Chapter Forty-Two
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
LEENA
I t was one thing to see Colton naked on stage. He was performing, and he was far, far away from me.
Helping him into a pair of basketball shorts and a clean T-shirt just now? That was a whole different story.
A very long, very toned, story.
And now, I’m acutely aware that I’m being awkward as fuck around him. I lean over, looking anywhere but at the smirk on his face, gently buckling him into his harness seatbelt.
I’m blushing, I’m sure of it.
Apparently, he notices. “You like strapping me in, boss lady?” he teases.
“Stop,” I say.
“Does it… remind you of anything? Ow!” he exclaims with a chuckle when I maybe tighten it a little too tight. He smiles wide and I ignore him, strapping myself into my own chair without looking at him again.
I expect him to keep teasing me, but he doesn’t, which is strange. He doesn’t usually give up this easily. Something about his mood suddenly shifts, leaving him quiet. But I can’t think about that right now. I’m busy glaring at the instrument panel in an attempt to keep my face expressionless.
Was I picturing him in a different harness just now? Yes, I was.
Are the images of seeing him naked on stage, along with just now in the back seat of the chopper, seared into my brain for all eternity? Absolutely.
And did my teasing him earlier help the situation? No. No, it did not.
Why did I do that?
Because you wanted to touch him.
Because you’re allowed to touch him, and he doesn’t know.
Should I tell him? Definitely not. Being stuck with the man my guys say I have a “crush” on and stitching up a wound that was in the general vicinity of his dick was awkward enough. I just have to keep my distance from him until we meet up with the team. I have to stop thinking about him like this. I cannot possibly have fallen for this man. The guys are wrong, we’re just friends. He’s just my employee… an employee who brings me coffee in the mornings. The person who I can tell anything to, and who opens up to me–
Stop.
If I spend any more time thinking about how soft his skin is, how his muscles felt under my fingertips, or how I just watched him give a woman multiple orgasms on stage last night–
Fuck!
I wonder how many times he could make me…
“Come in, come in, this is Captain Fisher. Mama bird and I will be touching down in three… two… one…” The helicopter shakes as we land, and I hear Sebastian huff out a groan over Colton’s absurdity before speaking. That makes me smile.
“Copy that. We’re with Chen, he’s doing some hacking shit, trying to figure out how those motherfuckers got into the penthouse,” Sebastian says.
“Gray and Jones will be here within the hour, then we can head your way. You remember where the key is?” Luke asks.
“Oh, I remember.” Colton chuckles.
“Just hang tight. Leena?” Sebastian’s tone shifts.
“I’m here,” I say, already missing them.
“I love you, sugar,” he says softly.
“I love you both. Please be careful,” I urge them. I need them safe.
“We will, baby girl. Stick with Fisher, we’ll be there soon. Love you,” Luke adds before the transmission clicks off.
I dare a glance at Colton, but he quickly looks away, his jaw clenched. His wound must be hurting him again. As soon as we’re in the cabin, I’m finding where they hid the good drugs.
Once Colton finishes powering down the chopper, I somehow manage to help him out of it. We make our way along the dirt path and toward a large cabin, tucked away in the trees. I didn’t see a house for miles when we flew over, which already calms my nerves, knowing that we’re hidden here.
I help Colton limp up the front porch steps, then look around, wishing we could have come here under better circumstances. The guys told me they owned a cabin, but we’ve been so busy with work, we just never made the time to come here. I’m not even entirely sure where here is.
After I finish retrieving the key that was fucking buried in the yard, because my men are absolutely ridiculous, we make our way inside.
The entryway opens up into one large room. There’s a kitchen to the left, living area to the right and a loft upstairs. It’s surprisingly modern considering how rustic it looks from outside, but I suppose I should have guessed as much. Luke likes nice things, and Sebastian likes whatever makes Luke happy. Even though he’d never admit it.
We stand here in the silence, looking around.
“So... what now?” I ask.
“You don’t tell the guys I made you carry the bags or make me dinner?”
“I didn’t make you–” I pause, letting out a breath. I’m hungry too. “Well, how long until they’ll be here? Maybe they can bring us something?”
“He said an hour before the team is there, then depending where they’re at, it should take them…” He thinks about it for a moment. “Another five to get here.”
“Six hours?!” I exclaim. Because it took us less than two, but I guess that makes sense.
“A chopper is a little faster than a car. And the roads out here are windy as shit,” he explains.
“I’ll make us something. Come on, let’s get your sorry ass to bed,” I say, dragging the limping man beside me toward a hall that I’m really hoping has more than one bedroom this time.
And thank fuck, it does.
—
After I get Colton settled into one of the beds with some pain killers, then retrieve our bags from the chopper, I make my way into the kitchen. It’s clear no one has been here for a while, because the only food I can find is instant pasta, rice meals and the MREs I’ll be avoiding at all costs.
I start filling a pot with water as I stare out the window, taking in the sight of the darkening woods. Then I start thinking about everything that just happened.
I’m suddenly angry at myself for getting us into this situation. All of this shit is because of me, because of who my father is.
We almost lost Colton because of it.
My chest feels heavy as I think about that, how I feel about having almost lost him.
I put the water on the stove and turn the burner on. Then I nearly fall back against the counter, sliding down it to sit on the floor, letting out a heavy sob as I start to cry.
I cry for a long time.
And eventually, I come to the realization that Sebastian and Luke were wrong after all.
This isn’t just a crush.
—
I crawl up onto the bed to sit next to Colton, and we eat in silence. My mind is still reeling, jumping between what I feel for him, and how all of this is my fault.
“What’s wrong?” he asks quietly.
“Wrong? Nothing’s wrong,” I evade the question. Poorly.
“Do you want to talk about what happened at the penthouse?”
“No, no. That’s not it. I mean, that wasn’t great. But it wasn’t my first firefight,” I tell him and he nods his head in understanding, he knows what I’ve been through. Not the best conversation to have over morning coffee, but it’s come up. It wasn’t his first either. Being in our line of work isn’t always fancy parties and remote surveillance.
“Then what is it?” he asks.
I take his bowl, setting it on the nightstand next to mine before finding the courage to speak.
“Every time I turn around, there’s someone after me. It’s always been like that, and I’ve always just handled it. But it’s different now,” I say.
“Because you have the guys.”
And you, I think, the sudden thought emerging so quickly it surprises me.
“Yes, the guys, the team. I just feel like I keep putting everyone I care about in danger because of who I am. And now, they’re all about to risk their lives again on this op to save my sister. The guys ran the business just fine before I was here, they had lives where they didn’t need bulletproof glass or escape plans that involved helicopters. Sometimes I wonder where I fit into all of this. I help with the paperwork, sure, but how much of an asset am I really? How am I even worth it? I just feel like I’m the liability who’s going to get someone killed.”
I’m crying again, softer now. Because goddammit, I just keep doing this! How could I live with myself if anyone else gets hurt because of me? The man lying on his back gripping his bullet wound is proof enough.
“Leena,” Colton says, and I glance up, meeting his eyes. I’m not sure what I expected to find there, but confusion wasn’t it. “Maybe you’re a liability, but we all are. Seb likes to think with his fists more often than his brain, Lu lets his heart get in the way of what needs to be done and I can’t take a damn thing seriously. We all have our weaknesses that could put us in danger, even during the easiest of ops. That’s why we have each other’s backs. You don’t just do paperwork, Leena. The guys started the business, sure, but you’re the one who keeps the team together. And Sebastian and Luke were fucking miserable before they met you. You didn’t know them back then, but I did. They’re different now. They’re fucking happy. Do you honestly think they would’ve ever gotten together if it weren’t for you?”
He stares at me, and I look away, not sure if I can believe what he’s saying. But then his fingers brush my chin, turning it back so I’m forced to face him.
“Don’t you get it?” he whispers. “You aren’t just a part of the team, and you aren’t a separate piece of their lives. You’re the heart.”
The heart.
Am I?
I think about that for a long moment, studying his beautiful face and the honesty in his eyes. But what he’s saying is too kind, too thoughtful. Too much.
So I look away again.
“There’s something else,” he says, concerned.
“I should check your wound.” I slide off the bed and walk over to sit in the chair next to him. I reach out, but he grabs my hand, stopping it.
“You’re nervous around me. You have been all night,” he states.
I don’t say anything, I just let my hand slide from his. Because I can’t deny that.
“Fuck!” he says, running a hand over his face in exasperation before speaking again. “I’m so fucking sorry, Leena. I never should have let you see me in that show without talking to you first. We were friends and I completely fucked it up. I can give you guys your key back,” he says, and my eyes shoot up to him. He’s looking away, shaking his head. It’s as if he’s angry at himself and absolutely heartbroken all at the same time.
“What? No! That’s not it at all!” I say frantically.
“So this isn’t about the club?” he asks, turning back to me.
“No! I mean… sorta?” I say awkwardly.
I don’t want to lie to him, but can I actually tell him what’s running through my head? I wrestle with that thought, right up until I see his eyes squeeze shut. See the pain and disappointment in his features.
It’s absolutely heartbreaking.
And I can’t fucking stand it. This man has had enough pain, enough heartbreak, enough loneliness. Can’t he see how much we all care about him?
How much I care about him?
“Goddammit Colton!” I push up from the chair so I can pace beside the bed. “How I feel about you started way before the club. You just always make me fucking smile. My guys are so happy when you’re around, and I hate the mornings after we get home from a job, because you aren’t there. I love spending time with you, love when you bring me coffee and the way you make Sebastian and Luke laugh… even when you guys break shit in the house. I love that you’re smart, and obnoxious as all hell at the same time. How you always know exactly what to say to me when I’m upset and bring the three of us back together when we’re fighting. Then Lu and Seb told me that I could fuck you, and I didn’t think I even wanted to–”
“I’m sorry, what?!” he says, sitting up, but I don’t stop talking.
“–but then we went to the club… the one that you bought so that Mia and the rest of them could keep their jobs to feed their families… and when I almost lost you... I realized the guys were right. I’ve fallen for you, Colton, and I still have no idea how you feel about me. But there’s absolutely no denying that I want you after seeing you in that show. Not when your goddamn perfect body with that perfect fucking dick was all up in my face and–”
My words cut off as he quickly stands, grabs my face and covers my lips with his. My heart stops for a moment, in absolute shock at how fast he moved considering his injury.
My head is tipped back because of his height, my body fitting perfectly flush against his. He pulls away slightly, his breathing hitched as his gaze meets mine, seeing if I’ll push him away.
I don’t.
He covers my mouth again, and I lean into the hard lines of him. His lips are soft, and I don’t know how he still smells good after everything we went through, but fuck me he does. And the way he’s holding me right now, like he never wants to let me go, how his lips are pressed firmly against mine without moving, answers my question. He has feelings for me too.
So I kiss him back.
When my lips part, I can feel his heartbeat pick up. Our lips move against each other, and I feel like I’ve been waiting a lifetime for this kiss. It’s as if every time this man made me smile was poured into it. And maybe they were, because both of us are smiling now.
When he deepens the kiss, I slide my hands up his chest, feeling him quake under my fingertips. It’s such a strong reaction that I pull away, afraid I’m hurting him. I look up into those green eyes that are now glassy with emotion.
“You’re shaking,” I say, concerned.
“You’re the only thing in this world I’ve ever wanted, and the only thing I couldn’t have. I’m shaking because I’m fucking terrified this isn’t real,” he says, his raspy voice nearly breaking, his eyes searching mine.
“I was afraid before, because I already gave my heart to two people. I didn’t want to break theirs, or yours,” I say softly.
“And now?” he asks, his breathing ragged.
“Nothing in this world can change how I feel about Sebastian or Luke, and I’ll keep your heart safe for as long as you let me have it. Promise me you won’t break mine?” I say, my own eyes starting to well up. I know this is a lot to ask, a lot to promise. But I won’t risk our friendship over some fling or mild attraction.
I deserve more than that. So does he.
Colton leans his forehead against mine, then takes in a long breath before whispering, “I promise. My heart is yours.”