Chapter Twenty-Five #2
“I do not quite wish to tear Lizzy’s hair out,” Jane cried, realizing as she began to paint the rich green hues of Mr. Knightley’s coat that she had admitted to quarreling with her sister. “I have been cross with her, and yet known all the while that I should not be.”
“Ah. It is a pity that you should be quarreling at all, when your acquaintance is so new.”
“Yes, I know,” Jane said pitifully. “I was so overjoyed when we met in Weymouth.”
“In Weymouth?” Mr. Knightley looked astonished, as if she were incapable of such an outrageous secret as the one she harbored.
Jane found herself telling him nearly everything – more than she had even told Frank, who heard only the public story.
She did not reveal her true parentage nor her secret engagement, but she told him how she and Elizabeth had learned of one another by Lady Gresham’s design, and how they had exchanged places and schemed to reunite their guardians.
Mr. Knightley listened with rapt attention, asking probing questions throughout her explanation.
At the end of it, he professed his astonishment.
“Of course, I noticed some alteration in your manners that first week of your return, and though I was glad to see you finally befriending Emma, I could not at all account for your sudden impudence.”
“It comes very naturally to Lizzy,” Jane said with a laugh. “But in passing a whole week pretending to be her, I may have learned a little of her impertinence.”
“A little, and no more, shall complete your character perfectly,” he said with a look of wonder. “Well! I have not heard such a tale since Emma got it into her head to press me to read novels!”
Jane’s smile dissipated at this mention of his friendship with Emma.
There had been a time when Jane admired Mr. Knightley intensely, but Emma had always been his favorite, and Jane despaired of ever gaining such a place in his heart.
Two summers ago, Miss Bates had noticed Jane’s fascination with Mr. Knightley, and in her endeavors to promote the match, she had only succeeded in mortifying Jane in the extreme.
The previous summer when Jane visited, Mr. Knightley had made a comment about preferring an open disposition to a reserve one, and Jane’s lingering hopes had been utterly extinguished.
And then, in the fall, she met Mr. Churchill, who was lively enough for both of them.
“Well, Miss Fairfax, I hope you and your sister are reconciled before the musical evening next week; I had hoped to entreat you to perform a duet.”
Jane was softened by Elizabeth’s clever rescue the night before; she could hardly account for why she could not but dig in her heels. She began the strokes of the greenery behind Mr. Knightley, her brush moving furiously over the canvas.
“May I inquire how she has offended you? If there is any way I may be of assistance – or even lend an ear….”
The look upon Mr. Knightley’s face was so earnest that Jane could not resist. She had never had so much conversation with him, so privately. Of course, she could not reveal the truth about Frank, and so she was obliged to choose her words carefully.
“Lizzy forced me to face an unpleasant truth regarding a personal matter, and I suppose I have resented her for it. In truth, it has brought to light that there is someone else at whom I ought to direct that displeasure, and instead I have merely been angry at her for being correct. And then, I suppose I have been envious of how swiftly she became friendly with Emma, when I have never managed it all my life. Lizzy and I grew very close at Weymouth, and now I must share her with Emma, who has never much cared for me.”
Mr. Knightley appeared to ponder this for a moment.
“Emma has not disliked you; she has been frustrated by your reserve because she has had little else to vex her, but surely that can be overcome. What of Miss Lucas? As I understand your account of recent events, you spent a week in her company, and you seem to be on intimate terms with her already. I would imagine you made her aware of all that you have told me.”
“That is true, and Lizzy does not seem to mind sharing her friend with me,” Jane mused aloud.
“But if you can manage with Miss Lucas, even now that you are at liberty to be yourself, surely you are capable of doing the same with Emma. You appeared to be getting along splendidly when I arrived. Even now I can comprehend the difference in your manners which your recent experience has affected. You are entirely capable of gaining a friend, and I cannot think you in any danger of losing your sister, especially if you succeed in your scheme.”
Jane saw the wisdom of his words and slowly nodded her agreement. “You do not think it silly that we wish to play matchmaker for our guardians?”
“I think it perfectly natural for you should wish it, and I think you may enjoy the process as much as the result, if you make amends with your sister and allow yourself to see that you make Emma a very worthy friend.” Mr. Knightley smiled broadly at her, and this was the expression she chose to capture as she began to paint in the details of his face.
“And for what it is worth, I think it is mad of your guardians to have ever split you up, whatever their reasons.”
“I cannot argue with any of that; you have entirely convinced me,” Jane said, looking between her handiwork and the man before her with pleasure.
“I am glad to hear it; Emma would likely argue with me, but I am not surprised that you should see sense, Miss Fairfax. You have not grown too spoilt for practicality.”
“I have recently been gifted an entire piano, and you ought to see the pile of presents my sister has purchased for me; I have practically gained a new wardrobe. I should not object to growing a little spoiled.” Jane smirked as she showed him a little of her sister’s impudence.
He smiled appreciatively. “Then I am sure you will be in fine looks at my party. But will you make amends with Miss Bennet?”
“Just as soon as I blacken your boots, sir,” Jane quipped as she hurried to finish her painting.
When she had completed it, she was rather proud of her work, but declined to show him the fruit of her labors, for the ladies had agreed to reveal all their paintings at once.
Only Emma was still about her endeavors, and so Jane nodded to Mr. Knightley and set off to speak with her sister.
She felt lighter already, though as she glanced over at Frank, who was working his considerable charms on Emma, it occurred to her that she might never have had such a conversation with him .
His gift had not entirely redeemed him in her wounded heart, but she told herself that she must face that another time.
She approached Elizabeth, who moved away from what appeared to be a merry conversation with Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley. The sisters linked arms as Jane guided them away from the rest of their party. “I do not wish to be cross with you, Lizzy.”
“I can assure you that I do not desire it, either. I am truly sorry, Jane, for how my actions have harmed you.”
“I know it was never your intention,” Jane said with a sad smile. “In truth, it is the actions of others that really distress me. You have been perfectly right, though I have been loath to accept it.”
“It cannot have been easy,” Elizabeth said emphatically.
“No. It hurt to see Frank paying Emma such attention, and then for the sister who is so new to me, whom I have so quickly come to adore – for you to be on such terms with Emma… but of course you should be. You are both lively and gregarious, and I should be happy for you. And…” The next admission stung Jane, but she was determined to be fair.
“And Emma is not to blame for the pain she does not know she is causing me. She has told me candidly her reason for doing so; it is I who have held back the truth, when I might have given her the chance to do what is right.”
“I am sure she would amend her behavior if she comprehended the damage she has done,” Elizabeth agreed. “But I understand that you may hesitate to trust her, when she had never been friendly to you before I came to Highbury.”
“I wonder if things might have been different if I had never gone away with the Campbells,” Jane mused.
“At any rate, I can only change what is happening presently, and I do wish for us to get along and to work together to bring our parents together. She has shown herself to be a willing ally, and I ought to have allowed that to be a more promising beginning.”
“It is not too late,” Elizabeth said. “And for what it is worth, I believe Emma has rather envied you. She has heard so much praise of your accomplishments from our mother, and your travels – she has never left Highbury, and is too indolent and spoilt to really apply herself to anything that you excel at – which is everything, according to our mother and half of Highbury.”
Jane laughed. “I had never thought of that. I know our mother only makes a great fuss over my letters because she misses me when I am away, but perhaps that has added to the obstacle which my frequent absence has been to our friendship. Well, that is quite in the past. I have decided on a more optimistic outlook.”
“I am glad to hear it – I could not bear it when you were cross with me,” Elizabeth said. She pursed her lips for a moment, and then asked, “What will you do about Frank Churchill?”