Chapter Twenty-Five
After my meal, I went to lie down and fell asleep for a few hours. I dreamed of Argus, the giant Hermes killed. Myths said he had many eyes, but he was just a very big man blessed by a goddess and charged with a task that shouldn't have been so important. I'd always thought it was silly. A man guarding a woman so another man wouldn't cheat on his wife with her. It wasn't as if it stopped him from cheating with other women.
It was all before my time. I only knew about it because Hermes told me. But in my dream, I was there. I saw Lo, the captive nymph, crying for her divine lover. She curled into a ball and wept endlessly. Argus didn't care. He had a duty, and that was all that mattered to him. Hera was all that mattered to him. And Hera wasn't like me. She wouldn't accept that relationships changed. She was a goddess, she could have taken lots of lovers, but it wasn't about love for her. It was about pride. Or maybe it was just a game. Gods play games all the time. It helps ease eternity.
I saw Hermes in my dream. He played a stringed instrument and lulled Argus to sleep. He could have simply freed Lo then. But he had been asked to kill the giant. So after Argus was asleep, Hermes beheaded him. My dream focused on Hermes's face when he did it. His expression was smug. He'd been delighted to best the giant that no one could get past. Delighted to kill him. Because death was nothing to a god. It was all about winning.
That terrible smile drove me out of sleep. I woke shivering, stare searching the darkness for Hermes. I had slept the day away, and that was always disconcerting, but that dream had unsettled me. I sat up and reached for the lamp on the bedside table. Light seeped into the room, golden and soft. No Hermes in sight.
And yet, my heart still raced.
Merrick had reminded me of Hermes when he said that I belonged to them. I think that, more than anything, had been what prompted me to strike him. I shouldn't have. Violence was never the answer. But it had felt good. As if I were striking Merrick and Hermes at the same time.
“You belong to me now,” Hermes's voice echoed through my memories. “Forget what came before. Your life is mine. And I take care of what's mine. You will live forever, Lomasi. You will never age, remaining as beautiful as you are in this moment.”
Hermes had saved me from a natural death but also an unnatural death numerous times. He had killed for me. Cursed for me. Turn cities into ruins for me. But I was starting to wonder if any of it had been about me at all. Maybe I had continued to be a challenge to him, even after I gave him my virginity. Maybe it was my blood, the warrior in me who wanted to be free. I kept pushing at him, and he kept reeling me in tighter. Hermes had saved me because he loved me, but maybe, just maybe, he had done it to tighten the noose around my neck too. He knew me well. Hermes had seen my loyalty to my family and tribe. He knew that once he won it, it would be his forever. That he could walk all over me, and I would make excuses for him. Because as much as I said I didn't believe in holding onto the bad things in the past, I did believe in holding onto the good. I built a mental monument to goodness. I clung to it. That shouldn't be a bad thing, but it was if it blinded me to the truth.
“No,” I whispered. “Stop it, Lora. You are strong. You have always been strong. Hermes never abused you. He loved you. He still loves you. He just loves sex more.”
A shiver went down my spine. I had spoken his name too many times lately. It was never a good idea to talk about the Messenger God. All Gods could listen to you when you invoked their name. It was their choice, of course, but they could do it. Which meant that Hermes could have heard everything we'd said about him.
“Unlikely,” I muttered. “If he had, he'd be here. Because if he didn't care enough to come, then he wouldn't have cared enough to listen.”
Still, I determined to not mention his name again.
I got out of bed and went to the en suite to shower. The wet heat helped. I felt revived when I stepped out of the stall. A fresh set of clothes finished my transformation into a normal person. Well, as normal as an immortal could be.
I was just applying a bit of perfume when a knock came at the door.
“Come in,” I called.
Merrick walked in. He shut the door behind him.
I stared at him. Merrick wasn't as beautiful as Braxen, but he was nearly as handsome as Rune. Sure, his lips were a little harsh, especially when he had them pressed into a thin line as they were now. But his emerald eyes were bright and framed by thick lashes. The sharpness of his features enhanced his masculinity. There was no denying his appeal. To a normal woman, he'd be on par with a movie star. But I had been the lover of a god.
Just like Shania, I wasn't impressed.
What did impress me was the way he determinedly relaxed his face and stepped forward. His hands unclenched and his lips parted. “Lora, I'm sorry.”
I nodded. “So am I. I shouldn't have hit you. I apologize.”
“Don't,” he said. “I needed it. I was out of line.”
“Then I accept your apology, Merrick.”
“I, uh, I was hoping you'd be hungry. I know you ate before your nap, but maybe—”
“I can eat,” I interrupted. “What do you have in mind?”
A blush crept up his neck, and I gaped at it. The color was so bizarre on him, so out of place.
“I cooked. It's set up in my room. Would you like to join me?”
“You cooked?” I went over to him. “Are you a good cook?”
Merrick stiffened. “I've cooked for you before.”
“I know, but that was all three of you. And I'm not trying to insult you.” I pushed at his shoulder. “I'm a terrible cook, so I'm hoping you're better than me.”
“Oh.” He softened again. “I think I'm pretty good. I made pan-seared trout and a roasted chicken in case you don't like fish.”
“I love fish—trout, in particular.”
Merrick smiled. It came slowly, creeping up on his face with the look of a rare occurrence. It wasn't a great shift like Braxen's smile had been, nothing soul-shaking. But it relaxed me. It helped me see him as more than the angry, alpha man I thought he was.
I smiled back.
“Uh.” Merrick cleared his throat. “This way.”
He didn't try to take my hand, just led me down the hallway to his bedroom. Merrick opened the door and waved me inside. I entered a dark room, lit only by a few candles on a small table near the balcony. The balcony doors were shut, but they were made of glass, so the clear night sky could be seen. Stars. Shit, that meant I had slept longer than I thought. I glanced around, my stare flitting over a very masculine bed with thick wooden posts, a simple dresser, and a reading nook with a recliner. Finally, I caught sight of a clock. It was nearly 10:30.
How long had he been keeping the food warm?
“Please,” Merrick said as he pulled out a chair for me.
I sat down and smoothed my hands over the white linen tablecloth. The plates were fine china, there was real silverware, and a bottle of champagne was chilling in a bucket on a rolling cart next to the table. The cart also held several platters of food. In addition to the trout and chicken, there were mashed potatoes, broccoli, and bread.
“Would you like me to make you a plate?” Merrick asked.
“Please,” I said.
He filled a plate with a bit of everything, then set it before me. “Champagne?”
“Sure.”
Merrick opened the bottle and poured some into our glasses. Only after I took a sip and sighed happily did he make his own plate.
“This smells incredible,” I said. “Thank you for going through so much trouble for me.”
“You're welcome.”
“So, uh, what's the plan with the Host?”
Merrick grimaced. “I searched the traffic cams in the area and all I could find was Kaleo Chang, no one else with him. I was able to trace him back to his hotel. I'm still going through the footage from the hotel to see if I can link him to someone else. And I'll hack into the police files later to see what they find.”
“You can hack into the police database?”
He smirked.
“Oh, all right. You've got skills, huh?”
“A few.”
We ate in silence for a few minutes. It wasn't a comfortable silence, like how I felt with Braxen. This was more awkward. A silence waiting to be filled. Anxious for words. But neither of us had the right ones.
Finally, Merrick said, “I'm an asshole. I know it.”
I burst out laughing.
He grimaced. “But you're not an easy woman either.”
“If by easy, you mean someone who will obey your every command, then no. Far from it. But if by easy, you mean a promiscuous person, then it's an even bigger no with an added, 'how dare you' tacked on.”
Merrick snorted a laugh. “Not the second one.”
“Good.”
“Look, I don't want you to obey me. I just want you to listen when I'm trying to help you. I want to protect you, Lora. My instincts told me to keep you in the house, but I let myself get talked out of it. I was so mad when you were attacked. Mad at myself and you. We've been hunting these people for weeks now. We know more than you do about them. You should have trusted us.”
“I did trust you. I trusted you to guard me while I went to work.”
Merrick sighed. “I don't know how to love a woman.”
“So, you're gay?”
“What?” He looked baffled. “No. I just—”
I laughed. “I'm teasing you.”
“Oh.”
“I'm sorry. I shouldn't tease you when you're trying to be serious with me.”
“I'm not a virgin, Lora. I've been with women. Many women.”
“Okay, TMI.”
“But never for more than a week. Just long enough to know that they weren't my mate.” He cleared his throat and added, “That they weren't you.”
“You're certain now?”
Merrick sighed and looked away. “When I saw you with that man, I knew for certain.”
“Kaleo? You mean when you spied on my date?”
“We were . . .” He grimaced. “All right, yes, we were spying on you. And yes, that's when I realized that Rune was wrong to leave you. I knew you were the one. I knew it because I didn't care about Hermes anymore. His connection to you didn't matter. And because I was so angry I nearly hurt that human. The only thing that saved him was that he didn't try to kiss you or enter your home. He walked away. Still, I was upset when I approached you.”
“Yeah, you were,” I murmured, seeing his aggression in a new light. “You were jealous.”
Merrick pressed his lips together.
“You've never been jealous, have you?”
“No,” he said. “I've never felt a lot of the things I've been feeling around you. For you.”
“You know, I'm limited to my perspective. We all are. But sometimes talking can help us see things from someone else's point of view. I needed to see yours, Merrick. It changes things.”
“It does?”
“Yes. I've been seeing this as strange and scary. I'm afraid of losing control of my life and of what it will be like to love three men. But I've never thought about how scary it would be to have my heart follow the dictates of another. Rune fell in love with me, not you. You were forced into feeling love. I would be angry too. I'd feel out of control. Love shouldn't be forced.”
Merrick stared at me for a few seconds, his expression pensive. “I'm not angry about that. You're trying to see my point of view, and I appreciate that. But even your attempt is colored by your perspective. You don't understand what it's like to be part of us. My heart wasn't forced to follow Rune's. Rune fell in love, and we felt it, yes, but we also felt why he fell in love. We saw you through Rune before we met you. And it was that perspective, coupled with the emotion we felt in him, that has turned our hearts toward you. At least, that's what it's like for me. It wasn't a sudden, magical blast of emotion that I was forced to feel. It was more of an awareness and then the opportunity to make my own journey. The destination was inevitable, sure, but I haven't gotten there yet. And it's my journey, not Rune's.”
“Our journey,” I whispered.
Merrick lifted his glass. “To our journey.”
I clicked my glass against his and sipped. Champagne felt appropriate for the moment. I didn't have to be in love instantly with Rune's packmates. I could get there at my pace, and Merrick wouldn't rush me. Because he was pacing himself too.