Lila
Irooted around in the fridge for a hard seltzer, pulling my fluffy cardigan around my shoulders. Magnolia had given it to me a few years ago. Her gifts were always over-the-top.
But it was so soft and so warm. And the house was chilly. Mom and I kept the thermostat at a balmy sixty-six. Oil to heat the house was pricey, and this winter had been tight. So I was bundled up for my Friday night cocktail hour with the girls.
I took the bag of microwave popcorn out and divided it into two plastic bowls. Then I shuffled over to the couch where my mother was absorbed in a Hallmark movie.
She was still dressed in her scrubs, and though her hair and makeup were pristine, there was no hiding the dark circles under her eyes. I wasn’t the only one who’d been working hard lately. She’d fought hard to keep this house when she divorced husband number three last summer.
After one failed marriage and one successful night school program to become a home health care aide, she’d purchased the tiny Cape Cod in town.
I was in middle school then, and the night we moved in, we’d brought everything we owned in a few boxes and suitcases.
We had no furniture, so we camped on the living room floor in sleeping bags and ate a celebratory blueberry pie Aunt Louise had brought over straight from the tin.
No matter who came into our lives and who left, this house, a tiny Cape painted blue with white trim, was our sanctuary. It was cozy and well-loved and within walking distance of everything we needed, with a rose hedge my mother meticulously maintained.
“Thanks, sweets. Come watch with me.” She took the bowl I offered and patted the worn floral couch next to her. “This one is about a florist who is trying to save a beloved community garden from an evil property developer.”
“Hm. Lemme guess. He’s actually a cinnamon roll in a thousand-dollar suit and will fall madly in love with her and give up his life in the big city to grow flowers in the small town.”
With a teasing scowl, Mom threw a piece of popcorn at me. “We can hate watch. Sit down.”
“Can’t. I’ve got cocktails with the girls in a few minutes.”
She propped her bare feet up on the battered coffee table, her pink toenails sparkling—Mom never neglected her nails, even when times were tough—and reclined further, snuggling into the couch. “Give my love to Willa and Magnolia.”
“Enjoy the blandly handsome man who can barely act.” I turned and headed for my room, popcorn bowl in hand.
It was small and hadn’t changed much since high school. The twin bed was covered with a purple quilt, and the shelves were stuffed with books and pageant trophies. The desk, a Goodwill find, had been painted purple one sunny weekend afternoon.
While most adults would probably be embarrassed about sleeping in their childhood bedrooms, all I felt was comfort.
This house was the only home I’d ever known—a place where I felt safe and secure.
And after years of bouncing around with Cole, I didn’t take for granted the familiarity and feeling of peace that washed over me when I was inside these four purple walls.
This situation was mutually beneficial too. Mom was getting back onto her feet post-divorce, and I had the ability to help out with the bills while she did. I’d never get her to quit Hallmark movies, but at least she seemed disinclined enough to not jump right into another quickie marriage.
I fluffed my pillows and perched my laptop on the edge of the dresser while I waited for the video call to load.
I’d just settled back when the smiling faces of my two best friends appeared on screen.
Magnolia was waving excitedly, cuddling one of her cats in her lap. She was six feet tall, had the kind of asymmetrical haircut very few people could pull off, and collected tattoos and rescue cats.
“Missed you bitches!” she cheered.
“I’ve been up for thirty-one hours, so there’s a good chance I’ll fall asleep mid-convo tonight,” Willa warned, rubbing her eyes. “This is your warning.”
“Fucking residency,” Magnolia quipped. She was wearing a colorful kimono and sipping what looked like a professionally crafted martini. “Aren’t you a real doctor yet?”
“Soon,” Willa replied. “So freaking soon. I can almost taste the freedom.” She pushed her blonde hair behind her ears. “A few more months and then I’ll be living the dream, soaking up days off and showers and watching TV. Heck, maybe I’ll even date.”
“Tell me you’re at least getting busy with the hot doctors.” Magnolia waggled her brows. “Make sure to sample Baltimore’s finest before you come to New York.”
Willa scoffed. “I’m not sure you understand what hospitals are actually like.”
Magnolia gasped and clutched at a string of imaginary pearls. “Are you saying Grey’s Anatomy lied to me?”
Willa shook her head gently, her expression one of exaggerated sympathy.
“Ladies, this may be difficult to hear, but yes. Shonda lied to us all. The attendings are all married, jerks, or both, and the other residents and interns are my competition. Not to mention that they’re more like annoying siblings I can’t escape than anything else.
Hospitals are the least sexy places ever. ”
“I’m going to need some time to sit with this,” Magnolia said solemnly, taking a long sip of her drink. With a loud sigh, she bowed her head. “And process my grief.”
“In the meantime,” Willa said, a smirk creeping up one side of her mouth, “make sure the liquor cabinet is fully stocked when I move in. I have a lot of lost time to make up for.”
Magnolia scoffed. “As if I haven’t been preparing for your arrival for months. Your rooms are ready, and we’re fully stocked up.” She rubbed her hands together. “Finally, our plan is coming together.”
A few years ago, Magnolia had inherited a condo in Tribeca from an aunt. Or maybe a grandparent. She had the kind of multi-generational family money that meant every time she turned around, one of her relatives was inheriting a random house somewhere new.
For now, she and several rescue cats lived there alone, waiting for Willa and me to move in.
We’d been hatching this master plan since we were kids. The three of us together, living it up in the city. It had seemed inevitable after we graduated from high school, but real life got in the way, as it usually does, and it had taken far longer than any of us anticipated.
Magnolia was well established, both with her trust fund and her career as an event planner. Willa had already been accepted into a prestigious internal medicine fellowship. All I had to do was get accepted to grad school.
We’d live our best city lives, finally shedding the last vestiges of the small-town versions of ourselves we’d been outgrowing since high school.
For me, it was a fresh start, a chance to seriously pursue my education, which had felt like an afterthought for so long.
And for Willa, New York was one last taste of freedom. She’d always planned to return to Lovewell, but a three-year fellowship in NYC before her father retired and handed the practice over to her was a gift she would not take for granted.
I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer for a big, fat envelope from NYU to arrive in the mail. I’d visualized the moment many times, but it was beginning to feel real.
Willa launched into a story about the most disgusting thing to come through her clinic that week, and Mags filled us in on a rave she’d thrown for a new sneaker release on Wednesday night.
When it was my turn to share what I’d been up to since the last time we talked, I sat up straight and smiled. “I got a new job.”
Willa gave me an unimpressed look. “Another job?”
I shrugged. “It’s temporary but good pay and actually relevant.”
“The pay is good? In Lovewell?” Magnolia scoffed.
“Yeah.” I popped a piece of popcorn into my mouth and chewed. “I’m helping out with the sale of Hebert Timber.”
Magnolia rolled her eyes. “Oh no.”
Willa huffed. “Nope.”
“Girl. We’ve talked about this. Boundaries.” Magnolia pinched the bridge of her nose. “Do you want me to schedule another session with my psychiatric hypnotist?”
I shuddered. Absolutely not. Once was enough. While I took mental health seriously, being hypnotized was not my idea of a good time.
“What happened to getting far away from that family?” Magnolia asked. “It took years to drag you out of the Cole vortex.”
“And you’ve come so far!” Willa said, giving me a genuine look of concern.
“How about you come to New York for a visit?” Magnolia tapped at the screen of her phone. “I’ll get you on a flight from Bangor and book spa treatments.”
Annoyance and genuine affection battled inside me. Their reactions were over-the-top, but they came from a place of love and concern. I’d ignored my own needs for so long, and I’d been so hurt by Cole, so I couldn’t blame them for fighting for me.
As a recovering doormat, sometimes I forgot how much my inability to stand up for myself affected the people I loved. And it wasn’t until I’d sought out therapy that I even understood it was happening.
I shook my head. “Let me explain.” My tone was unusually forceful.
Both women went quiet and watched me. This was why I loved them. They didn’t agree, but they were willing to listen.
“It’s only for a few weeks. I’m working for Owen Hebert. He doesn’t even speak to Cole. And it’s purely accounting and records stuff. The kind of monotonous, boring work that I actually enjoy.”
Willa cocked her head. “Who is Owen?”
“Does it matter?” Magnolia asked, frowning. “That whole family is trouble.”
I held my hands up and inhaled deeply, waiting for them to quiet down again.
They were probably right. Most men were trouble, and if our evening spent together was any indication, Owen Hebert was no exception.
“He’s going to pay me thirty dollars an hour,” I said. “And you know I need that money if I’m ever going to afford to move to New York.”
Magnolia wasn’t buying it. “You could do plenty of other things for thirty dollars an hour.”
“Not in Lovewell, Maine.”
“What about stripping?” she asked, grinning. “There’s a club in Heartsborough, and you’ve got great boobs.”
“Jesus, Mags.” Willa fumed. “Are you seriously suggesting she become a stripper?”
“Sex work is real work,” she snapped. “Check your judgment, Dr. Savard.”
Oh great, now my best friends were fighting over me. And not even me, really, but over whether I should consider showing my boobs for money.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Willa said, narrowing her eyes. “Lila, you are my best friend, and I support you 100 percent regardless of whether you’re working for the Heberts or taking your clothes off.”
“Those are not equivalent options,” I protested with a roll of my eyes.
Why did my friends have to be so dramatic?
“I know I’ve been a mess for years. I know you both did superhuman things to help me get my life back together, and I appreciate and love you both so much for that.
” I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and summoning all my courage to be completely honest. My friends meant well, but I was beyond tired of being told what was best for me.
Like I couldn’t figure it out on my own.
“But I want to do this. I need to do this. And I’m going to do this. ”
I was met with nothing but silence. Cringing, I cracked one eye open and found my friends smiling at me on the screen.
“Boundary drawn!” Magnolia lifted her martini glass in salute.
“I’m proud of you,” Willa said. “Even though I don’t trust the Heberts, you know what’s best for you.”
“And anything that gets you to New York faster is a good thing,” Mags added.
My heart expanded in my chest, and I couldn’t help but smile right back. God, my friends were fierce, and I was lucky to have them.