Chapter 12 #2
“To be honest, sir, I think that’s exactly what I did,” I say, my tone growing frosty now, meeting his glaze unflinchingly.
I’ve grown to respect Barnes, even to trust him to an extent, but he’s dead wrong on this.
“X-16’s episode was severe enough that it affected employees—not to mention the water supply—all the way over in the break room.
I knew I was the only one who could safely prevent him from doing further damage. ”
“Willow, all I’m saying is that I want you to be careful. For his sake as well as yours.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You know what I mean. It’s…” He groans, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Fuck.”
I study him for a moment in the silence and note the pained furrow in his brow, the clench of his jaw, the sheen of sweat on his forehead.
“He’s affecting you right now, isn’t he?
It’s getting worse. If it keeps progressing like this, I’m going to be the only one able to set foot in this room, let alone intervene during episodes.
Me working with X-16 is in everyone’s best interest.”
Despite the anger in my tone, my heart is thumping painfully hard. Don’t take this away from me, I want to beg. But I can’t bring myself to plead, only bury my softness beneath bristling anger.
“God damn it. We’ll talk more later, Willow. I’ve got to go check in on X-17 anyway. Last night’s episode set him off in a bad way.” Barnes lets out an annoyed breath, pinching the bridge of his nose again. “Head to the CCTV room when you’re done here and relieve Ellis.”
My jaw clenches. Sending me to the CCTV room for the first time in days feels like he’s sending me to time-out, but there’s nothing to do but nod for now.
At least he didn’t order me to stay away from Sixteen. As soon as Barnes leaves the room, rubbing his temples, I step up to the intercom and hit the button. “Hey, Sixteen.”
He looks up from where he still sits on the edge of the bed. He doesn’t smile, but his wings rise at the sound of my voice. “Willow.”
“I’m not gonna ask how you’re feeling,” I say. “But is there anything I can do?”
He shifts on the bed, adjusting his blanket, head dipping as if he’s just noticing the fact that he’s nearly naked. A noticeable color spreads up the back of his neck, and he looks away. I look away, too, as heat flares in my own face.
“Will you stay with me?” he says, a moment later. “Just for a little while?”
After a brief hesitation, I sink into the chair at the observation desk. I probably shouldn’t be doing this after getting reprimanded for getting too close to Sixteen, but I need a moment, too, after that conversation with Barnes. “Of course I can.”
As we sit in the quiet for as long as I can spare, I’m all too aware of a dangerous warmth growing in my chest. And I think to myself: Oh, God, no.
Back at home that night, I pour myself a drink and mentally kick myself for the feelings that lingered long after my time with X-16.
Even when I went to the CCTV room, I couldn’t stop checking on him.
Watching him on the screen and feeling that warmth in my chest swell until it felt like I was going to burst.
Sixteen needed comfort today. He likes having me around because I’m the only one who can safely be near him. And because he trusts me—to an extent—I hope. But there’s nothing more to it. I shouldn’t be feeling the way I feel.
Yet here I am, at home, still lingering on our moments together at work. Thinking, shamefully, of that night I touched myself with thoughts of him.
Getting a crush on a subject is a dumb fucking idea.
But… I think it’s time to admit that’s what’s happening.
And I think Barnes knows it, too. I suspect that’s what the talk today was really about.
I’m sure he doesn’t like the idea of me catching feelings for a subject, but there’s not much he can do.
I’m the only one who can safely work with Sixteen.
I sigh, settling into my armchair as I sip my whiskey on the rocks.
Outside the window, the mountains are still burning, the flames unceasing and hungry.
I draw the curtains and focus on my drink.
As the alcohol settles in my stomach, it eases the knot of embarrassment that’s been tightening my chest all day.
I’ve always been like this when it comes to catching feelings. I have an overwhelming urge to help, to fix people, and so I tend to fall for people who seem like they need rescuing. Broken-bird syndrome, the internet calls it. And I’ve never met anyone more broken than Subject X-16.
Yet he is also shy, polite. Sweet. He hasn’t let his broken edges become sharp in the same way I have. He’s soft enough that it makes me want to be soft around him, too. I have such an ache to protect him, to take care of him.
So… Fine. Maybe I do have a tiny, fleeting crush on a subject. That’s…fine. It’s probably normal, given how much one-on-one time we’ve spent together lately. Obviously I’m not going to do anything that would affect my job.
Especially because if I lost my job, I’d never see him again.
He’d be all alone, with no one to talk to him.
No one who can touch him. No one who will care.
I’m sure Barnes and the rest of the team will continue to look after him as best as they can, but…
They don’t care like I do. They can’t, because they can’t even get close.
But I’m not going to work there forever, am I? Under normal circumstances, maybe I could strike something up with him after the work was done. But it’ll never be done for him. All he seems to do is get worse, so he’ll be trapped behind the walls of that Facility forever.
Unless this transformation kills him.
I groan, sinking down in my chair. Lift my cup to my lips again only to find it empty. I pour myself another, and about halfway through that second drink, a thought occurs to me.
What if there was a way to solve the problem? A way to fix him? A way to free him?
But if I want to do that, first I have to understand him.