Chapter 35
Jem's eyes had been on Theda’s, and then they weren't.
His whole body went slack beneath her hands, his head tipping to one side, and for one terrible second, Theda's heart stopped along with whatever words she'd been about to say.
“Jem.” She shook his shoulder. Nothing. “Jem!”
She pressed her fingers to his neck, frantic, and found the pulse there, steady. Breathing. He was breathing. The fear didn't leave her, not with his face so pale.
They'd hurt him because of her. He'd taken the beating because he thought it would keep her safe.
“How is he?” Leland asked, coming close to them.
“He's unconscious.” Theda’s voice shook. “Just…unconscious.”
It wasn't much better. She wouldn't be happy until he recovered and was back to his normal self. Leland crouched on the other side of Jem, looking down at him.
“He’s a good man, and he put his life on the line for all of us. I can see now I misjudged him from the beginning.”
Theda met his gaze.
“We all did, in a way.” Theda shook her head.
Phineas was still a short distance off, speaking with the commander, his face drawn. Theda could see how hard it had been on him, and if he weren't busy, she would have gone to him to see how he was, how he was holding up.
“His pulse is steady,” Leland said, drawing her attention back to Jem. “He's just spent. Lord knows he's earned some rest.”
Theda nodded, but she didn't move her hand from Jem's chest, needing the proof of it rising and falling beneath her palm.
“I'll get him back,” Leland said. “I've already spoken with the commander. Jem will travel with us, the slow way, back toward the wagon train and then on to the fort and hopefully to Oregon territory. Phineas still has to work out the details. Easier on him than riding hard with the army.” He paused. “We don’t know what his fate will be, considering his past.”
Something in Theda's chest loosened.
“Thank you,” she whispered. She looked up at him, taking in the bruise already darkening along his cheekbone, the dirt and blood on his collar. “And thank you for coming for me. For both of us.”
Leland was quiet for a moment, looking down at Jem rather than at her.
“I care for you, Theda.” he said. “I think you know that.
I think I've made my peace with the fact that there isn't a future for the two of us, though.” He glanced up, and there was something in his expression that she hadn't seen from him before.
“I've watched the way you look at him. You've never looked at me like that.
The way you stare at him, like you need to see him, to make sure he is still there.
Like, your whole world changes when he's not near.”
Theda's throat tightened.
“Leland--”
“Let me finish.” He managed a small, tired smile.
“I thought, for a long while, that he didn't deserve you. That you deserved someone whose past you could account for, someone without question marks hanging over him.” He looked toward Jem's still face.
“But I watched him walk back into that camp alone today. I watched him stand in front of his own brother and offer himself instead of you.” He shook his head slowly.
“A man doesn't do that unless there's real good in him. I was wrong about him.”
Tears slipped down Theda's cheeks.
“I'll always be your friend,” Leland said. “Yours and his, if he'll have me as one. That doesn't change.” His voice softened further. “I want you happy, Theda. Truly. And I think he's the one who'll do that for you.”
“Thank you,” she managed, wiping at her face with the back of her hand. “For everything. For your friendship, and for understanding, and for not giving up on him today when it mattered.”
Leland reached out and squeezed her shoulder once before rising and stepping back to give the soldiers room to bring a stretcher.
Theda watched him go. She'd doubted him before, that he could take the reality of a relationship never happening between them, but she'd misjudged him. He really had been there for her and Jem when they needed him.
Phineas reached her a moment later, finished with the commander. He looked at her, looked at Jem lying motionless on the ground, and without a word, he pulled Theda into his arms. He rested his chin on the top of her head, his whole body shaking.
She let herself be held, finally letting the last of the tears come freely against her brother's shoulder, the fear and relief tangled together until she couldn't separate one from the other anymore.
“He's alive,” Phineas murmured into her hair. “You're both alive. That's what matters now. I'm so sorry, Theda, for letting them take you.” Phineas' voice shook. “I thought I'd lost you. If it hadn't been for Jem…”
She nodded against him, unable to speak, and held on.
---*---
The wagon train came into view as the sun finally cleared the ridgeline, and Theda had never been so glad to see anything in her life.
Della spotted her almost immediately, already running, her skirts gathered in both fists, Oren close behind her with a face stretched tight with worry. The moment Della reached her, she threw both arms around Theda's neck and burst into tears against her shoulder.
“You're all right.” Della's voice came out muffled and broken. “Thank God, thank God, you're all right. We were praying the whole time, begging God to bring you home.”
Theda’s chest tightened with warmth.
“I'm all right,” Theda said, holding her just as tightly. “I promise. I'm all right.”
Della pulled back just far enough to look at her, hands still gripping her shoulders, checking her over. Her eyes were red-rimmed and overflowing.
“Did everyone come back? Is Jem all right? We heard there was a shooting. We heard…” She shook her head, unable to finish it. “I've never been so frightened in my whole life.”
“I know.” Theda squeezed her hands. “I know. It's over now. Jem’s alive, so is everyone else, though there are some injuries.”
Oren hovered close, his young face still pale, and Theda reached out and pulled him into a quick hug as well. He wasn’t the type to hug, and he’d never been affectionate toward her before, but he seemed relieved at the contact.
Behind them, the soldiers were easing Jem down from the wagon they'd used to carry him, careful with his ribs, careful with the makeshift splint Theda had wrapped around his side. He still wasn't conscious, but he was breathing steadily. It still made her whole-body ache, seeing him like that.
“Let’s get him to Theda’s wagon,” Della said, taking charge. Theda only nodded in agreement as she followed Della and the men. She murmured instructions, watching every small movement of his face for signs of pain.
The men laid him inside the wagon, before retreating, allowing Theda and Della to get up into the wagon to examine what they were working with.
His face was swollen badly on one side, the skin around his eye already darkening.
Blood had dried at the corner of his mouth and along his jaw.
His shirt had been torn open at the collar, exposing bruises across his chest ribs, some fresh and angry, others beginning to turn dark beneath the skin.
There were marks on his wrists, too, raw where ropes held him too tightly.
Theda swallowed hard. She had seen injured men before. She had cleaned wounds that made her stomach turn. But this was Jem. The man who had treated her so kindly for the past several weeks. He'd gotten those injuries because of her.
She reached for his hand, her fingers closing carefully around his. His knuckles were split and swollen. She traced the edge of one bruise with her thumb, barely touching him.
“I'm here,” she whispered, though she wasn't sure he could hear her.
Della pressed a clean cloth into her free hand.
“He's lucky,” Della murmured, watching Theda clean a deep scrape along his forearm. “I think we're all lucky that the two of you survived, that there weren't more casualties. Not one of us died, thanks to his and Phineas’ and Leland's efforts.”
Della looked at her for a long moment, something tender passing behind her tired eyes. Theda swallowed hard. She was thankful she didn’t have to face Jem’s condition alone.
When the last bandage was tied off, Della sat back on her heels and looked at Theda.
“Go rest,” she said. “You must be exhausted after everything you’ve been through. You need your rest. I'll watch him.”
“Della--”
“I mean it.” Della reached over and squeezed her hand.
“I'll come get you the moment he stirs. I promise you.” Theda wanted to stay, to force herself to be there when Jem woke. But exhaustion was starting to catch up to her. Not only physically, but emotionally. She felt as if she’d been drained completely.
Theda looked at Jem, still and pale against the bedding, his breathing slow and even now that the worst of the wrapping was done. He was back in her wagon, the way they’d started their friendship.
Her body had nothing left to give. Her arm throbbed where Ransom had gripped it. Her eyes burned with exhaustion.
“All right,” she said quietly. “Wake me the moment anything changes.”
“The moment,” Della agreed. Della looked like a mother hen, ready to protect Jem no matter what. If there was anyone Theda could trust with Jem’s care, it was her.
Theda climbed down from the wagon and made her way through the quiet camp toward Della's wagon, her legs unsteady beneath her, every part of her aching in ways she hadn't let herself notice until now.
She climbed inside, pulled off her boots, and lay down without bothering to change out of her dirt-streaked dress.
Sleep didn't come right away.
She lay in the dark and thought of Jem's face the moment Ransom's pistol had touched her temple. She thought of his voice, low and steady, talking his brother down one careful word at a time.
She thought of him collapsing in her arms afterward, and the long silence on the ride back when she hadn't known, not really, whether he would wake again before they reached camp.
His body would heal. She trusted that. Ribs mended. Bruises faded.
It was the rest of it she worried over. Whatever Ransom and the years before him had carved into Jem's soul, the guilt, the shame he'd carried. She didn't know how a person healed from that, or how long it took, or whether love alone was enough to do it.
She closed her eyes.
Lord, mend what You can see and what you can't. His body, and whatever's left bruised underneath it. Give him peace with who he was, and the man he's chosen to be instead. Watch over him tonight, the way You watched over both of us today.
She let the prayer carry her down into sleep.
Theda woke to a soft knock against the side of the wagon.
For a moment, she didn't know where she was, the dark too unfamiliar, her body too heavy with sleep.
Then it came back to her all at once, the camp, the ride home, Della's hands tying off the last bandage, and she pushed herself upright, groggy and stiff, her dress still creased from sleeping in it.
“Theda.”
Phineas’ voice, low, just outside the canvas. He was out there, calling her.
Is something wrong?
She rushed to pull on her boots, then she climbed down on unsteady legs, blinking against the gray early light. She was groggy from the restless sleep after the events of the day before.
Her brother stood there with two cups of coffee, holding one out to her without a word. She took it gratefully, wrapping both hands around the warmth. She had been so exhausted the previous afternoon that she must have slept through the day and the night.
“How are you?” he asked, studying her face. “We were worried you weren’t going to wake up.” Mischief twinkled in his eyes, something she wasn't sure she would see again just the day before.
“Tired. Sore.” She took a sip. “But better than yesterday. How is Jem? Has he woken up?”
“Jem’s awake.” Phineas grinned.
Relief moved through her so fast it nearly buckled her knees.
“Let's go,” Phineas nodded in the direction of their wagon and started walking. Theda fell into step beside him as they started back through camp.
“Jem's awake,” he said.
“Is he…”
How badly was he injured?
He’d looked terrible the day before.
“Della says he's lucid. In pain, but lucid.” Phineas glanced sideways at her. “I think you'll want to see for yourself before you believe me.”
They walked together past the quiet fires, past families still stirring beneath their wagons, and Theda let the coffee warm her hands. Despite what they’d all been through, camp looked so normal. She wasn't sure what to think of it.
“I spoke with the commander before we left the pass,” Phineas said after a moment, drawing her attention back to him.
“Handed over the diamonds myself. Whatever happens with Ansel now, it's out of our hands.
He'll travel with us the rest of the way to Oregon, but his future will be decided once we reach the territory. The commander was fair about it. Said the circumstances would be weighed properly. He put this whole wagon train in danger with his actions, you especially.”
Theda nodded slowly, thinking of Verity's tired face, of Caleb's small hand caught in his father's grip.
What Ansel did was wrong, but she couldn't hope that the family would be torn apart.
From what she'd seen, the man was a good father and husband.
Perhaps he'd just let himself get sidetracked by the wrong decisions in life.
“And Jem?” she asked, though she already feared the answer.
Phineas was quiet for a few steps.
“I made a case for him as well,” he said finally.
“Told the commander everything Jem did yesterday in more detail. I’d already explained it back when we were in the gang’s camp.
The risk he took going back alone. What it cost him.
” He glanced at her. “I asked that he be allowed to travel with us the rest of the way, same as Ansel, instead of being taken straight to the fort under guard.”
Theda's breath caught.
“He agreed,” Phineas said. “Jem stays with us. All the way to Oregon. His sentencing won't happen until we arrive. The commander can’t guarantee what will happen there, but he’ll do everything he can for leniency.”
Tears blurred her vision before she could stop them, and she didn't try.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “Phineas, thank you.”
He reached over and squeezed her shoulder. They’d arrived at their wagon. Theda glanced at the wagon’s roof, wondering what she’d find inside.
Understanding dawned on Phineas’ face. “You’re welcome, Theda. I can see how important he is to you. Go see him,” he said. “He's been asking for you.”