Chapter Four Wrapped Up in Books
It’s book club night and I’m looking forward to seeing the group again. Joining them was one of my first attempts at rebuilding my life last year, and although Patty scoffed that book clubs were for older people, this group is fun and we’ve had some great times together. Even though it’s held in a pub, Patty has no interest in coming along, so I pop on my coat and make my way to the Rose and Crown. It’s a cool dark night and the fresh air is invigorating. Our first week back at work has been tremendous and we’ve been inundated with bookings, but I’ve hardly had time to look up. Happily, after the first day, my mother hasn’t been back and I haven’t heard from her either. I get a pang of guilt, hoping that she’s not feeling too down, and decide that I’ll pop over and see Mum and Dad at the weekend. But right now, this is my time.
The pub is quiet when I get there, probably the result of people doing Dry January. Although I feel yet more guilt for not ordering something alcoholic with potentially more profit for the licensee, I really don’t want alcohol so order crisps and dry roasted nuts with my tonic water. I didn’t want the snacks either but at least I feel I’ve made a decent contribution to the coffers.
‘She brings food,’ exclaims Ed as I plonk my purchases down. ‘Excellent antidote to all the salad I’ve endured for the past couple of days. Why do we do it?’
‘Because we’ve overindulged right through December?’ suggests a new member I haven’t met before. ‘I know I have.’
She introduces herself as Sarah, and as I take a seat we all welcome her and give our names.
‘I think it’s just about retaking control,’ says Caroline. ‘Deep down, none of us want to be unhealthy — we want to be well and this is a core value for us. When we’ve a sustained period of overindulgence, we’re acting against our own values and our subconscious doesn’t like that so we try to get back to acting in the direction that we actually want to go.’
Caroline has trained to be a life coach and has been very supportive to me, but her words now just leave the table in a stunned silence.
‘Or it could be that we just can’t fasten our trousers anymore,’ says Peter, getting a gentle laugh from the group.
Peter is Charlie’s other half and there couldn’t be a more loving, gorgeous couple in the world. They’re perfect for each other and I’m delighted to have played a role in getting them together on one of the Mercury trips. In fact, I’ve been the matchmaker to everyone here. Caroline and Ed have started seeing each other too and although it’s very new, they seem well suited. Caroline wasn’t sure about getting together with him after my own failed relationship with Ed, but I could see that they would be happy so encouraged her right from the start. I wish I were as good at sorting out my own love life.
‘Shall we start?’ asks Ed, and we’re all keen to start talking books.
We aren’t discussing a particular book today; instead, we’re putting together a list of titles to read over the first half of the year. We have diverse tastes, so it isn’t always easy picking something that everyone might enjoy. We often choose the classics because most people know the story but haven’t actually read the book. Over December we read the Dickens classic A Christmas Carol, which I must have seen a thousand times but never read. While I kept imagining Alastair Sim as Scrooge, Peter told me that he had the muppet version in his head!
‘I know I’m new,’ says Sarah with a little trepidation, ‘but do you mind if I make a suggestion?’
Everyone instantly says ‘of course, please do’ — although there’s a definite edge of unease as we have no idea what genre she enjoys. I’m mentally practising a positive facial reaction just in case she picks something I hate. Which is exactly what she does.
‘There’s a book called Only Love Can Hurt Like This,’ she says. I note our group taking discreet glances at each other. ‘It’s about finding love after losing it,’ adds Sarah. ‘Although it may be a bit of a weepie.’
Ed clears his throat. ‘I’m sure it’s good but I probably wouldn’t enjoy something too sad, if that’s okay with you. Do you have any other ideas?’
I can almost feel the collective sigh of relief as Sarah nods her understanding.
‘I do have a more uplifting idea,’ she says. ‘There’s a book I’ve been planning to read for ages, about a couple who hit rock bottom and find their way by walking the South West coastal path.’
‘I know that one and it’s always among the bestsellers in my bookshop. It’s called The Salt Path,’ says Caroline. ‘It’s by Raynor Winn and I’ve heard fabulous things about it.’
I’ve relaxed a little now I know for sure it isn’t sci-fi, but I have to say, a book about walking doesn’t really float my boat any more than a weepie. It sounds a bit dull but I hold my piece, waiting for the others’ reactions.
‘They just walk? For the whole book?’ asks Ed, echoing my thoughts again. ‘That wouldn’t normally appeal but if you think it’s worthwhile then I’m happy to give it a go.’
‘Charlie will be terrified if he sees me reading about a long-distance walk,’ says Peter, laughing. ‘He’ll think I’m going to be inspired and drag him out to buy hiking boots.’
‘You’ll definitely have to pretend you are,’ I say. ‘I can just imagine him panicking because none of the walking gear flatters his colouring.’
‘Worth reading for that alone,’ says Peter. ‘Okay — it’s a thumbs up from me.’
And so I add my vote and it goes on the list.
‘Did anyone get any good books for Christmas?’ I ask. ‘There might be one that a few of us got or we all want to read. I got Demon Copperhead, which I can’t wait to start reading.’
‘Hmm,’ says Sarah. ‘I’m not sure I fancy that. I know it’s won awards but that’s not always a sign that it’s good, is it?’
I frown at her and am about to say that, actually, it is usually a sign that it’s good, but around me I notice a muted murmur of agreement, suggesting that Barbara Kingsolver isn’t going to make it onto our list. Although I love her writing, I already know that Ed is far more of a murder-mystery buff, Peter is a fan of historical fiction and Caroline enjoys romance. However, in the spirit of the club, I’m still sure that it would have been at least considered without Sarah’s comment.
‘We should pick something to tie in with another trip for later in the year,’ says Caroline, moving the conversation on and obviously trying to throw me a bone after my idea has been rejected.
‘Angie runs a travel agency,’ Ed explains to Sarah. ‘And last year we picked a couple of books linked to a location and we all went on a trip there for the actual meeting. It was great fun, so we’ve decided that we’ll do two a year and the first is at the end of the month.’
Sarah gives a quiet nod but says no more.
‘We try to support each other’s businesses,’ I add. ‘We buy our books from Caroline too. What do you do?’
‘I run a tea shop not far from the canal,’ she says. ‘It’s just a small place but you’d all be welcome and I’m sure we could do you a discount on the cakes.’
That gets a far more hearty response than any book is likely to tonight.
‘Sounds wonderful, and we should definitely hold one of our meetings there if you want us to,’ says Caroline. ‘But there’s no need for a discount — we’re all small-business owners and we know how tough it can be.’
‘Then I’ll just give you all bigger slices,’ Sarah says with a smile. She raises her glass and we clink a toast. I think our new member might fit in rather well.
Ed picks up the thread of travel again and I realise he’s been determined to get one of his choices onto the list. There’s an obvious theme as he suggests several Dan Browns and Umberto Eco’s The Name of the Rose.
‘I’m guessing you’re after a trip to Italy,’ I say, to which he holds his palms up.
‘Mea culpa.’
‘I like the idea of Rome but I find Umberto Eco’s writing style really difficult to read and I’ve finished all of the Robert Langdon series so I’d like something different,’ says Peter.
‘And does it have to be a thriller?’ I ask, knowing this genre is Ed’s passion. ‘After all, we’re already reading a dark crime for the Lake District trip.’
‘Okay,’ sighs Ed. ‘If the group is keen on Rome then I’ll research something other than crime and come back to everyone later.’
He gets a nod of thanks from everyone and we move back to our list, putting on Caroline’s choice — a romantic comedy — and a historical fiction novel about the burning of the Pendle witches for Peter.
‘That’s quite a range for the start of the year,’ says Sarah. ‘I wouldn’t have chosen any of your books myself, so I’m really looking forward to them.’
I know everyone’s taste in books, so the only real surprise for me is Sarah’s choice. I’m not sure when I’m going to get the chance to enjoy my beloved Demon Copperhead with all these others to read — I’ll probably have to get the audiobooks and listen in the car.
Having completed our task, we order another round of drinks and conversation turns to finding out more about Sarah.
‘Are you married?’ asks Caroline.
‘No, not anymore. My husband and I divorced last year,’ she replies. ‘I decided I needed to get out and about more — hence coming here.’
I empathise immediately and explain that I was in the same boat not long ago.
‘It’s hard, isn’t it?’ she says, and I nod. It really is.
‘But no matter how it feels now,’ I tell her, ‘it does get better.’
‘In fact, Angie bagged herself a new man in time for New Year,’ Peter tells her and I feel myself blush.
‘Not entirely true,’ I say.
‘He stalked her for a year doing her garden,’ he continues. ‘Imagine having Monty Don hiding in your bush.’
I give him a slap on the thigh as the others laugh at his innuendo.
‘He’s just a friend,’ I tell everyone, protecting myself in case I never hear from him.
‘Well, you’re welcome to bring him to the café,’ says Sarah.
I think that might actually be a good suggestion if I ever do speak to Michael. After all, supporting a new friend’s business seems a harmless enough ‘date’.
As the evening draws to a close, I swap numbers with Sarah so I can put her on our WhatsApp group, then I give each of my old friends and my new one a kiss on the cheek and head home. I walk slowly and find Michael’s contact details on my phone. But although it’s illogical as he’s probably still up, it’s late, and there’s always that thought at the back of my head that a phone call late at night means bad news. I think I got that irrational fear from my mother — alongside the many superstitions she drilled into me, like saluting magpies and throwing salt over my shoulder if I ever spilt any. And even though I get really annoyed with myself for having to clean up even more salt from the floor, I can’t stop doing it. My mother has a lot to answer for.
I put my phone away but promise myself that I won’t let it go a full week before I call Michael; deep down, I hope that he calls me first. I’ve realised that I’m not great at reading romantic signals and I’m scared of making that call and him not actually remembering who I am. I close my eyes tightly then tilt my head to the sky, and on the first star I see, I whisper the rhyme I used to say as a child, ‘Star light, star bright, grant me a wish tonight — let Michael call me.’
I laugh out loud at my own ridiculousness and check to see if anyone has been watching. Fortunately I have been allowed a solitary moment of madness. I look back up at the star and it seems to twinkle back at me as if saying, Are you five or fifty?It’s your love life — you sort it out!
I reach Patty’s house and before I’ve even put the key in the door, it swings open and she’s standing there, looking jubilant. I can hear music blasting from the living room behind her. It’s Cher’s ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’.
‘Are you having a party?’ I ask as she ushers me in, pulling the coat from my back.
‘We both are,’ she says with a huge grin. ‘The Granny-Okies got the cruise gig!’