Chapter 14
LILY
I listen to Josh’s footsteps fade down the exterior stairwell, my emotions tumbling like pennies in a dryer. Relief, disappointment, and a weird fizziness all getting washed up together in my belly.
That could have gone worse. At least my family didn’t traumatize him. But I’m going to need industrial-grade deflection skills to survive Josie’s questions.
To keep myself busy, I unpack Penny’s overnight bag, dropping most of the contents in the laundry basket.
Anxiety jolts through me at the sound of my daughter’s bedroom door opening. I slam the lid over the basket and plaster on what I hope is a casual smile as I exit the laundry room.
Josie and Dorian are in the hallway, wearing matching expressions—eyebrows raised, lips curved into knowing smiles that make me want to dive out the window.
“Penny asleep?” I ask, aiming for nonchalance but hitting somewhere closer to “guilty teenager caught sneaking in past curfew.”
“Yep,” Josie says. “Dorian’s voice did the trick.”
“It’s my superpower,” Dorian quips. “I can bore anyone to sleep.”
“Yeah, that’s what your vocals are famous for.” I laugh, grateful for the momentary diversion. “Thanks for putting her down. I’ll go check on her.”
“Oh no, you don’t.” Josie blocks my path, arms crossed. “She’s fine. But you, missy, have some tell-all to do.”
“About what?” I try to sidestep her, but she mirrors my movements.
“About tall and neighborly. The one with the biceps and the puppy dog eyes who looks at you like you hung the moon.”
“He doesn’t look at me like that,” I protest, heat creeping up my neck. “And there’s nothing to tell. He’s my neighbor. He fixed my sink. End of story.”
I flee in the other direction toward the living room, desperate to escape this line of questioning.
Dorian gives me a sympathetic look as I pass, but makes no move to rescue me from my sister’s inquisition. Traitor.
“You’re not getting out of this one,” he says with an apologetic smile. “I’ll make coffee.”
“Make mine Irish,” I call after him as he heads to the kitchen.
“At this hour, I’ll make it decaf.” He winks and leaves me alone with my sister, who follows me to the couch, plopping down beside me with a bounce that says Josie is settling in for a lengthy session.
“Is Josh the reason for…” She wiggles her fingers at me like she’s casting a spell. “The glowy look?”
“I’m not glowy,” I retort. “It’s sunburn. We went hiking yesterday.”
“Hiking? You went out with him?” Josie’s eyes widen with delighted shock. “Is that why you’re radiating sexual tension from three blocks away?”
“Hilarious.” I roll my eyes. “It was just a hike. And the pier today.”
“You took him to Santa Monica?” Josie’s voice rises an octave. “Romantic much?”
“It wasn’t like that,” I blurt. “He’s new to LA. I was showing him around. We’re friends.”
“Uh-huh,” she crows, gleeful. “When are you going on a second date?” Josie makes a face. “Or would that be a third date?”
“Never,” I say.
“Why?”
I rub my temples, where a headache is throbbing to life. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Dorian comes back with three mugs and gives Josie a subtle eyebrow lift, his silent plea not to be a complete monster. Josie ignores him and continues her onslaught.
“Too late.” She scoots closer. “I met him, so now you have to tell me.”
She’s relentless; she’s never going to leave me alone.
“What do you want me to say, Josie?” I snap. “That I hung out with him this weekend? Fine, I did. And it was great. I had the best time in forever, and it made me forget why I’m not supposed to be happy.”
Josie blinks, startled by my outburst.
“And then we watched a movie and fell asleep on my couch, and I had a nervous breakdown on him this morning because he wanted to make me breakfast and that was Daniel’s thing.” My voice cracks, but I push on, unable to stop the torrent of words now that they’ve started. “So yeah. Happy now?”
Josie stares at me, stupefied, while Dorian maintains a careful neutrality, keeping himself out of the sister standoff.
“First off,” Josie says after a moment, her voice gentle, “you are definitely supposed to be happy and live your life guilt-free. You can’t be stuck in the past forever.”
I cross my arms, heat building behind my eyes.
“And Josh didn’t seem scared by your meltdown over breakfast. He acted like a puppy wagging his tail, waiting for a scrap of your attention. There would be nothing wrong with dating someone new.”
My agitation mounts, pressure building in my chest, I’m a shaken soda can ready to explode. “I’m not dating Josh.”
“Why not?” Josie presses. “He’s hot, seems handy, and he was great with Penny. And—”
I don’t let her finish. The pressure explodes outward. “Because he’s the new fucking lieutenant at the station Daniel worked at, and I’m never going to date another man who’ll risk his life every day and come back to me in a pile of ashes one night!”
The words echo in the silent room. I hide my face in my hands as tears begin to flow, my body shaking with sobs I can’t control. Now that I’ve let the grief out once, it’s like I can’t contain it anymore; it’s flooding out of me in messy, ugly waves.
“Oh, Lily,” Josie murmurs, coming to my side and wrapping her arms around me. She pulls me against her, one hand making soothing circles on my back. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”
I try to speak but can only nod, tears streaming down my face.
“So, he’s a firefighter.” She sighs.
I nod again, still crying.
“It sucks,” she says simply.
A hysterical laugh bubbles up through my tears because yes, it really fucking sucks.
“It does,” I agree, my voice thick.
Josie hugs me tighter, and then Dorian settles on my other side, wrapping his arm around both of us. The couch dips under his weight as he joins our huddle.
“Should I put on ‘Falling From the Same Sky’ so we can ugly cry together?” he asks.
Josie must’ve told him that’s our go-to crying song. And it’s surreal that its singer is now part of the family, but his comment makes me crack a smile. “You’re such an ass.” I shove him lightly, but he doesn’t let himself be pushed away; Dorian hugs me tighter.
So does Josie. “I’m sorry for pushing. I should have realized.”
I shake my head, wiping at my tears with the back of my hand. “How could you have known?”
“If it wasn’t my fault that you cried, can I ask one last tiny thing?”
“No.”
We all give each other some personal space back, but I’m still mostly sandwiched between Josie and Dorian.
“Glad you’re ready to open up.” She pats my shoulder. “If you don’t want to date Josh, why did you spend the entire weekend with him?”
“He knows the situation. I told him we can only be friends.”
“Friends who undress each other with their eyes?”
I groan, letting my head fall back against the couch.
“That’s the problem. I do like him. He’s funny and kind and so damn easy to be around.
But every time I forget what he does for a living, something reminds me, and I’m hearing the knock at the door and remember knowing, just from the uniforms, what the captain was about to say. ”
“So now what?” Josie asks.
I consider the question, regaining my composure as the tears subside. “I don’t know,” I admit. “Maybe I’ll have to keep more distance.”
“Do you want distance from Josh?”
The thought makes my chest clench. “No,” I whisper. “But I don’t see another option. I can’t go through that again. Neither can Penny.”
Josie squeezes my hand. “You don’t have to decide anything tonight. Just… be gentle with yourself, okay? And maybe with him, too. He seems like a good guy.”
“He is,” I agree, and that simple truth tears my heart in two different directions. Move closer. Run further.
“For what it’s worth,” Dorian adds, “I’ve seen a lot of guys look at women, and the way Josh looks at you? That’s not casual interest.”
I groan again, dropping my head onto Josie’s shoulder. “That doesn’t help.”
“Another group hug?” my sister asks.
I nod, exhaustion washing over me as the adrenaline from my emotional outburst fades and my family literally holds me upright.
“We’re here,” Josie says, kissing the top of my head. “To annoy you, and love you, and support you whatever you decide.”
I smile, feeling wrung out but also looser.
Releasing some of the pressure has created a bit of space for something new to grow.
I don’t know what that might be—maybe just a friendship with Josh, maybe nothing at all—but the uncertainty doesn’t scare me as much as it used to.
I’m still lost, but at least I’m not standing still anymore.