Chapter 38
TANISHA
Today would have been her wedding day. The thought drifted through her mind in slow motion, weightless, detached, touching nothing inside her.
Tani sat on her bed, knees pulled up, hands hanging loosely between them. Her gaze was fixed on the blank stretch of wall ahead, unfocused and unmoving.
She should have been grieving the relationship. She should have felt shattered, abandoned, humiliated, devastated…the list was endless. But she felt none of them. She dug deep, searching for even a sliver of sorrow. What she found instead was relief, endless, depthless relief.
Jay was gone. The wedding was off. And she could breathe again.
She wasn’t grieving the relationship but she was grieving the girl who’d been willing to settle for it. Her eyes drifted to the cupboard in the corner, focusing on it like she hadn’t focused on anything else.
Her wedding lehenga hung inside, still wrapped in the boutique’s designer cover. An irrational urge shot through her, to pull it out, drag it into the backyard, douse it in kerosene and watch it burn until nothing remained but ash and smoke and freedom.
Her hands twitched. But she exhaled sharply and forced herself to reach for her sanity.
She stood and walked over to the cupboard.
She reached in, grabbed the lehenga and hauled it out.
Then she pulled out every single item that made up her trousseau.
Blouses, dupattas, casual clothes, shoes. All of it.
Every symbol of the life she had almost forced herself into.
She dropped the whole pile into an open suitcase and zipped it shut with a final, decisive pull. She left the suitcase by the door and then reached for another one.
This time, she packed slowly, taking everything she’d brought with her from New York. With each folded piece, her heart settled and her spine straightened. She felt like she could breathe again.
“Going somewhere?”
She glanced up to see Vikram lounging in her doorway, one hand tucked into a jeans pocket, looking like the poster boy for society darlings.
“Yeah.” She was flushed and breathless from the frantic exertion. “Back to New York.”
Vikram straightened, sauntering into the room and glancing at the chaos she’d managed to wreak on it. “And not even going to say goodbye apparently,” he murmured.
He plopped down on the bed, crushing one of her favourite work shirts as he sat. “Running, Tan Tan?”
Tani sighed. “Vik, I just need to get away.”
“Hmm.”
She sat down on the bed beside him, not looking at him, keeping her eyes on the ground between her feet. “It’s a mess. I made a fucking, big mess.”
“You didn’t make it alone.”
She didn’t want the out he offered. “I was the catalyst for all of it.” Her heart hurt even thinking about it.
They fell silent, a comfortable one, one built on years of whispered confidences and childhood secrets, a friendship so deep it didn’t need definition anymore.
“So,” he said finally, clearing his throat a little. “You and Kabir huh?”
Tani didn’t reply, not knowing what to say that would encapsulate the enormity of what was ‘her and Kabir’.
“Didn’t know you had a thing for old men,” Vik said now, leaning back on his elbows.
Tani sputtered out a laugh. “Say that in front of him” she invited, “I dare you.”
“Hell no.” Vik grinned. “I wouldn’t want to have my ass handed to me.” His smile faded. “You know he’s thought about it though.”
Yeah, Kabir had thought about it. He’d thought about all of it. He was only, endlessly, thinking about every angle of it, she thought resentfully. And yet, he didn’t think to tell her he’d inherited a sister.
“It doesn’t matter to me,” she said quietly. It never had.
“What does matter to you, Tan Tan?”
“He does.” The words were soft, barely there, but underlined with conviction.
“Then why are you running?”
“Do you know what’s been going on with him?” she asked, using the question to deflect.
“Yeah, I overheard my parents talking last night.”
“You eavesdrop on your parents?” She slanted a sidelong look at him.
“I like to keep track of the amount of shit I’m in.” He nudged her, his elbow digging in under her ribs. “You don’t?”
She laughed, surprised she was capable of the sound in the moment. “You’re an idiot.”
“Not as big of one as you,” he replied with another nudge. “Come on, Tan Tan. This is Kabir and you. Are you going to run? Or are you going to stick?”
She looked over to her suitcases, some full, some half empty with stuff haphazardly shoved into them.
“When did you get so wise?” she asked.
He stroked his chin, affecting a thoughtful pose. “Just call me Yoda.”
“Yoda, my ass,” Tani laughed, nudging him back.
Vik yelped, jumping to his feet. “Damn, you have bony elbows.”
Tani was still laughing as she grabbed Vik in a mock chokehold, both of them stumbling like overgrown children locked in a ridiculous wrestling match. He groaned dramatically, pretending to yank free, and she burst into another giggle, her chest lighter than it had been in weeks.
Then her phone rang.
She loosened her grip on him automatically. Vik glanced at the screen and waggled his eyebrows.
“Oooh,” he crooned, “the old man’s calling.”
Tani shoved him away with a grin, breathless and amused as she reached for her phone and froze. Her stomach pitched as a chill slid straight down her spine like someone had poured ice water through her veins.
It wasn’t Kabir. It was his manager.
Tani swiped up immediately, her voice rough with fear she couldn’t will away. “Hello?”
“Tanisha? This is Varsha, Kabir’s manager.”
“I know,” Tani replied, already bracing for what she knew would be bad news. “What’s wrong?”
Varsha didn’t answer. Not immediately. And the silence was worse than anything she could have said.
“Is Kabir okay?” Tani demanded, unable to handle the quiet on the phone line.
“No,” Varsha said finally. “No, he’s not.”
Tani’s lungs constricted as her vision greyed at the edges. Vik took a step forward, wrapping an arm around her, holding her up.
“Listen,” Varsha continued, sounding nothing like her normal, efficient, unshakeable self. “I’m at his hotel. Can you come? Please?”
Tani lifted her gaze. Vik was watching her. The worry in his eyes told her he’d heard everything.
Are you going to run? Or are you going to stick?
Her heart answered before her mind could catch up.
“I’m on my way.”