Sixteen
Clover
As soon as we arrive back at the cabin, I escape to the shower. My chest feels like it’s been cleaved open as I muffle my cries, the hot water cascading down my bare skin. All remaining energy seeps out of me as more tears fall, mingling with the water draining down the tub.
Digging into my embarrassing past with my bodyguard wasn’t on my to-do list today. What is it about Thor that has me opening my mouth and spilling my guts? Never before have I shared so much of myself with anyone. Well, except for the therapist my parents made me see when I was younger.
I watch the water pooling at my feet, remembering Thor’s gentle response to my sob story. He didn’t push me. Didn’t tell me everything was in my head and that I’m being ridiculous and overdramatic.
He simply listened, encouraged me, and offered a gentle reminder of Who I belong to.
Tears burn the backs of my eyes. And then I lied and told him that I didn’t see us being friends after this was all over because I’m more afraid of facing the truth—that not only can I see Thor and me being friends, but possibly more.
The memory of the hurt flashing in his eyes at my response has pain tightening my chest. My heart stutters, and I step further into the water as if it can wash away the growing attraction to my bodyguard.
Every emotion I’ve bottled up for years seems to be bubbling up to the surface, and I can’t hold back the stream of tears.
I cry because Angie is threatening to ruin what little bit of peace and independence I’ve managed to maintain thus far.
I cry for Angie and the woman I used to know.
I cry because, even though my parents love me, sometimes it feels as if they love their careers more.
I cry because I can’t be the normal, outgoing and flirty girl who is always smiling—the girl who deserves a man like Thor.
And I cry because, despite Thor’s assurances, I’m not brave and I’ll never be strong enough.
“God, please. Help me lean on You. Get me through this,” I choke out quietly between the tears.
Finally, the sobs lessen. My strength slowly returns. I feel completely hollowed out, but there’s something healing in it. A peace settles over me as I draw in a deep, fortifying breath. Everything will be okay. Somehow.
The water begins to cool, and I know I’ve been in here way too long. When a chill sweeps through my body, I gather my courage and shut the water off .
I make quick work of getting dressed and putting some hair product in to keep my curls from going too crazy. I’ve stalled as long as I can, so I take one last look in the mirror, trying to ignore my red-rimmed eyes, mumble a low, “You can do this,” and open the bathroom door.
A delicious, chocolate aroma greets me. Thor is standing by the stove humming “His Mercy is More” to himself. Because, of course, he’s humming one of my favorite songs.
Entering the tiny kitchen, I ask, “What smells so good?”
Thor glances over his shoulder, his eyes roaming over my face for a moment before he gives me a soft smile. “Chocolate chip cookies and hot chocolate.”
“You made chocolate chip cookies?”
“Frozen ones. Though, I do know how to make them from scratch. But I didn’t have all the ingredients I needed here.”
I look at the counter where he’s placed two large mugs and a plate of cookies. Feeling suddenly self-conscious, I twirl a curl around my finger, averting my eyes. “Sorry I took so long in the shower. I may have used up all the hot water.”
Thor chuckles. “It’s okay. You can always take as long as you need.” I lift my head, meeting his gaze, sensing there’s so much more behind his words.
My throat constricts. “Thank you.”
He doesn’t say another word, but instead busies himself with filling our mugs and setting a couple cookies on plates. “I hope you like chocolate chip cookies.”
“It’s chocolate and a cookie. What’s not to like? ”
Smiling, he hands me my mug, his fingers brushing mine. Sparks shoot from the spot all the way up my arm. Clearing my throat, I grasp the mug with both hands. I can feel more tears threatening to break loose because of his kind gesture.
“You didn’t have to go through all this trouble,” I whisper, sipping the hot chocolate. I sigh as the delicious warmth seeps through my body.
“It’s no trouble at all.”
Running a finger over the rim of the mug, I suck in a deep breath. “I’m not good at this.”
Thor’s red eyebrow lifts. “At what?”
“At being around people. At being friends with someone. But”—I raise my chin, meeting his eyes—“I think I’d like to try.”
A slow smile spreads across his face. “Well, friend, want to watch a movie while we eat cookies and drink hot chocolate?”
I simply nod, because I’m afraid if I try to say anything, what little composure I have will break and I’ll end up crying in his arms. Without my permission, my gaze drifts to the veins in his very muscular, very tattooed arms as I picture them wrapped around me. Comforting me.
Friends. You just want to be friends with him , I tell myself, knowing it’s a complete lie.
The next morning, I’m barely awake, scrolling through social media and sipping my coffee as Thor cooks eggs and bacon. I’ll admit, a girl could get used to having breakfast made for her every day.
Thor and I ended up having a movie marathon last night. He wanted to watch Anne of Green Gables , but it wasn’t available for streaming. When he found out my next favorite movie was Seven Brides for Seven Brothers , he insisted on watching it. I thought it was for my benefit only, until he burst out into song when Adam started singing. Of course, he had to ask me which Pontipee brother I thought he was most like. He scoffed when I said Frank. I’ll never tell him the truth—that he really reminds me of Benjamin.
It’s kind of refreshing to meet a man who is so comfortable in his own skin that he doesn’t mind admitting his favorite movies are typically deemed as something only women like. I’ve never met someone—man or woman—who is that at ease being themselves. I think I’m starting to believe that he really has no angle when it comes to being my friend.
A post from one of my favorite bookstores, Big Hair Books, catches my eye, and I stop my scroll .
Summer Inventory Clear Out. 50% off everything. One Day Only.
I’ve been offline for a few days, so I hurriedly look for the date and time, hoping I haven’t missed it. Today, starting at two.
“Is that food almost done?” I holler into the kitchen.
“Almost. Smells good, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah.” I step into the kitchen. He’s probably not going to like this, but I won’t accept no for an answer. “We’re going back to Denver today.” I plant a fist on my hip and widen my stance, preparing to defend myself. If there’s one thing that will get me out of my secluded cave—or in this case, cabin—it’s a book sale, even if it still creates a ball of anxiety swirling in my stomach.
Thor gives me a quizzical look. “Okay? What’s the big rush?”
I nibble my bottom lip but stop as soon as Thor’s gaze bounces there. “Um . . . you can’t laugh.”
“No laughing, got it.”
“So, there’s a sale at my favorite bookstore. It’s such a cool place! There are VHS tapes, they’re always playing 80’s music, and they have the best book collections. They’re having a one day only sale. Fifty percent off, Thor. Fifty percent! And it’s not even really a full day because they don’t even open until two. So, I probably need to get in line early if I want to catch any good deals, and—”
Thor grasps my shoulders, his eyes dancing with laughter as he cuts off my word vomit. “Love, it’s okay. We’ll go to Big Hair Books.”
I sigh in relief. “Ok, thanks. I—” My brow puckers. “I never said the name of the store.”
Thor rolls his eyes playfully, turning around to grab the eggs and bacon off the stove. “You act as if I’ve not lived in Denver my entire life and never been to a bookstore.”
My mouth drops open. “You’ve been to Big Hair Books?”
Thor grins as he hands me my plate. “Multiple times.” He eyes me a moment, concern etched on his face. “It’ll probably be pretty crowded.”
“Which is why we need to get there before they open.”
“Not sure how much that will help. It’s a pretty popular place. Will you be okay?”
Normally, I’d bristle at the question, but there’s nothing but genuine concern in his tone. “I dislike crowds, and I’m not saying I won’t be a ball of anxiety while we’re there, but . . . this is about books, Thor. BOOKS.”
Giving me a tender smile, he replies, “Nothing gets between a girl and her books, huh?”
I groan. “I know. I’m a total cliché.”
He chuckles and winks at me. “Not a total one.”
Biting back a smile, I switch topics. “Thanks for breakfast, Thor.”
“You’re welcome, friend.” He winks, and we sit at the small table, eating our breakfast in silence.
Thor finishes and stands. “Want some more coffee?”
I hand him my mug. “Sure. Thanks.”
As he’s refilling our coffee his phone dings beside me on the table. I probably shouldn’t, but I can’t help but glance at it .
The name “Shortie” appears on the screen and something twists my gut. Shortie could be anyone, but I’m not an idiot. It’s usually a nickname for a girl. A girl you’re close with.
Thor places my coffee in front of me before grabbing his phone. His lips lift in the corner when he sees the name. “Hey, gorgeous. Missing me already?”
My grip around my mug tightens, and I drop my gaze, forcing myself to draw in a measured breath. I’m not surprised Thor has someone special. Except, I’d started to think . . .
I shake myself as I remember how many times Thor has said he just wants to be my friend. Not anything more. Yes, he may have made a couple flirtatious jokes, but it’s never been over the top or pushy.
My cheeks flame as Thor continues his conversation, and I wish I could disappear. I’m such an idiot. I knew better than to let my walls down even a fraction.
“I’m kind of busy at the moment.” His gaze swings to me as he rubs his neck. Then, he groans. “You’ve been talking to Christian and Cai, haven’t you?” Chuckling, he shakes his head and sends me a wink. “I’ll see if I can talk her into it. Catch ya later.”
Thor sits in front of me as I sip my coffee. “The guys want to go for a ride tonight,” he says. “They invited my girlfriend to come along.”
I cock an eyebrow. “Hmm.”
“We don’t have to go.” He shrugs. “Up to you.”
“And Shortie is one of the guys?” There’s a bitter note to my voice, and I immediately wish I hadn’t opened my big mouth .
Thor smirks, leaning forward. “Yes, she is one of the guys.”
I force myself to keep eye contact even though my face is hotter than the coffee I’m currently drinking. “Interesting.”
“She is also engaged.” His smirk grows as he settles back into his chair. “In case you were wondering.”
Shrugging nonchalantly, I drink the last of my coffee instead of commenting further. Even if I am the one who brought it up.
Thor rises and saunters toward me. Planting a hand on the table, he leans down, his lips grazing the shell of my ear as he whispers in a husky voice, “Don’t worry, Love. There’s only one girl I want as my backpack.” Winking again, he stands and stretches, his biceps bulging in his navy T-shirt. “I’m going to go make sure the area is secure before we head out.”
Before I can utter a word, he’s shutting the front door, leaving me completely flustered. His whispered words sounded like a promise, and I find that a teeny tiny part of me hopes he keeps it.