Twenty-Seven
Clover
My heart is in my throat as Thor and I walk back to the table. Conversation stalls as we sit down, and someone clears their throat. There’s an awkwardness hanging in the air, and my fingers tremble as I reach for my water and drink a sip.
Setting the glass down, I inhale deeply. It’s now or never, and if I want Thor in my life, I need to come clean with his friends. “I feel as if I owe you all an apology.” Thor grasps my knee with his hand, and the comfort from his touch propels me onward. “As you all have probably figured out by now, I’m not Thor’s girlfriend. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lie to you.”
Tallulah smiles. “I’m sure you had a good reason, Nicole. Thank you for letting us know.”
“Did Thor put you up to it?” Cai asks, crossing his arms and glaring at Thor.
“Oh, no,” I hurry to say. “Actually, that was all me. I kind of panicked when you and Christian showed up with Thor at my house and . . .” I trail off and shrug .
Holt chuckles. “It’s okay. We were only wondering what he did to convince you to pretend to date. Or if we needed to knock some sense into him.”
“What? You think I couldn’t get someone like Cl—Nicole?” Thor asks.
All the guys respond with a simultaneous “No,” while Tallulah replies, “Of course, you could.”
Thor shakes his head, his lips twitching. “Tallulah is now my favorite.” Everyone chuckles and continues to poke fun at Thor, but my skin tingles with only sharing half the truth with the ones Thor is closest to.
“Um . . .” I clear my throat again. “Actually, Nicole isn’t my real name.” All eyes are on me, and Thor runs his hand back and forth on my leg, offering me quiet support. I tuck a curl behind my ear, my fingers shaking. “It’s my middle name. But my first name is Clover.”
“And you prefer Clover?” Tallulah asks kindly.
I roll my bottom lip in, my gaze drifting around the tavern. Music fills the room and a few couples are dancing. Leaning forward, I lower my voice slightly. “I do prefer Clover, but I’ve been going by Nicole to try and keep anyone from figuring out that my parents work in Hollywood.”
A few eyebrows raise and then Tallulah’s eyes widen. “Oh my gosh. Is your mom Clarissa Steele?”
The guys’ eyes snap to me, and my cheeks flush with all of the unwanted attention. I nod. “Yeah.” I motion to Thor. “ Daddy hired Thor’s company for security detail since there’s a disgruntled employee.”
Tallulah’s mouth drops. “Oh. That’s scary.”
I shrug. “It is. But it comes with the territory. It’s why I moved here. To get away from it all.”
“Well, we’re glad you have Thor watching over you,” Cai says.
“Yeah, you’re in good hands with him,” Holt adds, giving a nod of respect toward Thor.
I glance up at Thor, his gaze locking with mine, and I smile. “I know.”
It’s late when we arrive back at the office. Rock stops us, asking to speak with Thor for a moment, so I make a detour to the kitchen to grab a late-night snack before making my way to my temporary bedroom.
Thor is already waiting for me, leaning against the wall with his massive arms crossed. The way his amber eyes lock on to me as I move toward him has my stomach swooping.
“That was fast,” I say, biting into one of Edith’s gooey brownies. I’m going to miss her endless supply of desserts when I go back home. “Are we in trouble for being gone so long?”
Chuckling, Thor shakes his head. “Nah. He just wanted me to know that Hunt is working late tonight so he’ll be keeping an eye on things. Rock told me to get some sleep.” Thor’s brows draw together, a pained expression crossing his face, and the chilling memory of his screams pierces my heart.
I nod. “That’s probably not a bad idea.” Handing him the extra brownie I brought for him, I smile. “I thought you might want something sweet before bed.”
Thor’s eyes smolder as they trace across my face, landing on my lips. “I can definitely think of something sweet I’d like right now.”
Heat floods my cheeks. “Cameras, remember?” The words barely make it past my tight throat.
Thor tsks, his eyes never leaving mine. “What a shame.” The husky sound of his voice sends a shiver down my spine.
I nervously point to my door. “Um . . . I should probably go to sleep. Thank you for today, Thor. It meant a lot to me. Your friends are really nice.” I was shocked and thankful when Thor’s friends didn’t hound me with questions about my parents or Hollywood life. I’m sure they will come up eventually, but it was nice to chat and be normal for once.
He smiles. “I told you they’d love you, Clover.”
My lips tug up. “ Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
I jolt from my sleep, my pulse racing and heart pounding in my ears. It takes me a moment to orient myself to where I’m at and what woke me. But then, another cry splits the night air, and I’m throwing blankets off and rushing to the door, expecting Hunt to be out there to stop me.
But when I enter the hallway, no one is around. I close my door as another scream comes from behind Thor’s. I don’t give it a second thought before I enter his dark room, shutting the door quietly behind me. Once my eyes adjust, I notice Thor thrashing around in his bed, his fists clutching the blankets.
“I’m sorry,” he moans. “I’m so sorry.”
My throat clogs up with tears as I cautiously make my way toward him. “Thor?” I keep my voice low so as not to startle him, but he doesn’t respond. Sitting tentatively beside him, I try again. “Thor, it’s okay. I’m here.”
His thrashing slows, but a strangled sob escapes his lips and the sound completely shatters my heart. Brushing my fingers lightly down his bare arm, I whisper to him. “It’s me, Clover. You’re in the room at the office. It’s only you and me in here, Thor. Everything’s okay.”
After several moments of my whispered reassurances that I’m here and he’s safe, Thor relaxes. His breathing calms and becomes deeper. I sigh in relief, my fingers still stroking his arm. Now that he’s no longer in the grip of a nightmare, I realize he’s shirtless.
Unable to resist, I bring my fingers up and brush a strand of his red hair off his forehead. He shifts, but doesn’t wake, even as I grow bold and allow my fingertips to travel the planes of his face and beard. As I go to drop my hand, his eyes pop open, and he grasps my wrist gently.
“Clover?” he asks, blinking in confusion as he releases my wrist and sits. “What are you doing in here?”
“You were having a nightmare.”
He scrubs a hand down his face and lets out a heavy sigh. “Clover, you shouldn’t be in here. I could have hurt you.”
“I’m not afraid of you, Thor.”
“Maybe you should be.”
Shaking my head, I whisper, “Never.”
Thor’s gaze bores into mine as he swallows thickly. “I’m sorry I woke you.”
I shrug. “I don’t mind. Want to talk about it?”
“Hold on.” He reaches over and flips the lamp on, then gives me the saddest smile I’ve ever seen from him. “There. I wanted to see you better.”
Despite myself, my eyes dip to his bare chest and abs, trailing over every inch of exposed rippling muscle. Clearing my throat, heat rushes to my cheeks.
“Oh. Sorry.” Thor grabs his shirt off the nightstand and pulls it over his head, tugging it down until his defined abs are completely covered. “Better?” he asks with a bit of a smirk .
“Uh. Yeah.” Then, I lean forward and trace his hammer tattoo. “So, the hammer is Thor’s hammer.” I rotate his arm, touching the three arrows on the other side. Each arrow is half yellow and half blue. “What is this for?”
Thor smiles. “It’s for Down syndrome awareness.”
“That’s really sweet.” I move to the Viking helmet with swords crossed underneath. “And this is because of your name, right?”
“Yeah.”
Moving to his left arm, I start with the large tattoo on his upper arm. It has a man walking a path, surrounded by shadows and a mountain with a skull on it. At the top, there’s a city with light beams shooting from it. Psalm 23 is inscribed at the bottom of the tattoo. “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,” I quote part of the verse quietly.
“It’s my reminder that no matter what happens, God is with me.”
I meet his eyes, emotion clogging my throat. “That’s beautiful, Thor.” My fingers graze lightly over the Semper Fi tattoo and then the dog tags. “Was your nightmare about Lit?”
Thor sucks in a deep breath and runs a hand through his mussed hair. “Yeah.”
When he doesn’t offer anything more, I drop my hand from his arm. “You remember what you said to me at the cabin about opening up to people?”
“This is different, Love.”
Tilting my head, I capture his gaze. “No, it isn’t.” My voice is soft, but firm. Reaching for his hand, I give it a squeeze. “Thor, you’ve been a friend to me when I’ve needed one most. Maybe it’s time you take your own advice and let someone else in.”
His lips tip up in the corner as he interlaces our fingers. “Are you saying you’re that person?”
“I’d like to try. If you’ll give me the chance,” I repeat his words from the night at the cabin back to him.
Thor strokes the back of my hand, his calloused fingertips sending delicious shivers through my veins. He’s quiet for several moments before he lets out a deflated breath. “Yeah, the nightmare was about Lit. His name was Jasper Little. I’d served with him for a few years, and we’d become really good friends.
“We were in the last two weeks of our assignment in the Helmand Province of Afghanistan. We were so close to coming back from deployment. Ya know?” He shakes his head, his eyes glistening over. “We were in the market one day, and there was a commotion to our right. We all looked to make sure we weren’t in danger. It was nothing. Some guy had knocked someone’s table over, and they were arguing, but . . .” he trails off and my grip on his hand tightens as I hold back the tears, dreading where this story is going.
“When I turned around, I saw someone out of the corner of my eye running toward Lit. I raised my gun, but then I saw what he was wearing.” He pauses, drawing in an unsteady breath. “A blue beanie.”
My throat clogs, and my chest tightens. “Like Gunner’s.”
Thor nods, his gaze locked on the wall over my shoulder. A tear falls down his cheek, and I brush it away, cupping his cheek in my hand. His eyes are filled with sorrow and guilt as he finally looks at me. “I froze. It was only for a split second. But he had a suicide vest on.” Thor drops his gaze. “Lit didn’t have a chance. Because of me.”
Tears flow down my face as I bring both my hands to Thor’s cheeks. I shake my head. “No, Thor. You can’t live with that kind of guilt.”
He gives me a sorrowful look. “Lit would be here if I’d done my job, Love. There’s no changing that.”
I grip his face tighter, forcing him to hold my gaze. “Or you could have taken the shot and Lit still would have died. You’re right, we can’t change the past, but you also can’t predict what would have happened even if you had made different choices that day.”
Brushing another tear away from his cheek, my chest expands with so many emotions for this man. “Our lives are made up of a million little choices, and while we do have to take care to make the right ones, we mess up every single day. That’s why there’s grace.”
His chest rises and falls in a heavy exhale. “If someone else had been with him that day—”
“No. You can’t do this to yourself. Even if someone else had been there, what then? Would that person have had the same reaction? Would they have been able to pull the trigger on someone who reminded them of their son? Brother? Nephew?” I shake my head, leaning closer to him. “Thor, if you don’t let go of this guilt, it’ll destroy you. ”
“I don’t know how to do that,” he admits softly. “Every time I close my eyes, I see Lit’s face and the moment he knew”—he sucks in a shuddering breath—“he was going to die.”
I run my hands over his beard, fighting tears. “You were in an impossible situation. Forgive yourself and accept God’s forgiveness. Grieve for your friend, yes, but let God have the rest.”
He lowers his head, and his tears flow over my hands. My own tears fall as I watch this strong, caring, and protective man fall apart in front of me. Wrapping my hands around his neck, I tug him gently to me until his face is buried in my shoulder. He brings his arms around me, drawing me flush against him. His hot tears wet my shirt, but I cling to him as he releases years of pent-up guilt and grief. I rub my hand up and down his back, crying with my wounded Viking.
I’m not sure how long we sit there, but eventually, his sobs slow and his breathing evens. Suddenly, his hands are roaming over my back in gentle movements that shoot shivers up and down my spine. His lips press against the skin right under my ear and heat flares through me as he whispers, “Clover Mason, you are incredible.”
Pulling back slightly, he presses his forehead to mine and we sit there quietly, simply enjoying one another’s presence. A calm peace settles around us as I breathe in his rum and cinnamon scent.
Thor cups my face with his hands, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “I’ve never met anyone like you.” His words are a whisper against my skin, causing gooseflesh to run up and down my arms. I raise my eyes and meet his heated gaze as it trails slowly across my face, landing on my lips. “I’m going to kiss you now.” My breath hitches as he lowers his mouth to mine, but he pauses just before our lips touch. “Is this okay, Love?”
I’ve barely managed a weak “yes” before his lips crash against mine. I melt into his touch as his hands move from my face to run up and down my sides, squeezing my hips. His fingers dig in as if he’s keeping me from running away. But there’s no way I am going anywhere when his mouth is moving against mine in an intoxicating dance that tastes like cinnamon and promises.
My arms circle his neck and I bring him closer, angling my head to deepen the kiss. Thor groans when my teeth graze against his bottom lip and then his lips are claiming mine once more. His beard scratches against my cheek as he pulls away briefly, only to leave a string of hot kisses down the side of my neck before following the path back to my mouth.
Then, suddenly, he’s drawing back, both of us breathing heavily. Thor places a chaste kiss on my forehead and cups my face gently, his thumb brushing over my swollen lips. “As much as I’m enjoying this, it’s probably best if you go back to your room.” His eyes are hooded, desire flaring in them, and the reality of where we are hits me.
Flames lick my cheeks as I put more distance between us. “Sor—”
Thor’s finger presses against my lips, stopping my words. “No, Love. Don’t apologize. We did nothing wrong. But we should probably . . . cool down before any lines are crossed. ”
I smile against his finger still pressed to my lips, giving it a single kiss. “You’re right. Do you think you’ll be okay?”
Thor drops his hand and gives me a wide grin. “Love, after that kiss, I’m going to have nothing but sweet dreams the rest of the night.”
The blush is back and my stomach swoops at the intensity of his gaze. I lower my eyes, and something under his left thumb catches my attention. “You aren’t wearing your watch,” I note.
“Well, it is the middle of the night.”
Lifting his hand, I turn his wrist over, my breath catching in my throat as my gaze snaps to his. “Wh-what is this?”
Thor brushes a finger along the tiny clover tattooed under his thumb. “A clover.” His eyes meet mine. “I got it the day I took Gunner to the doctor.”
Blinking back tears, I bring a trembling hand to my mouth. “But . . . we barely knew each other.”
Smiling, Thor cups my cheek softly. “Even then, I knew there was something different about you. You’d already claimed part of my heart. So I had you embedded right over where my heart has beat for you since the moment we met.”
“You mean the moment I busted your nose?”
“Yes.”
A soft smile tugs at my lips as I shake my head, bringing the clover up and pressing a kiss to it before I stand. Then, because I can’t get enough of this man, I bend down and give him one last kiss, savoring the cinnamon taste of him. “Goodnight, Thor.”
He tucks a curl behind my ear. “Goodnight, Love. ”
I pry myself away from his addictive touch and carefully open his door, breathing out a prayer of thanks when Hunt is nowhere in sight. With one last glance back at the man who’s stolen my heart, I tiptoe back to my bedroom, wishing it was already the next day so I could kiss Thorin Payne again.