27. Emma
CHAPTER 27
EMMA
D espite how long the birth takes, it’s thankfully uncomplicated. And when the baby finally arrives, she seems healthy and happy. She’s beautiful. Already, I can see Phoebe and Tom in her.
I’m so excited to see who she’ll grow up to be.
“Here, hold her,” says Liam, handing the baby to Phoebe. She takes the delicate bundle into her arms, her eyes shining with tears of joy. “A beautiful, healthy girl.”
“Thank you, doctor,” whispers Phoebe. She sounds exhausted. No doubt she is.
Liam lingers for a second, taking in the scene, and I wonder what he’s thinking. This was probably another routine job for him, and an easy one at that. I’m sure he’ll bask in a job well done, then move right on with his life.
I sit with Phoebe on the floor, cooing over the baby with her. The placenta is delivered without issue a few minutes later, and once that’s cleaned up, Liam turns and packs up his bag, clearly intending to make a quick exit. I don’t blame him. If I were him, I would want to get out of here too.
No matter how much my heart flutters to see him, it doesn’t stop it being awkward that my ex is the doctor of my best friend. Thinking of him like that sends a twinge through me. My ex.
But before Liam can go, the front door slams open. There’s the sound of shoes being kicked off wildly in the hallway, and then Tom bursts in.
“Tom,” Phoebe breathes, reaching out a hand for him. “Come here now.”
He obeys at once, scrambling over to his wife to take her in his arms. “I’m so sorry, love. I should have been here this whole time. This is our daughter?”
Tears start falling from Phoebe’s eyes again. “It is.”
Tom’s own eyes shine, and I can’t help but smile. They’re going to be such a great family. He cradles his child with such gentleness, holds his wife with such affection that seeing them all together is sickeningly sweet.
“Thank you for looking after her,” says Tom, reaching out to me. I take a step closer and reach down to wrap my arms around him. He hugs me tightly and says, “You’re really the best friend in the world.”
“There was no way I was going to let her do this alone,” I say.
Tom smiles sadly as he releases me. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” he says again, turning back to Phoebe. The regret is clear on his face, even though we all know it wasn’t his fault.
She shakes her head, and I get to my feet.
“Come on,” I say to Liam. “Let’s give them a moment alone.” I usher him through the kitchen, and he follows me without question.
Then we stand there staring at the floor to avoid looking at each other, neither one of us quite sure what to say next. There are a million things I’ve wanted to tell him for weeks, and now that he’s here in front of me, I can’t summon a single one of them.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt.
At the same time, he manages to spit out, “Emma, I…”
I shake my head and gesture towards him. “Go on. You first.”
“I’m sorry,” he says, his voice thick with emotion. “For ghosting you, for not talking to you. I shouldn’t have done that.”
I sigh. No, he shouldn’t. I want desperately to be angry with him, but I can’t find the energy. How can I be angry, really, when he’s the father of my baby?
Really, now is the time I should tell him. At the very least, I should try and see if he wants me.
“I’m sorry too,” I say. “I guess we both got busy.”
“I guess,” he echoes.
“How have you been?”
He shrugs. “Good, I guess. Working more than ever.”
“Me too. I’ve hardly done anything at all lately.”
“No. Not since… No. Me neither.”
I miss you, I want to say. The words hang heavy in my mouth, stuck like honey in my throat. I try, but they won’t move. “I’ve got something to tell you,” I say instead. Not exactly the way I wanted to tell him this, but I guess it’s happening now.
His brow furrows. “What?”
I take a sharp breath, my stomach flipping over. My mouth is dry, my throat closed. I feel like I might be about to have a panic attack.
“We had fun in Saint Lucia, didn’t we?”
He nods slowly, trying to work out where I’m going with this.
“I really enjoyed it,” I say. “And, well…”
“What is it?” he asks, possibly more sharply than he means to. I know him well enough by now to know that that sharpness isn’t always intended.
My hands start to shake.
Under any other circumstance, I would have been so happy to see him. Despite everything, I have missed him. I’ve wanted him. I enjoyed the feeling of his arms around me, of hearing him sleep, the deep breaths that proved he was still there next to me.
That’s what I miss. The comfort. The strength. The warmth. He pretends he’s not, but he is a good companion really. He’s funny, and when he puts his mind to it, he’s thoughtful. And now he’s the father of my baby, and I’m terrified that he’s going to reject us.
It’s what he told me when we started all this. No commitments. Just good, casual fun.
Now I’m dropping the biggest commitment I can think of on him.
“I’m pregnant,” I say softly.
“You’re what?” he repeats.
“Pregnant.”
“And it’s…?” He points towards himself, his own hand shaking.
“It’s only been you,” I whisper. “Ever since Saint Lucia, it’s only been you.”
His mouth drops open as the ramifications of my words sink in. I take a deep breath, clenching my fists at my sides. “Are you okay?” I ask.
“Okay?” His mouth opens and closes again like he’s suddenly forgotten every single word he has ever known and even less knows what the right one to say next is.
I don’t blame him. I don’t think I would know what to say either.
But the silence is killing me.
“It’s yours, Liam. I don’t want to do this alone. Please, say something.”
His mouth opens and closes, fear and shock and what could be delight running behind his eyes.
“Say something,” I say desperately. “Please.”
“I…” he stammers again.
My heart stops, but my mouth is going now and the words flow out of me like a burst dam. “I’m not asking for marriage, or even a relationship. I don’t need you to swear yourself to me forever. I know you don’t want that. But I want you in my life. In our baby’s life. Please tell me you’ll be there.”
He stares at me again with a look that makes me worry I’ve transformed into an ogre, then shakes his head. “I have to get out of here. I’m sorry.”
With that, he stumbles backwards out of the kitchen, leaving me alone, listening as he scrambles for his bag and closes the front door gently behind him as he goes.
In the living room, Tom and Phoebe laugh, and their baby has finally stopped crying. Their perfect family life has just begun, and I am so happy for them. Or at least I will be.
Once I’ve stopped crying over the tatters of my life that are falling all around me.