14. Emma
CHAPTER 14
EMMA
D espite the fact that we’ve done nothing but lie on the beach, when I finally get back to my room, I’m utterly exhausted. Something about relaxing always makes me more tired than if I’m doing stuff all day.
I know Phoebe would tell me that my body is catching up with the rest it needs, but to me, it feels like a waste of resources.
With a sigh, I drop down on the bed and dial the number for my best friend. Fortunately, the time zones aren’t messing us up too much, so she picks up after the second ring.
“Emma!” Her voice comes out of the phone so loudly that the speaker crackles. “How’s it going? Tell me everything .”
“Oh, the course was dull. You know how these things are.”
“I sure do.” Phoebe chuckles. She, too, has to go on this kind of work getaway all the time. “Did you get anything out of it at all?”
I shrug, then realize she can’t see me. “Hold up, let me turn the video on,” I say, fumbling with my phone.
She presses the button on her end too, and then her face loads onto my phone, pixel by pixel. Her smile is exactly the way I expect it to be, if a little blurrier than usual.
“Emma,” she says, squinting. “Is that a suntan I see?”
I shrug again. “I have been to the beach. Doctor’s orders.” Phoebe raises her eyebrows, and I quickly add, “But we sat under the umbrella, so I shouldn’t be burned.”
“We?” she says, her grin growing. “Who’s we?”
I sigh. I should have known this was coming. I kind of hoped that I’d be able to avoid talking about Liam with her, but from the second that I hit call, I knew that wasn’t going to be the case. She’s too sharp for me to be able to hide anything from her. She pays too much attention and knows me too well.
“I met this guy on the training course — and before you start, it’s not like that at all. I don’t even like him that much. He’s just someone to hang out with while I’m here.”
“Uh-huh,” says Phoebe, not believing a word of it. “Okay, then,” she says. “Tell me more about this ‘don’t really like him’ guy then.”
“He lives just on the other side of the city from us. He works at Hope General.”
“Oh my God. You hate those guys!”
“We are in mortal combat for patient dollars with those guys, and that’s why there could never be something between us,” I say firmly, determined to shut down any ideas she might be getting in her head.
“But you might want that. Right? For there to be something?” asks Phoebe, cutting deep to the core of what I’m trying not to say.
“I don’t want that,” I say, possibly a little too forcefully. “Why would I want that?”
Phoebe stares at me with an unmistakable You’re being an idiot look. “He doesn’t have to be your life partner, Emma, but maybe you should give him a chance.”
“A chance to what?” I say too sharply. The more I’m denying this, the worse it looks.
“A chance to do anything so you can let your hair down a little bit. Don’t rush into anything, and don’t take anything too seriously. But also, don’t throw all of this away. It might not be serious, but you never know. He could be the one.”
“Just because you want there to be something,” I say with purpose, “doesn’t mean there is.”
“I don’t want it. I just hope for it. For your sake. I want you to have a bit of fun.”
I say nothing to that, because what else is there to say? She’s taken all my arguments and smashed them into tiny pieces, leaving me staring at the truth. I don’t know that I like it.
“Look,” I say at last. “This isn’t going anywhere, and it doesn’t mean anything. It’s just nice to not be all alone. That’s why I’m seeing him again at all.”
“You don’t have to justify it to me,” Phoebe says. “Just promise me you’ll remember that you’re allowed to have fun.”
“Why do you think I agreed to go on this vacation at all?”
She laughs at that, and I feel an ache inside myself, and I feel an ache inside for how much I miss her.
The thing about having a best friend like her is that they can soothe any worry you could possibly have. They take away all the anxiety of being alive, and it hurts like alcohol in a cut when they’re not with you. When you know that their guidance and their hug would be all you would need to feel completely better, but they’re not there with you.
I wouldn’t have made it this far without her. That’s a fact.
And the downside to that is that she can see right into my core and has no qualms about exposing it.
“How are you doing anyway?” I ask, desperate to change the subject.
“Oh, tired. Like usual,” she says, sighing.
I squint closer at my phone and notice the bags under her eyes. Another stab of guilt pierces my heart. I shouldn’t have left her. “Have you been managing to sleep? And taking your vitamins?”
“Stop worrying, Emma. Yes, I’m sleeping. Yes, I’m eating. Yes, I can get in and out of the shower by myself.”
“That’s not what I meant,” I say, rolling my eyes. “I just don’t like the idea of you on your own in case something does happen. Who will help you?”
She grins. “I know it wasn’t. I just like teasing you. I absolutely promise you that I can fend for myself. I’m pregnant, but I’m as capable as ever. The biggest downside is I’m just a little slower than I used to be.”
I smile, nod, and slowly let out the breath I was holding. Of course she can fend for herself. I’m pretty sure that Phoebe could do anything without it being an effort at all. She’s always been smart, kind, funny, dedicated but with a sense of fun. She works hard but knows how to relax.
It’s a lesson she’s been trying to teach me for years, and one that I’ve never quite figured out.
If anyone needs looking after out of the two of us, it’s me. But that won’t stop my worrying. Sure, she can look after herself, but what if she fell? What if the baby starts coming early? What if there’s something I could be there to help her with and I miss the chance?
“I could always come back if you need me to,” I say. “You know you just have to ask, and I’d be back in a heartbeat.”
“And have you cut your vacation short? Absolutely not. This is the first vacation you’ve had in almost as long as we’ve been friends. The only way I would ask you to come back is if I start actively exploding.”
“Please don’t do that without me. I will never forgive myself if something happens and I’m not there.”
“You sound just like Tom,” Phoebe says, shaking her head fondly. It’s not a bad thing, though. Her husband looks at her like she’s the whole universe. He truly loves her, and I love to see it.
“I love you more than he does, though.” I stick my tongue out at her.
“I know you do, and that’s why I’m the luckiest woman in the world. Nobody else has a best friend as good to me as you are, or a husband who’s so perfect.”
“He is pretty perfect,” I agree, that tightness in my chest returning.
Almost like she’s reading my mind again, Phoebe says, “You’ll get there soon. Mark my words. The man of your dreams is out there, and he’s going to love you so, so much.”
What I don’t tell her is my concern that he’s closer than I think. That he might be next door, separated from me by a thin wall.
Liam isn’t a dream guy, exactly, but he’s like me in a way I’ve never seen before. I’m a personable girl, and I get on with most people. But I find it hard to really connect, to let people in. And I know I haven’t done that with Liam, but I almost feel like I could. Like I could tell him what was on my mind and he would listen without judgment.
That my drive to work wouldn’t get in the way of anything between us because he feels the same. He gets it.
That’s an intoxicating idea.
“You’d better work harder at finding him for me, then,” I say with a brightness that I don’t really feel.
Phoebe grins at me. “If I don’t get to say ‘I told you so’ about him at your wedding, then I’ll have failed.”
“You never fail.” I grin, and it’s true. She’s not perfect either, but when I need her, she’s always come through for me. She’s always been right in the end.
Could she be right about this too?