Chapter 10
TEN
LUNA
A coma. A fifty-fifty chance of waking up. A critical seventy-two hours ahead.
That’s what Reid told me when he came back to see me after I had spent a very long time impatiently staring at the curtain around my bed and hoping to see him come through it.
That’s what he said about Sadie’s chances of making a full recovery.
So those are the chances that I get away with all that has happened or get caught for it.
How do I feel about that?
I imagine I feel exactly the same way as Reid, his children and Sadie’s parents feel.
I have no idea if Sadie is going to wake up or not.
‘I thought you’d be asleep,’ Reid had said to me after he had found me staring at the curtain, awaiting his return; and after he had given me the latest on Sadie, he brought up the same subject again.
‘Try and get some rest. Please. If not for you then for the baby.’
I had conceded then, if only because I knew Reid would leave me alone to think.
He did just that, and now I am by myself, I have plenty of time to think.
I doubt I’m the only patient wide awake on this ward, and certainly in the hospital, because these are hardly the easiest places to sleep.
There are noises and lights and people coming and going.
But none of those things are responsible for keeping me awake.
The only reason for my insomnia is paranoia.
Will Sadie regain consciousness?
If she does, will she remember what happened?
More specifically, will she remember that she had figured out that I was the bad guy before she slipped and banged her head?
It’s impossible to know the answers to any of those questions.
Even if I was to ask a doctor, somebody who specialised in brain injuries and memory loss like Sadie may have suffered, they wouldn’t be able to give me a definitive answer.
There are too many uncertainties. Too many unknowns.
The fifty-fifty odds say it all. There’s just as much chance of her waking up and remembering as there is her slipping away and never waking up again.
Damn this situation. I should have dealt with it better.
I should have killed Sadie before she had the chance to run and fall.
I know it could be worse. She could have made it up the stairs and told Reid all about what I had done to snare him and the children.
At least her accident stopped her from doing that.
Except now I’m stuck in limbo, forced to wait and see what happens next, and that is the last place I want to be.
Well, second to last, I suppose. Prison is the last place I want to be, but that is still very much an option for me unless I can come up with a plan.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out one way that I could help myself.
I could somehow sneak into whatever room Sadie is lying in and end her life there.
She’s in a coma, so it’s not as if she could fight back.
The problem is, it does take a genius to do that and get away with it.
I have no idea how I could successfully do it.
How I could not only find Sadie, get myself alone with her, make her death not look like murder but also then make it away from there without anybody spotting me and linking me to it?
It feels like Mission Impossible.
Even Tom Cruise would say no to this one.
I let out a sigh before glancing at the bandage on my arm.
My stitches are covered, but they are aching and that injury is just another impediment to trying to kill Sadie.
The last thing I’d need is my stitches bursting at the crucial moment as I try to finish her off, causing my blood to leak out all over the crime scene.
Talk about a slam dunk for the investigating officers.
But then I think about the other reason my body is not necessarily capable of murder tonight.
My pregnancy.
I rest my hands on my belly and think about the ordeal that not only I have been through tonight, but my little one has been through too.
I am so proud of my child, be it a he or she, because they have been brave and kept fighting for life despite the trauma inflicted upon us by Sadie.
But perhaps being pregnant has had an adverse effect on my ability to do some of the things I previously felt myself capable of doing.
Like killing a person, for example. I have messed up a couple of chances to kill Sadie now.
Firstly, when I lured her to the woods earlier this evening, and secondly, later, in the house, when I should have ensured she never made it out of the garage, or the kitchen, alive.
Maybe my raging hormones are working against me, lowering my skills, making me slower or less capable.
It could be physical or it could be mental, but I am not as sharp as I used to be.
It could even be that now I know I am going to be a mother, my subconscious is trying to keep me from becoming an even worse person than I already am.
Whatever the case, I lack the confidence to even try and kill Sadie in this hospital.
But I may not need to. She might never wake up.
Even if she doesn’t die, she could technically stay in a coma for a very long time.
Some patients are in a coma for years. If that happens to be Sadie’s fate, I have nothing to worry about.
Plus, if it does end up being years, surely her parents will eventually give up hope and turn off the machines keeping her alive, especially if the doctors advise them that there is little chance of progress being made.
I know that not dealing with Sadie and waiting to see what happens to her is a risk, but no more of a risk than trying to murder her and getting caught.
So I’ll leave her. I’ll let her keep fighting what is hopefully a losing battle.
And I’ll say a silent prayer every day for her to pass away, granting me peace of mind and the freedom that I currently enjoy and crave for myself forever.
With my hands on my stomach, it’s easy to focus on the future.
Of the life I will bring into this world.
Of the opportunity I will get to be a mum.
To hold my baby. To kiss their little forehead and hold their little hand.
To feed and bathe and clothe my child. To love someone like I’ve never loved anyone before.
To see Reid loving them too. To witness him falling even more in love with me because of the life I have grown and delivered for him.
The life that we have the shared responsibility of raising.
‘It’s going to be okay,’ I whisper, but I’m only talking to myself and my unborn child. ‘We are going to get through this, and our family is going to be perfect.’
Saying such a thing is a reminder to me of why I have done everything I have.
It’s the reason I became obsessed with Sadie’s family before finding a way to take her husband and children from her.
It’s because I was seeking the perfect life she had.
Now I have it, and there is a chance of it getting even closer to perfection when my baby is born.
I have worked so hard to be here.
It is not going to be taken away from me now.
I close my eyes and plan on trying to sleep, if only so I can be honest with Reid when he visits me in the morning and asks if I got some rest. I’ll tell him the truth.
I’ll tell him that I tried my best. That way, whatever the outcome, I don’t have to lie.
The only lies I want to tell now are to the police when they come and question me on events at the house before Sadie’s accident.
But that’s fine because I can deal with the police.
Once I have, I’ll go home and do two things.
One, keep tabs on Sadie.
Two, prepare for my baby’s arrival.
None of us can predict the future, and I have no idea what it holds for me. But I know what I want it to hold.
In nine months, I want to have my baby in my arms and Reid, Arthur and Ruby around my bed smiling at me.
In nine months, I want Sadie to have either passed away or still be in her coma.
In nine months, I want to have everything I could have ever dreamt of.
Can all those things happen the way I want them to?
Can I really get what I wish for?
I guess only time will tell.