Chapter 23
One Week Later
“What was that for?”
Evander’s deep voice was breathless as Helena pulled away from their kiss. She smiled sultrily as she smoothed her hands down his broad chest.
“Do I need a reason to kiss my husband?” she asked playfully.
Evander’s smile was affectionate as he looked down at her.
“Not at all,” he replied, sliding his hands over hers. “Kiss away, wife.”
Helena giggled.
“Well, in truth, I do have a reason,” she confessed.
“I just returned from Mama’s to check in on her and little Alex.
I could not believe the improvements to her house!
She said that you sent workers over to renovate?
And she also told me that she has not been disturbed by Lord Ingram.
I cannot believe you would do all that for my family. ”
Some of the light in Evander’s eyes fled as she said that fiend’s name, and she immediately regretted bringing it up.
“I am sorry,” she apologized. “I did not mean to—”
“No,” he cut her off, caressing his thumbs over the back of her hands. “You do not need to ever apologize to me. And you certainly do not need to thank me for helping restore your mother’s house. She and Alexander are my family now. They deserve a fine home, and I am happy to give them one.”
Happiness flooded Helena’s heart as she leaned in to kiss her husband again.
Evander accepted her kiss willingly, but when she tried once more to lift her hands to his cravat to loosen it, he stopped her and ended the kiss.
Their lovemaking was passionate and more pleasurable than she could have ever imagined, but even after a week of being married and living together in his London home, he still would not let her see him without his clothes.
Every time he closed off to her, she wondered if she was doing something wrong.
Whether there was some part of herself she was not giving him, something that might finally make him trust her completely.
She loved him. Of that much she was certain.
Whether love was enough to get past his walls, though, she had no idea.
“Will you stay with me a little longer?” she murmured, pressing a kiss to his jaw. Her fingers found the knot of his cravat as she spoke, working it loose before he could think to stop her.
He caught her wrist gently, guiding her hand away and pressing a kiss to her knuckles instead.
“Later.” He gave her an apologetic smile as he nodded toward his desk. “I am afraid I have some work to take care of this evening,” he said, going to his chair.
Helena followed him and braced her hands on his desk.
“That has not stopped us before,” she pointed out. “You made love to me on that very stack of papers just yesterday after afternoon tea.”
Evander let out a chuckle as he picked up his pen and opened one of the folders atop his desk.
“And I will happily do so again,” he assured her with a rueful grin. “However, you are to have dinner with my mother and sister, remember? Such an hour is quickly approaching, and I would hate for them to come looking for us if you were to be late.”
Despite her disappointment that Evander yet again had stopped her from undressing him, she drew on a smile and nodded.
“Yes, of course,” she agreed. “I suppose to be caught in such a position by the women in your family would be a misery unto itself.”
Evander let out another chuckle as he agreed.
“I will gladly attend to any needs you might have later tonight, after our guests are gone,” he promised. He then leaned up on his arms and gave her another quick kiss.
Helena bit her lip as she drew back from the kiss, smiling.
Even if she was disappointed that she had yet to see Evander disrobed, she relished their nightly routine.
Though they dressed and undressed in their separate rooms, they always slept together every night.
Even clothed, she loved the feel of falling asleep in his arms.
“I shall hold you to that,” she playfully warned.
Upstairs in her room, she warmly greeted Aggie, and the two chatted easily as Helena was helped into one of her new evening gowns.
Her mother and Alex were not the only ones to have experienced Evander’s generosity.
On their first day back in London, Helena and Mary-Anne had been whisked away by the Mason women to the best modiste in the city, where several new dresses had been put on account under Evander’s name.
For the evening gathering, Helena chose a deep blue silk gown that matched the signature shade of all the Mason family members’ eyes. Still, even though they all shared such a trait, it was Evander’s eyes she loved the most, and she thought of him as she was laced into the dress.
Back downstairs, Helena arrived in the women’s parlor just in time to greet Bridget and Elara. Nora was already there, advising the servants on where to place the many trays of delicious-looking, bite-sized treats.
“I hope you do not mind that I chose a less formal dinner,” Nora said, waving to the many trays. “I myself prefer to nibble through conversation.”
“No, it looks wonderful,” Helena laughed, grateful that, unlike Patricia, Nora required no strict formalities when it came to gatherings.
“Sister!” Elara exclaimed, rising to press a kiss to Helena’s cheek before she had even properly sat down. “I do hope you know I intend to use that word as often as I please now that it is finally true.”
“I shall never tire of hearing it,” Helena admitted, warmth blooming in her chest as she took her seat.
“Do enjoy it while you can,” Elara went on with a mischievous glint in her eye, settling back into her chair.
“For I feel I must warn you properly, now that you are truly one of us. Mason men are dreadfully impossible creatures once they have set their hearts on something, and my brother has always been the very worst of the lot. You have my deepest, most heartfelt sympathies.”
“Nonsense, my sons are the best the ton has to offer!” Nora added, feigning indignation.
“Nora is not wrong, though they can be a bit overbearing at times.” Bridget picked up a treat from her seat.
“I beg to disagree. So tell us,” Elara said eagerly. “How are you adjusting to your new life? Is my big brother treating you well?”
Helena nibbled anxiously at her cucumber sandwich, weighing her thoughts as she swallowed.
She enjoyed the company of the Mason women very much, but she was still unsure how honest she could be with them.
The last thing she wanted was to give offense.
Still, she could not help but lean toward the truth.
“Evander is eager to spoil me,” she said with a warm grin as she glanced at Elara. Her smile grew tenuous, though, after the three women who giggled at her words fell into silence and waited for her to continue.
“In truth, though, I still feel a bit unaccustomed to such lavish arrangements,” she confessed. “I think I became so used to frugality that I no longer know how to accept such generosity.”
Nora’s smile was genuine as she reached out and patted Helena’s hands.
“Well, my dear, I am afraid you simply must get used to it,” she said. “My boys love to spoil their wives, and my daughter invokes a passion that invites her own husband to spoil her. It cannot be helped.”
Helena let out a surprised laugh as Elara gasped, “Mother!”
“Oh, no need for polite talk,” Nora urged. “We are family. If we cannot speak plainly to one another, then who else are we to speak to?”
Helena pressed her lips together, fighting the urge to smile as Elara shook her head and attempted to hide her blushing cheeks behind her teacup.
“Nora is correct, though,” Bridget said. “You should see Adrian with the children. He might intimidate the men of the ton, but our babies have him wrapped around their little fingers. It took me quite a bit to get used to such lavish attention as well, but I promise you, you will love it.”
This time, Helena did not try to hold back her smile as she envisioned what it would be like to have a child with Evander.
“I suppose there are worse things a woman could have to grow accustomed to,” she replied.
“That is how their father and I raised our boys,” Nora spoke up. “Their father taught them how to be proper men. I taught them how to treat a lady. You may thank me if you wish.”
Laughter, soft and carefree, broke out at the table.
“I am,” Helena agreed. “I am so very thankful to be a part of your family. You have all been so welcoming and kind, even despite the scandalous way Evander and I came to be married. Many members of the ton would look down on us for what happened, but you ladies truly seem not to care how our marriage came to be.”
“It might be selfish to say, I admit,” Nora replied.
“But the moment I saw you, I thought you would be a better fit for my Evander. Then, of course, I saw the way you looked at one another at that first party, and I knew you were either going to be perfect for each other or you were going to break one another’s hearts. ”
Helena sat back in her chair, astounded by Nora’s blunt words and sharp perception.
“You will find that Mama is not like most women of the ton,” Elara said quietly by Helena’s side after a long moment of silence. “She is… Well, let me just say that even when Adrian and I had our doubts, she knew Evander was alive.”
“Indeed,” Nora said, her tone sharp as she leaned forward and caught Helena’s eye. “And pray, how is my son? It has taken him so long to become adjusted to society. Does he still suffer? He tells me often that he is fine, but I cannot help but worry.”
Helena blinked, her mind whirling back to those moments where she craved to touch her husband, and how each of those times he untangled her hands from his body and made love and pleasured her with his clothes on.
“I believe he is trying,” she answered softly after a moment. “To live in each moment and not be dragged back to that horrible place.”
She hesitated, wondering whether it was her place to say more, then found the words coming, regardless.
“Though I confess I do not always know if I am the one helping him find that peace, or if I am simply another thing he must be brave for. I want so badly for him to open up to me about it all, but some days I fear I am failing him without even knowing how.”
Sadness caused wrinkles to appear on Nora’s forehead and around her mouth, and she sighed and leaned back in her chair.
“Oh, my dear girl,” she said softly, reaching over to squeeze Helena’s hand. “You are not failing him. A man does not open every door in his own house on the very same day, no matter how much he loves the one asking to come inside. Give him time and give yourself grace in the meantime.”
Silence settled over the table once more, and for a moment, Helena wondered if the night would be carried on in such quiet. Then Bridget spoke.
“Speaking of mothers,” she said, her tone pleasant as she picked up her teacup. “Elara and I paid a visit to our dear Caroline. It seems that the baby is most ready to join us. She could give birth any day now.”
This news startled Helena, as it was just last week that Caroline had made the long journey to the country for the wedding. Her presence was a testimony, Helena realized, to how close the families of Winterbourne and Mason were.
“Oh, what marvelous news!” Nora joyously sang, as if they had not just left such a dark subject only moments before. “Though I do hold my deepest sympathies for our dear Caroline,” she added with a chuckle.
“Why is that?” Helena asked.
Nora smirked knowingly.
“Mason children are of sturdy stock, my dear,” Nora explained.
“Both of my sons weighed nearly a stone. Caroline is carrying a child that is both a Mason and a Winterbourne, and with such a difficult pregnancy, I fear the birth will be most hard on her. We should go be with her once she allows visitors.”
“Oh, goodness,” Helena muttered, her eyes going wide as she tried to imagine what such a feat would be like.
She had never thought about actual childbirth; only the joy she knew would come if she were one day blessed to have a baby.
Her mother had warned her that the process was painful, but up until that moment, she had likened it to a bee sting or a pinched finger.
“Each of our children has been of good size,” Bridget noted in agreement with Nora.
“As have mine,” Elara said with an exhausted chuckle and a shake of her head. “However, worry not, Helena; the pain becomes a distant memory once your child is in your arms.”
“Oh, imagine how beautiful your children will look,” Nora fawned, looking at Helena. “You are most pretty, and despite his injuries, my Evander is one of the most handsome men of the ton.”
Helena smiled at that, her fear of a painful childbirth fading as she pictured what she and Evander’s children would look like. Her heart throbbed as she pictured Evander holding their child. He was such a large man that she thought the baby would look amusingly small in his arms!
Worry slithered into her joyous thoughts as she then thought of what Evander would be like as a father.
He would be protective, for certain, but what would that protection look like when an incident would snap him back to that brutal past?
What demons would he fight for the sake of making sure his children would never suffer the way he had?
She wanted so badly to speak with him about it, about all of it, the nightmares she heard through the wall some nights, the scars he still would not let her see.
But every time she thought she had found the right moment, he would turn the conversation elsewhere.
He was carrying so much already. She did not want to be one more weight pressing down on him, one more person demanding he relive what he had survived just to satisfy her own curiosity.
Perhaps, one day, he would truly let her into his past.