24. Change
CHANGE
LIAM
DECEMBER
“Are you certain about this?” Sarah, my advisor, says, her brows furrowed as she removes her glasses.
“Yeah. This is what I want...” I say proudly, forcing myself to find her eyes. I can tell she’s worried about me. I guess any advisor would be if a student who’s been doing anything to graduate only a semester behind decided to change his entire academic direction.
But I’ve given it a lot of thought over the past month, and I know it is the right choice.
Surprisingly, when I told Jasmine everything that happened over Thanksgiving, she was very supportive of my plan to change my major.
A Doctor of Orthopedic Medicine—not even I thought I’d be saying that.
But recently, Jasmine and I have been turning our focus to a new future—not on coping with the past, as it seems I’ve come to terms with it.
And this future, becoming a doctor and helping heal athletes—this was something I considered before college, thinking more so along the lines of Physical Therapy—but I’ve given it a lot of consideration, and this is where my heart lies.
In helping people heal.
I think about Doctor Shannon’s words to me so long ago: “If I could fix you, I would. But I can’t, kid. And I’m sorry for that.”
At the time, I didn’t think much about his words to me. Now, though, they hit differently, strike something within that I didn’t consider before. I can still picture the tears glistening in his eyes, like he had failed me as much as my leg had.
I think maybe he understood what I was going through on a personal level—that he wanted to help me heal just as badly as I wanted to be healed.
One day, I hope to be that person for someone else.
To treat when I can—but to also understand when there is more than just an injury needing remedied. This is the new future Liam Anderson wants—that I want.
“A doctor,” Sarah chuckles. And I swear I can see tears sparkling behind her eyes.
“You know, the first time I sat down with you, when you were just a senior in high school, you wanted to go into Physical Therapy. I told you that the class schedule and clinicals didn’t align, and you were so quick to change your mind—willing to do any degree as long as you could play on the hockey team.
” I look away, nodding my head, knowing the exact day she’s referring to.
“And now you’re changing to a full doctorate.
I can’t believe it. I’m so proud of you. ”
Dreams do have a way of changing.
But change is good. Change is healthy.
Change is human.
“I always enjoyed working with athletes. But I’ve realized what I really want is to help people heal, to fix.
Life is messy, but being able to put things back together with my hands, to change and improve people’s quality of life after injury, that is the part I’m more interested in.
I think I’ve found my purpose, Sarah—it was in front of me this whole time. I just wasn’t ready to see it.”
She wipes at her face.
I can’t say I know Sarah well enough for her to be crying for me, but I feel as if she cares for all her students this way, wanting them to be successful and happy during their time in Delleth, and wherever life takes them beyond here.
“I guess, you’ll be seeing a bit more of me then,” I say as I crack a smile.
“It appears that way, Mr. Anderson.” She grins, nodding. “I’ll file the paperwork. Everything should be ready to go by the start of this semester in January.”
I stand to leave, but she calls out before I get to the door.
“Mr. Anderson—” I turn. “Delleth College is proud to have you back,” she says, mirroring the exact words she first spoke to me in the fall.
But I know this time, they hold a far different meaning.
“It’s good to be back,” I admit before waving goodbye.
I pick up my phone, desperate to share the news. I know she won’t answer. I’ve sent her countless text messages and voice memos. Little updates. Things as simple as what I ate for lunch that day, what music I’m listening to.
Hell, I even confessed to her that I rewatch Titanic every weekend.
It’s become my comfort movie, something I put on whenever I’m thinking of her.
She never responds, but that doesn’t stop me from trying.
Doesn’t stop me from proving to her that I’ll always be here, when she’s ready, no matter how long it takes.
I’ll always wait for her.
“Hey, Mom!” I greet over my phone’s speaker.
“Liam—two phone calls in less than a week…is everything alright?”
I smile, “Yeah, Mom. Everything is great. I just wanted to call and tell you something.”
My mom takes a deep breath, and while her concern would have once annoyed me, it doesn’t bother me like it once did. I’m thankful to have her in my life. Grateful for all she has done for me.
“Well—I thought you might want to know I might be staying on campus a little longer than we anticipated.”
“What?” She gasps, “Is everything alright—has something happened?”
I hurry and explain, not wanting her to worry a second longer. “I’ve decided to apply to med school. I want to be a surgeon—to help athletes like me.”
I giggle as I can practically see her grasping her chest. She claps her hands, making a loud thud.
“A doctor! My baby is going to be a doctor?! Oh, my!” Then, as quickly as her excitement is there, it is gone, replaced by tears of joy.
I think in her mind, she believes I’ll be spending the rest of my days saving lives. And it’s not to say that I won’t make a difference, but I could also tell my mother I was going to do anything at all, and she’d think I was saving the world.
It’s taken a few phone calls for us to pick back up where we left off.
The first one was the worst.
I called her right after Aubrey left. I needed to explain—to tell her what I told Aubrey.
That I refuse to call it the incident a moment longer.
I named it.
I said it. I faced it.
And after a while, she did too.
“Hey, Mom?” I ask after she’s got herself composed again.
“Yes, Liam?” she says, her words holding so much joy.
“Do you have room for one more on Christmas Day?”
She wheezes. “Why of course I do!”
I chuckle, putting my Jeep in reverse and pulling out of the campus parking lot. I’ll be spending a lot more time here when I start med school, and I won’t be able to come home as often as I’d like to. So, I want to make the most of any free time I can now.
She goes into a long speech about still needing to buy presents. Before, I might have been annoyed, might have ignored her rambling. But I don’t mind.
I like listening to her.
“Just one for Christmas, though—you don’t have anyone you might want to bring?”
That snaps me from my trance. But I don’t avoid it. I don’t keep her in the dark. “No, Mom. Aubrey and I—I don’t know if she’ll ever forgive me. I think I lost her for good.”
A heavy sigh escapes her. “Oh, I’m so sorry, honey,” she comforts. “Losing someone you love is never easy.”
And I know she, of all people, knows exactly what that is like.
I was just a baby when my dad passed. Too little to understand what was happening. But now I get it—what my mom went through.
Then she almost lost me, lost the last piece of my dad—her husband—a piece of herself, too.
So I’ll listen to her talk about knitting, about the weather, whatever the hell she wants to talk about, I’ll listen.
And I won’t ever complain.
JANUARY
“You are totally glowing,” I smile widely to my therapist as she finally tells me the news I’ve suspected for our last few sessions.
“Oh, Liam,” Jasmine giggles from across the screen. “I wish I felt that way.” She rubs her stomach. “This morning sickness…it’s got me down something terrible.”
“Well, I wouldn’t know it. You look great. Give my congratulations to your wife, too. You two will be amazing parents.”
After I went home for Christmas, spending time with old friends and family, I started to realize just how much of people’s lives I’ve been absent from, whether that be from the last few years of me being away for college, or just so lost in myself that I’ve failed to be present.
So, my New Year’s resolution was to get to know the people in my life better.
And the one person I credit with so much of my growth is Jasmine.
It didn’t take me long to learn that I really didn’t know anything about her. And sure, it’s her job to know me—better than myself sometimes, but it doesn’t take away the fact that I never asked, never cared to try to know her.
But now, I know she’s happily married to her high school sweetheart, Amber. She loves Disney movies, snowy days, and beach vacations.
And as of today, I know she’s eight weeks pregnant.
Sure, it’s not much.
But it’s a start.