be incredible,” I said. “I really hope he finds something.”
“We’ll keep our fingers and toes crossed.”
“Count me out of the toes,” I said. “They might get stuck like that if my feet swell. I’ve heard I have that to look forward to in the third trimester.”
Lena’s laughter was eclipsed by Agnes muttering as she stormed into the library, still wearing her apron. She had a laptop in one hand, her other propped on her hip as her nostrils flared. “Will someone show me how to work this bloody thing!”
Lena held her hands out for the laptop. “What’s wrong?”
Agnes handed it over. “I’ve been trying to get Isla a gift for her baby shower—”
“Oh, you don’t have to do—”
“Bah!” Agnes said, waving me off.
Lena shot me a cheeky grin. “Don’t try to tell any of us not to spoil you. It’s a waste of breath.”
I rolled my eyes, fighting the flush in my cheeks.
“I can’t get the blasted thing to work!” Agnes continued. “Every time I click on something in the registry, it says it’s unavailable.”
“That can’t be right,” Lena said, clicking away, starting to frown. She glanced at me. “Didn’t you just put this up yesterday?”
“Yes, against my will,” I murmured. The ladies in Braeburn had insisted I make a registry so they could throw me a proper baby shower.
“What am I doing wrong?” Agnes said. “And before you ask, yes, I’ve already turned the darn thing off and on like Weston’s always telling me.”
Lena’s eyebrows drew closer together the longer she stared at the laptop screen. “I think…” She blew out a breath. “I think everything’s already been purchased.”
“All of it?” I cried, leaning so far forward I almost tipped myself off the couch. That wasn’t possible. “Even the over-the-top silly things I put on there as a joke?” Who needed a high-tech baby sleep pod with forty-five different white-noise options? No one. That’s who.
Lena nodded.
Agnes harrumphed. “Who bloody went and bought it all?”
My face fell, and I could feel myself flushing. There was only one person I knew who could be responsible for that.
Hooonnnnkkkkkk!
“Now who’s that?” Agnes complained as she set off for the door.
“If this is another bloody Christmas tree—when the house has three already, and me sweeping up loose pine needles morning, noon, and night as if I don’t have other things to do—Weston and I are going to have some words! And they won’t be very merry!”
I stood and shuffled toward Lena to peek over her shoulder. It was true. Every single item on the registry was grayed out. “Do you think—”
“Isla, love!” Agnes called suddenly. “You might want to come see this.”
I frowned down at Lena. What now? She set the laptop on the coffee table, and we both hurried out to the front hall.
Agnes stood in the open doorway, a chilly breeze blowing into the manor house.
I grimaced, tucking my hands into the sleeves of my sweater as I came to stand beside her.
My jaw dropped the moment I did. Because there Locke was—as if I had summoned him by thinking about him.
But if my imagination had conjured him up, why was he idling in front of Lochbrae in a massive delivery truck? “Oh. My. God.”
“I’m a little impressed he got that thing up the drive,” Lena quipped. “That corner at the bottom is no joke.”
“If it’s a tree,” Agnes said to me, voice stern, “send it straight back to town.” She nabbed Lena by the arm. “Come help me find something I can order for the baby shower, registry or no registry.”
The two of them set off inside. They were leaving me alone. Well, leaving me with Locke. A flutter of nerves bubbled in my gut.
Thump.
I turned to see Locke. He’d climbed out of the truck and was walking toward me with a sheepish smile.
He looked…well, he looked better than he had at the hospital.
Beard neatly trimmed. No more dark circles under his eyes.
Hair perfectly swept back. I let my eyes roam, let myself miss him for one millisecond, then I shut those feelings down, burying them beneath my confusion and wariness.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hiya,” I replied, crossing my arms over my belly. “What is all of this? Have you started a delivery company without telling anyone?”
He paused at the back of the truck, unlatching the doors, letting them swing open. Holy shit. The truck was packed floor-to-ceiling with baby things. “You really did buy out the entire registry.”
“Surprise!” he said, striding toward me. “I actually went to the inn first. But Maisie told me you were up here having tea with Lena.”
I couldn’t stop gaping at the sheer amount of stuff in the truck. This was way more than what was on my registry. There was actual big furniture in there. “Is that a wardrobe?”
Locke beamed. “I figured the kid would need the space eventually.”
I ran my hand through my hair. “Locke, I don’t have room for all of this at the inn. The kid has a bedroom, not a whole bloody house to fill.”
He laughed, taking my hands in his. “Yeah, so…I might have gone a little overboard.”
For a moment I curled into the heat of his palms, then I remembered how ridiculous all of this was and pulled away. “A little?” I huffed. “This is way too much.”
“I know,” he said, the fog of his breath curling between us. “I know, trust me. And we can donate whatever you don’t want or put it in storage for when our son’s older.”
I frowned, my confusion turning to defeat. “You really haven’t listened to a thing I’ve said this entire time.”
“I have,” he insisted. “I know you said that our child deserves a provider who can give more than just material things, but the material things are important too. I want our son to always be safe and comfortable, and if that means ensuring he has top-of-the-line furniture, then how can that be a bad thing?”
“It’s not a bad thing,” I agreed. “The baby does need plenty of material things. But anyone can provide those, Locke. That’s why they were on the registry for the baby shower—so that my friends could help make sure the baby and I have everything we need.”
“But now they don’t have to. And you don’t have to worry about whether you have enough diapers or onesies or bottles because it’s all in there,” he said, gesturing to the truck.
“You can give one hundred percent of your focus to growing this baby and being comfortable for the rest of pregnancy and…Why do you look so disappointed?”
I bit my cheek to keep my jaw from wavering. “Because I’m waiting for you to tell me when you’re going to step up and—
“This is me stepping up,” he said, reaching for my shoulder, reaching to pull me close.
“You and the baby mean everything to me. I’ve spoken to my parents and finally gotten my head screwed on straight.
I don’t want to spend my life throwing myself into one project after another while closing myself off emotionally. ”
“Then what do you want?”
“The chance to build a life together.” His voice wavered as he gestured to the truck. “Don’t you see? This is me saying I’m here. That I want to be here, because I’ve realized how important that is.”
“But you’re not really here,” I said, shrugging away from him. “Not in the way I want you to be. This is you dumping a mountain of things in front of our son and expecting that to be enough. When are you going to provide the things that only a parent can?”
He opened his mouth, closed it, eyes narrowing.
“A baby should feel safest and most comfortable in his father’s arms,” I said. “But are you planning to be around to provide that kind of care? Or are you always going to feel like a stranger when you pick him up?”
“You know I am going to be with him as much as I can,” Locke insisted, his voice breaking. “There was never a scenario where I wasn’t going to show up to be involved in my son’s life.”
“Once every blue moon when you can tear yourself away from the office? That’s not enough,” I said. He still didn’t understand that what the baby and I needed wasn’t his money. It was him. “And words don’t mean much without the action to back them up.”
Locke ran his hand along the back of his neck. “I just…I’m sorry, Isla,” he said, sounding desperate. “I’m trying to make this right. Please.”
I blinked, tears already gathering along my eyelashes, because as grand as this gesture was, it still wasn’t enough.
“You have no idea what you’re even apologizing for.
And I don’t think you ever will.” I stepped back to the manor house, stepped away from the utter disbelief on his face.
“Showing up doesn’t mean anything when all you do is leave again.
” And with that, I pulled the door behind me. “Goodbye, Locke.”