Chapter 36
TANISHA
Life in Mumbai was chaotic, crowded, and messy.
But for once, it felt like the city understood her.
The honking horns, the shouting vendors, the fumes of exhaust in the air, the rush of people moving with too much urgency and too little space, it all mirrored the noise in her head, the clutter in her heart and the mess her life currently was.
Tani stood on the sidewalk, rooted in place as a stream of pedestrians flowed around her like water around a stone. Some muttered under their breath, some shoved past, but she didn’t move. Her eyes were fixed on the towering entrance of the stadium ahead of her.
The security guard by the gate kept glancing over at her, giving her the kind of look reserved for suspicious packages and emotionally unstable women hovering outside concert venues.
She dragged in a deep breath, bracing herself for what she had to do. It didn’t help. She tried again, slower, deeper, edging on desperate. Still nothing.
Her lungs worked but her courage didn’t. Her mother had dropped her here right after they’d left the hospital. Tani had insisted she was fine, insisted she could handle it, insisted she didn’t need anyone hovering.
Shikha had asked if she wanted her to stay and Tani had said no, because Tani always said no when she meant yes.
Now she stood alone on a Mumbai sidewalk, clutching her phone with clammy fingers and feeling every single one of her choices like bruises beneath her skin.
She regretted letting her mother leave. She regretted telling her she was fine. She regretted… God, she regretted so many things.
Tani had a lot of regrets.
One deep breath. One steady step. That’s all she needed. But her feet felt cemented to the pavement, and her heartbeat was a drumbeat she couldn’t match.
She needed to get inside because somewhere inside was the one man she wanted to see. The one man she needed to see.
Kabir.
But she didn’t know if he would want to see her. And so, her feet wouldn’t move.
“Tanisha?” Rahul stood behind her, his hands full of what looked like a food order, burgers and fries.
Tani’s stomach rumbled at the smell wafting her way. She pressed a hand to it, embarrassed by the loud noise.
“What are you doing out here?” he asked, waving her forward. He gestured to the security guard and the man let them through without any fuss. “Does Kabir know you’re here?” he asked.
“No, I-“ her voice failed her. “I wanted to surprise him.”
Rahul laughed, shifting sideways to allow some workers to pass as they walked by carrying a long board. “It looks like it’s a day for surprises for him.”
Tani’s stride hitched. “What do you mean?” she asked, hurrying after him.
“Well, you know,” Rahul said, holding up the paper bag in his hand like it was evidence in a trial. “It looks like a day for visitors.”
They reached the corridor that led to the dressing rooms. Tani slowed down, her heart beating triple time in her chest.
“Oh,” she said. “Maybe this is a bad time. I can come back later.”
“Don’t be silly,” Rahul said cheerfully, marching down the hallway. “He’s always happy to see you.”
“Always, huh?” she asked, smiling weakly.
“Well,” Rahul grinned. “Almost always.”
Before she could stop him, he shoved the door open, calling out, “Look who I found loitering around.”
Her gaze clashed with Kabir’s stormy ones, his face an expressionless mask but his eyes…his eyes latched on to hers like a drowning man on a life raft. And whatever was going on in here, he was drowning.
“Tani?” he said huskily, taking a half step towards her before checking himself.
She opened her mouth to say something but her gaze snagged on movement behind him. A young girl with her hair pulled together in a braid, framing a serious face. An expressionless face with stormy eyes. Just like the man who stood beside her.
“Hi,” she said, smiling slightly. “I’m Tanisha.”
No answer.
Kabir stepped forward, unconsciously moving closer to Tani, his warmth seeming to make her own cold insides simmer.
“Tani, this is Zara. Zara, this is-“
“Your whore?”
The words slapped the welcoming smile right off Tani’s face.
“What the hell did you just say?” Kabir asked, his voice a hiss.
“My mother told me all about her,” the girl said insolently. “Said that she’s-“
“You’re going to stop talking right now,” Kabir warned. “I don’t want to hear the rest of your mother’s poison repeated here. Not now. Not ever.”
“Kabir,” Tani’s voice was level but an undercurrent of shock and confusion ran through it. “Who is this?”
His gaze met hers, lost and defeated. “My cousin and soon to be legal ward.”
Right. She looked to the girl, her insolence having given way to defiance as she glared at Tani, her arms crossed over her chest.
“How long have you known about her?” She couldn’t wrap her head around it, around Kabir having kept such a large part of his life secret from her.
“A couple of weeks.”
A couple of weeks. A hysterical giggle climbed her throat but she swallowed hard, squashing it. “A couple of weeks. You didn’t tell me.”
“You were a little busy getting married to someone else, Tani,” Kabir said, unconsciously mimicking his sister’s angry defiance. “Remember that? At what point was I supposed to pull you aside and tell you my problems.”
“I’m not a problem,” Zara snarled. “I told my mother that this was a bad idea. I don’t care what happens to me but I am not going with you.”
“Going with me?” Kabir spun around. “Going with me where? Look, we haven’t figured anything out but we have time and –“
“I don’t care,” the girl shouted, her voice full of tears. “I don’t have time and I don’t want you.”
“Alright.” Tani took a deep breath, trying to channel her mother’s calm and poise. “Let’s take a moment to breathe.”
“Fuck you,” Zara said, venomously.
Tani took a startled step back.
“Don’t talk to her like that!” Kabir snapped.
“I will talk whichever way I want to. I know you hate my mother and I know you hate me,” Zara seethed. “And you know what? I hate you too. So I don’t care what my mother says but I am not going anywhere with you and her.”
“I don’t know what your mother has told you but this behaviour is not going to get you anywhere.”
“Good,” Zara said, glowering at him.
“Look,” Tani cleared her voice, interrupting their standoff. “You’re clearly in the middle of something. Maybe this will go better if I’m not around.”
“Great idea,” Zara chimed in, a bright smile on her face even as her eyes glittered with angry tears.
Kabir made a frustrated, growling sound.
“I’ll go.” Tani backed up, and was almost at the door when Kabir caught up with her. He grabbed her hand as she reached for the handle
“Bug, I-“
“Not now okay?” she said, managing a trembling smile. “Now is not for us. It’s for her.”
His hand slid away from hers, falling to his side. “When is it for us?”
“I don’t know, Kabs,” she whispered, steeling herself and stepping away from him. “Maybe never.”