Chapter 50
Chapter Fifty
FINN
After I started taking martial arts seriously and got better at controlling my rage, the next lesson Sensei taught me was self-restraint.
The hand that tames its own flame warms the world without burning it.
We started with food, watching my diet, cutting out junk that wasn’t good for me.
Easy enough.
Then he taught me commitment to exercise, cardio, jumping rope, deadlifts, practicing my stances—boring, consistent, and unsexy habits that separate hobbyists from great fighters.
I was practicing self-restraint in every area of my life, and it naturally extended to women.
Not that I always succeeded.
I am Jarod Cross’s son after all.
But when Jinx came around and began exposing every sexual escapade my brothers had at Redwood, I slowed all the way down with sleeping around, choosing instead to focus more of my time at the dojo.
How ironic that the girl who pushed me to be more selective is now the one testing the boundaries of my restraint.
I get into bed behind J, fighting to keep my hands to myself.
Her watch is beeping like crazy. She has no reason to be afraid. I’ve never forced myself on anyone, and I don’t plan to start now.
Besides, she’s all the way on the opposite end of the bed, taking up a small slice of the mattress. If she rolls an inch more, she’s going to fall off.
Just imagining J clattering to the ground and breaking a wrist or an ankle annoys me. She’s got a bad heart. She can’t afford for any other body parts to fail her.
“Come closer,” I order.
Her back muscles stiffen. I can’t see her face, but I can imagine her scowling.
“I’m fine,” J spits.
I growl into the silence. If she insists on arguing, I’m just going to grab her and drag her against me. And that won’t end well for her.
J must come to the same conclusion because she squirms backward. “Happy?”
I’m miserable.
My eyes slide over her body that’s mere inches away. The lilac scent on her skin dances in the air, and it’s so tempting I could go insane.
This is all my fault.
It started with the damn pajamas.
The first time I saw J in those flimsy pajamas was in the hospital. That image of her bouncing on the hospital cot is embedded in my mind. I was able to describe the outfit to Martina in detail. Too many details. She even got the damn lace on the front of J’s pajamas right.
Unfortunately, Martina bought a shirt a size too small, and now every time J so much as bends over, I have a full view of her cleavage. It’s not the cup size that usually turns my head, but it’s more than enough.
“Finn, I can literally feel you glaring into my back,” J complains.
So she has eyes in the back of her head now?
“I’m not looking at you,” I lie.
She rolls around defiantly and I don’t bother shifting my gaze.
Her eyebrows tighten. “See? This is why I was trying to sleep somewhere else. You hate this as much as I do. Let me sleep on the floor.”
“Not. Happening,” I bite out.
And what part of my face is communicating that I hate this? Can’t she see that I’m holding on to self-restraint by my damn fingernails?
J’s face turns blotchy, and she huffs, giving me her back again.
But she’s closer this time.
The lilac scent is stronger.
I should have backed away when I had the chance.
“You’re the one who ordered me closer, and now you’re pissed off that I listened,” she grumbles.
That’s a fair observation.
I’ll call it the Jinx Paradox.
It’s been happening for a while, if I’m honest, but it’s gotten worse over time.
Earlier, I offered to dry her hair. She sat in the computer chair, which put her head right around the level of my pants. Every so often, she dozed off, and her head would brush against me.
It wasn’t too bad.
Until I walked around to do the front of her hair, and she fell forward, marking a path that I would have liked a whole lot more had she been conscious.
But she hadn’t been.
And I had to stand there and endure it while her mouth was inches away from my zipper.
Then she woke up, completely unaware of how she was torturing me, and let out a groan when I ran my hands through her scalp.
The way my body snapped to attention at the sound of that low, sensual sound was uncontrollable. My desire to rip her pants down and get inside her gave me visceral, physical pain. I had no choice but to run away before I did something that would turn me into a true monster.
The Jinx Paradox.
I mistrust her and want her at the same time.
Maybe I’ve been too focused on the yakuza, Jarod Cross’s governor race, and Cadence and Grey’s kidnapping. This dating dry spell made my body go crazy around the one person I shouldn’t feel anything for.
Suddenly, I hear the softest snore.
My eyes widen, and I shoot to a sitting position.
Is she…?
I peer over at J and let out a quiet, disbelieving laugh. She’s fast asleep.
While I’m wound up hard enough to burst and holding myself back by sheer will alone, she’s dead to the world. I don’t know why that irks me, but I can one hundred percent say the feelings rushing through me are much more unpleasant than before.
Try to sleep, Finn.
I have important matters to deal with tomorrow. Ren and Hayato probably reported what happened with the Grave City Crew. Kurosaki will call me in to update him personally.
Dutch and Zane are supposed to fly out in a few days to investigate where Mom took the girls. I doubt Kurosaki will be pleased, but I plan to join them.
It’s best to follow J’s example and get some sleep.
I close my eyes and breathe slowly.
In the quiet, I hear a low buzzing sound. Eyes still closed, I reach for my phone. There are bank notifications, social media notifications, but no new calls.
The buzzing continues.
Raking a hand through my hair, I launch out of bed and stomp around to J’s side of the bed. Her phone is on the nightstand. It’s completely powered down. The password is impossible, and if I try to tamper with it more than once, the device will notify her.
I know.
I’ve tried and backed off right before the notification was sent.
The vibrating sound is definitely a phone though. Where is it?
A sudden thought lands, and I run to the closet. After the fight in the elevator, I had Hayato search J’s hospital room with a fine-toothed comb. She was unconscious and wouldn’t have a clue. It was the perfect opportunity to get more information.
He returned with a box of suspicious articles, but I’ve been so busy with the Grave City Crew, I haven’t checked it.
I glance at J one more time and find her chest rising and falling calmly. Kneeling next to the box, I peel back the top and dig inside.
The vibrating sound is coming from in here.
I rifle through the contents until…
There.
I spot a small burner phone—mostly used by older people who don’t like technology—amidst J’s things.
I tap the screen, and of course, it’s password protected. This is Jinx.
In the notification box on the screen, there’s one unknown number that’s called forty-seven times today.
My eyebrows climb.
Just then, a text comes in from the same number.
Show yourself, you creep. You’ve been bothering my husband and now you want to go radio silent?
Another text arrives.
If my marriage ends, I’m coming for you, Jinx.
My fingers tighten on the phone, and I brush my thumb over the word “Jinx.” Is this the phone Jinx has been sending text messages from? Who has she been targeting lately and why? I thought her app was closed?
A storm of strange, conflicting emotions forms a whirlwind in my chest. I take the phone, snap a picture of the notifications, and send the image to Ren.
My chest tightens strangely.
It’s getting hard to breathe.
I slip through the glass door to the balcony to get some air. The lawn stretches as far as the eyes can see. Dew falls on the neatly mowed grass, coating my skin with a wet, cold sheen. The stars are gone, creeping away as dawn prepares to touch the sky.
Ren answers my call immediately, despite the time. “Oyabun.”
“I sent you a number. Find out who it is.”
“I will.”
I face the balcony doors where I can see J tossing in her sleep.
She kicks off the comforter and smiles a little after accomplishing it.
Her blonde hair splays around her head like a halo, and her soft, tempting lips are slack.
With her cheek smushed against the pillow and her eyes closed, she looks fragile and innocent.
An impeccable deception.
My stomach twists into one long rope. She’s bewitched me somehow. I keep forgetting who she is.
“On the other matter I assigned you,” I say to Ren, turning away from the sight of J, “what did you find?”
“No one at the hospital knows her real name. She’s saved in the records as ‘J.’ She’s been a patient since she was twelve. No visitors. No emergency contacts. She’s a ghost.”
Confusion descends, making my head spin. That makes no sense. Someone has to be paying her hospital fees. Those bills aren’t cheap.
“There’s one more thing,” Ren says.
I put the phone back to my ear.
He sounds hesitant. “There are rumors about her background. Some believe that she’s the illegitimate child of royals. Others say that her family owns the entire hospital. Some insist she has a secret benefactor.”
It’s more likely Redwood Prep and all the secrets J traded for money were her benefactors.
“These are just gossip, but I thought it might be helpful.”
I hang up and let my arm go limp.
Who the hell is this girl?
Stealthily, I return to the bed. My head is on the pillow, but my eyes are on Jinx’s back. Confirming her identity isn’t a victory. I’ve always known she was Jinx. The problem is that I don’t know anything beyond that.
Who exactly is she? What does she want from us?
The longer those questions go unanswered, the more dangerous this becomes.
Jinx suddenly rolls around. Her head thrashes back and forth as if she’s looking for something. I blink in shock as she wiggles her way over to my side of the bed and throws an arm and a leg over me.
After cuddling close, she settles down.
I keep perfectly still, wondering if this is another ploy, but she’s breathing evenly. I doubt she can fake a sleep this deep.
Toss her off. She’s disgusting. She’s Jinx—one side of my brain argues.
But the feelings in my chest aren’t disgust. At least I don’t think so.
I definitely don’t want to push her away.
It’s not like you can expose Jinx tonight, I rationalize. Deal with her in the morning.
I lower my head to hers, one degree at a time, checking to see if she wakes up when I embrace her. J makes a pleased sound in her throat and presses more firmly into me. Her arms loop around my neck.
The way she seeks me out is like she wants to climb into my skin.
It’s wrong.
I shouldn’t.
But the warmth of her body and her soft hands around my back burn in the best way.
I close my eyes.
Tonight, I’ll take Jinx’s advice to keep my enemies close and my secrets even closer.