Chapter 6
SIX
Addison
W henever I was in my car, I always flipped through the radio stations until I found a song with lyrics I knew and could sing to or one with a solid beat where I could dance. As soon as the song ended, I’d scan the stations until I found another that met the same criteria. If, for some reason, the music wasn’t holding my attention, I’d listen to an audiobook.
But tonight, those same rules didn’t apply.
Because when I left Ridge’s house, my hair still dripping from the shower, my skin a little damp from putting my clothes on too soon, I turned off the radio and simmered in the silence the entire drive to my apartment.
Ridge had given me an escape. A few hours where nothing was eating away at me, but the commute home reminded me that the break had only been temporary. I needed to sit in these thoughts, and I needed to come back down to reality and face the next couple of weeks of my life.
But that break, whoa , it hadn’t been expected when I went in for my shift. Not even a little. And even though the club was where I’d met Ridge, I couldn’t continue having evenings like this. Nights where I found a patron so utterly and unbelievably attractive that I made careless and reckless decisions.
Leaving with him, sleeping with him— what was I even thinking ?
His charm had captured me. His good looks had sealed the deal.
And hearing he was one of the good guys had literally turned me into a pool of goo because I was just so tired of dealing with assholes.
But the whole point of me being at the club was to make as much money as possible so I wouldn’t have to work there anymore. I wasn’t there to find a man. To date one. Or to even get close to going home with one.
Tonight was wrong on every level.
Ridge was all the extra I hadn’t been looking for, yet once he touched me, I realized he was all that I needed.
I could still feel his hands on my body, his lips on my skin, his tongue between my legs.
My God, he was perfection. I couldn’t find a single inch of him that I didn’t desire.
The mere thought of him made me instantly wet again.
Which made Ridge the most dangerous man in the world.
And someone I needed to stop thinking about.
So, I forced myself to as I parked my car and walked up the steps to our second-floor apartment, quietly opening the door so I wouldn’t wake up Leah, my roommate and best friend. But as soon as I got inside, the lights in the living room were on, the TV was playing, and Leah was tucked into the corner of the couch with a glass of wine in her hand.
“You’re home late,” she said. “I thought you’d get in around two, and it’s”—she looked at her watch—“past three.”
I sighed. “It’s a long story.” I grabbed a glass from the cabinet and found her bottle of rosé in the fridge, pouring myself some before I joined her in the living room. I snagged some of the blanket she was using and hugged one of the pillows to my chest, sitting on the opposite side of the couch.
“Wet hair?”
I took a long drink of the wine. “Like I said … long-ass story.”
She held the side of her long blonde hair that was twisted into a high knot. “It’s a good thing I’m not tired. I want to hear all of it.” She tucked her legs beneath her. “But before you get into it, tell me, how was tonight?” She muted the TV. “Was your third shift as bad as the first and second?”
“Different. Much different. But not as bad.”
“Babe”—she offered a consoling smile—“you’re getting used to it. Good thing is, you’ll be done before you know it.”
“That, yes.” I leaned my head on the cushion behind me. “Along with the fact that I only had to do two stage dances before I was hired to go into a private room.”
“You were?” Her eyes perked up and widened. “It finally happened. Yay! How much did you make?”
When the need for extra money had come into play, Leah had helped me come up with a plan. Plan A was a loan. The bank looked at my student loans, my car loan, and credit card debt and denied me. Plan B was an OnlyFans account dedicated to my feet. Something I didn’t want to do either, but feet were better than full-body shots, and I wouldn’t ever have to show my face. After a week of opening my OF account and cross-promoting on the other social media sites, I still had no subscribers. That was a full seven days of posting and commenting and trying to encourage men to subscribe to my channel, and I’d earned nothing. It was going to take far too long to build an audience on that platform and generate a steady stream of income.
I didn’t have time.
Which left me with only one other option.
Plan C—to strip. I convinced myself it was like the years I’d spent cheering in college, minus the top and bra.
But it was a decision that hadn’t come easy for Leah or me. What it was, was a fast solution that wouldn’t last more than a few months.
“I earned over nine hundred,” I told her.
“Holy shit.” She pulled at her hair knot to tighten it. “I didn’t realize you could make that much for one dance!”
I’d heard many different amounts could be made in those private rooms. There were even scenarios when the cameras were mysteriously shut off.
The girls didn’t brag in the dressing room when I was in there with them, changing my outfit or freshening my makeup, but they talked enough that I got the drift. It just depended on how much the manager was tipped and how big of a whale the patron was.
I’d spare my bestie those details since I would never be in a situation where the cameras needed to be shut off.
Even though I’d basically done that tonight—I’d just gone back to his house instead.
Did that make it any better?
Or worse?
Damn.
I finished the rest of my wine and went into the kitchen to pour myself more, talking loud enough that Leah could still hear. “For just one dance, I wouldn’t have come close to making that.” I filled my glass to the top and returned to the couch.
“Then, how did you?”
Do I really want to get into this?
Leah was such a lover. Since I’d met her, all she talked about was marriage and kids. The second I mentioned Ridge, she’d be sending me wedding dresses and love memes.
I also couldn’t lie.
So, I said, “He hired me for the whole night.”
“ Whaaa ? Details, girl. I have no idea what that means.”
I put my feet on the ottoman, kicking off my shoes, wiggling my bare toes. “Normally, it means dance after dance until the club closes. But Ridge didn’t want me to dance for him. He just wanted to talk … and get to know me.”
“This sounds kinda … serious?”
I hugged a pillow close to my chest. “He saw me onstage, and the second I was done, when I was walking down the steps, he approached and asked if we could get a drink.”
She inched forward, her arm going to mine. “And?”
“Well, I couldn’t get a drink with him—it’s against club rules—so he opted for the private room.”
“And?”
I didn’t know why I found it so hard to breathe. Especially since I was only recapping events that had just happened, but the more I spoke, the more constricted my throat got.
“And we went in there,” I said. “He wasn’t interested in a dance, like I told you, so we talked. He wasn’t just going through the motions, he was actually listening to me, soaking in everything I was willing to divulge. The best listener—besides you—I’ve ever come across.” My eyes closed for just the briefest of moments, a heat moving straight through my body. “He was hot, Leah. I’m talking a ten.”
“Tell me more.”
“He has a six-year-old little girl, who he spoke about nonstop. He works in the hospitality industry and is quite well off—I mean rich, not above average. And his smile”—I shook my head—“it was everything and then some.”
“I’m obsessed with every word you’re saying.” Her fingers squeezed me. “Addy, it doesn’t sound like this dude just wanted some hot girl bouncing on top of him—I say that with love, you know I do. It sounds like he likes you. Like really likes you.”
I filled my lungs, holding in the air before I said, “Which is probably why he asked me to leave the club and join him for some ramen.”
“Stop it!” When I stayed silent, she said, “Keep going.”
I explained how Ridge was there for a bachelor party and didn’t have a car, so I drove us to the restaurant and that there was only one other table, leaving us basically alone and on a semi-date.
“So, you’re eating your favorite food with a guy who’s semi-seen you half naked?—”
“A point that really kills the vibe for me—I’m not going to lie.”
She rubbed the spot she’d been squeezing. “So, you’re eating your favorite food with a hottie who’s clearly into you,” she corrected. “What happens next?”
“He tells me he doesn’t want the night to end.”
A smile moved up her face. “Smart man.”
“But remember, I drove us there, so I could either leave him at the restaurant, take him back to the club where his friends were—if they hadn’t left yet—or take him home.”
“You went home with him.” Her big blue eyes didn’t blink once as she stared at me.
“Yep.”
“And the wet hair?”
My head dropped, the embarrassment causing every part of me to not only stay hot but flushed. “I used his shower.”
“You mean, you took a shower with him, and you guys did the dirty while you were in there.” When I said nothing and still didn’t look at her, she slapped my arm. “Oh my God, I’m right, aren’t I?”
“In my defense, he was irresistible?—”
“Why are you defending yourself, Addy? You did absolutely nothing wrong.” She moved even closer, running her fingers through the side of my hair. “Babe, look at me.”
The feelings and emotions began to settle inside me. “Why does it feel so wrong?”
“Because you slept with him? Something you legit never do, which I wish you’d do more of.” She paused. “I don’t get what’s upsetting you.”
“Because I met him at a strip club, where he semi-saw me half naked.” I used a mix of her words so it would make sense. “I don’t know … for some reason, that’s eating at me.”
“You’re saying it would have been better if you’d met him somewhere else? Like a pool party, where your nipples and your vag were covered—although, honestly, I don’t see the difference.”
I shrugged. “But wouldn’t that be better?”
“Are you asking me?”
My head started shaking again. “I don’t know.”
“How did you guys end things? You obviously didn’t stay the night since you’re home.”
That was the part I’d tried not to think about during my drive home. That I’d tried not to second-guess.
When I had been at his house, in a towel, standing between the two sinks in his bathroom, with his arms around me, he told me he wanted to see me again.
I’d reacted quickly, without really thinking.
And I didn’t know if I’d made the right choice.
“He gave me his number.” I reached inside my pocket for the small piece of paper he’d written it on. “I’d left my phone in the car, so I couldn’t program it into my Contacts.”
“Why didn’t he just text you so you’d have it?”
I mashed my lips together, remembering I was holding wine, and that was when I started to guzzle, swallowing to say, “I didn’t give him my number.”
“What? Why?”
I set the half-empty glass on the table next to the couch. “Everything was happening, and I was unsure about it all, and being in control of the situation felt like the right move. I figured, if I had his number, I could decide if it was best to see him again. But if he had mine and reached out, I might have a hard time saying no.”
“Would you want to say no?”
“Ugh, Leah, I don’t know. I’m a mess.”
“And he was okay with not getting your number and leaving the ball in your court?”
“I told him I’d be in touch really soon. I’m sure he believed me.”
“Even though you weren’t exactly telling him the truth.” She focused on my eyes, and I could tell she was trying to read them. “I don’t get it. Did you have a bad time?”
“No.” I adjusted my position, folding my legs beside me. “It was, hands down, the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. He was”—my chest felt like it was on the verge of exploding—“so perfect that I could cry.”
“Then, call him, Addy. Or better yet, text him right now and tell him you had a great time and you want to see him.”
“It’s too soon.”
“It’s never too soon.” Her hand moved to my shoulder when I made no effort to get my phone from my purse, which was somewhere in the kitchen, where I’d left it. “Are you really all that hung up on where you guys met? Is that the thing that’s holding you back?”
“Maybe.” I took the last sip and returned my glass to the table. “And the timing of all this—I’m just in a place that’s so emotionally, physically, and financially draining. Working two jobs is literally going to kick my ass soon. And I want to make smart decisions, you know? I want to have a clear head. I surely can’t get involved with someone while I’m straddling other men and putting my boobs in their faces.”
“That’s a fair point.” She moved some hair out of my eyes. “But I want you to remember that Ridge never wanted you to dance for him. He wanted to get to know you. And he wanted to get you out of the club, probably sensing that the scenery made you uncomfortable. That says a lot about him, and that’s not the kind of guy you want to lose.”
She’d made a fair point.
But would he want the woman he was dating to be working at a strip club?
The questions, the scenarios—they seemed endless.
“I know,” I whispered. “If I don’t get myself out of this situation, I will just continue to spiral and drown, and that’s not going to take me to a positive place. So, once I don’t have to work at the club and my life is more in order, I’ll be the person he’s looking for. You didn’t see him, Leah. He has everything together. You should see his house. I don’t want him to see the hot mess that I am.”
“I know you better than anyone in this world, therefore, I know you look for reasons not to do things. After your last breakup and the way that dick treated you, you said you were going to take a long break from men. Six months is a long time, babe. Don’t rule things out just because you’re a mess. We’re all a mess—don’t forget that. And if Ridge has a six-year-old, I suspect he’s somewhat of a mess too.”
I nodded. “I hear you.”
“You’d better.” She winked.
I swayed over the cushion, reminding myself that I needed to be responsible in the morning and that meant I had to get at least a little sleep. “I’m going to go crash. I have to be up in five hours.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
I smiled and got up from the couch after giving her a quick hug. “If you happen to pass a store or a bakery during your morning walk, buy me everything that’s chocolate. That way, when I get home, I can shove my face full of all the sweets before another shift at the club tomorrow night.”
She laughed. “Done.”
I went into the kitchen and grabbed my purse, setting the glass in the sink, and on my way through the living room, as I headed for my bedroom, Leah said, “Hey, Addy, I’m proud of you.”
“For what?”
“For finishing your third shift and what will be your fourth one tomorrow. You’ve got this, babe.”
I formed a heart with my hands and continued to my room, closing the door behind me.
I took the money out of my purse and opened my panty drawer, where I kept an envelope. The cash went inside. And on the outside of the envelope, I wrote the new total—a running tab from all my previous shifts.
Man, I still had such a long way to go.
I quickly got undressed, putting on an oversize T-shirt, and climbed onto my bed, holding my phone and Ridge’s number in my hands.
There were several notifications on my screen. One was a text from my sister.
Morgan
Hi! I’m not trying to rush you—please don’t think that—but the first deposit is due in a week. Will you have the money?
Me
Yep, I’ll have it.
Because of Ridge’s contribution tonight … I would have it.
I exited out of my texts and pulled up my Contacts, typing in Ridge’s name and number and saving it. My thumb hovered over the button to text him. Leah’s voice was in my head, telling me to do it.
But I couldn’t yet.
At least not right now—not when I still smelled like him. Not when all I could feel was him.
I was too vulnerable. Too wrapped up, and I’d end up saying the wrong thing, and before I knew it, I’d be driving to his house.
Ridge had made me break many promises tonight.
I wasn’t about to break another by texting him.