Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Oliver parked outside the hotel and took it in with a quick, assessing glance. In the three months he’d been gone, the Old Colonial had changed. Scaffolding hugged parts of the facade. The garden bar looked almost lived in. The place had movement about it again.
He still owned it.
He’d intended to sell the hotel. He’d had offers — good ones. Plenty of them. But none had been right. And eventually he’d been forced to admit the truth: the reason he’d found fault with every buyer was because he didn’t want to let it go.
Because he hadn’t only left an investment behind. He’d left his heart.
He turned away from the hotel. He hadn’t come here for that.
Instead, his gaze pulled across the road to the café opposite, basking in morning sunshine.
Outside, the tables were packed — walkers in shorts and battered hats, mums with prams, a couple of tourists in bright dresses and new sandals.
A mix of ages and styles he never saw in the parts of Sydney he’d once lived in, where everyone dressed the same, drove the same cars, and ate the same things.
He scanned for the one face he needed to see. But he couldn’t find her.
A cold squeeze tightened in his gut. Had something happened to her?
Three months of silence did strange things to the mind — filled it with catastrophes, with the suspicion that you’d waited too long.
And three months could change a man. From a walking zombie to someone who accepted the fact that he wasn’t — as he’d always believed — a man without emotions.
Three months of introspection and counselling had led him to this moment, staring at the café opposite.
He just hoped he hadn’t left it too late.
Then the café doors swung open and Lucy burst forth like a force of nature — two plates in hand, serviettes fluttering in her wake, a baby startled into a brief wail by the sudden movement.
She delivered the plates, leaned in for a quick word, then dropped onto a chair with her customers, laughter lighting up her face.
Oliver’s mouth tugged into a helpless smile. There she was. Alive. Fully herself.
He slid his sunglasses down, stepped off the kerb, and crossed the road.
He had no idea what her reaction would be, but he’d soon find out.
Lucy knew the exact moment the air changed.
A shiver ran down her spine. The chatter around her dulled, as if someone had lowered the volume. People shifted in their seats. Heads turned.
She was facing the café windows. She looked up and caught Jen’s expression through the glass — concerned, alert, eyes fixed beyond Lucy’s shoulder.
Lucy refused to react. She went very still and focused on the window’s reflection instead.
A man was walking across the road from the hotel with casual, unhurried ease. And not just any man, but the kind of man who didn’t fit in, and who everyone looked at. She turned to face him.
Her kind of man.
The couple beside Lucy kept talking, but their voices receded until they sounded like waves heard from underwater. Lucy felt the blood drain from her face, leaving her oddly light and blank, as if her body had forgotten how to hold her up.
Was this a dream? As the days since Oliver’s departure had turned into weeks, and then the weeks had turned into months, Lucy had forced herself to accept the inevitable.
That the months would turn into years and she still wouldn’t see the man she’d fallen in love with.
There was nothing she could do about the love.
She knew that would always be there. But she could focus on placing one step in front of the other and living a life of purpose and meaning, even if it was without love.
And that was exactly what she’d done. Picked herself up and carried on.
Because she knew her mother and sisters were right when they counselled her that the hurt would lessen.
That she’d find someone else. Maybe she would, maybe she wouldn’t.
But all she could do was go on, taking each day as it came, guided by the wisdom and support of her family and friends. And she had.
And it seemed he’d survived, too. She watched as he stepped up onto the pavement in front of her and took off his sunglasses. She remained seated, somehow expecting this apparition to disappear as suddenly as it had arrived.
‘Lucy,’ he said quietly.
His voice brought her to her senses. It really was him. She rose without answering his smile. ‘Oliver,’ she responded. Her voice was dry and husky, as if she hadn’t just spent a morning talking with her customers. As if she were in shock.
He shot her an uncertain smile, twisted around and then looked back at her. It occurred to her that she’d never seen him look so uncertain. The thought snapped her out of her surprise. She cleared her throat.
‘Come here for a decent coffee?’ She indicated the hotel with her head. ‘The hotel bar is open for business but I don’t think Brenda is any better at making coffee.’
‘And I’m not going to even ask her. So, yes, please, Lucy, a coffee would be great.’
She turned her back on him, conscious that her face was like a beacon — the tsunami of blood which had drained had flowed back in with a vengeance — and her mind was scrabbling between speaking and wondering what the hell he was doing back here.
But gone was the time when she’d humble herself by asking him.
He’d have to crawl all the way to her if he wanted something.
She caught Jen’s eye and Jen raised her eyebrow. Lucy gave a slight shrug. ‘Um, Jen, would you mind getting Oliver a coffee.’
‘Sure,’ said Jen, walking over to the coffee machine which she was now a master of. ‘Why don’t you have one yourself, it’s time for your break?’
‘No, I—’
‘Hi, Oliver,’ greeted Jen over Lucy’s shoulder with the kind of welcoming smile Lucy couldn’t bring herself to give him. ‘What brings you back here?’
Lucy turned to Oliver with interest. Seemed she could count on her big sister to ask the difficult questions.
‘Lucy.’
‘Well, in that case, I’ll bring two coffees over.’
‘We’re too busy,’ said Lucy.
‘I can cover for you,’ said Jen with a determined set of jaw revealing an obstinacy which Lucy knew, from experience, she wouldn’t be able to shift. But Lucy was never one to give up easily.
‘You were off home, Jen.’
‘Change of plan.’
‘There’s nowhere for two people to sit inside,’ said Lucy.
‘You can go into the garden.’ Jen’s smile tightened. ‘I’m staying, Lucy, so take a seat and I’ll bring the coffees over.’
Sometimes it wasn’t any use arguing with your big sister.
It seemed she’d always pull rank and have the last word.
Lucy glanced at Oliver who was standing a little to one side, watching the exchange with amusement.
Lucy scowled and walked past Jen and through the back door beyond the kitchen.
When they emerged in the garden she turned around to find Oliver was right behind her.
‘I prefer this route to the garden,’ he said. ‘Rather than the cobwebby one through the disused, mildewed tunnel you sent me down last time.’
She refused to be drawn in past reminiscences. ‘What is it you want, Oliver?’ She folded her arms.
‘So we’re going to do this standing up, are we?’
The door slammed open. ‘Two coffees, just as you both like them!’ exclaimed Jen pushing past Lucy to the table the staff used for their lunches.
Oliver followed and, with a grunt, Lucy followed, too. It looked as if she didn’t have any choice. After Jen had deposited the coffees and walked away, Lucy remained standing, eyes fierce and arms folded.
‘I’ll ask you again. What is it you’re here for?’
‘I have a business proposition for you,’ he said.
The ridiculous hope in her heart plummeted. ‘Of course you have. Why else would you be here?’
‘Exactly,’ he said. ‘You know me so well.’
‘I’m not sure I do.’
The humour drained from his face, leaving a rawness she hadn’t seen before. He glanced at his untouched coffee, then looked up again, resolve hardening.
‘You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?’
‘I’m hardly making it hard. Because I don’t know what it is! I’m guessing as it’s business, it must be connected with the café. You want me to franchise the Perching Parrot?’
‘Would you?’
‘No! Oliver, look, I don’t know why you came here. I have no interest in a business proposition.’
‘You haven’t heard it yet.’
‘OK. Let’s get to the point of your visit and then we can both get on with our day.’ She sat back with folded arms and stared at him. ‘I’m all ears.’
‘It’s about the hotel.’
‘The hotel,’ she repeated.
‘Yes, the hotel.’
‘The hotel you saved from demolition before leaving town and selling your interests in it. Well, I can’t think why you bring it up. Brenda was saying that the renovations are coming along nicely. They’ve even opened the garden bar already.’
He turned to her, unsmiling. ‘She said that?’
‘Yes. For her, it was almost waxing lyrical.’
He still didn’t smile, just nodded. ‘And for you?’
‘For me, what?’
‘Have you been inside?’
She shook her head. Did he really think she could bear to go there after what had passed between them? ‘No, I, er, haven’t had the time.’
‘Right,’ he said. ‘Right.’ He pressed his lips together and was silent for a few moments. A few moments too long for Lucy.
‘Oliver!’ she said, and he looked around as if he’d just hit her. ‘I can’t stand this much longer. Tell me why you’re here.’
‘I wondered if you’d be interested in running the hotel.’
‘Running the hotel?’ She shook her head in confusion. ‘What are you talking about? Even if I were, what’s it to do with you? You’re not telling me you still own it, are you?’
‘That’s exactly what I’m doing. Although I have to say, I thought you’d know. With your spies — your brother, and Augi…’ He trailed off with a shrug. ‘It didn’t occur to me you wouldn’t know.’
‘Strange as it may seem I don’t operate a 24/7 investigative team focused either on the village, its inhabitants, or you!’ She grimaced, shook her head in confusion. ‘Why on earth are you still holding on to it? You said—’
‘I know what I said, and three months ago I intended to sell all my New Zealand assets. But…’ He tailed off.
‘Oliver, please be direct. This isn’t like you. Just tell me what’s on your mind, because this is killing me. Unless that’s your intention… to kill me.’
He smiled then. ‘No, far from it. I like you too much alive and kicking.’
‘Well, that’s something I suppose.’ Something, but far too weak for her liking.
‘I wondered if you’d be interested in coming in as a partner on the hotel. You’d have a stake in the business, of course.’
She shook her head. ‘We seem to be leap-frogging over the big question here which isn’t “should I go into business with you”, and more like, “why the hell are you doing this?” A few months ago you couldn’t wait to leave, to get away from the hotel, MacLeod’s Cove… from me.’
‘No, Lucy, you’re wrong. But I understand why you think that.’
She scoffed. ‘I could hardly think anything else. You wouldn’t return my calls, you acted like you couldn’t wait to get away.’
He actually flinched. ‘I know. And I’m sorry, but I was doing something I never thought I’d do.’
‘Which was?’ she cocked her head to one side. ‘Running from a woman?’
‘No. Running from myself. Lucy, it wasn’t you I was running from, it was me.
It took me some little while and getting some help to put the pieces together, and I’m making headway.
I’m not there yet, but far enough along the path to see that I walked out on everything that had meaning for me.
I walked out on a future I didn’t think I was worthy enough to claim for my own. ’
‘Not worthy?’ She could only repeat his words, hardly able to take them in. ‘But, but… Surely you left because there was nothing left here for you. You said…’
‘I know what I said. What I didn’t know was how I felt. Or, more to the point, what I couldn’t trust were my own feelings. When you don’t allow yourself to feel any kind of emotion for more years than you can remember, it’s pretty hard to understand what the hell is going on.’
‘But,’ her voice was little more than a whisper, ‘you do now?’
‘I do now.’
She couldn’t believe it. ‘And… I’m to take your word for that? That you’ve done a complete U-turn. Why should I believe you?’
‘There’s no guarantees that come with this. All I can say is what happened, and I can assure you nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I’ve changed.’
‘So now “you’ve changed” you think you want me back in your life.’
‘Lucy, that was never in question.’
‘Jeez, now you’re really losing me.’
‘I didn’t believe I deserved you. That was what sent me away. You were too good for me.’
Lucy blinked. ‘And now your thinking has changed and I’m not too good for you?’
He spluttered a laugh, but she wasn’t laughing.
‘Seriously. I want to know. What’s changed that you think I’d welcome you back into my life?’
‘I have. Me. Completely. I’m afraid I don’t come with a written guarantee. You’d have to take my word on that.’
‘I can’t,’ she blurted out. She was shocked at his expression. ‘I’m sorry, I just can’t.’
He bit his lip and nodded. ‘I understand. Words are easy and I’ve been too easy with them. Is there anything I can do to persuade you I’ve changed? Because….’ His voice faltered slightly and he cleared his throat, ‘because I don’t want to lose you.’
‘How can you lose what you’ve never owned.’
He closed his eyes as if he’d just been dealt a blow. It was this, his expressive reactions to her words which moved her more than anything he could say. She could see he’d changed. It was there in his eyes, his voice, in his glance. He no longer looked as though he was entitled to own the world.
‘I should go then,’ he said.
‘No, I didn’t say that,’ she replied.
He looked up into her eyes and she knew that there was no way she was going to let this new version of Oliver walk out that door.
‘What did you say, then?’ he said. ‘I need you to be clear.’
She walked up to him and placed her hands on his arms, lifting her chin so that her face was close to his.
Then she rolled onto the balls of her feet and pressed her lips to his, leaving them there for a long, lingering moment, as desire swept through her.
As he opened his mouth, she pulled away and rolled back down again.
‘Clear enough?’ she asked, a slight smile on her lips.