Chapter 20
If Mom and Dad knew what James and I just did, they’d have a lot more than just a few concerns. This is usually when I would start freaking out and run out of the room. I wait for it to come, but all I feel is bone-deep contentment at the moment—body lax and mind blissed out post-orgasm.
But then I shiver as a draft cools my heated skin. Not only that, but I’m covered in so many fluids, and my milk is leaking, chilling me further.
“James.” I nudge his head, and he grunts. “We need to get up and clean off.”
“Sleep now. Clean up later,” he mumbles, half asleep already.
I can’t help it. I giggle, which leads to his head bobbing up and down on my chest, which makes me snort and laugh even harder. I’m abruptly cut off when he turns his head and kisses the sensitive underside of my breast. I moan softly but gently push against his forehead.
“No more of that. We really do need to clean up in case one of the babies wakes up.” I suck in a breath. Babies…
Oh my god, what was I thinking? One more stroke. I wasn’t thinking about anything other than how good—scratch that—how spectacularly euphoric it was to have James drive in and out of my body, first with his tongue, then his fingers, and finally his cock. So dangerous.
When I shiver again, it’s not because of the cold. My freak-out was just delayed by my orgasmic high. But then James licks some of my milk that’s still trickling down my breast and swirls his tongue around my sensitive nipple. I moan, slipping away into his touch.
I frown when he groans and climbs off of me and the bed, having momentarily forgotten that I told him we needed to clean up. Instead of helping to pull me up by the hand when I reach for him, he scoops me into his arms, with an arm under my back and one under my knees. I hold onto him with my arms around his neck as he steps into his en-suite and sets me down on my feet to turn on the shower.
I’m distracted from the startling reflection of the thoroughly ravaged woman I see in the mirror when James stretches his arms high above him, fully naked, with his half-erect cock bobbing between his legs. I turn to study his body, which is carved to perfection, and mentally trace the cut lines of his lean frame, his corded arms, and the dark hair trimmed at the base of his impressively large cock that grows thicker and longer under my gaze.
“Are you seriously hard again?”
He grimaces and palms his dick. “I’m always hard around you.”
“That sounds…painful.”
“You have no idea.”
He abandons his cock to test the water, and when it’s warm enough, he pulls me into the shower with him and closes the curtain. Despite everything he just did to my body a few minutes ago, I find myself suddenly feeling shy as he lathers his hands with soap and washes me, especially when he skates his hands over my lower belly pooch to wash away his cum.
He presses his cock against my lower back as his hands roam over my skin, paying extra attention to my inner thighs. My skin tingles under his tender touch, and when his fingers slide over my pussy lips, my core clenches, and I wince. I’m sore. Of course, I’m sore. His cock is huge and stretched me to my limits, which felt delicious at the time, but now stings. I hiss when he grazes my clit.
James whispers an apology and pulls away to wash himself. I turn to face him and take the soap from his hands, lathering my own so I can wash him. It’s so sensual and deeply private, and I could cry at how beautiful it is to feel so closely connected to another person. To be connected in this way to James—only James—the man I’ve been intrigued by ever since he moved in over a year ago.
My soapy fingers brush against his hard dick standing straight and proud, and I start to pull away. But then I repeat the action, growing bolder, teasing him by gripping him at the base under the guise of cleaning him off.
“Angel. My angel,” he whispers before cupping my face, tipping my head back, and pressing his lips against mine in a gentle kiss as I work my hand up and down, tightening my grip around his shaft when he rocks his hips and moans.
James slides his hands down to cup my breasts and squeeze them, making my milk bead at the tips. I’m forced to let go of his cock when he sits on the lip of the tub and positions me to stand between his legs. He takes over jacking his cock as he wraps his lips around my left nipple, suckling what’s left of my milk, and then drains the other side before bringing himself to completion.
I slick back his wet, black hair so I can see his striking blue eyes. They’re hooded and so soft for me, making my heart flip.
“James. My James,” I whisper so low that I’m not sure he heard me, but then he nods and pulls me in for a sweet kiss.
We part to wash his new release from our bodies. When we’re done and finish drying off, there’s no discussion about getting dressed and going home. He lifts me and lays me down naked in the middle of his bed, slides in beside me, and pulls the covers over us. Weeks worth of distress from sleeping apart have been washed away, replaced with a profound sense of relief and peace that I’ll get to sleep next to James tonight.
I roll onto my side to face him, and he cuddles up closer to me, draping his arm over my waist and around my back. I’m on the verge of sleep when questions I’ve had spinning in my mind about him for weeks now spring to the surface.
“James?” I whisper in case he’s already fallen asleep.
“Yeah?”
“Am I your first?”
“Yes,” he says with a hint of embarrassment. “I know it’s weird because of how old I am.”
“You’re not old, and I don’t think it’s weird. Surprising, maybe…” I trail off, trying to figure out how to word my other questions without sounding insecure. “Why did you wait so long? I’m sure you’ve had plenty of opportunities to be with other women. So why me?”
James plays with a loose strand of my hair and sighs. “I’ve always been nervous around girls. Women,” he says, and I hear the vulnerability in his voice. “If you think I’m nerdy now, just imagine what I was like when I was sixteen, even scrawnier back then, with a voice that would crack every other word.”
“But you’re not scrawny now.” I slip my hand down between us to drag along the length of his yet again half-erect cock, emphasizing my point. This man is a machine.
“Yeah, well, I never grew out of it. I tried putting myself out there. Went on a few dates once I got up the courage to ask someone out, but no one ever clicked for me. I didn’t want to have sex or any of the other stuff just for the sake of having done it. You, on the other hand…it was instantaneous. Damn near sent me to my knees, that’s how strong it was.”
“That first night when I came over to help you with Grayson?”
There’s a long pause, and he goes still, his fingers frozen in my hair. “No. It was the day I first saw you across the street, right after I moved in.”
“But I was seventeen and pregnant when you moved in.” For some reason, that fact gives me a little thrill, though it most definitely should not.
He groans. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know it at the time. I mean, I did know you were probably too young for me, but not that young, and I thought you were just extra curvy.”
I sit with that answer, still pleased, before asking, “Were you nervous around me?”
“The most nervous I’d ever been in my life. But you were—are—so beautiful, so sweet, and I wanted you so much that I’d give myself pep talks before you came over so I wouldn’t be a wreck around you.”
We fall silent as I scoot closer to him and press my lips to his smooth chest over his heart. I admit something that’s been swirling in my mind ever since we first started this strange relationship when I saw how he treated and cared for not just Grayson but Lainey and me as well. “I wish you were my first, too,” I confess tearfully.
He fists the back of my hair gently and tilts my head back. His brows pinch together as he looks me straight in the eye. “Hey, don’t talk like that. If I were your first, then we wouldn’t have our Angelainey.”
A tear falls from the corner of my eye, and I smile at him. “Our?” He nods, and another tear falls. “I never regretted her, you know? The first time I held her, I finally understood what people meant when they say their child is the light of their life. And what I said about wishing you were my first…I didn’t mean waiting until now to be with you. Just that I wish it were you and not Tyler who gave me Lainey. You’re a good man, a good uncle and guardian, and I know you’ll raise Grayson as your own, as his father. That’s what I want for Lainey, too.”
It’s a secret I’ve held onto from the moment he bought her that stuffed kitten she loves so much. I don’t think he knew he was looking at her like she was the most precious little girl in the whole world. He always looks at her that way. He looks at me similarly, like I’m precious to him as the woman I am. It had struck me then how much I wish I had made better choices. Had given her a better father.
James rolls me onto my back, pinning me to the mattress, but is careful to keep his weight off my sore thighs. He says with conviction, “She may not be mine biologically, but she is mine. My Angelainey.” I suck in a hopeful breath, and he presses a kiss to my lips. “I know it’s fast, that it might scare you, but I have to tell you that it broke my heart when I thought you were going to leave me and take her with you. I couldn’t bear the fact you might not want anything to do with me, and she would grow up not remembering me. Because I would always, always remember the two of you and how much you mean to me.”
Overwhelming emotion spills out of me as my tears fall faster and faster. I cup his face and pull him close, staring deep into his blue eyes. “I broke my own heart when I told you we needed to take a step back. It broke every night I spent in my own bed instead of here with you.”
He takes my lips in a sensual kiss, deepening it so that he is the air I breathe. I spread my legs, welcoming his hips to settle between mine, but he shakes his head and rolls us to our sides. “I know you’re sore, and I don’t want to hurt you. We’ve already been less than careful.”
My heart swells with adoration and so much more for this man. “Thank you. Thank you for caring about me and thinking of me even when I lost myself in the moment. Lost myself in you.” I wince inwardly when flashes of earlier flitter across my mind, of wrapping my legs around him and locking my ankles together, silently begging him with my body to cum inside me. I don’t know why I did it, only that my heart had pounded dizzyingly so at the thought of what would happen if he did.
Dangerous. Thrilling, but so, so dangerous.
I kiss him and straighten until the lengths of our bodies are pressed together. His breathing slows, and just before his body heat lulls me to sleep, I ask him, “Grayson is ours too, isn’t he?”
“Yes, he is. They’re both ours.”