Chapter 143
Teo lay beside me, tracing a finger along my spine. “Someone should tell NASA they could have saved a lot of money if they’d come here instead.”
“I’ll call them,” I said, smiling. “Just as soon as I’m done here.”
I had sped over to the apartment after a CAWS fundraiser, and we’d had desperate, half-clothed sex on the sofa before retreating to the bedroom, where we could do the whole thing again, only slower.
“Have I told you that you have a very pretty back?” said Teo as I studied the pictures.
“Once or twice,” I said, and wiggled my shoulder blades at him.
“I do have some bad news that may affect how often I see this pretty back of yours in the next few weeks.”
I craned my neck to look at him.
“My parents are coming. On Saturday.”
It took me a moment to realize what this meant. “Oh…” I said. “No apartment?”
He gave me a sad smile. “No apartment. For two weeks.”
We had generally avoided meeting at my place, for fear that Paul would come home unexpectedly or that Mary Lou or Laura or one of the other wives would stop by. “I guess there’s nothing stopping us from using my house,” I said as I turned over onto my back. “We’d just have to be careful.”
He ran the pad of his thumb along one of my nipples and we watched it harden. “Maybe this is the right time to tell Paul?” he said, softly.
I’d known I couldn’t put off this conversation forever, but I had somehow managed to convince myself I had more time.
“I’d like to introduce you to my parents,” Teo continued. “And my brothers are coming the second week. You could meet Violetta.”
“I’d love to meet her,” I said. “To meet all of them.”
He started to tell me about a boat trip his parents wanted to take, and how he hoped to bring me along. He was talking a lot, which meant he was nervous, and I could not resist him when he was nervous. I lifted my face to his and kissed him, but after a moment he pulled away.
“So, what do you think?” He gave me an anxious smile. “About telling Paul?”
“I don’t know what I’d say.”
“That we didn’t mean for this to happen? But that we love each other.”
That afternoon, Teo laid out a whole plan for us.
I would ask Paul for a divorce and move with Teo to Sassari, where we would marry once my divorce was finalized.
From there, I could apply for permanent residency and eventually Italian citizenship.
It was clear Teo had spent a lot of time thinking about this, and it was a solid plan.
A beautiful plan, even. Except for the fact that I’d botched one marriage so badly I couldn’t imagine immediately embarking on another.
“I was thinking,” I said, quietly, “about waiting to tell him.”
Teo nodded. It wasn’t so much a sign of agreement as an indication that he was trying to understand.
“Our pack-out date is the twenty-fifth of August, so I thought I could tell him a day or two before that.”
Teo didn’t say anything, so I kept talking. “We can go to all the goodbye parties and change-of-command ceremonies as husband and wife. No one will even have to know we’re going our separate ways, at least not right away.”
Teo pushed himself off the mattress and sat up.
“I just think it’d be cleaner—” I started to say, but he cut me off.
“Cleaner for who?”
“Well, Paul, mainly. And—”
“You?”
I sat up and wrapped my arms around his torso, felt his muscles tense. “I know it’s not ideal.”
“Not ideal?” he said with a laugh. “It’s insane. The driving back and forth, the sneaking around, the outright lying. The other weekend, I spent two days in this apartment, hoping you’d show up, and you never came.”
“I told you, I couldn’t get away.”
“I know. And I understand that. But what I can’t understand is why—if you know you want to leave him—you don’t do it.”
I didn’t understand it, either. I just knew that every time I thought about telling Paul the truth, my stomach bottomed out.
I didn’t want to hurt or humiliate him, that was part of it, but I think I was also scared for word of our breakup to get back to the wives.
Mary Lou and Laura and all of the other American women I’d met in La Maddalena had invited me into this strange sisterhood, and as soon as I left Paul, I knew I’d lose them, too.
“I can’t explain it,” I said, resting my cheek against Teo’s back. “I just need more time.”
Teo bent his head.
“I can still go out on the boat. I’ll tell Paul I’ve got something to do. If we’re back by six, I don’t even have to tell him anything.”
Now who was talking too much?
“I know it shouldn’t matter,” he said, softly, “but I had this picture in my head. The two of us were with my parents, and I was telling them that we were getting married, and I know I was getting ahead of myself, but I was so happy, you know?”
I smiled, in spite of all my misgivings. “You can still tell them that.”
“I can’t,” he said slowly, then removed my hands from his waist. “Because you’re someone else’s wife.”
He stood, and the newspaper fell to the floor. The photographs of Mars stared up at us.
“You know,” he said, “I think it’s absurd that the Americans are sending tiny spaceships to a planet that’s two hundred and twenty-five million kilometers away from Earth. Is it not enough that you’ve conquered the whole world?”