Chapter 53 #2
‘I’ll choose you every single time.’ He strokes my jaw.
My cheek. ‘And I’m so, so sorry I took so bloody long to pull my finger out and do it.
I honestly didn’t see how I could let so many people down and live with myself, but’—he shrugs—‘it turns out, I can’t live without you, so I didn’t actually have a choice. ’
‘Save,’ Dawn says, over and over, unwittingly hitting the nail on the head. ‘Save. Save.’
‘That’s right, Dawn!’ I say. ‘This is Xav.’
‘If you’re going to kiss him, just do it,’ Maybe Lily says. ‘’Cause he said we can all go back and have Chinese in his mansion and also a sleepover, and we’re really hungry.’
‘And Peking duck,’ Maybe Rose adds. ‘With extra pancakes. He promised.’
‘You’ve probably worked out by now that I swung by your new place and found these two there,’ Xav says. ‘Not a fan, by the way—of the tower block, not your sisters. So, what do you say?’
‘Um, t-to the sleepover?’ I stammer. ‘Or the duck? Or the tower block?’
‘To all of it.’ He slides his hands through my hair, which honestly is not as clean as it should be and every bit as lank as Selena’s was glossy on the telly.
‘The duck, and the sleepover, definitely.’ He winks.
‘An indefinite sleepover, because you’re going back to that hellhole over my dead body.
But also to forgiving me for not choosing you from the moment I met you. ’
‘That moment?’ I ask, glancing down at my boobs.
‘Maybe not that moment,’ he says with a grin, ‘but I should have locked you down right after the orangery.’
‘You’ve just walked away from a marriage for me. I’d call that a pretty grand gesture.’ I’m still trying and failing to compute not only that he’s no longer getting married but the unimaginable scale of the stunt he’s just pulled.
For me.
‘And he’s not even going to be a duke anymore,’ one of the twins announces with ill-disguised glee, ‘because his mum and dad are so angry. But at least he’s not married.’
They seem to have had a thorough briefing on the way over here.
‘Is that true?’ I gasp. ‘Oh my God, Xav. What have you done?’
He shakes his head. ‘The price was too high. A title, or you? No contest.’
‘But it’s—it’s everything you’ve ever wanted. It’s who you are.’
‘It’s who I thought I was, and everything I thought I ever wanted, and, it turns out, I got both of those things spectacularly wrong.
’ He dips his head until his lips are almost touching mine.
‘There’s only one thing I want and one version of myself I want to be. You, and yours. Always. I love you.’
Then his mouth is on mine, and he swallows my reply up in a kiss that’s so loving and perfect and hungry that I swoon, gripping the back of his head to pull him as close to me as possible as I open for him. My knees sag, and he responds instantly, banding an arm around my back to hold me up.
‘Good for you, love,’ one old lady crows, while another couple of people start clapping.
Next to us, the twins are groaning as if they have a bad stomach ache, but I ignore them.
I ignore all of it. Their Peking duck with extra pancakes will have to wait, because my very own not-going-to-be-a-duke has just swept into this care home like a fairytale prince and told me that he’s shafted two whole families and abandoned his own wedding because he loves me.
Me.
Xav’s tongue winds its way through my mouth as if I’m the most delicious thing he’s ever tasted. I’m drunk on him. Hammered. Forget the possibly-psilocybin-laced cake; this is the best high of my life. My brain may still be playing catch-up, but my body is already very much on board.
‘I love you,’ I gabble into his mouth, and he yanks me tighter.
‘Thank fuck.’
I think that’s what he says.
‘Seriously,’ one of the twins groans, while someone wolf-whistles behind me. These oldies are horny fuckers.
Xav laughs and lets me go, but he can’t stop touching me, stroking my face, my hair, my arms. ‘My Ivy. Never letting you out of my sight again.’
We stand there and beam at each other. God, I hope to fuck we’re looking at each other like this when we’re ninety and probably sitting in matching armchairs in a place like this. With great difficulty, I tear my gaze away and look down at Dawn. She’s staring up at us, unseeing.
Xav releases me and squats in front of Dawn. Slowly, gently, he reaches out and takes her hand—the one whose cast we recently got off.
‘Mrs Cooper, I’m Xavier. We’ve met briefly before. I’m very much in love with your eldest daughter, and I hope one day to get your blessing to marry her. But, for now, I’d like to take all your daughters home with me whenever you’re done here, so I can look after them in the way they deserve.’
Dawn frowns. ‘Want mawwy Rose?’ The words come out garbled, but Xav jumps.
‘God, no! Ivy! I want to marry Ivy. But I’d like to help her look after Rose and Lily, too, as much as I can, if that’s okay with you.’
Dawn nods a little, as if she’s considering it, even though I suspect she’s not sure what’s going on. Her sore, knotted fingers curl around Xav’s.
‘Don’t worry, Mum,’ Rose says, the small R of her necklace glinting above the opening of her onesie. ‘He’s really nice, and his house is sick.’
An old lady on a walker, heavily supported by a nurse, has made her way shakily over to us. ‘You should say yes. He’s a lovely young man. In my day, we’d have called him a dish.’
I give her a snotty laugh and follow it with a giant sniff. ‘Yeah. He’s definitely a dish.’
‘You lovebirds doing something nice for New Year’s Eve?’ the nurse enquires cheerfully.
Just as he always does with me, Xav gives Dawn’s hand a final squeeze before he lets go and gets to his feet.
‘Well.’ He puts his arm around me and pulls me against his side.
‘I have an evening at home with these three ladies and, apparently, an epic Chinese takeaway, so I’d call that very nice indeed. ’
So would I, Xav. So would I.
He turns to me. ‘We don’t have to go yet. We should take our time. I’m sure the girls would like to spend some time with their mum.’
I think the girls would much rather hurry back to Xav’s lovely pad and gorge themselves silly on takeaway, but we persuade them to go grab some cake and the four of us sit down with her.
I resume my reading, but it’s really hard when I’m smiling so much and Xav keeps stroking my hand.
Eventually, he goes for a wander around the room and says hi to all the other patients and carers, wishing them a happy new year and having little chats with them.
It’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen and reminds me what a great duke he would have made.
While the twins natter one-sidedly with their mum, I sit and stare at Xav like a total stalker.
A very happy, loved-up stalker.
Eventually, we all say our goodbyes to Dawn and wish her, probably pointlessly, a happy new year.
I have no idea how much of next year, if any of it, will permeate her consciousness.
I don’t even know how long she’s got left.
As we prepare to leave, one of my favourite nurses, Paul, comes to take the chair I’ve vacated and pats me on the arm. Dawn is never alone in this place.
I smile like a fool as I allow Xavier to lead me outside by the hand, the girls running ahead.
He may not have told me how ardently he admires me, but he did just blow up an entire wedding and walk away from every single thing that’s defined him in life.
I’m not sure even Lizzie Bennet could top that.