Chapter 10 Skyler
SKYLER
I stare at the ceiling, unable to go to sleep. The only sound in the room is the hum of the air conditioner, and the sound should be soothing, but it’s not.
It’s late, and I should be tired, but I’m not. I feel like there’s a live wire inside me, and my body is practically vibrating with it. Zach told me he wants me. He told me that he wanted a relationship with me when this is all over.
I told myself not to get my hopes up, but I can’t help it. I know it sounds crazy, but it is like all my dreams are coming true. I huff out a breath.
“Go to sleep, Sky,” Zach murmurs.
I roll and look over the side of the bed. The room is mostly dark, but I’m able to make out Zach’s figure on the floor. “This is ridiculous. You know that, right?”
He raises his arms, putting his hands under his head. There’s a sheet on the floor, and I had to insist that he take a pillow. “Sleep. We have another busy day tomorrow.”
“Zach. We’re both adults here. You can sleep in the bed.”
His voice is strained. “I’ll sleep on the floor.”
I sit up. “Fine. I’ll sleep on the floor too. This isn’t right. You’re here because of me. You shouldn’t be sleeping on the hard floor.”
He chuckles. “Sweets, this is luxurious compared to some of the places I’ve slept.”
That thought makes me sad. “I’m coming down there, Zach, if you don’t come up here.”
He sits up, grabbing his pillow. He walks around the bed and gets in on the far side, putting a huge gap between us. I roll to my back and stare up at the ceiling. Even though we’re nowhere near touching, I swear I can feel the shift in the air and the current between us.
“I bet this is boring compared to most of your missions.”
I think back on everything I know about Zach.
He joined the Army when he graduated high school.
For the last ten years or so, he worked with my brother for Walker and his Ghost Team.
No one ever really talks about what the Ghost Team does, but just the small things I’ve gotten from Logan, I know they did a lot of dangerous missions and saved a lot of people.
Zach is quiet for so long I wonder if he’s going to say anything when he grumbles, “It hasn’t been boring at all.”
I roll to my side to face him. “Do you miss it? Going on missions?”
He blows out a breath. “Sometimes. I miss the thrill of it, but my therapist helped me see that it was time for me to move on.”
I struggle to ask the question. I don’t want to ask anything I shouldn’t, but I also want to learn everything I can about Zach. “Your therapist?”
He grunts. “Yeah, he helped me see a few things.” He pauses, and I see his chest rise and fall with his breath. “I was dealing with survivors guilt. Hell, I still am.”
I search my mind, thinking back to what I know about his past. I remember Logan telling me about the bombing a few years ago, but I don’t know a lot more than that. All I knew was that Zach was okay. “What happened?” I ask.
I’m holding my breath, waiting for him to answer me. I’m about to tell him to forget it when he starts to talk.
I lie silently, listening to him, trying to hold back the horror as he tells me the story of his past.
“We were on a mission in Afghanistan. It was supposed to be a simple mission. In and out. There was an IED that went off… Fuck, it was horrible. There were seven of us on that mission. Randall died. The other five are permanently injured and scarred. I’m the only one that walked away without a scratch. ”
I reach across the middle of the bed and put a hand on his shoulder. “Oh, Zach. I’m so sorry.”
His muscles flex under my palm, but he doesn’t pull away.
“I’ve lived with the guilt for years now and didn’t handle it the best way.
I took every mission I could. I didn’t take any time off—the more dangerous, the better.
It’s like I wished that something would happen to me…
as if that would relieve some of what I was feeling. ”
When he stops talking, I’m barely holding it together.
I lean my head on my hand, hovering over him.
“Zach, we may not have seen each other in a very long time, but I know you… I know the man you are. I’m sure you’ve tortured yourself since the incident, but we don’t know why these things happen.
There’s a reason you were uninjured. We may never know why… but it wasn’t for nothing.”
He sighs softly, and I continue. “Think about the people you’ve saved since then. Heck, Zach, there were seven of you, and the men that were injured made it back home. That was you. If you had been hurt too, who’s to know if any of you would have made it home.”
He rolls toward me. Somehow he finds me in the darkness, landing a kiss on my forehead. “Thank you,” he whispers.
“You don’t have to thank me. It’s the truth.” I put a hand to his chest, over his heart. The steady thud under my palm calms me. “I hate you’ve had to carry this guilt, Zach, and I’m sorry about your friends. I really am. How are they now?”
He puts his hand over mine as if he’s holding me to him, wanting my touch.
“Well, Davis married my sister. I gave him shit about it for a while, but man, he loves her. He’s a good dad to my niece and nephew.
” He pauses. “Jason is blind, but half the time you wouldn’t know it.
He gets around and ‘sees’ more than a seeing person does, if that makes sense.
He’s married too. As a matter of fact, all of them are.
Kanan, Elias, and Colter. They’re all happy. ”
My heart breaks a little because I can hear the wistfulness in his voice. He wants that. It’s like I can hear the yearning. “You deserve to be happy, too.”
He shudders and answers thickly, “I’m working on it.”
I want to slide over and wrap my arms around him. It’s like I can feel the sadness coming off of him in waves, and I can’t just lie here without doing something.
I scoot toward him and stop.
My breathing picks up, my heart starts to race, but I don’t let myself stop.
I scoot closer, and Zach almost sounds panicked. “Skyler… what are you doing?”
I scoot again, and this time, I’m flush against his body.
I feel him all around me. I’m trying to control my breathing, but it’s hard because every small move, small breath or anything, and I’m even closer.
The warmth of his bare chest heats me up.
The scent of his soap and all that is him envelops me like a tight hug.
I press my cheek against his chest and wrap an arm around him. He tenses, but I don’t stop the hug. I stroke my hand up and down his side. He groans. “Skyler…”
“Zach.” I say his name softly.
He doesn’t say anything, and I start to feel like this is a bad idea. I’m about to let go of him when all of a sudden his arm goes around me, and he pulls me half on top of him.
“Baby… we shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be in this bed with you, and I shouldn’t be touching you.”
Hope flairs in my chest when he seems to hold me tighter. “Why? Why can’t we do this? I mean if we both want it.”
He groans again and buries his nose in my hair. He inhales deeply, and I swear he seems like a man on the verge of losing control. “Sky… I’m supposed to be protecting you.”
I part my legs, fitting the “v” of my thighs over his. He’s hard, and his manhood is pressing against me.
I rock against him. “You will protect me. I know you will.”
He pushes me to my back and hovers over me. His hands are locked on mine against the bed, over my head. His eyes are wild as he looks at me. “Who’s going to protect you from me?”
I lean my head up. “I don’t need protection from you.”
He grunts. “If you knew what I wanted to do to you, you’d think otherwise.”
My nipples pucker, and I arch my chest, rubbing my hard peaks against his pecs.
The sensation travels through my body, and I know I’d give anything, promise anything, to be with him.
I pry my hands from his hold and wrap my arms around his torso.
With one small tug, I pull him on top of me, and he grunts.
“I want you,” I tell him. I’m almost pleading with him. “I want this.”
He nuzzles my neck, sending chills down my body. “I promised your—”
I turn my head and find his lips. Like a magnet, our lips connect, and the kiss is all-consuming.
I lift my legs, wrapping them around his waist, pulling him tighter against me.
“Zach, please. I don’t want to hear all the reasons why this is a bad idea or why we shouldn’t.
Just one night, that’s all I’m asking of you. ”
He puts his hand at my waist and then slides it under the band of my shorts. His finger grazes my mound, and I jerk. He slides a digit between my slick, swollen folds, and I let my legs fall to the bed, open wide.
Zach takes full advantage, stroking me. I pump my hips, and he moans. “Fuck, you’d fit so good wrapped around my cock, sweets.”
I groan as he strokes my swollen clit. “Zach, please,” I beg him.
He sits up on his haunches, jerking my shorts and panties off in a swift motion. He drops my clothes, puts his hands on my thighs, and pushes them open.
He moves suddenly, leaning over the bed, and flips on the light of the lamp. I squeal, throwing my hands over my body, trying to cover myself. He grabs my wrists and holds them between us, eyes locked on mine. “Stop,” he demands.
I stop fighting and stare up at him. “Turn the light off, Zach.”
He tilts his head to the side and looks at me. He sits down and pulls me to a sitting position. “We need to talk.”
I look at him, aghast. “You want to talk? Now?”
He opens his mouth, but I hold a hand up. “If you’re going to tell me all the reasons why we shouldn’t be doing this, I don’t want to hear it.”
He grabs my hand and holds it between both of his. “There are a lot of reasons why we shouldn’t do this, and I’m sure I’m going to get an ass-kicking for it, but I want you, Sky. So much that I can’t fight this.”
A lightness falls over me, and I can feel the tightness in my shoulders start to fade. “Okay, then…”
“But we need to talk before this happens.”
“I’m on the pill,” I breathe out, thinking that we’re having the birth control talk. It’s not like I’m sure how this happens, but I’m assuming people discuss birth control before having sex. This is my first time, not that I’ll be telling him that.
His jaw tightens, and he nods. “That’s good because I want to be inside you with nothing between us.”
I suck in a hard breath. “Then what are we doing here?”
“This is not a one and done or nobody has to know situation, Sky. This is more than just a fuckin’ way to pass time.”
I refuse to be taken in with his words. It’s lust talking, plain and simple, and he thinks he has to promise me the world or something, but he doesn’t.
I want this. I wanted this way before I ever should have.
But instead of saying any of those things, I gesture to the light.
“And do you need to have the light on to do that?”
“Yes.”
I scrunch my nose up. “Why?”
He smiles, and the way he’s looking at me has my guts twisting in anticipation. “Because I’m going to kiss, lick, and suck every part of your body, and I want to see every nip I make, every flush on your skin, every tremble… fuck, I want to see it all.”
I jut my chin at him. “I…”
I can’t bring myself to say it. I’m secure in my plump body. I don’t have any qualms about what I look like, but I’m not used to showing it off either.
He puts a finger on my chin and lifts so I’m looking at him. “It’s your decision. If you want the light off, I’ll turn it off. But I want you to know that I love your body. Just looking at you makes me hard, Sky.”
He gestures between us, and his shorts are tented from his erection. “Case in point.”
I blush and look away after I see the twitching movement.
I look into Zach’s eyes, and they’re darker than usual, filled with desire.
In this moment, I make a decision. I want Zach.
I’ve thought about this, and I know if I don’t do it, I’ll regret it.
I grab the hem of my shirt and pull it over my head.
Sitting here in only a bra, I know that my curves are on full display.
My thighs are thick, my belly softly rounded, but I don’t care because he is looking at me like I’m the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen.
I suck in a breath, reach behind me, and undo the clasp of my bra. I let the straps slide off my shoulders, and when the lacy cups fall away, I hold my breath.
Zach’s eyes lower, and the second he sees my naked breasts, he physically jerks. “Fuck, you’re beautiful.”
I reach for him then, and it’s like an explosion between us.
His kiss is ravaging and all-consuming. My breasts are crushed against his chest, and I slide against him, wanting the friction.
I dip my hand into his waistband, and he jerks his mouth from mine.
“Baby, I won’t last with your hands on me. ”
He pushes me back on the bed and hovers over me, his eyes devouring me. He’s not even touching me, but I can feel him everywhere. My body trembles as he cups my breast and then circles my erect nipple with his rough, padded finger. I arch into his touch.
He leans down, and I still myself, ready for it but having no idea how good it’s going to feel. His hot mouth suckles me, and my body jerks. I groan as I clench the sheets into my hands.
He’s relentless, suckling one breast while kneading the other. And when his hand dips between my legs and he palms my womanhood, I know that in this moment I would do anything this man wants of me. Anything.