Chapter 7
Seven
Sadie
M y stomach is churning as I park at the club, not only because of this not-so-morning sickness but also because I have to do the one thing I’ve been dreading since the double pink lines showed up on that pregnancy test.
And also maybe because I’m still thinking about Lucas’s visit to my house this morning. I meant what I said—I don’t need a Dom. I’ve never been interested in one, and I don’t feel very submissive as it is.
But…
There’s something about the way he talks to me. The firm, assertive tone of his voice. The unwavering confidence. The arrogance that is infuriatingly sexy .
I really can’t stand him, which makes the way my belly tightened with arousal at his words this morning so irritating.
But I’m not thinking about that right now. Right now, I’m focused on the fact that I’ve managed to lure Jax Kingston back to the club, and while he thinks it’s for another “room tour,” he has no idea I’m about to knock him off his feet with a sucker punch of reality.
Tossing my purse over my shoulder, I walk inside. I’ve called in a lot this week. I can tell Sage is worried about me, and I feel bad that I haven’t come clean with her either. I guess everyone is in for a surprise tonight.
The club isn’t open yet, so I unlock the back door and enter the quiet space, immediately hearing my pink-haired boss talking in the back office.
“Oh, that feels so good,” she moans, and I halt in my tracks. Halfway down the hall, I wonder if the door slamming behind me was loud enough to warn her and her husband that I’m now in the building.
“Hello…” I call.
“We’re in here,” she replies before moaning again.
“Umm…” Taking each step down the hall slowly, I wonder what exactly I’m about to walk into, especially after being invited in. But when I peek my head into the office, I relax my shoulders at the sight of Sage in one office chair and her feet in Adam’s lap as he massages them with adoration on his face.
“Hey!” she calls with a tired but wide smile on her face.
“Hey,” I reply, clearing my throat and averting my eyes from the scene of her partner so affectionately caring for her. No one will be rubbing mine anytime soon.
Sage picks up on my less-than-chipper greeting and pulls her feet from his hands. “What’s up?” she asks.
“Nothing,” I reply nonchalantly as I drop my bag on the counter and begin my club-opening routine.
“Bullshit,” she snaps, rising from her chair.
When I tilt my head to the side and give her a flat look, she simply turns to her husband and touches his shoulder.
“Baby, will you give us a few minutes?” she asks softly.
“Of course, Peaches,” he replies. As he stands from his chair, he plants his lips on her forehead and then on her protruding belly. On his way out, he gives me a simple smile and a wave.
I don’t know why, but the gesture has tears forming in my eyes .
“Uh-oh,” Sage starts when she sees them welling up. “If that Jax guy hurt you, I told you I’ll kill him.”
I laugh as a tear spills over. “No, it’s not him. Well…not exactly.”
Looking confused, she asks, “Did Luke do something?”
This has me cackle loudly, making me look and feel out of my mind. I can’t even begin to get into the Dr. Goode situation right now. Instead, I just come out with it.
After a deep breath, I blurt out, “I’m pregnant.”
Sage’s jaw drops. Then, she waits for a moment as if she’s trying to gauge my emotions before reacting. But since I really don’t know how to react, I simply shrug and let another tear fall.
“Oh, honey,” she says, pulling me into her arms. After patting my back for a few minutes, she just mumbles in my ear, “It’s going to be okay. I promise…everything will be okay.”
Pulling away from her embrace, I force a fake smile and wipe my eyes. “It was that night with Jax. I know it was stupid of me to have unprotected sex, and I know you’re disappointed?—”
“Sadie, stop! I am not disappointed. And you are not stupid.”
Rather than argue with her and tell her exactly how stupid I feel, I give her a tight smile and try to force her words into my psyche. I’m not stupid.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I say, letting out a sigh.
“Have you told him yet?” she asks.
“He’s coming in tonight. I wanted to do it in person,” I say before chewing the inside of my cheek.
“What are you going to say?” she asks, looking uneasy.
“I don’t know,” I reply with a shake of my head. “I don’t even know what I want to do yet.”
“Well, I am here for you, no matter what, and I’ll be here tonight if you need me.”
“Thanks,” I mumble.
As I stare into Sage’s eyes, I think about how we are in similar but different situations. Her pregnancy is a celebration. She is supposed to be happy for her baby .
And I find myself feeling incredibly…jealous.
I feel like a jerk even thinking that, so I shove the thought away.
Jax shows up two hours late. For a while I assumed he wouldn’t show up at all. But when I see his Land Rover park out front again on the security screen, a sense of dread washes over me.
Here the fuck we go.
Leaving the back office, I head to the front to greet him. My stomach might as well be an Olympic gymnast for how much it’s twisting in my gut. I can’t believe I’m about to do this. I’m about to tell a hot, rich porn star that I’m pregnant with his baby. Is it too late to undo everything? I’d like a time machine to go back to that night six weeks ago and put that condom on him myself. Or rather, not have sex with him at all. I miss the days when I pined for Jax. Wanting is far better than disappointment.
“There’s my sexy Sadie,” he calls as he enters the club. He has the same wide, charming smile, and it makes my stomach turn even more. Why must he be so hot? It’s distracting.
I force some enthusiasm on my face as I meet him in the middle of the lobby. I don’t want to scare him away, so I have to make him think he’s here for something fun. He’s too close to the door for me to drop reality on him here.
“Thanks for coming in,” I say in my high-pitched, flirty voice. He wraps his arms around me in a way that feels intimate.
“I’ll always show up for you, sweetie,” he murmurs against the top of my head.
My brows furrow against his chest. Sweetie ? We barely know each other. Why is he talking to me like we have any relationship at all? We chatted through social media for a couple of weeks. I saw him in person for about five minutes. Then he stuck his dick in me and was gone before I could say nice to meet you .
When I try to pull away, he lowers his face to mine. Instead of letting him kiss me, I turn away and try to play it off.
“Care to join me?” I say, tugging him toward the entrance to the club. “I’ve got a little something to talk to you about.”
A little something is right .
“Abso-fuckin’-lutely,” he replies excitedly.
He links his fingers with mine as I pull him through the club toward the rooms in the back. I decide to take him back to the scene of the crime. The moment I drag him inside and let the door close, he’s on me. His hands find my hips, and his mouth lands on my neck.
“This room again?” he mumbles against my flesh.
I back up, trying to put some distance between us. “Hey, can we talk first?”
“Mm-hmm,” he replies without taking his lips from my skin. He’s trying to maneuver us toward the bed, but I plant my feet and shove him away as nonaggressively as possible.
“Sorry,” I mutter as he stares down at me in confusion.
God, did I really just apologize for that? I hate this.
“What’s up?” he asks with a little bite in his tone.
“I really do need to talk to you.”
His expression is guarded as he takes a step back. It’s amazing how, when you remove the promise of sex, the mood can change.
“About what?” he asks solemnly.
“Well…” I wring my hands as I avert my gaze. “The last time you were here…we didn’t use protection.”
“Yeah.”
I glance up at him to find his expression still guarded and confused.
“And unfortunately, I wasn’t on the pill.”
“Okay.”
He’s really going to make me spell this out for him, isn’t he?
“So…I took a test last week, and I’m pregnant.”
Every time I say those words out loud, they feel heavy on my tongue. They’re awkward and hard to utter, and it doesn’t get any easier once they’re out .
To my surprise, Jax’s expression doesn’t change. He’s still just staring at me as if he’s waiting for me to get to the point of all this.
And here I thought I just did.
“It’s yours.”
“And?”
My jaw drops.
“And…I thought you’d want to know,” I reply. My skin is unbearably hot under his scrutinizing gaze, and it’s not that he’s trying to be a dick right now, but he just is.
Finally, finally , he starts to show some sort of reaction. He takes a deep breath and runs his fingers through his hair. After doing a little panicked spin in a small circle, he turns toward me and paints a sympathetic expression on his face.
“Fuck, I’m sorry. I just…don’t know what to say in these situations.”
“It’s okay,” I reply with a tight smile. It’s really not okay, but I’ll cut him some slack.
“I hate that you’re having to deal with this because of me. Just let me know how much it’s gonna cost to take care of it, and I’ll send it over.”
Something sickening travels down my spine. I wish I could express how the words take care of it feel so wrong, but I can’t. Nothing makes sense.
“I don’t really know what I’m going to do,” I reply, twisting my hands so tightly they ache.
He takes a step toward me and places his hands on my arms. “Hey, hey, hey,” he says comfortingly. “Don’t you worry about it. We’ll fix this, and I’ll pay for everything. It’ll be okay.”
He presses his lips to my forehead, and I find myself nodding.
“Yeah, okay,” I reply.
Maybe he’s right. We can just take care of it, and then everything will be back to normal.
Why, at this moment, with Jax’s muscular arms wrapped around me, do I suddenly think about Lucas? The way he smelled and the sound of his voice. The safe and comforting way I felt with his nearness. He’s never been half as nice to me as Jax, but in some very weird way…I crave him.
“Actually,” I say, tearing myself away. “I don’t know what I want to do yet. I might…keep it.”
Wow. I’ve never said that out loud before. Those words don’t feel nearly as awkward and heavy.
I glance up at Jax to find him gazing down at me with wide eyes. “Are you serious?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I just…haven’t decided.”
He lets out another heavy sigh, this one sounding a little disgruntled. He rubs at the back of his neck as he turns away. “Fuck.”
When he turns back toward me, there’s something like disappointment in his eyes, and I hate it.
“Look, I’m not asking you to do anything,” I say. “I just wanted you to know.”
“Yeah,” he mutters to himself. “I appreciate you telling me.”
Suddenly, I wish he’d touch me again. Hold me. Kiss me. Anything to be back in his good graces and turn around this dreary mood we’re both in.
I find myself reaching for him. “We can still…”
My flirtatious smile barely changes his expression at all. He still leans in and kisses me on the cheek. But that’s it.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” he replies.
My hands slide up his biceps. “Why not? It’s not like you can get me more pregnant.” I laugh, but he doesn’t join in.
“I should probably go,” he says.
Fuck. I messed this up. Me and my stupid ovaries fucked up everything.
“Okay,” I say reluctantly.
“But let me know what you decide, and I’m serious; I’ll pay for everything. You know, if you do decide to…”
“Yep. Got it,” I reply.
As he opens the door, I feel such a sense of defeat. This was awful, but did I really expect anything different? Was there any chance of this conversation going well?
No. Because, deep down, I think I knew what I was going to say even before the words came out of my mouth.
I think I want to keep the baby.