11. Chapter 11
Chapter 11
Sophie
I honestly thought I was in a better place after his apology this afternoon. I believed that nothing about Liam could get to me anymore.
I was wrong.
Hearing him so easily dismiss what we had back then messed me up.
It has once again confirmed to me what I already know—our relationship back then was just a fling. It hadn’t been love for him, even if I’d gone into it with my heart in the game.
At the end of it all, I’m the one who got hurt, and I’m still hurting.
Why is that?
It’s been seven years, and I’m more mature now. Why does he still affect me so much?
Am I falling for him again?
That shouldn’t happen. I should hate him now.
He did apologize, and he genuinely seemed sad about what happened between us, but that doesn’t change the fact that I shouldn’t be falling for him all over again.
He broke up with me back then because he believed he needed to let me go. Judging from his actions these past weeks, it’s clear he still feels the same way.
Why, then, am I still stupidly falling for him?
I drag my tired feet toward the rock. I sit atop it, folding my legs against my chest.
The one thing I’m grateful for is that the movie crew never saw the need to shoot near my favorite spot.
So this space is still how I like it. Calm, peaceful, and it’s just me—
Really!
My body tenses up in reaction to his presence even before he says a word. How did he get here without making any noise?
And why on earth did I show this place to him?
Now I can’t have the peace I crave.
“Here.” He holds out a bottle of water to me as he sits beside me. “You didn’t have any water after eating. I thought you might be thirsty.”
This is so unusual. I’m the one who gets him water and looks after him. It shouldn’t be the other way around.
However, my resolve is much too weak to argue with him at the moment, so I accept the water.
“Thanks.”
I twist off the cap and take a sip.
My mind keeps traveling back to all that’s happened between us. And with him so close, it doesn’t make it easy on me.
“Are you okay?”
The question catches me off guard, and I almost choke on the water. His hand goes to my back and pats it gently.
I cap the bottle and place it beside me.
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t look it.”
Of course he thinks I’m not fine. I left the gathering so abruptly after his little statement that he must have figured out the reason why.
I’ve once again made it painfully obvious that I’m not over him.
How many more times am I going to make a fool of myself?
This isn’t fair. He’s always so composed, yet I keep crumbling every time I see him.
“I’m fine. I just didn’t feel like staying there since I don’t really have anything in common with you guys.”
He’s not having it.
His brow is arched so high it’s almost touching his hairline. He purses his lips as he tilts his head to the side.
I know that look. He’s reading every move I make and deciphering his own answers from it. He does that a lot and succeeds every time.
“I’m serious.” I force out a chuckle, nudging him with my elbow. “Almost everyone there is an actor, director, writer, or person who has an interest in the movie industry. I don’t share the same interests.”
“But you do.”
“No.”
“You do watch these movies. So you have an interest.”
“Right.” I click my tongue. “I didn’t think of that.”
Liam laughs softly. The rhythmic sound sends warmth through me.
“Do you watch my movies?”
I smack my mouth shut, looking away from him instantly.
“Come on,” he urges, pulling my face back toward him.
The action draws me up close to him. The playful smile in his eyes reminds me of the Liam I used to know.
And that’s the reason I can’t bring myself to look away.
“I avoid them,” I say truthfully. “My mom and Lucy are fans of yours, though, so I’ve seen a couple of your movies. Not by choice, though.”
“I can’t blame you for that.” He rubs the back of his neck, a nervous look settling in the depths of his eyes. “What did you think of the ones you’ve seen?”
“Uhm.” I take in a deep breath, recollecting my honest opinions of his movies.
It’s quite hard because of how few of them I’ve seen, especially since I watched them in anger, full-blown hatred for him clouding every frame.
“I’m not an expert, but I could tell you were an amazing actor.” I smile. “It was so easy to believe you were your characters.”
Liam grins. “I pride myself on being able to embody any character.”
“Good for you.”
Liam throws his head back in laughter at my flat tone. I find it hard to hold back my own laughter, too.
The moment is so lighthearted that I just want it to remain this way forever.
“Liam, why did you decide to become an actor?”
As soon as that question slips out of my mouth, I wish I could take it back. Liam tenses, and a gloomy look claims his features.
“I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer. I was just curious because back there, everyone kept talking about their reasons for venturing into this world.”
“Unlike them, I don’t have a grand reason,” he says flatly, raising his eyes up to the sky. “When I decided to go into acting, I only had one thing in mind, and that was to make as much money as I could.”
Okay, that’s not what I expected at all.
I’ve always known he doesn’t rely on emotions, but I assumed acting was his passion.
Well, his love for money can still be considered passion, right?
No. Doing it solely for the money is quite…
“It’s vain.” He steals my chance to respond. “I know it is, but back then, all I wanted was enough money so I never had to lack anything again. Acting was my easiest way to achieve financial security, so I took it.”
It’s not vain.
I know that much from the sadness hidden deep in his voice. He’s trying to hide that emotion, but he’s failing at it.
It wasn’t just about the money. The need for financial security must have come from a place of lacking.
I study the dark shadow that has fallen over his face.
There are deep-rooted things I don’t know about Liam. His past must have shaped him into who he is now. From here, it looks like not all of it was rosy.
My heart goes out to him even without knowing exactly what happened in his life.
Did I ever know Liam?
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting financial security. It takes a lot of courage and consistency to want it and achieve it, Liam,” I say softly, placing my hand over his. “You shouldn’t think any less of your reason. After all, you made it this far.”
Liam turns toward me, his eyes filling up with warmth.
He takes my hand in his and pulls me closer against his chest.
The movement catches me off guard, but I don’t complain about it.
Being in his arms is one thing I’ve always loved and still do. I’ll just enjoy this moment before I return to reality, where we’re not together and never will be.
“I never knew my parents. I grew up in an orphanage, and when I was eight, I moved to a foster home,” he says.
His tone is flat and void of every emotion. It’s almost like he has detached himself from the story he’s narrating, like it didn’t even happen to him.
Hearing what he just said doesn’t sit well with me. Just knowing that he didn’t grow up with a family makes my heart hurt.
And maybe just a few things about his behavior begin to make sense to me.
“I changed about eight foster homes before I came of age. It was hard. I didn’t mind the fact that I wasn’t like the rest of the kids I met at school. I just hated how weak it made me feel when I couldn’t afford basic things that every kid my age had.”
It must have been horrible. I place my hand over his chest, feeling his heartbeat against my palm, imagining the little boy who grew up without the love he deserved.
I spent my early childhood sheltered by parents who loved me. And even when Dad died, I never felt as though I was lacking anything because Mom and I were there for each other.
Liam didn’t have any of that. It isn’t fair.
“Things like books, clothes, and three square meals a day were a luxury. Most of the foster homes I got into were run by people who only took in kids so they had an extra source of income.”
There’s a hint of pain in his voice now. It’s clear the events of his past still have a hold on him.
“I met Julian when I started a new high school after I changed foster homes for the eighth time. He was the first friend I had, and I didn’t even want the friendship. Basically, Julian adopted me, and it’s still one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.”
My respect for Julian triples as soon as he says this. He told me about Julian when we were dating, even though I hadn’t met him yet.
I knew of the strong bond they shared, but I didn’t know the circumstances of their first meeting.
“I discovered I was a pretty good actor in junior year. I joined the drama club as a volunteer to increase my chances for a good scholarship and ended up getting cast in a role,” Liam says softly. “I didn’t understand it back then, but everyone at school kept talking about it.”
The darkness in his eyes wears off a little as he begins to talk about acting.
Liam is wrong about one thing—he definitely loves acting.
“At first, it was troublesome being asked to join the club permanently and feature in plays. And when Julian finally convinced me to join, it was another hassle dealing with competitions.” Liam grins. “Then, one day, we were going through the list of judges for a competition when one of the drama club members mentioned the net worth of one of the judges, who was an actor. That’s when it occurred to me that acting could be my ticket out of poverty.”
That’s totally understandable, because even I would have had the same thought.
“When I told Julian about my wish to become an actor and my reason for it, he didn’t judge me. Instead, he said he’d study to be the best manager around so we could both make tons of money.” Liam sighs. “I didn’t expect it, but acting became my life, and then came the need to excel at it. I wanted to be the best.”
I was right. He does love acting. The way he talks about it and his constant need to improve stems from his passion.
I smile. “And it all worked out in the end.”
“It did, even if I had to make so many decisions I didn’t like.” He holds my gaze, and his blue eyes grow misty. “I was so scared of failing and going back to square one that I thought I had to let go of everything that might distract me. So back then, I foolishly chose to break up with you.”
That’s it.
I knew there had to be a bigger reason behind our breakup. It makes things so much easier to know that reason now, but it doesn’t make me feel any better about myself that I was nothing but a distraction to him.
That hurts.
However, after hearing what he had to go through to get to where he is today, I can’t blame his decision.
I might have chosen to do the same thing if I was in his shoes.
“I don’t blame you. You did what you thought you had to do,” I say, swallowing the lump in my throat. “But how about now? Do you still think a relationship would be a distraction for you?”
Things should be different now that he’s made it this far. That could mean we have a chance after all.
My heartbeat skyrockets as I stare up at him with hopeful eyes.
It takes a while, but Liam slowly says, “Yes.”
My heart breaks into a thousand little pieces. The little hope I’d been clinging to dies abruptly, and it slowly dawns on me that I am indeed falling in love with him all over again.
Now that I know the truth about him, it will be that much harder not to fall.
“It looks like I have it all now, but I can’t let my guard down. Life throws curveballs at you when you least expect it,” Liam says.
“I understand.”
No, I don’t.
I want to believe I understand, but my heart is breaking in such a way that it’s hard to comprehend what’s happening.
It hurts even more than it did when we ended things seven years ago.
“But I can’t get my mind off you.” He takes my hand and turns my face toward him. My heart stills for a moment as I stare back into his misty eyes. “It’s scary, and I don’t know exactly what it’ll be like, but I know I want to give us a second chance.”
“W-What…” I stutter, momentarily losing my voice. “What are you trying to say?”
“I’m saying I’d like for you to be my girlfriend again. If you’ll still have me.”
Joy bursts through my heart even before I can fully assess the gravity of his words.
I know he believes a relationship is still a sort of distraction, and I know he still doesn’t believe in love, but I want to do this.
I want to give us a try.
Now that I understand where he stands, things shouldn’t hurt as much.
“I’d like that, too. I want to give us another try, Liam. I’ll be your girlfriend again.”
Liam’s radiant smile fills my heart with warmth. He pulls me into his arms, and I melt in his embrace.
For the first time in a long time, it feels like everything is going to be okay.
Maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to change his mind about love, and we’ll have our happily ever after, too.