Chapter 12
Whitsonby House
Ormond Square
Wednesday evening
Cam’s brain squirreled around as she paced her bedchamber, up and down, up and down, not excessively tiring since her room wasn’t all that big.
She kept thinking of the nearly two hundred pounds she’d saved, more than most families lived on in a year.
Better than the groats, she had a brain.
She would make do. But make do at what? And then, uninvited, she saw Alex Ivanov clear as day, saw those brilliant blue eyes of his dance with amusement at something she said.
No, no, he was a chimera, a fantasy, a single hour of amazing delight on a rainy afternoon, nothing more.
She stopped pacing and settled in on the soft-cushioned window seat. She banished the wild blue eyes. It was time to come up with possibilities—where she would go, what she would do, how she could get there, what story to make up for as yet unmet ears—but her brain didn’t want to cooperate.
Not a minute later, her sister came into her bedchamber without knocking, as she’d done forever.
Cam raised her head, looked toward her sister to see the familiar impatience in her gray eyes, slanted slightly upward like their father’s, the disapproval in her pursed lips when she looked at Cam, really pretty lips full and soft, many times pouting for effect.
She was pretty, slender, glorious blond hair always perfectly arranged in a fat chignon.
“Why are you mooning about, just sitting there, your skirts all tangled, your hair a mess, and look, there’s a tear in your stocking and one of your shoes has fallen to the floor?
” Eliza shrugged. “I know, you’re dreaming about all the charming gentlemen Aunt Deveraux will gather for you, line them right up for you to examine and then you can decide which one to hit in the nose, for no good reason, like poor Teddy Jewel. ”
Cam saw indeed there was a hole in her left stocking. Who cared? She said, “All she has to do is call them from her bedchamber window, the entire city of Bath will hear her and send over possible candidates.”
Was that a smile? If so, it was quickly gone.
Eliza’s voice became a bit conciliating, not much, but a bit, and that was a surprise.
“Listen to me, Bath is perfect for you, Camilla, if you’d but accept it and leave.
Even with an apology I doubt Teddy Jewel will be interested in you now.
And there’s Pilcher Gayson in Bath.” She paused.
“But if I know you, you’re thinking about taking the money you’ve managed to squirrel away and traveling to Venice to live.
But of course, the money wouldn’t last that long, would it?
And then what would you do? Starve or come home and do what you were supposed to do in the first place.
So forget that. Time for you to be reasonable, time for you to behave and do as you’re told.
“Since Teddy is very likely out of the question, you’re going to Bath.
You will be allowed to return in time for my wedding since I have no choice but to have you as my maid of honor, not Cecily Talmadge, as I wished.
” She frowned. “I will have to wear white since the queen did at her wedding and it’s now the fashion.
I would prefer a soft cerulean blue that makes my eyes sparkle and my skin glow.
Averil believes yellow will be perfect for you, although she did allow it might make you look sallow.
” She tossed a Tattler magazine on Cam’s desk.
“Read it. You will learn how a proper lady behaves at a wedding.”
Cam said without much interest, “I know how to behave, Eliza.”
Eliza regarded her sister for a moment. “Given your recent performance, I doubt it very much. Listen to me. You will smile and keep your smart mouth shut, Camilla. You will not engage gentlemen in discussions that will render them uncomfortable, possibly insensible. You will be shy and modest. You will defer to me in all things. If I ask you to fetch something for me, you will do it immediately. Do you understand?”
Cam cocked her head at her sister. “Do you love Winstead?”
Eliza tossed her blond head. “Winnie attends me charmingly and he is rich enough. Because of who my father is, I know he’ll treat me well.
I will give him an heir and then, since he’s a gentleman, he will leave me alone and go elsewhere with his male lust. I will have a fine life.
His father, I have heard, isn’t well, so perhaps I will be Viscountess Longham within the year.
And there will be no mother I will have to deal with.
Winnie told me she thoughtfully died a number of years ago.
Naturally he didn’t phrase it exactly like that.
Yes, I will be the mistress with no one to gainsay me. ”
It sounded bloodless and actually perfect for her sister.
Poor Winstead. To Cam it didn’t sound perfect at all.
But what else was there? Not only for ladies but also for gentlemen?
Both had assigned roles in life and they were to obey the rules set down to fulfill their roles.
But what if you didn’t want the role? What if—Surely there was something else, something to strive for—she thought of Alex Ivanov.
He was smart; he was actually inventing better ways for trains to run.
He was going to earn his own way, not inherit a title and wealth.
He was actually helping society to move forward.
He was going to make his mark, a big mark.
And what was she doing? Nothing at all.
She looked at her sister and thought of what she’d said about the marriage bed.
It sounded like Eliza didn’t want to be intimate with her future husband, that it was simply a chore to be got through, a duty to perform, nothing more, or something else entirely—like Averil using the power of her bosom with her father to get what she wanted, namely, for Cam to be exiled to Bath.
Did Averil enjoy the fleshly things with her father?
Cam shuddered. She couldn’t think about that, it was too uncomfortable, thinking of her father in bed with Averil and—no, no, don’t think about that, but since this was a very murky subject, she wasn’t sure at all.
Did Averil agree with Eliza?
Her sister turned to leave, her pale blue skirts swishing ever so gracefully as she moved.
She said over her shoulder at the open door, “I remember Mother. She hadn’t wanted to be what she was—an heiress married to a rich man, but she had no choice.
She was nineteen, beautiful, her family leaders in society.
She could have any gentleman and evidently she culled Father out of the crowd of suitors.
I’ve heard the servants say Father worshipped her, that he was distraught when she died. ”
Cam said, “Is that true?”
Eliza shrugged. “Who knows? Actually, I can’t imagine any gentleman caring that much for a wife.
After all, they’re not forced to be in mourning for an entire year like we are, particularly if they are still in need of an heir.
They can remarry as soon as they like and society nods approval and life continues.
“I remember Mother said to me when I was just a little girl and didn’t understand, that she didn’t fit into the mold, that she didn’t enjoy being with any of her peers, poseurs the lot of them, but she’d learned to hide herself, to smile, to say nothing of any importance at all, in short to say only what was pleasant and expected.
Then she hugged me, whispered she wanted me to spread my wings, whatever that meant.
Even at five years old, I realized Mother was an oddity, just like you.
Listening to you, it’s like Mother is speaking, all nonsense and naive dreams. I once heard her maid say Mother was like a little swan in an eagle’s nest.”
A little swan in an eagle’s nest. Was she really like her mother? Cam felt her heart swell. “Thank you for telling me, Eliza.”
Eliza shrugged again. “Who cares, really? She’s been gone a very long time.
Face it, Camilla, you will have to choose between Teddy and Pilcher.
There are no wings to spread, you’ll learn just as she did there is only as good a marriage as a lady can make and wrest as much pleasure as possible out of life.
“Now I’m going for a ride in the park with Winnie.
I might even let him kiss me. I think you’ve destroyed your reputation in London what with attacking poor Teddy, so Bath it will be.
Accept Pilcher, he’s not a bad bargain. He’s hunting mad and will leave you alone after you have a son.
” She gave her one long look. “Don’t forget, at my wedding, you will keep your mouth shut and smile, nothing more.
You will speak only when there is a civil inquiry.
And, Camilla, if you say anything untoward, I will make your life a misery.
” The last look her sister gave her promised retribution.
Eliza whisked out of Cam’s bedchamber. Cam heard the tap, tap, tap of her slippers on the polished-oak floor corridor. She raced after her. “Eliza, wait! How do you remember all of this? You were just a little girl. Tell me more of what you remember. What else did Mother tell you?”
But Eliza didn’t turn, didn’t answer. Cam heard her laughter.
She turned back into her bedchamber, sat again on the window seat. If it came down to Pilcher or Teddy, she’d escape to the Hebrides and live in a Viking hut.