Chapter 2
TWO
LUNA
The dead of night is a bad time for guilt.
It often comes in waves, the silence and solitude no match for the voices in my head that remind me of all the bad things I have done in my past. During the day, I can distract myself and keep myself busy enough to briefly forget all the sins and secrets that have got me the life I have now.
But then everyone goes to sleep, everything falls quiet and that’s when the bit of my brain that worries that this will all be taken away from me comes out to play.
You’re a bad person.
You don’t deserve your family.
Reid is going to find out what you have done. Then he’ll leave you, taking the children with him. He’ll go back to Sadie, while you’ll go to prison. You’ll be alone again. You’ll never have any happiness.
It’s what you deserve.
Those are just a few of the thoughts running through my tired mind as midnight approaches and I find myself wide awake, downstairs in the house I worked so hard to get into.
The house I managed to remove Sadie from.
The house where I live with her family, the one I targeted after becoming obsessed with them all whilst delivering parcels here in my day job.
I did it. I achieved my goal. I have a family now.
I just wish I didn’t have to worry about all the things I did to get it.
The fire. The framing. The murder.
It’s a lot to have to deal with but deal with it I must. I cannot share my burden with anybody else because to do so would be self-destructive.
If I tell a single soul about the things I have done, I will be arrested.
Better to stay quiet and keep what I have, even if it means living the rest of my life looking over my shoulder, paranoia perched on there, poking and prodding at me at every turn.
I don’t want to worry forever. It’s not healthy and health has to be my priority these days, more so than it has ever been. That’s because it’s not just me who depends on my body now.
The baby I am carrying inside myself is too.
I only recently found out I was pregnant with Reid’s child, and it was a joyous moment when I told him the news earlier tonight.
He hugged me and told me that he was happy, and I could see he meant it.
He also told me that he was excited for us to welcome a little brother or sister for the two children he already has.
Arthur and Ruby are the kids he had with Sadie – the kids I get to live with now instead of her.
But best of all, he told me that this baby would be ours and have nothing to do with his ex, which made me feel good because I know it is true.
I might have taken Sadie’s husband and two children from her, but they will always be tethered to her by genetics and history.
But this new child, the unborn baby growing bigger every day, has nothing to do with her.
It will not share her DNA or any of her traits.
It’s just mine and Reid’s, a brand-new start, and therefore, whatever happens, she cannot lay claim to this part of the family.
I feel good about that fact, but I know I won’t feel good if I stay up all night, so I should go back to bed.
I only got up to come down to the garage and put back the two items I had taken to the woods with me earlier this evening.
They were a pair of hedge clippers and a shovel, and they were the things I had planned to kill and bury Sadie with if she had fallen into the trap that I had set for her.
I’d lured her to the woods under false pretences, using Reid’s phone to pretend that he was inviting her to come and see him and the children there.
But really it was me, enticing Sadie so I could get her alone and finish her off, removing her as a potential threat and giving me one less enemy to worry about for the rest of my life.
I was so close to achieving that objective because Sadie did make it to the woods.
But something made her turn back and leave.
Something spooked her. I don’t know what, whether it was a message she received on her phone from somebody else or just a sixth sense that kept her alive this evening.
But whatever it was, she left the woods and left me with little choice but to make a Plan B.
I’m still standing in the garage now, staring at the clippers and the shovel sitting in the corner, and wishing I had got to use them in the way I had intended this evening.
But it won’t do me any good to resent or regret how the last few hours have gone.
I should just go back to bed. Snuggle down next to Reid.
Sleep so my baby can enjoy the benefits of my rested body.
Then, in the morning, I can make another plan for Sadie.
I turn off the garage light and head to the door that will return me to the main part of the house, the warmer, well-decorated part.
But just before I can get there, I see a flash of headlights across the small garage window, causing me to turn back, curious to see who it might be.
The only way a car’s headlights could shine into this garage directly is if somebody has just parked on our driveway.
But who would do that at this time of night?
We’re all home, so nobody else has the right to park there.
But as I reach the window, I see that somebody has.
Then I see who it is.
Sadie.
What the hell is she doing here? Why so late at night? And why is she driving? She’s banned. I saw to that. Yet here she is, behind the wheel, looking at the house, and as she turns off the engine, I guess she is about to try and get in.
I have no idea what she wants but I know that it cannot be good, so I have to stop her before she can knock on the front door. Any loud noises will be sure to wake Reid and the children, so I have to prevent her from making any.
I briefly consider going out there and talking to her.
Asking her what she is here for. Pretending like I care and am concerned that everything is okay.
But then I see her get out of the car and realise that would be futile.
The expression on her face is a dark one.
She looks like a woman scorned. Like a woman who is desperate to reveal a truth.
A woman who has figured out that I am the reason she lost her family.
I cannot talk to her. I cannot reason with her.
I have to do something else.
Something more decisive.
Then I glance at the hedge clippers again.
I was going to kill her in the woods tonight. But now she’s here, why don’t I kill her in this garage instead?
I don’t know if I can do it, but I don’t have much time to wait and see. I have to act now because Sadie is headed towards the front door and she is only seconds away from waking up her family. My family.
I rush to the garage door, not the large one that allows a car to park in here, but the smaller one that gives access to the side of the house, and I exit via that because Sadie won’t be able to see me doing so.
I need the element of surprise if I am to get close enough to her to quieten any cries she might make, but I really have to move fast because I’m running out of time.
Rounding the side of the house, I see Sadie is only a few steps away from the front door and she is already raising her hand to knock.
That’s when I run towards her, and while she hears my footsteps on the concrete as I approach, she doesn’t have the time to fully turn around and see me before I clamp my hand over her mouth.
I feel her wriggle and wrestle as she tries to break free, and I hear her mumble and moan into my palm, but I’m stronger than her.
And now that I’ve surprised her, I have the advantage.
I don’t waste it and seize my opportunity to drag Sadie backwards to where I have just come from, down the side of the house, before pushing her through the open garage door.
Then I step inside and close it quickly behind me before reaching down and picking up the sharp, pointed object I already knew was there.
As I hold the hedge clippers and stare at Sadie, she stares back at me.
Frightened. Aghast. Unsure.
Then she speaks.
‘It was you,’ is all she says, leaving me in no doubt that she has figured this all out.
I could say something in response. Something clever, or sinister, or dramatic. But I don’t. I just nod. Then I raise the hedge clippers so that the blade is pointed right at my nemesis.
After all, actions speak louder than words.