Chapter 14
Fourteen
Lucas
“ W e should get lunch,” I say, as we head back out to the car from Sadie’s doctor’s appointment.
“Be careful, Dr. Goode,” she says with a laugh. “You keep trying to feed me like this and I’m going to fall in love with you.”
I let out a disgruntled sound as I open her car door.
Even joking about that shouldn’t make me tense up as much as it does. I don’t want to give Sadie the wrong idea. Because that is never happening.
Not with her. Not with anyone.
Sadie is a beautiful woman, and regardless of how infuriating she can be at times, I do like her. And the signals between us might get a little mixed at times.
But if she’s holding on to any hope that this thing might turn romantic, she’s going to be sorely disappointed.
It’s nothing personal, of course. It’s not just Sadie. I don’t plan on being in a relationship with anyone. Even when it comes to casual sex, I like to keep it noncommittal. Not that that’s what’s happening between Sadie and me .
Climbing into the driver’s seat, I start the car and glance over at her.
“What are you craving?” I ask.
She hums in contemplation. “I don’t know. I don’t really have any cravings yet, I guess. I mean, I’d love some sushi, but apparently, that’s on the list of things I can no longer enjoy.”
“No sushi,” I reply flatly.
We settle on a taco joint. And after ordering, we have a seat at one of the small linoleum tables. Leaning back in my chair, I watch Sadie, replaying that moment in the doctor’s office when the baby’s heartbeat echoed through the room. Even for someone like me, who has no inkling of a desire to be a father, that moment felt significant.
I can’t help but wonder how she’s feeling about it now. Is this baby still what she wants? Parenthood seems incredibly daunting and exhausting and overwhelming and to think that she is embarking on this alone—it’s both admirable and worrisome. I hope she knows what she’s doing.
“Don’t mind me asking…” I say after our tacos are delivered to the table and we start eating. “But what is the deal with the baby’s father?”
The only thing she’s really mentioned up until now is that it was a one-night stand. But I can’t help but wonder about this man who got her pregnant while I was the one standing next to her during the doctor’s visit.
Sadie shrugs casually as she wipes her mouth with a napkin. “It was just one night,” she says.
“It generally doesn’t require more than that,” I reply mockingly.
She rolls her eyes at me, making me smirk before she continues. “He’s a porn star of sorts who came into the club. And typical me, I basically threw myself at him, while also throwing caution to the wind. Like I said, I was stupid.”
It irks me when she speaks so deprecatingly about herself. Especially since I can’t help but feel as if she’s doing this on purpose because she thinks that’s what I want to hear.
“You are not stupid,” I reply flatly.
“Well, you know what I mean,” she says before taking another bite.
“Does he know about the baby?”
“Yes,” she replies. “I told him.”
“So why wasn’t he the one with you today?” I ask.
She hesitates, not meeting my gaze, as she picks up her drink and takes a sip. The look on her face is something like shame or regret. And it’s not what I intended by asking that question.
“I didn’t tell him about my appointment today,” she says softly.
“Why not?”
“I don’t know,” she shrugs. “I like Jax. I like him a lot, actually,” she adds. “And I kinda hope there’s still a chance for us. But to be honest, I don’t know if I want him to be involved in all of this.”
“Well, you clearly didn’t want to go alone,” I snap back, not meaning for it to come out as harsh or as cruel as it does. But I can see her shrink down in her seat before glancing up at me.
“No, I didn’t want to go alone.”
As we stare at each other for a moment, it suddenly dawns on me that she didn’t want to go alone, and she didn’t want to go with him. But maybe she actually wanted me there—which doesn’t make any sense. Why me?
Suddenly I’m reminded of the conversation we had this morning about the way Sadie feels when she’s around me, about the way I calm her and give her guidance.
I don’t respond to her comment, giving her only a simple nod. “Finish eating.”
With a crooked smile, she does. I bite the inside of my cheek to stifle my smile every time she takes a bite and does a little side-to-side dance in her seat as she chews.
She’s insufferable.
An enigma. Brilliant and bubbly and messy and so, so strange.
I can’ t stop thinking about the way Sadie reacts to my commands. All the way back to the house, I keep replaying every moment that I’ve ordered her what to do, and she either does it or rebels. But either way, she seems to like it.
And I seem to like it.
What is this? What are we doing?
I’ve never been in a relationship like this. I’m not like my brothers, and I never considered myself a very kinky person. I enjoy sex for what it is and nothing more. But this isn’t sex. It’s something entirely different. Something more fulfilling and rewarding. But where does it end? How much more can we do without crossing that line? My palms itch to test the limits, just to see exactly what she does. It feels too addicting to resist.
Once we’re back in the private confines of my house, I feel restless. I have too much on my mind about Sadie to just let her out of my sight.
So, I decide to try something.
Sitting on the bench by the front door, I peel off each of my shoes and place them against the wall as I normally do.
Sadie stands next to me and does the same. But as she often does, she kicks hers off with the heel of one shoe under the toe of the other and flings them into the corner haphazardly. Then she makes brief eye contact with me—as if to challenge me. Like a child misbehaving on purpose.
I should be annoyed, but actually, I’m pleased.
Standing in the living room, I slowly roll up each of my sleeves.
“Miss Green,” I say in a low voice. She turns around with anticipation on her face. Rather than just giving her a regular order, I change the inflection of my voice just a hair, testing to see if it changes the way she responds. “You have reading to do for my class,” I say boldly. “Get your book and sit down and read.” Then I add, “ Now .”
The hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and my veins are thrumming with excitement. Maybe I’m misreading the situation. There’s a chance she could just pick up her book and sit down and read or ignore me and walk away, and this could all be in my head, but I have a feeling it’s not. I have a feeling that little shoe kick a moment ago was her way of saying she’s in the mood to be a brat.
Which is fine by me because I’m in the mood to punish her.
Sadie stares at me for a moment, eyes glancing back and forth between mine. “No,” she says, shoving her shoulders back. It’s one clipped and short syllable that carries so much weight.
“No?” I retort with a quizzical brow.
“I don’t want to,” she replies.
“You wanted my guidance and my direction, Miss Green, and now I’m giving it to you.”
The corner of her mouth lifts in the smallest, subtlest of ways before she replies. “And I’m telling you to fuck off. I don’t want to do what you say all the time.”
Just like in the classroom, my blood begins to boil. And I find it fascinating that while that incident was in the heat of the moment, this one, which is a bit more orchestrated, feels just as powerful and intoxicating.
I take a menacing step toward her. “You will do as I say, Miss Green.”
“Or what?” she replies defiantly, lifting her chin toward me. And those two words set me on fire. The or what . It’s an invitation. Like a secret that only we know the meaning to.
“You know what,” I reply.
Her eyes narrow as she tilts her head. “I don’t think you have it in you, Dr. Goode. You certainly didn’t do anything this morning when I threw a shoe at your head.”
I let out a threatening-sounding laugh. “Oh, don’t think I forgot about that, Miss Green.”
She chuckles haughtily. “I am not afraid of you.”
I take another step forward. “You should be.”