Chapter 6 Past
Ry leaned on the doorframe of his room, watching Alex read on his bed.
He remained there for a few moments, taking in the scene: the sun streaming through the windows, motes of dust floating around Alex in the golden light.
Even after two years, Ry’s heart longed to beat in rhythm to Alex’s.
His boyfriend took up the entire bed, and still his legs extended beyond the mattress.
Even though he didn’t fit, Ry loved seeing him so at peace.
Alex turned to look at him and gave him a big smile. “Hey,” Alex said. “What are you standing there for?”
“Just enjoying the view.” Ry stepped into the room, holding his hands behind his back. He’d bought something for Alex, and he wanted to make the big guy work for it.
Alex looked at him, then squinted against the light. “Ry. I know you’re hiding something. I can see it poking out from behind your back.”
“Who, innocent old me?” Ry tried, blinking for effect. “No idea what you’re talking about. Can’t a guy walk into his own bedroom with his hands clasped behind his back? What’s this world coming to?”
Alex laughed and stood. A wide, irrepressible smile bloomed on Ry's face, his eyes sparkling as Alex loomed above him. There was nothing like being in those massive arms when he needed comforting. Alex took a few steps closer, crowding his space, towering over him.
“No, he can’t,” Alex whispered. “Someone might think he’s up to something.”
“Or, someone is being overly suspicious.” Ry looked up at Alex. “Like you.”
Alex pulled Ry close with one arm. With his other hand, he plucked the package out of Ry’s grip with ease.
“Fine, fine,” Ry said, sighing dramatically. “You caught me.”
Alex’s eyes narrowed in suspicion as he inspected the wrapping. “What’s this for? It’s not my birthday. And it’s not a holiday.”
“No, it’s neither of those things. But it is for something.” Ry stepped back to better see his reaction. “Besides, I had to get it for you.”
Alex flipped it over a few times in his hands. “It’s a book.”
“It might or might not be a book,” Ry said.
Alex looked at him, his lips pursed in feigned annoyance. Then he peeled the wrapping paper off. Alex carefully thumbed the spine, A Wizard of Earthsea.
“I have this one already, goober,” Alex said, confused but still smiling.
“Go on,” Ry said. “Open the cover.” It was a signed first edition copy.
Alex stared at him, then looked back at the odd, flowing script of the author’s name, Ursula K.
Le Guin. Ry had found it several weeks ago, when Alex and Brand had dragged him along a used bookstore crawl.
Bored, Ry had dug around the shelves and found this one in good condition.
He bought the book without Alex or Brand even noticing he’d gone missing for ten minutes.
“Goddamn, Ry, thank you.” Alex set the book on the nightstand and sat on the bed.
Ry closed the distance between them. At least now they were eye-to-eye.
Ry looked into those green eyes, lost in the sea of them.
He let his thumb brush across Alex’s cheek.
Even so many months later, a sketch of pain held on in the corner of his eyes.
Alex pulled him in. “Why?”
“Because I wanted to.” Ry pressed himself against Alex, kissing his cheek. “Because I know you’re a giant queer nerd.”
“I am not a nerd,” Alex said. His hand roamed up and down Ry’s back. “I just like reading.”
“And that makes you a nerd,” Ry replied, booping Alex on the nose. “By default.”
Alex laughed and pulled Ry on top of him, both falling back onto the bed. Ry giggled and kissed Alex twice.
“Doesn’t read,” Alex said, pinning him down. Kiss. “Doesn’t eat veggies.” Kiss. “Stubborn and lazy.” Kiss. “How are we even compatible?”
Ry batted at him playfully. “It’s because I’m the hottest, most charming man you’ve ever met.”
Alex chuckled. “That sounds like something I might have told you before. Maybe I should be more careful with my words.”
Footsteps came from just outside his room. He’d forgotten Lon had been downstairs making a snack before their big gaming session this afternoon.
“Hey how’d it—shit, sorry!” Lon said. “I guess he liked it. I’ll be downstairs then. Okay, bye!”
They both laughed as Lon’s footsteps retreated down the hall and then scurried down the stairs. Lon would have to wait longer.
“I loved it.” Alex kissed him again.
“Yeah?” he asked, still unsure if had overdone it. He slipped out from under Alex and sat up on his bed. He took Alex’s hand and rubbed circles. “You asked why earlier. I do have a reason.”
“Are you gonna tell me?” Alex said. His smile softened his face. To everyone else, he looked much older, maybe early thirties at the youngest. When he smiled, he looked more his age: barely old enough to drink.
“Only if you agree not to make fun of me.” Ry stopped rubbing circles.
“Can’t promise that, so you’ll just have to tell me.” The gleam in his eyes let Ry know he’d be safe no matter what.
“Okay,” Ry said. “There are at least a half-dozen reasons. The first major one: this is the anniversary of when we first met.”
“And you’re the one calling me a nerd?” Alex laughed, squeezing Ry’s hand. He rested his other hand on Ry’s leg. “How did you even remember the date?”
“The second major reason is that you deserve it.” Ry tried to will his meaning through his words, his eyes, the points where they touched. “You deserve good things.”
Alex’s smile slipped. “Ry, I—”
“You deserve it,” Ry said again. “I know I said a half-dozen, but there’s only one other reason I’ll share. It’s been one year, nine months, and two days since you came through those doors and told me you loved me for the first time.”
“You are insane, I’ll say that.” Alex smiled and caressed Ry’s face. “Maybe that’s why I like you so much. I’m curious about the other three reasons.”
Ry rested his head on Alex’s chest. “I already told you five of them.”
Alex grunted. “So what’s the last one then?”
Ry rolled his eyes. “Trying to ruin my perfectly sappy romance moment with questions about my intentions.”
“That’s my job.” Alex grinned. But his smile faded when Ry took a deep breath.
“I know how difficult things have been for you at home. You don’t share everything with me, and I’m not asking you to.
Between college, practices, and work, I’ve seen you manage it all every single day.
If I can bring even a little light and joy into your life, and see you smile the way you did today, that makes me happy. ”
“Ry,” Alex said. “You don’t need to buy me things. With you, I can be myself, more than I can be at school, work, and especially with family. You are home.”
Ry leaned closer, kissing Alex gently. He caressed Alex’s cheek with one hand, the other kneading Alex’s leg. “I love you, Alexander Garvin.”