28. Lila
Lila
Work. That’s what I needed to focus on.
Mr. Spellman at table four needed a coffee refill, and Mrs. Souza in the corner had demanded crispier bacon.
I plastered a smile on my face and tried to focus on tables, busing, orders, and making change.
But that bastard Owen Hebert had fully infiltrated my mind. It was bad enough that my body remembered just how good he felt on top of me, but now my mind was spinning, because I so badly wanted to talk to him and make him smile.
It was a challenge, to earn one of those smiles. I swore his facial muscles only had the capacity to contract a couple of times each week. And I wanted all of them, damnit.
“Lila dear.” Mrs. Dupont beckoned me in the most obnoxious way. “I specifically said I wanted cheddar in my omelet. This is American.”
I blinked. Seriously? They were basically the same thing. And her palate was not particularly refined. How she could taste anything after smoking a pack a day since I was in grade school was a mystery.
“Of course. I’ll get this fixed right away.”
As I scooped up her plate, she rolled her eyes at her tablemates. In turn, they all looked at me with scorn. There was nothing better than spending a Monday morning surrounded by judgy old bats.
I sleepwalked through the rest of my shift, only making a few more mistakes as I went.
I’d been waiting tables here for the better part of a year, but it was starting to feel unbearable.
For a long time, it was easy to ignore the little slights.
I’d dealt with them all my life, really, so it was almost second nature.
But lately, every comment needled at me.
Maybe it was because I’d been accepted to several great grad schools, yet they treated me like I was below them. Or was it because my freedom was so close? Maybe I was just embracing my inner bitch?
Whatever the reason, not drowning Mayor Lambert in his oatmeal when he spent a full minute staring at my rack was a true victory.
I was wiping down tables when I caught pieces of conversation from the knitting group set up in their usual spot. “Very serious… Dr. Savard… so young?”
“What was that?” I asked, standing up straight.
Loraine Gagnon gave me a genuine smile. “Oh dear, apparently Dr. Savard had a stroke this morning.”
My heart plummeted to my feet. Willa’s dad? With a gasp, I fumbled for my phone in my apron.
When I’d finally freed it, I was met with a whole slew of missed calls from Willa. Shit.
I tapped on her contact and turned, waving a shaky hand at Bernice, signaling that I was going outside.
“What happened?” I asked as soon as she picked up.
“Lila,” she said, her voice trembling. “Dad. Had a stroke.”
Heart aching for her, I slumped against the brick wall in the alley and slid to the ground.
Dr. Savard had been like a father to me since the second grade.
He had been the one to encourage me to apply to college, even editing my essays for me. He’d been the one to take the training wheels off my bike and chase me down the street for hours until I mastered the ability to ride on two wheels.
I was the only kid in third grade who still needed training wheels. But I’d only gotten a bike the year before. I’d begged my mom for months, and she’d finally found one second hand. But she was too busy working to teach me to ride it.
Even though Willa had long since mastered two wheels, Dr. Savard had stayed out with me, patiently helping me every time I wobbled or fell.
My heart cracked at the memory. He was one of the absolute best.
“Where is he? I’m getting in my car.”
“He’s been airlifted to Portland. I’m waiting at the airport now. My flight leaves in thirty minutes.” A cry escaped her, followed by a sniffle. “I’m just so scared. It was bad.”
I swallowed back my own emotion, desperate to be strong for her. “What can I do? What do you need? I can be there in a few hours.”
“No, stay. Don’t drive down yet. We’ve got to figure out what’s going on. Mom says he’s stable.”
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, searching for the right thing to say to my terrified best friend. “He’s so young and healthy,” I said lamely.
Her hiccup on the other end pulled at my heart. God, what I wouldn’t give to ease her pain and worry.
“He’s going to be okay, Willa. Between you and your mom, he will get the best care and the best chance at recovery. I’ll be by your side for every minute. You’re not alone.”
I sat on the ground, my back pressed to the brick wall, with the phone pressed to my ear, as she cried. Sometimes the only thing a person could do was be present, as shitty as it felt.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t see your calls,” I said. “I put my phone on silent when I’m at the diner.”
“S’okay.” She hiccuped. “You’re here now.”
“Of course I am. You should be boarding soon, right?”
“Hopefully,” she rasped. “I’m still on standby. Can you distract me?”
“Done.” I cleared my throat and racked my brain.
“Ooh. My mom and I did a Hallmark marathon yesterday. The last movie we watched was batshit crazy.” I grinned, because it truly was.
“So these two families rent the same cabin for a week of vacation in the mountains. Hot single mom and hot single dad and the cabin is creepy A.F. and in the middle of nowhere.”
“Did they get murdered?”
“Worse, the power goes out and they make a fire and fall in love. They go to forage for stuff in the woods and I wasn’t sure if it was one of those survival shows.”
I could hear her giggling in the background.
Willa snorted on the other end. “They are trying to forage for food and the kids are just hanging around in a cabin. Never mind they have cars they can get into and drive away in. But the need to survive bonds them.”
“Dumbasses. Maybe they were just horny so they pretended to be stuck there?”
“And these people? They were ridiculously irresponsible.” I waved a hand as I went on. “Like they are full-on neglecting their children.”
I described their attempts to make fire and the bear cub that had been thrown in for comic relief and before long, we were both howling with laughter.
“You know,” she said, her voice lighter, even as it was clear her tears hadn’t stopped, “I’m beginning to think Hallmark has been lying to us all this time. These hot, emotionally stable men with full heads of hair don’t really exist.”
My mind flashed to Owen. That wasn’t quite accurate. They existed, all right. They just weren’t forever. Which was almost a crueler reality.
“But since Hallmark men are nonsexual, maybe they have tiny penises,” Willa said, snorting into the phone.
“Aren’t you in public?”
“I’m too upset to care. Plus, the terminal is pretty empty right now.”
“My theory is that they’re like Ken dolls.” I giggled through my tears. “That’s the secret flaw. The corporate titan turned small-town florist? Or the carpenter who drives a Mercedes and lives in a gorgeous house? They’ve got nothing downstairs.”
Willa gasped for breath on the other end of the phone. “Yes. I’ll never swoon over a Hallmark man again. Those poor women. Lured in by the small-town charm, broad shoulders, and deep voices. Only to find out it’s all smooth down there.”
Even as my heart ached for my bestie, I roared with laughter. This conversation was beyond absurd, and it made me miss her so much.
She sniffed. “I love you.”
“I love you so fucking much. And I’m here for you. Always.”
The walls were closing in on me. I’d gone for a run around my mom’s neighborhood to give myself something to do.
Then I headed to the Savards’ house, where I fed Madam Flo, a.k.a.
Florence Nightingale, Willa’s ancient cat.
I’d taken care of her when Dr. and Mrs. Savard went to Florida in January and still had a key to the house.
I texted Mrs. Savard to let her know I’d check on her for as long as they needed.
Then I cleaned her litter box, took out their trash, and got the mail.
Willa had texted to tell me he was stable and that the doctors were optimistic. I’d passed the information on to my mom and Magnolia.
Mom didn’t question me when I cleaned and alphabetized her spice cabinet, but every time she checked on me, her brow was knit with concern. I was about to start on the medicine cabinet when she strongly suggested I snuggle up with a good book and try to get some sleep.
My fingers itched to text him, but I held strong.
What good could come of it if I did? Soon, we’d be in different states, likely to never see one another again. We’d had our fling in Boston, the one meant to allow us to get the attraction, the passion, out of our systems.
Only, the opposite had happened.
These feelings weren’t going away. In fact, they were becoming more overwhelming by the day.
And life was so precious. I needed no greater reminder today.
For years, I’d been with the wrong person.
And although Owen couldn’t be a forever option, he felt so right for today. And why deny myself happiness and connection and affection today, when tomorrow wasn’t guaranteed?
So after a full hour of pacing, then throwing myself onto my bed and rereading the same page of my current read over and over, I made sure my mom was asleep, then snuck out. Because the pull was too strong. And I was tired of resisting.
For once, I’d take what I wanted and let the consequences be damned.
Because I needed to feel his arms around me, his lips on my skin, more than I needed to breathe right now. I needed to be in the presence of the one person who could comfort and thrill me at the same time.
A smarter woman might stop and reflect on this. Maybe pump the brakes and think through the potential consequences.
But I silenced my logical brain and instead went with my gut.
I didn’t know how much time we’d have together, but it didn’t matter. I’d take as much as I could get, and I’d ensure that time started right now.
He answered the door wearing an old Boston Revs T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. As if I needed another reason to do this.
“Lila? Are you okay?” Frowning in concern, he pushed his glasses up his nose.
I pushed past him, slammed the door behind me, and threw my coat on the couch. “I just needed to see you.”
Without hesitation, he opened his arms.
I walked right into them, letting his strength and warmth envelop me in a kind of comfort I’d never known. “I don’t want to fight it any longer,” I admitted. “This. Us. I want it. I want you.” I was tearing up. Instead of a smooth seductress, I was a blubbering idiot.
But there was no stopping the emotions bubbling up within me. Memories of the moments we’d shared, the way we’d each let ourselves be vulnerable, his gentle kindness and care, blended together, creating a tsunami of emotion, gratitude, and desire.
Owen pulled back but didn’t step away. He peered down at me and wiped away my tears with the pads of his thumbs.
“You can have whatever you want. I’m all yours.
For tonight, this year, or forever. I’m here if you want me.
” Hitting me with a look as sincere as it was sexy, he leaned down and captured my mouth in a gentle kiss.
I clung to him, my hands twisting his shirt. “I can’t stay away. I can’t pretend anymore.”
He gently kissed my neck, pulling a gasp from my lungs, and pressed his body flush to mine.
His sweatpants hid nothing. The feel of his hard length against my belly ignited a flame inside me.
Desperate to feel his bare skin on mine, I pulled him toward the bedroom.
He followed willingly, though his lips never left my skin.
“I know we can never—”
He pinned me against the door, cutting me off. “Stop.” That demanding tone only fanned the desire heating my blood. “Be here with me. In this moment. We’ll worry about everything else later.”
I nodded mutely, captivated by the way he commanded the situation and the set of his jaw.
Despite his insistence, his control was unraveling, and that was even sexier.
“I want you.”
A shiver worked its way through me as his pupils blew out and a groan worked its way up his throat. Trembling, I snaked a hand down to the waistband of his sweats.
“Undone. No control. No perfectionism,” I begged. “Give me the real, raw Owen.”
He tilted my chin up and stared into my eyes, his fingers caressing the column of my throat. “I’ll give you everything.”