Eighteen
Clover
Leaning forward and rolling the throttle, I draw in a full, deep breath as I speed ahead of Thor. The Colorado landscape rushes past me in a blur of mountains and bright blue skies.
I’ve missed the sense of freedom that only comes when I’m riding as I leave all my worries and cares behind me. I’ve missed the powerful feel of my bike beneath me as I race over the paved roads, weaving in and out of traffic, making me feel not quite as isolated. Not quite as alone as I truly am.
For the first time since I’ve moved out of my childhood home, I’m completely relaxed. I’m at peace. The danger looming ahead of me—the unknown with Angie—can’t touch me here. It’s only me, the bike, and the open road.
“You’re killing me, Love. Here I thought I was getting you as a backpack, and now you’re trying to leave me in your dust,” Thor says over the comms as he drives up beside me, reminding me that I’m not actually alone. At least, not at the moment.
But when all this is said and done, Thor will return to his life. He’ll go back to his mom and brother, his friends, his job . . . I know I said I wanted to try and give this friend thing a go, but will my heart be able to handle it when Thor realizes I’m too much . . . and not enough? Even if I could get a grasp on my anxiety and fears, I’ll never have a completely normal life because my parents will always be who they are and there will always be people who want to use me to exploit that.
My throat burns with emotion, but I do what I do best and stuff it all away as if it doesn’t exist. I speed up again, leaving Thor behind. I’ll never admit to him that I kind of like him chasing me. And I know it won’t last forever, so I’m going to do something I don’t often allow myself to do.
I’m going to enjoy the moment with him. What few we have left together.
“Are you trying to ditch me like you did Cut? Because I promise I’m not that easy to get rid of.”
My heart pinches. He says that now, but he doesn’t know me like he thinks he does. It won’t be long before he realizes he deserves someone better than me. Someone fun and outgoing like he is. A bitter numbness replaces the peace from moments ago.
“You planted a tracker on me, didn’t you?” I try to keep my voice even, but it cracks at the end. Darn emotions. I thought I’d cried all the tears I had yesterday, but they’re threatening to break loose again. Something about being vulnerable with Thor has all the fractures in my heart widening and begging me to release it all.
Thor’s quiet for a moment, then he chuckles. “No, but now that you mention it, I probably should do that when we get home. ”
I huff out a quiet laugh, one that he doesn’t miss.
“Well, I’ll be. Did I just make the grump laugh?”
“I thought you said I wasn’t really grumpy.”
“I did, and you’re not. Which is why I wish you would let the non-grumpy Clover out more.”
Biting back a snarky remark, I simply sigh instead. “Like I said, it’s not that simple.”
We pull into the small parking lot at Big Hair Books. Several cars are already here, and a short line is beginning to form around the building. I hit the kill switch, taking a moment to regain my composure before I remove my helmet. Thor doesn’t need to see all the emotions playing across my face. What’s going on with me? One minute I’m feeling peaceful and free. The next I’m feeling empty and dreading the second Thor moves on, while I’m stuck in the same cycle for the rest of my pathetic life.
I don’t notice that Thor has already dismounted, removed his helmet, and is now standing next to me, until I feel his legs brushing my knee. Gently, he grasps the bottom of my helmet, tugging my face toward him. Flipping up my visor, his gaze meets mine, seeing much more than I want him to.
“Hey, where’d you go, Love? I feel like I lost you there for a minute.”
The tenderness in his expression ties my tongue. How can I explain to him all the tumultuous and anxious thoughts bouncing around in my head when I can barely understand them myself? I’m beginning to depend too much on this man, and I’m afraid it’s going to be my undoing .
A soft, understanding smile tugs at his lips, and without a word, he unbuckles the straps under my chin, his fingers grazing my jaw. Lifting the helmet from my head, he places it on the back of the bike. His movements are slow and intentional, his eyes never leaving mine.
I’m frozen in place waiting to see what he’s going to do next.
Hesitating a brief moment, he lifts his palm and brushes his thumb across my cheek. Warmth spreads from his fingers throughout my body, and I long to lean into his comforting touch.
“You’re not alone, Clover. I’m here. You’re safe. I won’t leave your side. Okay?” Dropping his hand, he steps back and it’s as if he dumped a bucket of ice on me.
Of course. He thinks I’m nervous about the crowd. I hold back a bitter chuckle. I should be nervous about the crowd, but I’m too consumed with my warring heart that I’ve not had a moment to panic about all the people. Well, until now, that is.
Clearing my throat, I swing my leg over the bike. “I know,” I offer through a tight throat. I can’t say much more or I may actually cry, and the last thing I need to do is fall apart in his arms. Really, I need to put distance between us. I was crazy to think that we could be friends after all this is over. I need to get my head back on straight.
I’m destined to be alone. And I’ve got to be ok with that.
You’re never alone , something whispers in my spirit, and a sliver of peace wraps around my heart. God, I know You’re always with me. Help me to get through this without having my heart shattered .
Straightening my shoulders, I strengthen my resolve. Thor is the bodyguard. I’m his client. That’s all it ever was. All it ever will be.
I rummage through my bag, finding the three items I’m looking for. I’m grateful I thought to pack my flimsy excuse for a disguise. Pulling my short hair as tight as I can, I tug it into a ponytail—or as little of one as I can. Then I slip the baseball cap over my head, pulling my hair through the back opening. As the final piece, I slip on a pair of oversized black glasses. They’re clear lenses but help hide my face. The heat from the July sun has sweat beading on my forehead, so I slip my leather jacket off, fold it, and place it inside my bag.
When I turn around, Thor is slack-jawed, perusing me from head to toe and sending a wave of heat rushing over me that has nothing to do with the temperature.
No. None of that. No warm, fuzzy, butterfly-like feelings going on over here.
“Something wrong?” I hate the snippy tone to my voice as I cross my arms.
Thor seems to take it in stride though. Shaking his head, he mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like “hot teacher vibes,” and I fail to keep the blush from rising to my face.
Noting the line is getting longer, I grab my bag and sling it over my shoulder. “Come on, stupid Viking.”
“Viking, huh?” Thor’s lips lift into a smirk.
“You missed the part where I said stupid. ”
Thor’s deep laughter shouldn’t have a dizzying effect on me, but those pesky butterflies come to life low in my stomach. “Tell me how you really feel,” Thor says as we stop in front of a group of giggling college girls who are talking about Chantelle’s newest book. I smile to myself, a swell of pride filling me. Don’t get me wrong, Chantelle does all the magic, I just help it shine. And I love that I get to be a small part of that.
Slicing my eyes to him, I shrug. “Don’t ask for things you can’t handle.”
Leaning down, Thor whispers in my ear, “Oh, Love, I can handle whatever you throw at me.” His hot breath on my neck has goosebumps prickling across my skin and my cheeks heating.
“Don’t be too sure about that.” My voice comes out more breathless than I intended. Ugh. I should have called him a troll. Maybe then he wouldn’t be tossing out flirtatious remarks. Oh, who am I kidding? He would find anything to flirt about.
Thor simply hums, straightening as that smirk once again tugs at his lips. Facing forward, I notice several of the women in front of us throwing not-so-subtle glances at my bodyguard and whispering to one another. They don’t even see me, which is the way I like it when I’m around anyone. Except, at the moment, annoyance is flaring in my chest.
An overly friendly blonde decides it must be a good day for a punch in the face because she sashays toward us, not caring that she’s losing her place in line. Flipping her hair over her shoulder, she bats her eyes at Thor and smiles .
Jealousy churns in my stomach as she opens her mouth to say something to Thor, and before I register what I’m even doing, I’m slipping my arm through his and leaning my head on his shoulder.
Blondie’s baby blue eyes widen, and she opens her mouth. Closes it. Opens it again.
“Can I help you, sweetie?” Great, now I sound like I’m a grandma. But I don’t know how to talk to people normally, let alone my peers. Or someone who was clearly getting ready to hit on my boyfriend.
Fake. Fake boyfriend.
“Oh, uh. No. Nothing. I thought you were someone else.” She shrugs and gives a nervous laugh before tucking her tail and running back to her group of friends. I would feel bad for her if she hadn’t been trying to hit on Thor.
“Wow, Love. You really don’t like people encroaching on your territory, do you?” I scowl, trying to drop his arm, but he clings to me tighter. “Now, now. Not so fast. You started this. I think we’re going to have to see it through. Don’t you?”
Lifting my chin, I meet his twinkling eyes. “It’s for safety reasons. That’s all.”
His lips flatten, but I can see the twitch where he’s holding back a smile. “Oh, of course.”
The line begins moving as the doors finally open. Thor and I walk in, our arms entwined, and I seriously could kick myself.
Ten minutes ago I was reminding myself why I had to put some boundaries between us, and here I am clinging to him and wanting to claw out the eyeballs of any woman who dares glance in his direction.
What in the world is going on with me?
I sigh, attempting to forget everything except snatching the best deals. To my surprise, Thor grabs a basket and turns to me with a wide grin. “Come here, I think I know something you’d like.” Without waiting for my response, he grasps my hand. And being the confused woman that I am, I allow him to drag me through the store.
We finally stop in front of a section of classic books. Thor’s large fingers brush against the spines until he finds what he wants. “Aha.” Pulling out several books, he holds them out to me, and I gasp.
“Are those—?”
“A limited edition, fully illustrated with commentary Anne of Green Gables set.”
My fingers graze over them. “They’re gorgeous.”
“And you’re getting them.”
I bite my lip. I did come for books. And I do want them.
Thor must see my hesitancy. Placing them gently in the basket, he says softly, “No arguments.”
“I really was only going to buy a couple books. I don’t have that much room for them. Especially something that pretty.” I most certainly cannot be cramming those onto my bookshelf. I’d planned on getting a few new books to keep on my nightstand.
“Don’t worry about that. ”
Tilting my head, I raise an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Thor shakes his head and grins. “That’s a need-to-know basis.”
Sighing, I throw my hands up. “Fine.”
“And I thought it would take more to convince you.”
“They’re limited edition Anne of Green Gables . Of course it’s not going to be hard to convince me.”
“Good. Now what else do you want?”
We look around for another thirty minutes, and I’m so comfortable knowing Thor is beside me, I don’t pay attention to everyone else. Have I ever been around this many people without my hands trembling or tightness in my chest?
Thor picks up one of Chantelle’s books, a wide smile spreading across his face. “Sweet. I haven’t read this one yet.”
“You are so strange.”
Shrugging, he adds it to the basket. “Have you read it?”
“You could say that.” He quirks a brow, and I chuckle as I reach for the book. “Here.” I flip to the copyright page and point to the cover designer and editing information.
Thor reads over my shoulder. “Edited by Nicole M . . .” he trails off, and I can hear the smile in his voice when he says, “No way. You edit for Chantelle?”
Trying to ignore his warm breath fanning across my neck, I shift to meet his eyes. “Yes, she’s one of my authors. Wait, how did—”
“Man, what a small world.” He laughs. “And you were jealous of her.”
“Huh? What are you talking about? ”
His lips lift into a smirk. “Chantelle, aka Shortie, is one of my friends that I ride with.”
My mouth drops open. “You’re kidding me.”
Thor shakes his head. “Nope. I’ve known her for a few years now.”
“Wow. That’s definitely—”
“Fate?” Thor interjects.
I narrow my eyes. “I was going to go with a coincidence.”
Thor leans close. “I don’t believe in coincidences, Love.”
“But you believe in fate?”
Shrugging, he replies, “Actually, no. But I do believe that everything is ordained by God and nothing happens by chance.”
I study him for a minute, not responding, because, well, I can’t really disagree with him since I believe the same. Glancing at the growing pile of books in the basket, I note several are ones that Thor has added for himself. “I’m not paying for those.”
Chuckling, Thor adds another book, The Glory of Light by Hannah Hood Lucero, to his pile. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”
Summer light streams in through the window across from us and at that moment, a flash of blonde hair catches my attention. My heart clenches and I blink, but the woman is gone.
It wasn’t her. Couldn’t have been.
Except . . . it could have been. She’s in Denver. She’s been to my home.
“Hey, let’s look at these.” My voice is a little too high-pitch as I point to a rom-com series by B.R. Goodwin near the window .
Thor follows me, and while he skims through the small selection, I’m frantically searching outside for any signs that Angie was there.
“Are you okay?” Thor’s fingers graze my bare arm, bringing me back to the present.
My brow puckers as I take one more look out the window. “Yeah. I . . . thought I saw something.”
Thor is immediately on alert as he steps closer and peers out the window. “Angie?” he asks quietly.
“I’m sure it wasn’t her,” I say, more to convince myself.
Wrapping my hand in his, he straightens and tugs me toward the register. “Sorry, Love. I think our shopping trip is done for the day.”
I don’t disagree. Thor separates the items, smiling and laughing with the girl checking us out as if they know one another. Thor did say he has been here multiple times, so maybe they do. Though he’s talking as if nothing is wrong, his subtle gaze sweeps across the bookstore several times.
My mind drifts to the blonde woman outside the window, and I fight the fear trying to claw its way up my neck. Thor rests his hand on my low back. The touch should be unwelcome, but I lean into it.
When the girl tells me my total, I frown. “That can’t be right. Are you sure you got everything?”
She nods.
Thor’s hand presses firmly into my back as he looks at me. “If she says that’s the total, then just pay. ”
I purse my lips but pull out the cash to pay for the books. As soon as she hands me the receipt, I scan it. “You forgot the Anne of Green Gables set.” I hand it back to her.
Thor clears his throat, and I tilt my head. “She didn’t forget. I bought those.”
“Thor . . .” I chide, but I’m not certain I’m actually angry. Shocked, more like.
“Don’t argue, Love. They’re our thing.” He shrugs as if it’s no big deal, and I don’t argue with him.
But his words follow us outside.
Our thing.
Those pesky butterflies are back, along with deadly and dangerous hope.