Chapter Sixteen
Blaze
I don’t think the smile left my face the entire ride home.
Home.
The fact that I considered my uncle’s guest room home after laying my head there once was comical. My cell phone vibrated against my chest, lighting up the top of my pocket a little. I didn’t bother checking it. The only people with my number were my parents and my sister. I knew my mother wouldn’t let Karlotti out of her sight again, so nothing could possibly be wrong on that end.
The lights were still on at Easy’s house. Both inside and in the shed. Two silhouettes were illuminated in the opening of the shed and I saw a hand raise and gesture for me, so I started that way.
When I got closer, I realized it was Easy and Donnie. The latter of which saluted me with his chin.
“How's it goin’, brother?” Donnie greeted me while reaching for my hand. I shook up with him and let him tug me into a half-hearted hug.
“Good. It’s good to see you again,” I told him.
“How’d she ride?” Easy asked.
When I blinked rather than answer him immediately, he laughed.
“The bike, not Donnie’s sister.”
Donnie spat beer and choked. He looked back at us with pink cheeks and watery eyes once he composed himself.
“Naw? March and you?” He wiped the mess off his mouth and laughed.
I opened my mouth, but wasn’t sure what to say, so I just nodded.
“Yeah. I, uh– just dropped her off. She’s at the Winehopper farm.”
“Ah, gran’s place. That’s what’s up...” Donnie nodded. “I don’t think anybody wants to go to dad and Izzy’s tonight.”
They both laughed and I ran a hand through my hair, unsure of what to say.
“You really like her, though?” Donnie pressed, staring at me.
I gave a slow nod, “She’s good people.”
“She is,” he agreed, without hesitation. “She deserves to be happy with someone who treats her right. If that’s you, then more power to ya’ll.”
He saluted me with his beer and swigged from it.
“Want a beer?” Easy offered, holding one out.
The bottle was dripping, and a cold beer did sound amazing.
“Sure.” I worked the top off and swigged.
“You talked to your mom?” Easy’s concerned rumble broke the silence, and my guilty gaze snapped toward him, answering him before I could.
He gave a grunt and nodded in understanding.
“She hasn’t changed a bit. Miss Crystal always was the nicest, we kids used to look forward to the wienie roasts and birthday parties at your house,” Donnie recalled.
Easy stared at him with a lewd grin, “That's what you remember about Miss Crystal?”
I cleared my throat, but it didn’t halt Donnie’s response any.
“Man, look– I know she was like the Goddess of Biker Chicks in ya’ll’s day. I know she was a dancer or whatever, but I was a kid back then. I didn’t see her like that.” He shrugged. “I doubt Blaze did, either, being he is her son. That’s your generation.”
“My generation,” Easy scoffed.
“Miss Crystal’s house always smelled nice, and her cupcakes had the most icing.”
“Her fucking cupcakes.” Easy cackled, disbelief seeping from his escalating tone.
“Yes. Look, not all cupcakes are created equal, Uncle E. I’m here to tell you. Some of them mothers would put anything on there. Cream cheese. Buttermilk. And spread thin as paper – The stingy asses! Not Miss Crystal. When Blaze brought cupcakes to school they were heaped with icing, colorful icing, too! None of that white or pink or brown shit from a one-dollar plastic jar.”
It was true. My mother drove fast cars and wore stilettos when I was little, but she showed out for birthday parties and gatherings. Baking was her specialty. I’d forgotten that about my childhood.
I was standing with a silly smile on my face when I realized they were staring at me.
“Sometimes I forget how much she changed. It’s hard to reconcile the woman I was born to, and the federal agent that stands sentinel over us now, but when I hear things, sometimes it brings back the strangest memories.”
Easy’s hand clasped my shoulder and gave a squeeze of a hug.
“Fuck them memories,” he firmly encouraged me. “Don’t spend your life lookin’ back. You don’t reconcile the parts of her. You just accept that she had to adapt. For her survival. For yours– She did and became who she had to. For her family.”
I blinked, staring at him.
She fucking hated him. Hate was too small of a word to express how deeply my mother’s disdain and disgust ran where Easy was concerned. How an emotion could be that enthusiastic and not shared, was beyond me.
“You don’t have any hard feelings toward her?” I quietly asked.
Easy’s eyes tightened like I’d asked a question he didn’t understand, “That woman never wronged me, Blaze.”
“I mean– You said I was all you had left of my father… and she ran with me.”
He slowly shook his head, one side of his mouth tipping up in a smile. “Crystal and I are different. We’re two different souls with two different lived experiences. We are probably more alike than not, in principle. We both protect people. It’s in our bones. We don’t think, we just do it. We use different sides of the law to do it…” He shrugged.
“Is that all?” I had to force the words past a lump in my throat.
The youth-distorted memories I had of the mob war always left me second guessing half of what I thought I knew.
“What do you mean?” His brows flinched and he brought his beer up to sip.
“I don’t know. She just– Hates you so passionately. So– fuck.” I shook my head, not understanding it enough to describe it. “I just don’t know how one person comes to feel that way about someone and the other party wishes them well. It’s weird, but— Most of my childhood was.”
Easy killed his beer in one long haul. He licked his lip and stared at the floor a moment before he began to nod.
“Yeah. I never was her favorite person.” He grew so quiet I thought that was all he was going to say, but then his breath hitched, and his eyes lifted to a picture on the wall. I saw his lips slowly shifting, like he was searching for the right words.
“She loved my brother. I’m not talking about this sack-chasing shit you see nowadays with young bitches. That girl was his fucking soul mate.” He pinned me with his gaze and his eyes watered over.
He clenched his jaw and slowly relaxed it, “I married Trista, and she was taken, and I was dealing with that—”
He huffed and shook his head with a laugh, “No. I wasn’t dealing with it. I was reeling from it. Spiraling. I didn’t know how to protect her. I failed to protect her. The mob got her. I didn’t think she was coming home, and I was lost in the coke. And your dad died–”
The way he spoke gave me chills. Donnie was staring intently at him, probably as lost as I was. Did I stop him? Did I let him get it out? I was sorry I’d pushed him to tell me anything about that shit. He’d told me to not look back, and here we were, at my insistence.
“He wasn’t just a brother. He was my fucking brother.” Easy thumped his chest, and his eyes went wide and wild.
“Mine,” he whispered, in a way that sent chills down the back of my arms. “And when I lost him.”
He shook his head, and his eyes slowly focused on me, and his breath hitched.
“We lost him–” he amended, giving my shoulder another squeeze. “I should have been there for her and you, but my own pain–”
“You’re human, Easy.” My voice suddenly sounded like steel; it made him flinch and look at me in an odd way. “You had Aunt Daisy, your wife, the club. Every corner of our world was a dumpster fire, no one expected you to put them out alone.”
“He’s right.” Donnie agreed, holding his beer with both hands.
His knuckles were tightening and relaxing in a way that betrayed his anxiety.
“I know,” Easy admitted, “Oak was there when I couldn’t be. He looked out for ya’ll. He was a stand-up mother fucker. Always will be. I don’t blame her for going with the man who stepped up when–”
“When he needed to.” I finished for him, before he could label himself a failure again.
“Yeah.” He huffed and reached for another beer.
I swigged, not wanting the beer to get warm.
“If I ask a question, will you be honest with me?”
An engine dulled and was killed when it turned onto the driveway.
“Always, nephew,” Easy promised, glancing toward the rider that had dismounted and was starting toward us.
I couldn’t see him yet, but I asked, hoping to get it out before they were in ear range.
“Did my dad have a coke problem?”
Easy groaned, and the rider grunted, prompting me to turn.
“I remember your old man.” Mackie invited himself to the conversation, and I wished I’d headed inside while the getting was good. “I was like fourteen or fifteen when he passed away.”
I wanted to leave, but my feet were so fucking heavy, something inside me wanted to hear all I could about him.
“I don’t remember him ever being strung out.” Mackie admitted, after a thoughtful pause.
“Anthony was never–” Easy stopped and groaned again, “My brother was the best drug trafficker in the area, Blaze. He moved the shit. You don’t do that if you’re spun out. Nobody hires a junkie to move drugs, you dig?”
I slowly nodded, thinking I followed.
“But you ain’t willing to say he didn’t use it,” I pointed out.
“He did coke with my dad. Sometimes in the garage. Sometimes in the kitchen,” Mackie offered, “My mom would raise hell about it. My dad would shove her around, be the big bad wolf, and she’d take us kids and leave. Ant always tried to get him to leave first. He’d always say, I told you, asshole. I told you we should have gone to the shop or the clubhouse . He never wanted to party at our house. He wasn’t like that, being reckless in front of people, especially kids.”
Easy nodded.
“He did crazy shit, but he was a family man, I don’t know how to explain that to someone who has never– Well, I mean you lived the life you were just– Too little to remember.” Easy shrugged.
“Did Daisy know that he had that side of him?” I couldn’t imagine my Aunt Daisy standing for that type of shit. “I just can’t imagine her not confronting him or a dealer or… involving herself.”
Easy and Mackie both laughed.
“She did one time,” Mackie’s eyes got big. “I was at my grandad, Mark’s, house, back when he was president. It was right before that raid that his wife got killed in, maybe two months before– I don’t know… but anyhow, she came out there raising hell! She said Ant got pulled over, and that the police had raided her house and Ant’s house, but they found nothing. Ant had a bunch of money on him that they tried to say was indicative of criminal shit, but–”
“I remember that,” Easy cocked his head, “I don’t think anything came of it, though. He had likeseven grand in cash, a couple of norco tablets, and I think they found two scales at the house he and Crystal lived at, but it wasn’t enough to amount to shit.”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. He might as well have told me we secretly lived on Mars.
“Are you serious right now? My mother– In a drug raid? On the other side of the badge?”
“I know right! Oak was a disciple, now he’s a fed.” Donnie laughed.
Mackie sobered at once and looked at Easy, who cleared his throat. Mackie snorted, his gaze instantly darkened, and his jaw tightened, “I’ll catch ya’ll tomorrow.”
He didn’t wait for a response, he just stormed toward his bike.
“I, uh– I think I better get to bed myself,” I mumbled, and started toward the house.
“Night, brother,” Donnie called.
“See ya in the morning,” Easy bid, his gaze not having left Mackie’s back.