Chapter 5
Rudy
My entire body felt like it was being pulled apart, pushing beneath my skin to expand.
I ran toward the access door that led to the basement.
To my room. It was coming and coming fast. I gritted my teeth as my jaw ached to grow, and my teeth started lengthening.
My vision was going pink, and I could feel a roar building from the very depths of my soul.
The loose shirt I wore tightened around my biceps and chest.
My door! I ran inside and threw it shut, hurriedly fastening the collection of locks, chains, and deadbolts, my hands already shaking and claws pushing through the ends of my fingers.
I tried to slow my breaths and calm myself, but it was too far past that now.
This should feel natural; I should be used to it, but it didn’t, and I wasn’t.
It felt like an intrusion or invasion, something over which I had no control.
Every inch of my body itched as hair pushed through and my skin grew taut.
That was the worst of it. I could handle the pain of my bones shifting, but the hair…
the intense need to scratch and tear at my flesh as it broke through, giving me a coat of coarse, long black fur everywhere, was enough to drive a person mad.
The baggy jeans I wore shrank as if they were being vacuum-sealed to my body.
Only it wasn’t the fabric that was changing, but me.
A loud snarl released from me as I stood there on two legs, feeling my human mind get shoved down to a place where a much more primal version of myself existed, thriving on instincts.
Instincts that I was never very good at.
One singular thought came to the surface. A thought that drove my beast with an intensity I’d never experienced.
“Mine!” The word came out through a roar, no longer sounding the least bit human. Mine. Mine. Mine. The thought filled every part of my being. I could feel the need in my beast, the desperation, but I was helpless to do anything about it.
He wasn’t a separate being; we were meant to be one, but sometimes it seemed like it. I could watch through his eyes and could feel what he felt, but once I shifted fully, I couldn’t do anything to steer or influence him, I merely had to bear witness, if I was even able to do that much.
The fury and frenzy building within were unleashed upon my room.
Claws dented the steel door before turning to my mattress, flipping it over.
Next came my dresser. Drawers yanked out and thrown across the room, clattering against the floor as clothes went flying everywhere.
There wasn’t much else that could be destroyed in my room. I kept things minimal for that reason.
Pacing. Growling. My body was thrown against the metal bedroom door once more, in an effort to try to escape. Luckily, the beast was far too animal-minded at this point to be able to focus on undoing the locks.
“Need out!” I felt the words roll through me in a roar. The pain in my claws as they slammed into the steel over and over barely registered.
My head tilted back, and a blaring roar ripped through me. “MIIIIINNNE!”
I felt it in my chest, deep in my gut, in every cell of my being. I felt the claim, but I was too buried within myself to understand what my beast was claiming. I only understood that need wasn’t a big enough word.
A light tap sounded on the other side of the door, and my teeth snapped together with a snarl.
“Rudolph? Are you all right?”
The voice. I knew the voice. It was a friend, but it didn’t matter at that moment. “Open. Door.” I bit out.
“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea right now. Do you need anything?”
“Need the FUCK out!” The words were punctuated with a roar.
“I’m sorry, friend, I can’t do that. But I’ll have some food and something cold to drink waiting for you when you can calm down.”
My arm pulled back and slammed into the door with as much force as my beast could muster, adding another dent to the collection.
A light thud sounded against the door. “I’ll be back to check on you in a bit.”
My mattress was thrown once again as I paced like a caged animal.
Caged. I was caged. Trapped. Both within and without.
Powerful and powerless at the same time.
The rage and fury of it all filled me, and was all I could see.
The next hours passed by in a blind frenzy.
I didn’t even know how long it had been.
Exhaustion was woven into every inch of my body.
My head hurt; my skin hurt. My fingers and knuckles felt raw.
My senses returned to my control, and I found myself curled up on the cold cement floor of my basement room.
Ellie was tucked against my side as she often did when I found myself back in human form.
I didn’t know how she knew or how she got into a room a werewolf couldn’t escape, but she did.
I ran my hand along her scaled back, grateful for the comfort she offered.
The little dragon would show up when I was at my worst, and I would wake up to find her at my side.
My throat was raw, and my voice was raspy when I croaked, “Thank you, Ellie.”
She rubbed her head against my hand before uncurling her body and stretching her wings. After studying me with those reptilian eyes, she gave a nod and walked toward my door. I wasn't ready to move yet, so I didn’t see how she left, but I knew she was gone.
Not being alone in a vulnerable moment was no small comfort.
I was often disoriented and weak, especially after a bad bout like I’d had today.
There was nothing worse than waking up and not knowing where you were or what you’d been doing, and having someone—even a small mythical creature—be there as I came back to myself was a balm on my weary soul.
Pushing myself up to a sitting position, I held my head as it throbbed from the motion.
As much as I was a passenger when my beast took over, watching through his eyes, I wasn’t always fully aware or conscious within.
I would wake with little to no memory, depending on how long I’d been in my shifted form.
A heavy sigh left me as I looked at the state of my room.
Clothes had been strewn all over, some in tatters.
My metal dresser was going to need to be pounded out again so the drawers would be able to slide back in.
My mattress stood on end against the wall, but luckily it seemed relatively unscathed.
I looked at my hands as I flexed and curled my knuckles.
No, by the feel of them, my beast definitely didn’t waste his time hitting anything soft.
Fuck, I was so sore. And tired and lightheaded.
I forced myself to stand up, staggering as a wave of dizziness hit me, and climbed the steps up to the steel door.
The stiffness in my joints felt as if I had just climbed five hundred steps instead of five.
I could barely lift my arm as I reached to undo the multiple locks.
Two of the chain locks had been snapped, but thankfully, the others held. I would have to replace and reinforce.
Outside my door was a tray with a cloche and two carafes.
One with ice water and the other with what looked like apple juice.
Grabbing the tray, I retreated into my room, unwilling to see anyone if they came back to my apartment, and sat on the steps.
It was the only thing I had that worked as a chair in the lower room, aside from the mattress I usually kept on the ground, but I wasn’t yet in a position to try to move or clean anything.
Setting the tray beside me, I took the water carafe and put it to my lips, gulping down the icy water. It was refreshing and helped soothe my sore throat and clear my mind a little. Before taking the cloche off the plate to see what had been left for me, I opened the folded note next to it.
“Rest and replenish, but come see me when you’re ready—Maxime.” His name was signed in that big, angled cursive that looked like it could have been written on parchment and sealed with wax.
My hands went to my cheeks to cover the red flaring in them. Shit. This was bad. This was a really bad one. Was this the moment I became more of a liability than I was worth? Would they ask me to leave? The thought made my stomach sink even more than it already had. Where would I even go?
I tried to push the thought aside. Maybe I would feel better if I got my blood sugar back up. Coming out of a shift when my energy was low and my belly was empty always left me feeling a little dejected. Although it wasn’t unusual for doubt to creep in, even when I hadn’t recently shifted. Sigh.
After a swig of the apple juice, savoring the sweetness that flowed over my tongue, I took the cover off the plate to find a whole serving bowl full of beef stew with big chunks of meat, carrots, and potatoes.
The smell hit me, and my stomach growled nearly as loud as my wolf had earlier.
I shoveled the stew into my mouth as quickly as I could, letting the warmth and meatiness of it seep into my body, pushing away the cobwebs.
By the time I was done eating, the throb in my head had dulled, and I was starting to feel mostly back to normal.
My hands still ached from the brutal punishment they’d endured, but they would mend.
Pain was nothing new. After finding clothes out of the rubble in my room, I went to the outer room beyond the metal door.
The upper room was where my living room and bathroom were, all the amenities I couldn’t risk damaging when I was locked away.