Chapter 23
Twenty-Three
Sadie
M y mother is pacing back and forth in front of me as I sit cross-legged on my old bed. My dad is just standing in the corner, staring at the floor as he chews on the knuckle of one of his fingers.
Luke is somewhere in my house, surrounded by my relatives, who are no doubt berating him with questions.
“You should just move back home,” my mother says after a long deliberation.
“No, Mom,” I reply, hugging a pillow to my chest.
“How are you going to raise this baby alone, Sadie? Who’s going to take care of it while you’re at work?”
It. Ouch.
“Mom, you do realize I’m twenty-five, right? I’m not seventeen.”
“Yes, but…”
“But what?” I reply, feeling irritated. “You had me when you were twenty-six.”
“I was married ,” she says, and I tighten my lips to keep from arguing .
“Listen, this isn’t up for debate and there’s nothing you need to do. I can do this.” I sort of wish Luke were in here to hear me say this to her because somehow, I do feel stronger and more confident than I was when I lived here.
I can do this.
“Where will you live, Sadie?” my dad asks. His expression is somber and contemplative, as if he’s just been told his sweet little girl isn’t so sweet and little anymore.
“For now, I’ll live at Luke’s. He’s probably leaving soon for England, and he’s going to let me stay there while he’s gone.”
My mom lets out a huff of frustration. “You need something more stable.”
“There is literally no one more stable than Luke,” I say, but she’s not listening.
“And what about the father?” my dad asks.
“He’s just a guy I hung out with once. He knows about the baby, but he’s not really interested in raising him or her.”
“He’ll pay child support then,” my mom states as if she’s personally getting it from him like some ruthless debt collector.
I shrug in response and it’s not enough for her, I can tell. But it’s not really up to her, so I don’t bother trying to explain.
My mom pinches her forehead in frustration. Meanwhile, I climb off the bed and walk toward the door. “Come on. Let’s eat dinner. You don’t need to stress about this for me. I can do this.”
She looks up and stares into my eyes, not appearing to have any faith in me.
“Fine,” she mutters under her breath.
Peeling open the door, I walk out into the hallway. The first person I look for when I reach the living room is Luke. But as I turn the corner and see him standing near the kitchen with my brother right in front of him, I freeze.
“I work at the university,” Luke says as he signs every word. “I can put in a good word at admissions.”
My lips part as blood rushes to my cheeks. I watch Luke from across the room and it feels as if I’m seeing him for the first time. It’s like watching my heart split open.
He’s signing with my brother. And the words he doesn’t seem to know, he spells effortlessly. He’s signing.
“Thank you,” Jonah replies before clapping Luke on the shoulder.
Luke’s eyes find mine and I’m suddenly barreled over with emotion. And I swear he can tell.
My brother turns toward me, an expression of excitement washing over his features.
“Sadie,” he signs, putting his arms out for me. “There you are.”
I swallow down the needles poking in my throat as I rush toward him, wrapping my arms around his waist and breathing in his familiarity.
When I pull away from his hug, he says, “I like your boyfriend.”
“He’s just my friend,” I reply for the twelfth time tonight, but this time, the words hurt, so they come out weak and broken.
Jonah gestures to our parents, who are sneaking out of the hallway together, looking stressed and despondent. “What’s wrong with them?”
“Umm…” I say, scratching the back of my neck. “I just told them my news.”
The needles turn painful as I fight the urge to cry. Why is this so hard? Jonah won’t be upset or mad to hear he’ll be an uncle, but for some reason, breaking this news to him feels like I’m breaking some sort of bond.
“What news?” he asks.
Luke’s eyes are on me, and I try to draw courage from them. I wish I could ask him to tell me I’m good. I’m doing the right thing. Tell me how strong and brave I am. Tell me anything.
I touch my stomach. “I’m pregnant.”
Jonah’s eyes widen, then shoot to Luke and back to me.
“It’s not his,” I sign .
Jonah’s face splits into a smile as he stares at my stomach. He doesn’t ask whose baby it is or what my plans are. He doesn’t give me a disappointed glare.
“I’m going to be a cool uncle,” he says in that overconfident teenage boy way, and it brings tears to my eyes.
“Yeah, you are.”
I glance up at Luke again, and to my relief, he looks proud. It’s enough to get me through the rest of dinner.
“Thank you again for having me,” Luke says to my parents as we walk together down the drive toward his car.
They wave from the door, caught somewhere between smiles and hesitation.
As soon as we get in the car, I look at him. “What the hell?” I bark.
His brow furrows as he turns his head. “What?”
“Where did you learn sign language?”
He seems offended. “My college roommate was deaf, so I learned. What’s the big deal?”
The big deal is you’re making me fall in love with you, and it’s not fair.
I cross my arms over my chest in frustration. “It just took me by surprise. That’s all.”
“You seem angry about it.”
“I’m not. I’m glad. Normally, anyone I bring home can’t talk to or understand my brother.”
“Then shouldn’t you be happy?” he asks as he pulls out onto the street.
“Yeah, I guess,” I mumble.
But I’m not. That image of Luke signing with Jonah is etched into my memory. I’m irritated by how much of an effect it had on me. I’m irritated that it’s literally the only time this has ever happened. I’m irritated that it will probably never happen again.
“How are you feeling about your parents’ reaction?” he asks.
I shrug as anxiety swarms in my stomach. “Fine, I guess.”
Thinking about it some more, I realize it’s not fine. Luke stays quiet as I deliberate.
“It’s just…” I say as I stare out the window. “My parents have been telling Jonah his entire life that he can do whatever he puts his mind to. But it feels like they’ve been telling me the opposite. ‘Sadie, you can’t live on your own. Sadie, you can’t raise a baby. Sadie, you can’t just go back to college.’”
“Well…” he says, glancing my way. “Maybe telling you what you can’t do is how they motivate you.”
I screw up my face in confusion. “How the hell does that make sense?”
“I don’t think they’re doing it on purpose, but if I know you, and I think I do now, then I know that you like a challenge. You’re motivated by rebellion. You want to prove them wrong. So by telling you that you can’t do something, whether they know it or not, they’re basically encouraging you to do it.”
Mulling over his words for a moment, I smirk at him. “So I really am a brat.”
He smiles from the driver’s seat. “You really are a brat.”
Pulling up to his mother’s house a few minutes later, we park out front in the large, round driveway, which has enough space to accommodate at least thirty cars. Only two are parked out front.
Dean is sitting on the front porch steps, watching a little girl ride her bike around the massive circular drive.
It’s comforting to know I have two friends here, so it won’t be quite as uncomfortable. Luke’s family intimidates me. They’re Austin celebrities for both good and bad reasons.
Before a couple of years ago, they were a prominent family that nearly everyone in the city knew for their church. I was barely familiar with them, but then I got a job at the club and had a front-row seat to their downfall .
Luke’s dad turned out to be a dirty hypocrite and liar, and now he’s rotting in jail with a five to ten-year sentence for attempted murder.
Even if he’s not here, the family still intimidates me.
A petite, beautiful, silver-haired woman walks out of the house and waves to us as we approach. Her jaw nearly drops to the ground when she notices me standing next to her son.
“Is that Sadie?” she asks with a smile. She’s wearing baby-pink lipstick and has thin wrinkles around her mouth and eyes. She’s one of those women who looks like she wakes up perfect.
I’ve met Luke’s mother briefly at events, like Dean’s dad’s funeral. She’s always sort of ignored me for the most part, and I don’t think she was being rude, but until now, I was no one to her. Now, I’m showing up with her son.
“I’m so glad you could join us,” Melanie says excitedly.
From the corner of my eye, I can see Luke’s jaw click as he clenches his molars. I’ve picked up on all of Luke’s tells since I moved in with him. I can tell when he’s annoyed, uncomfortable or relaxed.
“Thank you so much for having me,” I reply.
Melanie comes closer, putting her arm around my shoulders. With her head tilted toward me, she whispers, “I’ve heard the news. Congratulations.”
“Oh,” I stammer, glancing at Luke. He looks so uncomfortable I’m afraid he might jump back in the car and leave.
“Let’s go inside,” he mutters as he turns his back and marches toward the house. Melanie keeps her arm around my shoulders and ushers me behind her.
“Uncle Luke!” the little girl shouts as she comes riding toward us.
His demeanor softens immediately. “Hey, Abigail,” he says. She ditches her bike and Dean scolds her for letting it drop to the ground instead of using the kickstand, but she’s already bolting into Luke’s arms.
I can’t take my eyes off him as he kneels down to scoop up his niece with one arm. I’ve never seen him like this, but he is so effortless with her. Not stiff, uncomfortable or brash. Even the smiles he gives her are unique. I’ve certainly never seen them before.
It’s another gut punch. Or rather, a heart punch.
Why does he have to be so perfect? What happened to the infuriating professor that was easy to hate?
To make things worse, he glances back at me as I walk behind him, as if he’s looking to make sure I’m coming. He treats me like I’m with him, and all the you’re mine talk is just a game. It’s not real. But today, he’s acting like I mean something to him.
What an asshole.
Meanwhile, Dean lets out a huff and an eye roll as he goes to pick up his daughter’s bike from the drive. I smile to myself as I pass him by.
The only person less likely to become a parent than me was Dean. But he made the mistake of falling in love with a man and woman who already had a daughter.
I know the truth, though—he’s in heaven. Even when he doesn’t show it.
The inside of the Goode house is ginormous and smells so good. It’s so clean and tidy, like it’s been decorated by professionals, and has constant cleaners to maintain its pristine condition.
So this is where Luke gets it.
Sage waddles out of the kitchen with a beaming smile. Adam is close behind with a hand on her back as if she’s going to tip over at any moment. Honestly, she’s all stomach, so I wouldn’t be shocked if she did.
I wrap my arms around her, although I see her nearly every night as it is. She’s due next week, and she looks so tired but glowing at the same time. I can’t believe they’re going to be parents soon. It still feels so surreal.
My hand goes to my own stomach. What am I thinking? I only have a few months myself.
Sage drags me into the massive kitchen and offers me a sweet tea. Caleb and Dean’s wife, Briar, are sitting at the kitchen island with a spread of books and papers between the peeled potatoes and casserole dishes.
“Don’t mind me,” she says, looking exasperated. “I just waited until the last minute, and I have a huge paper due Monday.”
“You’ve got this, angel,” Caleb says from the other side of the kitchen where he’s basting the turkey.
Suddenly, I don’t know what I’ve been so worried about. This family is so warm and casual, just like any other. Melanie hands me a glass of tea while Briar laughs with Sage while feeling the baby move in her belly. Dean kisses Caleb’s cheek while he stirs something on the stove. Abby comes barreling into the room, trying to steal whipped cream off the pies before getting redirected by her mother.
It’s all ridiculously perfect, and it makes my heart ache to know that this would be a wonderful family to raise a child in. Mine is great, too, but if I were in this family, I’d have sisters and a loving mother-in-law. My child would have cousins to play with.
A soft hand rests on my lower back, and I turn to find Luke standing next to me. My heart pitter-patters in my chest, and I force myself to move away.
Stop it, you jerk.
In fact, this whole family is acting like jerks. The audacity to make me fall in love with them in minutes.