16. Emma
CHAPTER 16
EMMA
I have a long shower before I go down for dinner. My hair is full of salt, and the hot water feels great on my aching muscles. I’d forgotten just how much snorkeling takes it out of you. It’s fun, but it can be exhausting.
The only bad thing about having a shower, though, is it gives me time to stand and think, and the only thing I can think about is Liam. The way he tried so hard to prove himself when he was clearly struggling. The look he kept giving me every time I tried to make his life easier.
It was like he’d never heard someone try to be gentle with him, to give him the space and time he needed to succeed.
Why did I make plans to go to dinner with him again? We could have left snorkeling at that. It could have been a fun activity and a great memory.
There are only so many times I can deny to myself that this means anything. The training course ended two days ago, and we’ve spent both of those days together. Those aren’t the actions of people who hate each other. They’re not even the actions of strangers who keep bumping into each other.
They’re almost the actions of friends.
I guess I could not show up. I could vanish into the night, walk out of this hotel and never see him again. Leave him a ghost, a memory. Disappear without a trace. Or I could tell him no, I don’t feel up to it, I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to see him again.
But I won’t do any of those things because I have integrity. And I do want to see him again.
Which is why, when I get out of the shower, I stand in front of my closet for a long while trying to decide what to wear. I don’t want to look too formal, but I don’t want to pull on a T-shirt and jeans either. In the end, I settle on a blouse and my nice pants, something that looks appropriate for going out but isn’t going to look out of place.
When I get down to dinner and see Liam, his choice of clothes blows me away. He’s wearing a sleek pair of dress pants, nicer than anything he wore during the training course, paired with a light suit jacket and crisply ironed white shirt. He must be warm, but with his top button undone, he still looks almost casual.
He looks stunning. The sight of him makes my heart want to fall out of my chest.
Not friends, maybe. I think what I’m starting to feel might be more real than I’m imagining.
“Emma.” He smiles as we meet. “Welcome to this place of illustrious fine dining.”
I giggle. “Why thank you, kind sir.”
He pulls out my seat for me, and I sit down. “How was your afternoon?” he asks.
“I spent most of it with you,” I scoff. “You know exactly what it was like.”
To that, he huffs as if that was his best attempt at being nice and he can’t think of anything else to say.
Little does he know that today, I have a plan. I want to know more about this mystery man. He’s been enigmatic so far, revealing tiny bits about his past, but I want the real deal. There’s something he’s hiding, some pain that he doesn’t want to reveal, and I want to know what it is.
We chatter a little until our food comes, then as we start eating, I ask, “So, what made you want to be a doctor?”
He shrugs and takes a bite of his fish. “Same as anyone, I wanted to help people.”
“There was no driving force? No family connection?”
“No,” he says, clamming up on me. “Why?”
“Just wondering,” I say, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear. “My favorite aunt is a doctor. That’s what drove me to it.”
That makes him chuckle bitterly, and I can see the cracks. I’m going to get into them; I’m determined. “Nice for you, I guess.”
“It’s a shame, but I don’t get to see much of my family since I started working. I just don’t have the time. Don’t you find that true?”
“Yes,” he says. “Not that I saw much of them anyway.”
“You didn’t?”
“No.”
I pause to give him a chance to elaborate, but he doesn’t. That’s a weak spot right there, family. I suppose he must not have a great relationship with his folks. Which is a shame, I think.
When I settle down, I’m going to make sure my kids can rely on me. I want to be the kind of mom that my kids can tell anything to, so I’m their first port of call when they’re in trouble, no matter what they’ve done.
It’s only when Liam looks at me, half hurt and half curious, that I realize I said that last part aloud. “You want kids then?” he asks slowly.
“I’d love them,” I say with a smile. “When I was very young, I dreamed of the family I might one day have, but when I started school and work, I forgot that dream. I was too busy for it. Now that I’ve been in my position for years, I’ve started to wonder again. I’m not getting any younger, after all.”
“You’re not exactly old,” he says, and I think it’s a compliment.
“True,” I say. “But time marches ever on.”
Liam hums thoughtfully but says nothing. He’s a tougher nut to crack than I had imagined. Not that I had imagined getting him to open up to be a particularly easy task, but I had at least hoped he would follow my lead a little and tell me one or two of his secrets.
“Don’t you want a family?” I ask, trying to get us back on topic.
“No.”
Again, I wait for him to say more, but he doesn’t, so I decide to push. “Surely you must desire some sort of companionship?”
“Why should I have to? I have my work. That makes me happy enough.”
“But there’s more to life than work. And when you work as hard as we do, don’t you find there’s no time for anything else at all?”
That makes him pause to consider. Carefully, like he’s choosing every single word to get his point across exactly, he says, “I suppose so. I don’t have much of an interest in family. I think that’s a waste of time. But sometimes, I guess I do think it would be nice to indulge in a hobby or two. Join a tennis club, maybe.”
“You like to play?”
“I would if I had time.”
I bite my tongue from suggesting he might meet someone at the tennis club who might change his mind about family. It isn’t what everyone wants, and I shouldn’t push him to change his mind.
It just stings a little, that’s all. It leaves a pang of disappointment in my chest.
“If I had more time,” I say, “I would join a choir, I think. At least do something musical.”
That piques his interest and gets him talking, at least. I learn that he likes sports, that he wants to learn to play the violin, and the best gift he could get would be season tickets to his favorite college basketball team. Not that he would have time to go.
That’s something we both agree on. There aren’t enough hours in the day.
He’s just like me in that way; he never says no to overtime, and he often goes in on days he’s not scheduled. He works holidays and weekends, and that’s the way he likes it. I can sympathize with that completely. I’ve worked more than my fair share of Christmas Days and Thanksgivings.
Except, unlike him, I have people to go to. My family lives out of state, mostly in Montana, and I miss them all the time. But if I don’t have them, I at least have Phoebe.
Liam seems to have nobody at all.
And though I don’t think he would appreciate me saying so, I think that’s a shame.
And there’s a tiny, dumb part of me that’s calling out — maybe that person he could rely on could be me.