Chapter Eleven
I only have now , I thought to myself as I stared at the towering wall of glass before me. There is only this moment. Now, this moment. And this moment. On and on it will go. A series of moments. But now is all they are. There is no sense in worrying about the future.
Holding Rune's hand while we watched deep sea marine life float by, I felt the now sharply. Like a knife in the gut. Or maybe a two-sided sword would be more accurate. One edge was sweet, so blissfully sweet. And the other stung like a bitch. Why did Rune have to be so perfect for me?
I had to remind myself that he was perfect for the now me. Rune might lose his shine after a few decades. I could change. He could change. What am I talking about? There was no “could” about it. We had to change to survive eternity. Like the shark swimming past us, if we stopped moving, we'd be dead in the water.
I knew from experience that such changes could destroy relationships.
So, I had to embrace the now and be happy with it. Even if there were no Hermes, my relationship with Rune would most likely have been temporary. I should just pretend that was the case. That Hermes wasn't an issue.
Rune leaned down to whisper in my ear, “Is it wrong that I want to shove you into one of these dark nooks, lift your skirt, and slide into you?”
A shiver ran through me. The man knew how to make a woman want him.
“With all the children around, yes, it's wrong,” I whispered back. “But a quick kiss wouldn't be.”
Rune grinned and drew me away from the vast aquarium and down a dark corridor. It took him a few seconds to find an alcove and angle me into it. Then he was blocking the hallway with his bulk and bending down to claim the kiss I'd suggested.
The decadence of it. The beauty. I sank into the sweet passion. Rune's warm arms fought back the chill of the a/c, and the darkness made it all the better. With him pressed against me, I could pretend we were alone. My leg lifted to curl around his.
Someone cleared their throat.
Rune jerked away from me to snarl over his shoulder.
A woman shrieked and ran off, clutching her little boy to her side.
“Oh, fuck,” Rune muttered. “I'm sorry, Ma'am,” he called after her. “You startled me.”
I laughed my ass off.
“It's not funny.” Rune took my hand and led me in the opposite direction of the woman. “She's probably calling security.”
I kept laughing.
“Lora.”
I had to stop so I could brace a hand on my thigh.
Rune snorted. “All right, maybe it was a little funny. Come on, Chuckles.” He helped me up and took my hand. “I think our aquarium excursion is over.”
“Oh, please. This place is massive. Let's just go to another pier. I still want to see the coastline exhibit or whatever it's called.”
“You mean the one with waves crashing over rocks?”
“Yeah, but you can see below the waves, and they have all the interesting critters that live in the shallows.”
“You like the shallows, eh?” He led me out of the aquarium and toward the exhibit I wanted to see.
“It's safer than deep water,” I murmured.
“Yeah, but you can't grow there. Risk the deep, and you can become a badass.”
“Maybe I just want to flourish quietly and stay small.”
Rune went silent for a few moments, then said, “I don't think that's possible for you, Lo. You're meant to shine.”
“Lo?” I focused on that instead of the warm joy his words gave me. “You tell me I can't be small while you give me a nickname that says otherwise.”
“Lo as in L O. As in lo' and behold. Not L O W.”
I chuckled. “Fair enough.”
“And you're hardly low or small, Ms. Gallery Owner.”
“I do all right,” I admitted with a grin.
“How many men have you been with?”
“What?” I scowled at him.
“Sorry. That just came out.”
“How many women have you been with?” I shot back.
“If we're talking about sex, a lot,” he admitted. “But if we're talking about relationships, none. You're the closest so far.”
I stopped walking.
He stopped and looked at the ground.
“Rune, you've never had a relationship?”
He shrugged.
“Rune.” I pulled on his hand.
Rune looked at me, a lopsided grin spreading. “I've been waiting for the right girl.”
Holy. Shit.
“Rune, I can't leave him.”
His expression crumpled, and he stiffened. “I know.”
In a whisper, I added, “I'd like to.”
A broken breath passed over his lips.
“I still care about him,” I went on. “But I don't love him anymore. He crushed that a long time ago. Still, he gave me eternity and a certain amount of freedom. I can't end things with him.”
Rune nodded. “I know. You've already said.”
“But I can promise you that when he returns, there will be nothing romantic between us.”
Rune's eyes narrowed. “Only sex.”
“Yes.” I lifted my chin. “There would be sex. Meaningless sex. Sex as different from what we have as you can get.”
His shoulders tightened so much that he hunched forward. “I can't . . . Lora, I can't think about this right now.”
“All right. I'm sorry I brought him up. It felt as if you were taking us further, and I couldn't let you do that without reminding you of what it would mean. That would be wrong.”
Rune's expression smoothed and his stare went tender. “Thank you. And I'm sorry. This must be hard for you too.”
“You mean being unable to commit myself fully to someone I truly want to be with?” I laughed mirthlessly. “No, it's totally fine.”
He snorted. But then it went deeper, really registered. “Fuck.” He blinked. “At least I could move on. But you . . .”
“Yeah. I have to find someone who loves me enough to deal with Hermes or satisfy myself with brief relationships.”
“Shit.”
I shrugged. “It can be lonely, but I have too much to be grateful for to complain. Love isn't everything.”
“No,” Rune murmured, looking distracted for a moment. “Not everything, but it's more important than you think.”
“What does that mean?”
“Nothing.” He smiled and tugged on my hand. “Let's go look at your tidal pools exhibit.”
“Tidal pools! That's what it's called.”