Chapter 42
Forty-Two
Lucas
Two months later
M y mother sets a cake covered in candles in the center of the table between Caleb and me as the family starts singing. Abigail is bouncing on her feet next to me as I stare at my twin brother without blinking.
It’s a stupid tradition we started when we were about eight years old. An annual stare-off over the birthday cake while everyone sings to us. Honestly, it’s better than awkwardly staring at everyone while they sing an off-key version of the worst song in existence.
Sadie sticks out her tongue at me from behind my brother, and I crack a smile that makes me blink.
“You lose!” Abigail cheers as everyone laughs through the last line of the song.
Caleb beams triumphantly across from me. Thirty-five years old and we still act like children.
“You lose, Uncle Luke,” Abigail repeats, which makes me laugh .
“I know, Abby. It’s okay, though. Your dad always beats me.”
She giggles as my mother cuts the cake. Technically, our birthday was on Thursday, but Sadie and I had tickets to a play downtown, and Caleb wanted to spend it at home with his own family, so we’re celebrating with the big family at Sunday dinner.
My mother just had a new table delivered a few days ago, so it’s our first one at the much larger version that seats all of us, with room for more. I glance at the empty one in the corner, still reserved for Isaac. And I remember what he said that night.
He’s almost ready to come back. I can’t even begin to imagine what that must be like. To be estranged from most of your family for so long that you feel like a stranger in your own home. I’ve hardly seen him since that night. He’s been in the studio a lot working on the album. It’s all recorded and set to come out in August.
We should be sharing a cake at the table for that accomplishment alone.
Maybe someday he will.
He has been texting nearly every day to check on Sadie. She’s officially full term, which means the baby could come any day now. But technically, her due date isn’t for another three weeks. She’s miserable ninety percent of the time, and it’s killing me. I want to ease all of her pain. Her backaches, her heartburn, her rib pain. I hate to see her suffer.
I take a bite of my cake, chocolate with vanilla sprinkle frosting because that’s all Caleb and I could agree on as kids. Mom has taken it to heart ever since.
But as soon as I set my fork down and push the sugary sweet plate away, I have a baby thrust into my arms.
“Hold her for me, will you?” I glance up at my brother, Adam, who drops Faith into my arms. The bald-headed baby stares up at me with round blue eyes as she blows bubbles through her tiny lips.
“Uh…sure,” I say, sending him a grimace as he laughs.
Then he picks up his plate and walks over to where Sage is sitting and talking to Briar. He feeds her a bite of cake and takes a seat next to her. They’re lucky they have so many open arms to help them with their baby.
I guess in less than a month’s time, we will too.
Faith smiles up at me, and it takes up her entire face. A big toothless grin and dimples in her adorable chubby cheeks. There’s a rubber giraffe in her hand that she slams into her mouth with little to no coordination. As she chews on the leg of the toy, she just stares at me.
I have two nieces, and it never fails to knock me off my feet how someone can be so incredibly loved from the moment they’re born. I love Faith and Abby with so much of my heart, it’s unbelievable.
There’s a small hint of worry that creeps in every time I look at them, though. Will that same natural love bloom in my heart when our baby is born?
My gut tells me yes—emphatically yes.
But my cynical mind dwells on it.
Regardless, I will give him or her everything. I will love them no matter what. But I can’t wait until that day. I can’t wait to hold them and stare at the child that I already love as my own.
Sadie has had a couple of conversations with Jax about the baby and his role in his or her life. She’s worried he’ll only show up enough for the child to get attached but not enough to be a devoted parent. She wants to protect her baby, and I love her so fiercely for that. And we have a lot to figure out when it comes to how exactly we’re going to raise this baby with him, but I have no doubt we’ll know what to do when the time is right.
As for me, I’ll be here no matter what. To support her. To love them both.
Looking up from the baby in my arms, I find Sadie watching me from across the room. She’s hiding a gentle smile behind her hand as her eyes grow moist. I shoot her a crooked smirk just as Faith smacks me in the face with a drool-covered giraffe.
Sadie laughs loudly as I look down at Faith. For a moment I’m afraid she might cry, but then she breaks out in a smile again, which warms my heart. Leaning in, I press my lips to her soft head as she coos in my arms.
After dessert, Sage takes Faith from me so she can feed her. Sadie and I help my mom take dishes into the kitchen. When I notice Sadie wincing from the pain in her back, I dry my wet hands on the kitchen towel and wave her toward me.
“Come here.”
She waddles closer and assumes the position. Pressing her back to my chest, she leans against me as I hook my arms under her round belly. Then she subtly drops her weight against my chest as I rock her gently from side to side.
It’s the only relief she gets on her back these days. Letting me hold her and take some of the pressure from the weight of her stomach.
“Want me to get you a heating pad?” I mumble softly against her ear.
Her eyes are closed as she holds on to my arms. “No. I’ll be okay until we get home.”
Kissing the side of her face, I look up right as my mother walks into the kitchen.
“Oh, poor Sadie. You okay, honey?” she asks.
“Yeah, I’m okay. Just ready to get this baby out of me.”
My mother softly pats Sadie’s stomach. “Pretty soon. It’ll be here before you know it.”
“How did you do this with twins?” Sadie asks.
Laughing, my mom shakes her head. “Don’t ask me.” After dropping some silverware into the sink, she turns toward us. “You know, Lucas and Caleb were born right on their due date. Right on time.”
Sadie looks back at me with a smile. “Why am I not surprised?”
“Twins hardly ever make it to term, but Lucas was on a schedule, and he refused to be any earlier or later than he was supposed to be. ”
Sadie laughs as I smile, kissing her head again. “Well, I hope this baby comes early. Three weeks sounds like ten years right now.”
“I know it does,” my mother drawls as she touches Sadie’s face affectionately. “Honey, why don’t you go lie down in the living room? The birthday boy can help me clean up.”
Sadie lets out a sigh and stands, moving away from me. “Don’t tempt me with a good time.”
As she leaves the kitchen, I turn toward my mother because I know she’s manipulated her way into alone time with me for a reason. She nods toward the sink, gesturing for me to dry the dishes after she washes them.
This is where deep, significant conversations would happen growing up. Mom would draft each of us individually to drying dishes in order to get us alone and conjure up some personal topic. This is where Caleb admitted to her that he was in love with Briar—and again when he was in love with Dean. This is where I was standing when I first talked to her about how I was moving to New York for college and she promised that she would always love me, no matter how far away I was.
As she hands me a sopping wet plate, I glance over at her in expectation.
“How are you feeling with all of this?” she asks in her sweet Texas drawl.
“You mean the baby?” I ask.
“You’re essentially about to be a father,” she says, glancing sideways at me as she scrubs a pan. “And you just quit your job. You’re going through a lot, sweetie.”
I fall silent as I put the dry plate away in the cabinet. My mind is searching my emotions for how I truly feel about all of this.
“Believe it or not,” I say with a sigh. “I feel good. Everything with Sadie might have happened quickly, and I wasn’t planning on being a father, but I chose this. I chose to walk away from my job and move Sadie in. I chose to step up for the baby. Not because I feel like I have to, but because I want to. ”
She smiles to herself as she nods. “I always knew you’d be a good father.”
I laugh as she hands me another plate. “That makes one of us.”
“I mean, look at the way you’ve taken care of Isaac all these years.” She glances behind herself to be sure we’re alone and no one else hears. “You’re a caretaker, Lucas. You love fiercely and loyally. And you don’t hesitate to protect your family at all costs.”
As I think about it, I realize she’s right. I did always feel a sense of protectiveness over Isaac, and when he left, I felt that for Sadie.
“I didn’t have much for a role model, though,” I say under my breath. We don’t like to talk to Mom about our father because she has her own baggage where that monster is concerned. But she has to know that he had an effect on me and how much I never wanted to end up like him.
“You didn’t need one, Lucas. You would have paved your own path anyway. You make your own rules, and you’re not afraid to do it alone.”
I chuckle lightly to myself. “If you say so.”
She glances sideways at me, grinning, and for the first time in a long time, I feel a sense of gratitude that I came back to Austin. I never wanted to return home. For a while, I saw returning here as a sense of failure. No one is ever supposed to come back home.
But now that I’m here, and I get to watch my nieces be born and grow up, and I get to dry dishes next to my mother, and celebrate birthdays with my brother, and bring my own child home for Sunday dinner… I’m so incredibly happy to be here.