16. Path To Heartbreak
PATH TO HEARTbrEAK
LIAM
Typically, Lover’s is more of a takeout place, but when the waitress takes our orders, Aubrey shoots me a look. “It’ll be cold by the time we get back to your place,” she says in a pathetic, whiny voice.
“For here,” I respond immediately.
I try not to act too surprised or happy that she even suggested taking it back to my place.
Blood rushes to my dick, and I try very hard to ignore it—reminding it that my brain wants to take it slow.
But fuck common sense. It’s so lame.
We slip into the booth as Aubrey goes to town on the peanuts. She cracks one open, throws it into her mouth, and tosses the shells onto the ground.
It took me a while to get used to just throwing the shells, but I guess it’s what this place is known for. I toss a few in my mouth, but get distracted as I watch Aubrey making faces, trying to get a peanut out.
Aubrey never ceases to amaze me with just how much she can eat. I mean, where does she even put it? She’s like half my size and could outeat me even when I was playing hockey and throwing down a ton of calories trying to bulk.
How come it’s one of the most attractive things about her?
“Why are you staring at me?” she asks. I blink, realizing I have been glowering at her this whole time.
“Do you remember our first date here?” I blurt.
She nods, her face heating.
“You ate like five burgers,” I joke, grinning slowly. And damn, do my cheeks hurt after spending the day with her.
We sang in the car, my cheeks sore from laughing at her off-tune notes. I can’t remember the last time I sang—the last time I blared music from the speakers.
“It was not five!” she shakes her head as the waitress places our food in front of us.
“Thanks,” I say, briefly smiling at the waitress.
I haven’t seen her before, and that’s saying something because I eat in here like three times a week.
The waitress’s face blushes slightly, but I don’t think much about it.
When I reach for the ketchup, my hand falters as I see Aubrey already has it, blooping a large dollop on her burger. But her eyes are on me.
“What?” I shrug, patiently waiting for her to hand me the condiment.
Her eyes trail on something behind me. I turn my head and see her watching the waitress who dropped off our food. I look over her meal: two burgers and an order of fries. “Is something wrong with your food?”
She hands over the ketchup, shaking her head.
“I guess some things never change.” She remarks as she shoves a big bite into her mouth.
Ketchup quickly covers the corners of her mouth as she chews. She closes her eyes to savor the flavor.
I grin because why do I think this is cute—Aubrey Vaughn getting jealous while shoving a burger in her mouth.
So I play along, like I don’t know what she’s talking about.
After she swallows her food, she says, “She practically passed out when you looked at her.” Aubrey was never the jealous type, but she always loved pointing out whenever girls noticed me.
But I guess I never really paid attention—don’t really pay attention even now.
I’m too focused on schoolwork, working with the team, and staying sober.
And pretending to hate Aubrey.
Which, after today, I suppose my act is up. I’ve shown my true colors—realized what I really want isn’t graduating and leaving this place behind as fast as I can manage.
No, what I want is her.
It’s always been her.
Why else would I return to Delleth? I could have transferred schools; any college has my major. But not every school has Aubrey Vaughn.
That’s why I came back…no matter what I told myself.
She takes another giant bite, cheeks round and full like a damn chipmunk as someone approaches. I nearly choke as I recognize who it is.
“Noah—” I greet, my throat aching from forcing food down.
Aubrey is still desperately trying to chew down her food, but is clearly failing. I cover my mouth, trying not to laugh outright at how ridiculous she looks right now.
But then Noah touches her shoulder, and I’m suddenly not smiling anymore.
“Hey, I thought that was you.” He announces, quickly eyeing me before slipping his backpack from his shoulder and digging through its contents. Finding what he is looking for, he winks once at me as he drops her bra on the table.“Thought I should return this,” he says, turning to walk away.
Aubrey spits her burger on her plate, coughing—clearly moments away from choking on it.
Noah never once looks back at her sputtering behind him.
Aubrey’s face goes white from across me. She grabs up the bra and tucks it in beneath the booth, like it’s going to prevent me from seeing what it was.
But I already knew that she went on a date with Noah.
It was the same night I saw her walking back to her condo, and I offered her a ride. The first time we tried to have an actual conversation since the breakup, but ended up screaming at each other instead.
I know we weren’t together. I know it’s her body, and she can sleep with whoever she wants.
But it still doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.
Suddenly, I’m no longer hungry.
I fish out money, well more than our meal cost, and throw it out on the table unconcerned with my change.
As I stand, I can feel Aubrey behind me, following me outside as we make our way to the Jeep.
The frigid cold of Michigan’s winters is in full effect.
Unlocking the car, I hear her calling my name. But it’s too cold to have this conversation outside, or in front of the many college students filing in and out with pickup orders.
I turn the engine over, waiting for her to climb in even though I’m spiraling. I’m not mad at her. Not really.
“Go finish your food, Aubrey. I’ll wait for you out here.” I insist, turning up the heat, shivering from the brief exposure to the cold.
“I’m not hungry now…” She eyes me slowly. “And I kind of spit up one burger on another.”
I chuckle, regardless of everything I’m feeling. I rest my head back on the headrest, forcing myself to take a deep breath between laughter.
“Please tell me you didn’t order three burgers on your first date with him,” I say, slowly turning my head to face her.
She has her winter jacket zipped to her chin, her hood pulled up.
I know she’s freezing; she hates winter.
“So, you’re admitting it wasn’t five!” Aubrey jokes, cracking a smile.
I scoff, remembering what I said moments before Noah arrived, about her ordering five burgers on our first date.
I always knew it was three. I remember everything about that night.
“I remembered. I—”
“I didn’t sleep with him!” she blurts, blowing out a deep breath as her shoulder sinks in relief. “Sorry—I just really needed to say that. And I need you to believe me.”
I shake my head, holding up my hands.
“You don’t have to explain, Aubrey.” I swallow. “It’s not my business. We weren’t together. I shouldn’t have gotten upset. I should have known there were other people after me. I’m sorry, I—” I rub the back of my neck.
“There hasn’t been anyone…not since you.” She confesses delicately.
My eyes go wide, chest heaving a sigh—and I finally feel like I can catch my breath.
“I mean, I went to his place, and I-I tried—” she swallows, and I shake my head; she doesn’t need to explain. I don’t want to hear her explain. “But then he called you a ‘has-been’—and said you were a dumbass for fumbling me—”
“What!” I spit, a rush of anger heating me. My hands shake as I try to find the door handle, intending to hunt down Noah’s car and see if he thinks this has-been can still remember how to throw a right hook.
But Aubrey’s hands find my chest, pushing me back into my seat. I refuse to look at her.
“I bolted and was so desperate to get out of there that I left my bra. We kissed, and it really didn’t go beyond that.”
“Oh.” Those are the only words I can manage. When I finally meet her eyes. I see a heat dancing behind them.
It’s eerily quiet as we stare at one another. Her hands are still on my chest, pressing my back against the driver’s seat, but I’m not complaining. I’m desperate for any touch she’ll spare me.
“Hey, Aubrey?” I ask after a while. I’m irritated by my own tone—God, why do I sound so desperate?
“I haven’t been with anyone either,” I admit sheepishly.
She grins, tapping my shoulder. “Oh, I know.”
“Is it that obvious?” I whisper, my head resting back on the seat as I look at her. And for some reason, I don’t care if she sees me like this—if she knows I’m still in love with her.
Regardless of whether or not she feels the same.
Her cheeks are tinged pink, a smile lining her every feature.
She looks the exact image that’s ingrained in my mind. The picture of the woman I couldn’t get out of my head over the last year. But instead of a hazy memory, she’s real.
And she’s sitting right next to me.
My fingers dance over the steering wheel.
A sense of urgency passes over me, and I don’t allow myself a second to guess as I start to crawl out of my Jeep.
“What are you doing?” Aubrey asks, her face still glowing.
I hesitate for a second, my hand hovering over the door handle. But I’m tired of running away from the past. I know Jasmine, my therapist, wanted me to put the past behind me and move forward, and I have.
Aubrey Vaughn, though, is something I can’t put in the past.
A part of me will never be able to move forward without her. And if last night was any indication, then a part of her still wants me too.
And I’ll be damned if she doesn’t know the truth—that the only thing I truly am sorry for is wasting the last year without her.
I walk around the front of the Jeep and feel a strange sense of comfort as I yank open her passenger door. Aubrey’s pupils are blown wide, trailing my every move.
“Liam, what are you doing?”
I don’t answer her question as I take one final deep breath and do what I was too afraid to last night. What I wanted to do so badly, but didn’t want to take advantage of her state, of whatever triggered her panic attack at the hospital.
I lean over her.
Her legs are pressed together.
Arms glued at her sides.
My chest hovers over her as I unclick her seatbelt and pull her free of it.
Sure, I could have done this in the car. But I don’t want anything in the way.
Nothing to separate us.
Never again.
I pull her out and close the door behind her. She takes a few steps back, leaning against my Jeep as I inch forward.
“The only thing I regret is not doing this the second I saw you again.” I manage softly.
Then I force myself closer, my lips carving a stiff, straight smile.
Aubrey takes a quick breath as I reach out. Her head thumps softly against the car. My fingers lace through her hair on each side of her head. My thumbs stroke her temples as her brown eyes flicker with astonishment.
My heart fills with a desire I thought was long dead. And for the first time, in a long time, I release my iron-clad restraint and cover her mouth with mine.
It isn’t soft or slow.
And it sure as hell isn’t passionate—or savoring, a bridge for all the time we haven’t had this.
No.
No. I’m not that kind of man.
This kiss—it is hard and hungry.
It lingers on desperation, tinged with longing…so much longing.
I continue moving my lips over hers, demanding a response. I know her own heart has to be burning with the same fire.
For a brief second, my heart jumps, thinking she’s about to push me away.
But then she kisses me back with a famine that is anything but calm—or steady. Her lips are solid and searching, like she’s desperate to find the reply she’s been looking for.
And I’m desperate to answer it.
I slow down, moving unhurriedly, savoring each movement. Her lips part as she tries to take a breath. I pull back, just enough to allow her to breathe before I’m right back—not ready to separate from her, my tongue claiming its home in her mouth.
God, she tastes like heaven—like fucking home.
My hands leave her hair, trailing down the small of her back before settling on her waist. A raspy pant chokes from her as I lift her up, her legs instinctively wrapping around me as I press her against my Jeep, careful the back of her head doesn’t thump against the glass.
Aubrey deepens the kiss as I grind myself over her.
She moans, breaking our kiss so she can tilt her head back as I slowly grasp the swell of her breast.
Her needy eyes glare into my own, the brown of her eyes darkening even in the daylight.
She reaches out a hand, pressing her palm firmly against my chest, as if she wants to feel my every groove through the fabric of my shirt.
Her touch trails lower and lower, until it’s toying with the buckle of my jeans, then lower still.
My heart beats frantically in my chest, and I’m seriously worried I might come in my pants if she continues touching and toying with me. I’m that starved for her touch.
Just as she’s about to trace her thin fingers over the outline of my erection—
A car horn blows.
I flinch, dropping Aubrey carefully to her feet as I suddenly remember we are in the middle of a parking lot.
When I find Aubrey’s eyes again, I wish I could stay in this moment. Take a photograph and return to it whenever I want.
Something permanent, something frozen in time. So that I might never lose it.
I lean forward, knowing this is the actual test to see if the passion-stricken need has surpassed, now that she’s had a chance to second-guess everything.
But she doesn’t move.
And this kiss—it is slow, thoughtful.
I brush my lips over hers once, twice, the heat returning, and I have to force myself to pull away.
“Liam?” she questions as I lean away.
“Can we order another burger?” She says, skipping from my Jeep and heading back inside the restaurant. I stand outside of my car for a few more seconds until she looks back, waving me back inside.
I can’t remember the last time I smiled so widely. Can’t remember the last time I craved something other than her.
Aubrey Vaughn is my true addiction, the vice I cannot sedate.
The sobriety I just broke.
I follow her in. Admittedly, I would follow her anywhere, even back to another heartbreak.
But I fear that is what’s waiting for me at the end of this road. Aubrey Vaughn is still keeping me at arm’s length.
And I’m just desperate enough to let her.