Chapter 25
“But a kingdom that has once been destroyed can never come again into being; nor can the dead ever be brought back to life.”
I woke the next morning to find everything I owned was gone.
My room had been stripped of every article while I slept, including the coal in the fireplace.
I had been so exhausted from hours of tears that I hadn’t even heard anyone enter the room.
My open wardrobe was empty of dresses. Every necklace and brooch had vanished.
Not a single pen or bottle of ink could be found on my writing desk.
All of my possessions had been taken—even the miniature of Mother I kept on my nightstand.
I sat up in bed and stared at the empty room, feeling as if I’d been carved out and left hollow. How much more could possibly be taken from me?
A dreadful thought pierced me, and my chest lurched. I leapt out of bed and landed on my hands and knees, thrusting my hand beneath the bed frame. My fingers grazed against the small box, and a sob of relief escaped my throat. I pulled out the box and opened it. Edmond’s banknote was still there.
I clutched the box to my heart, my chest tightening once more. The terrible truth was that twenty pounds was not enough to save me. Even if I bought a ticket somewhere, where would I go? What would I do there? A lifetime of lessons in dancing and literature wouldn’t put bread on the table.
I was at my father’s mercy, whether I liked it or not.
I had miraculously avoided him last night.
Well, if one could call threatening Stevens to whisk me away from the masquerade so I could lock myself in my room before Father returned home miraculous.
But that hadn’t stopped him from coming into my room in the middle of the night and removing everything I owned.
I tucked the banknote into my shift to keep it safe, then opened each drawer of my wardrobe, unsurprised to see them empty.
I didn’t have so much as a robe to cover me.
Heat burned beneath my skin as I pushed open my door, ready to declare war.
Our lone maid was passing by, and she halted in her tracks at the sight of me in my nightdress, my hair unbrushed.
She squeaked—actually squeaked—then scurried off before I could interrogate her.
I pounded down the stairs in my bare feet, keeping my head high as I ignored the butler’s scandalized stare. I pushed my way into the breakfast room, only to see the thief-in-the-night chewing his toast and reading the morning paper.
“Where are my things?” I demanded.
“Good morning, Helena,” Father said, all too calmly. I had expected shouting, but he took a slow sip of his tea, not bothering to look up from The Times.
“My things, Father. Where are they?”
“Which things are you referring to? The items in your room, or the music room? Either way, I sold them. All of them.”
Blood drained from my cheeks. I ran down the hall to Mother’s music room. When I threw open the door, my worst fear was confirmed.
The pianoforte was gone. So were the music books. All of Mother’s hand-written sheet music, gone forever.
I walked in, searching—hoping—to see something in the empty room.
But there was nothing. My knees buckled underneath me, and I collapsed onto the floor where the pianoforte used to be.
Never again would I touch her ivory keys or trace my fingers over the delicate notes of her sheet music.
It was like I had lost my mother all over again.
Father sauntered into the music room, his footsteps echoing against the barren walls. I pulled myself up to my feet, feeling dizzy.
“How could you do this, Father?”
“This was your doing.” His tone was thin. “I gave you every opportunity, Helena. You had the baron presented before you on a silver platter—a perfectly good proposal that would save our estate from ruin—and you threw it all away.” He sniffed. “This is hardly punishment enough.”
I stared at the spot on the floor where the pianoforte’s legs had worn smooth grooves into the oak planks. “No, Father. This is cruelty.”
He huffed out an unamused laugh. “Cruelty is making a fool of your father in front of the entire ton.”
“You were the one who announced the engagement early! If you hadn’t—”
“ENOUGH!” he shouted, his anger finally bursting through. He stormed forward and grabbed my wrist. I yelped as he ripped off my bracelet, snapping the silver chain. “You are not worthy of this diamond anymore!” But then he froze, noticing the glass bead dangling beside it. “What is this?”
My heart skipped. “It’s nothing. Please—keep the diamond, just give the bead back. It isn’t worth selling.”
Father’s face turned a deep shade of red, and his nostrils flared. “It’s that Hawke fellow, isn’t it? Is this why you cast the baron aside, because you couldn’t keep your skirt down?”
“How dare you—”
Father threw the bead to the ground. I lunged after it, but he had thrown it with such force that the delicate glass had broken into two pieces.
Such a small thing, and yet it tore open a hole in my chest.
“Do you know what I had to endure after Cranford announced the engagement was null?” Father said as I stared at the broken pieces of Edmond’s bead. “Everyone is calling me an old, confused fool! Do you realize how you’ve doomed us?”
I couldn’t even lift my head to respond. I hadn’t the energy.
“I’ve lost even more money, thanks to you. Investors won’t go near me anymore. You’re lucky that selling off the pianoforte got me enough money to send you off.”
I closed my eyes. “You’re marrying me off to Lord Lichtenstein.”
“You’re already packed. You’ll take the carriage to the port, where I’ve arranged a one-way ticket to Austria.
Clearly, I haven’t had time to send word ahead, so you’ll take this letter with you.
” Something landed at my feet, and I opened my eyes to see a small envelope. “Hopefully he’ll still take you.”
“And if he doesn’t?” I whispered.
“Then you had best pray that some Austrian man will, because you are not welcome in England anymore.”
I stared at the letter on the ground. “What about Mrs. Sweete? Does she have a ticket too?”
“Of course not. You can no longer afford her services. Mrs. Sweete has already been dismissed.”
It was like I’d been dealt a fatal blow.
Rationally, I knew Mrs. Sweete couldn’t join me in Austria.
She had a sister here, a life. And I did not.
But I had lost so much in the span of a day—Edmond, my home, my mother’s memory, and now Mrs. Sweete.
She had always been so much more than merely a chaperone.
She was my closest friend. My only friend, if I was being honest with myself.
And now, she was gone too.
Father opened his pocket watch and frowned at the time. “Off with you. Don’t be late for your boat. There is a dress for you downstairs, and the carriage is waiting for you outside.”
He turned and left without so much as a farewell.
I knelt down and retrieved the two broken pieces of Edmond’s bead. Then I hobbled toward the door, each step heavier than the last, knowing that once I crossed the threshold leaving No. 8 Grosvenor Square, I was leaving behind more than just a home—I was leaving behind my heart.
∞∞∞
The sky hung heavy overhead, dark clouds sagging like damp, soiled rags.
The Port of London rolled past the carriage window, a blur of fish markets and warehouses.
Wooden piers stretched out into the harbor, the churning river a lifeless gray.
But it wasn’t the world itself that felt so lackluster—it was me.
The weight of my mistakes cast everything in a muted haze.
Releasing a long sigh, I pressed my cheek to the cold window, my pale reflection faintly visible in the glass.
I was a ghost of the woman I’d been yesterday.
She was a flawless diamond, brilliant and valuable.
Now the only worth I held was whatever Lord Lichtenstein was willing to pay for his fourth wife.
All season I had thought I’d been so clever: selecting three candidates, strategically positioning myself to win them over, then waiting for the best offer. But clearly I could not have my cake and eat it too. By trying to win all three cakes, I had ensured only an empty plate.
My throat squeezed tight as two small words spiraled through me like a curse: if only.
If only I’d had the courage to reject Lord Cranford sooner.
If only I’d told Edmond my honest feelings for him instead of waiting for his assurances first. If only I’d been willing to swallow my pride and risk looking the fool.
But Edmond had run into Sybella’s arms, and I was exiled to Austria to be the wife of a man so old, our marriage bed would likely become his deathbed before the first anniversary. The thought of an early widowhood was the only shining hope in this dark night.
The carriage lurched to a stop next to a dock where a packet ship waited for my banishment. Passengers were already crossing the gangplank, loading into the deck. Vast sails flapped like white flags of surrender, which seemed fitting.
Stevens opened my door. “Miss,” he said with a solemn tone. “I’ll see to your bags—er, I mean, your bag.”
Father had graciously given me one change of clothes and a comb. It was all I had.
“Thank you, Stevens.”
I drew in a breath and took in the dock, doing my best to ignore the fishy smell lingering in the air—when I noticed a familiar face hurrying toward me through the busy crowd. My heart leapt.
Could it be?
I flung myself out of the carriage, throwing my arms around my once-chaperone.
“Oh, Mrs. Sweete!” My voice came out as a sob. “I thought I’d never see you again!”
Mrs. Sweete held me tight, gently stroking the back of my head like she used to when I was a child. “My dear girl, did you really think I’d let that happen?”
“How are you here? I thought Father dismissed you.”