12. Gretchen
Gretchen
Istood in the shower, one hand pressed against the tile as I held my head under the spray, letting the hot water sluice down my body. What was I thinking kissing Zoe? She was a stranger. A guest. My neighbor’s granddaughter. Young and vulnerable. It was wrong.
It hadn’t felt wrong though. It felt like the best damned kiss of my life.
I’d gone through a promiscuous period back when I was homeless.
Most street kids engaged in risky behaviors to survive, and sex was a good way to stay warm, curry favors, and pass the time.
I’d taken a self-imposed vow of abstinence when I went to college, determined to make the most of my scholarship and focus on what was important: a way to support myself and never have to rely on another person again.
Since I graduated I’d dated a few people.
Somewhere along the way I realized that I preferred women, and I’d stuck my toe in Seattle’s very diverse lesbian dating pool.
I’d had a few relationships, but things eventually fell apart.
Somewhere between the three and six months mark the other person would tell me I was too controlling or they’d start talking about moving in together, adopting a dog or a baby, and I would just shut down.
It wasn’t that I never wanted to have a serious long-term relationship, it was more that I didn’t think I’d ever find someone who made me consider it. Somehow I knew that Zoe would make me consider it, and that was a huge problem.
By the time I got out of the shower I was shriveled up like a prune.
I puttered around in my bedroom, reorganizing a drawer, running a duster over the dresser, fluffing up my pillows.
When I couldn’t think of any other reason to stay hidden away, I came back into the dining room.
Zoe was using my iPad, her face a mask of concentration.
“I hope it’s okay to use your iPad again,” she said, her tone slightly defensive as if I’d busted her doing something wrong.
“Go right ahead,” I said, sitting across from her and opening my laptop. “Are you watching more dyslexia videos?”
“No, I’m looking for a job.”
My head snapped back up. “You’re staying here in Seattle?”
My heart was thumping happily at that idea.
“I’m not sure yet but I thought I’d pick up some temp or on-call work while I wait for my grandmother to come back.”
I was surprised by her words. Did she want to stay busy or was she worried about money? Probably both.
“That’s a good idea,” I said neutrally.
I was scanning my email when I had a thought. “Oh! You know what? Our shelter is looking for on-call staff. The shelter manager was talking about it at our last leadership meeting. She said it’s hard to find good on-call staff who actually want to come in when she needs them.”
“What would that entail?” she asked.
“You watch the desk at the shelter, make sure no one comes in who’s not a client, like someone’s boyfriend or whatever,” I said. “Answer phones. Respond to emergencies. Mediate disputes between guests. Do some light cleaning and laundry. Enforce quiet hours. Monitor the bathrooms.”
“Monitor the bathrooms?” she asked curiously.
“Make sure no one’s doing drugs in there,” I clarified. “As I understand, it doesn’t happen often but some of our guests are early in their recovery – or haven’t quite decided to be sober yet – and our facility is drug and alcohol free so we can create an environment of recovery.”
Working in accounting I didn’t have a lot of contact with the shelter, but when I first started at the agency I’d visited every department and team to learn about their work.
The shelter manager, Julia Montego, had given me a tour and shared about the work.
Having stayed in various homeless shelters as a teen, it was interesting to see how things worked from the other side.
“I don’t think I’m qualified for that.”
“It’s an entry level job,” I said quickly, already way too invested in her getting the job. “They’re mostly looking for people who can maintain boundaries, can reliably work different shifts, and aren’t afraid of hard work.”
“Well, I’ve been a cocktail waitress and a bartender,” Zoe said thoughtfully. “I’ve had to dodge a lot of wandering hands and throw out belligerent drunks. And I don’t mind cleaning. Maybe I should apply.”
“Tell you what, I’ll email you the job posting and if you’re still interested, you can apply and I’ll put in a good word for you with the shelter manager.”
“You’d do that?” She seemed surprised.
“Sure, I’m a pretty good judge of character. And you’re Jan’s granddaughter, so you can’t be all bad.”
She smirked then nodded. “Yeah, forward the job, thank you.”
Zoe wrote down her email address, then I found the link to the job announcement on our website and forwarded it to her.
When I glanced up at her she was frowning at the screen, her lips moving as she silently sounded out some of the words.
I almost offered to read it to her, but I knew she could read, she just struggled with the mechanics of it.
Suddenly she gasped and turned the screen towards me. “That’s the salary?”
“I know it’s not much, but we are a nonprofit and it’s only a part-time on-call position, so you also don’t get benefits.”
Zoe shook her head. “That’s four dollars an hour more than I’ve ever made at any other job.”
“Washington has one of the highest minimum wages in the country, and that pushes all the other salaries up too.”
Her eyes were round. “I hope I at least get an interview.”
“I’m sure you will.”
I found my work cell phone and sent an email to Julia, letting her know that a friend was applying for one of her on-call positions and I could vouch for her.
That was all I would do. I wouldn’t pressure the manager to hire Zoe, and she wouldn’t let me anyway.
But a good word from me would likely at least get my houseguest an interview.
After that, it was up to Zoe to get the job.
I told her as much after she submitted her application.
“I appreciate the referral,” she said. “But I definitely want to get the job on my own merits.”
I didn’t tell her that Julia was so desperate for on-call staff she’d probably hire anyone with a pulse and a clean criminal record. While we were talking an email came in from Jan.
“Oh, your grandmother finally responded.”
Zoe came around the table to stand behind me, close enough that I could smell the shampoo she used. Then she caught herself and stepped back.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to get in your space and be nosy, I was just curious what she said.”
I read it out loud to her.
“Dear Gretchen, thank you for taking such good care of my house. Zoe is indeed my granddaughter, although I didn’t know she existed until about two months ago.
Her mother left home right after she turned eighteen.
She was a wild girl and things were difficult.
I always thought that she’d come home eventually but she never did.
After her father died I tracked her down in Chicago, but she never responded to my letters, if she got them at all (I understand she moved around a lot).
I would have tried harder if I had known about Zoe, but I figured I would take the hint that Connie didn’t want to talk to me.
I’m gutted that I never got to see my daughter again or see Zoe growing up.
Please tell her that I’m looking forward to seeing her and she is welcome to stay at my house as long as she likes.
In fact, give me her email and I’ll tell her myself.
Hopefully, she’s here for a nice, long visit.
I’m sure she’s a self-reliant girl, but I’d appreciate it if you could keep an eye on her and help out if she needs anything.
I’ll be back on the twenty-seventh. Looking forward to seeing you both. Jan.”
“I’ll send her your e-mail,” I said after I’d read the message.
“Thanks.”
I responded to Jan, then closed my computer. When I looked up, Zoe was staring into space.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
She nodded. “Yeah, I guess, well even though she invited me, I wasn’t sure if my grandmother really wanted to see me.”
“Sounds like not only does she want to see you, but she’s excited about it.”
She smiled. “Yeah. I’m excited too. And I didn’t know what happened with her and my mom. She didn’t mention it the two times we talked on the phone and I didn’t ask. I figured there was no sense stirring up bad memories.”
“Families are complicated,” I acknowledged. “It’s too bad you didn’t know about Jan earlier but now you guys get to make up for lost time and get to know each other.”
She nodded. “The only thing is… I feel weird about staying in my grandmother’s house all alone. I know she said it was okay, but I’ve never even seen more than the kitchen. I don’t know where she wants me to sleep or if it’s okay to eat her food or what the password is for the Wi-Fi.”
“It’s the same as mine,” I said. “We both upgraded at the same time and decided to use the same password in case one of us forgot.”
She nodded, watching me carefully. I had a guess about what Zoe wanted but I needed her to say it herself. I didn’t want to make assumptions or pressure her into something if I was misreading the situation, so I stayed quiet.
“Hey Gretchen?”
“Yeah?”
“I know it’s a big inconvenience and I hate to ask but… can I stay here with you until my grandmother gets back?”