Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
Addison
A s soon as Ridge pulled back from our kiss, my hands immediately went to my mouth, touching different spots on my lips.
Why did that embrace feel so unlike all the others we’d had before?
I hadn’t expected him to kiss me. Not after I told him I needed to extend my time at the club. I was positive that was only going to upset him, and he was going to tell me this wasn’t going to work or that I was unwilling to commit or I was just prolonging the inevitable for reasons he didn’t care about.
That hadn’t been the case at all.
He’d opened his arms and hugged me.
Which was what I needed more than anything. Because there were moments—and they happened nonstop—where I doubted my ability to keep going despite how badly I wanted to do this for my parents. And now that I’d given my sister around ten thousand and I was halfway there, my student loans felt like an endless mountain that I would never be able to dent.
But as Ridge’s hand went to my face, stroking my cheek, I didn’t feel that way. For the first time in a long time, I felt hope.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“For what?”
I stole a quick glance at the sky as though my heart had spilled out on the clouds. “For not running. For understanding. For accepting my decisions and not judging me for them.”
“Addison, I haven’t been in your shoes. I have no idea what it feels like to tackle what you’ve taken on. I admire you for it. And I commend you for doing it all on your own and not asking for help or quitting, which many others would have done too.” He fanned his hand over my cheek and handed me my wine.
“Quitting isn’t in my blood.” I gave him a small smile. “I’ll get there. We’ll get there. It’s just going to take a little time.”
I took a long drink and popped a piece of cheese into my mouth. He’d brought an entire charcuterie board, and this was the first thing I’d eaten since we’d sat down.
When we’d arrived at the beach, my stomach couldn’t handle even the thought of food, and I barely tasted the wine. The stress had been that thick. I didn’t know where all that tension and anxiety had gone. It couldn’t have just been the view that made it leave my body. Because it didn’t matter what environment I was in; I couldn’t forget that I still had an endless amount of responsibility on my plate and my schedule wouldn’t be lightening anytime soon.
If tonight had shown me anything, it was that I’d never felt more accepted in my life.
Ridge was the man for me.
And suddenly, everything felt different.
Yet not a single thing between us had changed.
I clasped the back of his hand, pushing it harder against my face, nuzzling his palm. “You know, it’s funny. I find myself looking at Daisy while she’s in my class, comparing all the characteristics she’s inherited from you.” My thumb went to his eyebrows and the corners of his eyes, where little lines were permanently etched. “She has your eyes.” My gaze lowered. “And your lips and your smile.” My fingers went to his chest. “And your heart.”
“And my nose—poor thing. She got cursed with the Cole beak.” He laughed.
“You have a great nose—don’t say that.” I ran my finger down the slope of it.
“Narrow, but long, unlike her mother’s button nose, which would have been much more fitting on my daughter.”
“I haven’t met Mom yet. I’m sure she’s gorgeous.”
I didn’t want to admit that I’d looked her up, and she was, in fact, extremely gorgeous. She also couldn’t have been more opposite than me. She had long black hair and a boho style with a full sleeve of tattoos. Her account showed her on location, doing makeup for celebrities, their faces once she was done with them, and pictures of her and Daisy weaved in between.
The way Daisy looked at her mom in those photos, I could tell how much love was between them.
“She’s an incredible mother,” he replied.
I let out a small laugh. “I see what you did there.”
He grinned. “I’m not going to comment on my ex’s looks—any man would know that wouldn’t be a smart move.”
“She’s not just your ex, Ridge. She’s Daisy’s mom. That makes her more important than anyone. I want you to know I get that.” I switched up my position and got on my knees. “I’ve taught lots of kids who come from broken families, and I’ve had to navigate those dynamics. I think that’s prepped me to put any kind of jealousy aside.” I wasn’t sure that had come out right, so I added, “What I’m trying to say is that if you tell me things are over between you and Jana, then I believe you. Saying your daughter’s mother is beautiful isn’t going to make me go wild on you … if that’s what you’re afraid of.”
He scanned my eyes several times. “You’re the oldest twenty-four-year-old I’ve ever met. I certainly didn’t have your maturity at your age.” He rolled up a piece of prosciutto and fed it to me before taking a slice for himself. “Hell, Jana was almost pregnant then, and I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. We were both going so fast, personally and professionally, it’s all a blur. But I remember being a cocky punk who was positive he knew everything.”
“I can’t even envision that side of you.” I swallowed the meat he’d given me. “Can I ask you a weird question?”
“Sure.”
“Was Daisy planned?”
“No.” He shook his head. “She was the surprise of a lifetime. An amazing surprise, but a surprise I was not ready for.” He took a drink. “Jana was in the beginning stages of her career, traveling the world, and she was reckless about taking her birth control. Not on purpose, just, you know, being young and dumb.” He took another bite of the meat. “We knew the risk, we just didn’t think it would happen—at least I didn’t.” He smiled. “And then it did, and, fuck, it rocked everything.”
“Look what you ended up with.” I could feel my eyes sparkling as I thought about her. “She’s so perfect. And not just the cutest kid ever, but she’s kind. Patient. She’s thoughtful and considerate, and she’s so sweet to the other kids in class.”
He traced his thumb over my lips. “Can I tell you how hot it is that you love my daughter?”
“I think I have a bit of an advantage because I get to spend so much time with her. I probably know her better than I know you.” I winked.
“We’re going to change that.”
“Yeah? When we’re going at turtle speed?” I tapped his chest. “Because that’ll be very impressive.”
“Trust me.”
He gave me a slow kiss that was more breath than tongue.
It was like he wanted to fill me with his air, and he wanted me to hold it in.
So, I did.
“Come on,” he said when he pulled away. “Let’s go for a walk.”
He helped me to my feet, and I glanced down at the setup he’d made for us—the cooler that sat on the corner of the blanket, the bottle of wine and glasses.
“What about all of this?”
“It’ll be fine. We won’t be gone long.”
He clasped my hand, and we headed toward the water. When we reached the wet sand, the muddy substance sticking between my bare toes—a feeling I loved—we continued in a straight path, hugging the ocean’s edge.
“I need to spend more time here,” I admitted. “I don’t know why I don’t make it as often as I’d like—if it’s fighting the traffic that stops me from coming or unsuccessfully squeezing in the time. But whenever I’m here, I say to myself, I’m coming back in a few days.”
“And then you don’t.” He released my hand and put his arm over my shoulders.
“Nope. I don’t.”
He pointed at a crane that was diving into the water for a fish. “Daisy loves it here, too, and I always have these plans to take her, and they fall through, and she ends up in the pool instead. If I didn’t work here, I think I’d forget how pretty it is.”
“Speaking of work, are you going to show me the hotel?”
“Not tonight.” He kissed the side of my head—a gesture so sweet that I couldn’t hide my smile. “We’ll save that for another visit.”
“Because?” I glanced up at him, clasping the fingers that hung over my shoulder. “I’m just curious—that’s all.”
“I don’t want to take you away from the sand.” He pulled our bodies closer together. “The hotel isn’t going anywhere. We need this far more than we need that.”
“But I do want to see it.”
“You will. I promise.” He tightened his fingers around mine. “I want to admit something to you.”
“Okay …” I said with hesitation.
“I told my family about you.” His smile was growing. “And my partners.”
I didn’t know why that admission made me giddy. I’d just talked to him about the pace of our relationship, and if we were going as slow as I’d said, it seemed that conversation with his family and partners was a bit premature.
I needed to tell that to my stomach because it was exploding with bursts of excitement.
“What did you say?” I asked.
“Well, they all noticed that I’d disappeared from the bachelor and bachelorette party, so that was where the questions started, and it led me to tell them about you.” He moved his lips to my ear after he kissed my lobe. “And how once I convince you that your hang-ups aren’t really a thing—that they bother you, but they don’t bother me—then I’m going to convince you to date me.”
I wasn’t sure I was ready for this answer, but I still had to ask, “Was your family bothered that I’m a stripper?”
“Not at all. You have nothing to worry about there.”
I stopped walking, putting my back to the water as I looked at him.
“And you’re really unbothered by the club?” I waited. “You’ve said that to me before, but I want to know if it’s still true.” I paused again. “Be honest, Ridge.”
His arm had fallen from my shoulders, his hands now holding my waist. “The truth is … until you’re mine, I don’t think it matters what my opinion is.”
I tried to see through his eyes, like he was able to do to mine. “What does that mean?”
“It means I’m not going to weigh in. I know how badly you need this job.”
“You just gave me your answer without giving me your answer.”
“Addison …” he whispered. He cupped my face, tilting it up toward him. “The last time I was at the club, the bartender told me that, soon, you’ll be the most popular woman there.” His gaze intensified. “That made me think that men would come just to see you and spend time with you and shower you with their money.”
“You mean … like you?” I was teasing, but it probably wasn’t the right time for a comment like that.
“They want to get you alone so they can put their hands all over your body.” His fingers turned stronger, and he moved his face closer. “Do I like the thought of that? No. Not even a little bit. Can I tolerate it?” He took a deep breath. “Yes.” He exhaled the air he’d just inhaled. “At this moment, I can—because I know why you’re there and what you need from that club and that there’s an end in sight. But if you want me to be completely honest, it’s not what I want. I don’t want to share you—visually, financially—nor do I want you to give your time to someone other than me. I want those hours, Addison. I want you to spend them with me.” He stretched out his fingers, some going beneath my chin, others reaching toward my ears.
“But what I won’t do is make you choose. I’ll never put you in that position. I wouldn’t want an ultimatum, and I won’t give you one. So, I’ll deal with this until it’s over, and that’s when I’ll get everything I want.” He gave me a light kiss. “I get you.”
“I don’t deserve you.”
“I don’t deserve you.” He kissed the middle of my forehead and the bridge of my nose. “When you’re ready, I’ll be here.” He glanced down at my lips. “And it’ll just be us and Daisy, and the club will be a long, distant memory.”