Chapter 22
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
LEWIS
“So, it looks like Richard is moving out,” Jamie says.
“ What? ” My head snaps up, the paperwork I was immersed in immediately forgotten.
“Come see for yourself!”
Suspecting this may be one of Jamie’s wind-ups, I come out from behind the reception desk and join him at the window. Across the road, Richard is piling things into the boot of his car. It does very much look as if he’s packing up to leave. When he glances up and spots us gawking at him, we jump back like we’ve been caught red-handed.
Jamie is the first to peek again. “Oh shit!” He laughs gleefully and bounces from foot to foot. “He’s coming over! You know how to throw a decent swing, right? A few jabs?” He punches the air, demonstrating some moves.
This time I’m convinced Jamie is winding me up—but no. When I check, I see Richard really is headed this way.
“Oh shit!” I parrot. “What does he want?”
If he’s moving out because things have ended between him and Iona, maybe he blames me and is intent on payback? I desperately run through some potential scenarios and responses in my head, not that I’ve a lot of time to prepare. I’m not worried about getting hurt, but this is my place of work and I’d rather stay professional. Besides, I honestly don’t wish the guy any harm.
The door opens and in he comes.
“Er, Richard,” I say. “Hi. How are things going?” I try to sound casual while remaining on guard, ready for whatever may happen.
He takes in my rigid stance and chuckles dryly. “I just thought I’d pop in to say I’m leaving.”
I nod. “Right.”
“Iona and I have... split up,” he elaborates.
“Oh.” What am I supposed to say to that? “I’m, er, sorry to hear that.”
He smirks. “Sure you are.” He casts a glance at Jamie then turns his attention back to me. “Fancy stepping outside?”
I tense at this, so he clarifies, “Just for a chat.”
“Ah. Of course.”
We head out to the street, which is quiet on this late afternoon. Richard watches as a solitary car passes. His eyes follow it until it disappears from sight. Only then does he speak.
“Iona said the break-up had nothing to do with you.”
“Aye, well, I haven’t even spoken to her since the Pheasant.”
His jaw tightens, and he crosses his arms over his chest. “Are you going to try and get back together with her?”
How to answer that? Should I even answer that? Is it even his business if they’re no longer boyfriend and girlfriend?
“I... don’t know if that could ever happen,” I say eventually. “But I do want to be her friend again, if she’d allow that.”
Richard studies me in silence for some moments. “And you honestly think you deserve that?”
I shrug. “Probably not, no. But that’s for her to decide.”
He blows out. “Yeah, you’re right. That is for her to decide. But if you do reconnect with her, don’t fuck it up again. She’s special, and she deserves to be happy. That’s all I wanted to say.”
He turns to go.
“Wait!”
He hesitates then glances back.
As tense and uncomfortable as this is, I respect him for looking out for Iona. He’s a decent guy—even if he hates my guts.
“I wish you all the best,” I say.
With a curt nod, he returns to packing up his things.
Back inside, Jamie wants to know if things are over between Richard and Iona, and I confirm they are.
“Why was that so boring, then? I was watching through the window, and not only were no blows exchanged, you shook his hand. I wanted to see you going at each other! How come you’ll chase me around the kitchen with a wooden spoon, but you’re all civil to that guy?”
“Because he’s a decent human being and you’re an annoying wee brother.”
“Oh, you should not have said that.” Jamie pulls a pose that looks like something out of Karate Kid . “Hi-ya!” He kicks the air dramatically. “Prepare to pay for your insolence!”
Just then some guests come down the stairs, and Jamie immediately drops his arms and smiles at them. “Heading out? Okay, see you later.”
After the door clicks shut behind them, he waits a few moments for good measure then springs back into action. “Ready to face my wrath?”
“Nope.” I don’t have time for this nonsense right now. I’m busy pondering what, if anything, this break-up might mean for me and Iona.
From the kitchen, Elspeth calls, “Lewis! It’s not long till the restaurant opens. Could I have your help with some prep, please?”
Jamie grins from ear to ear. “Elspeth doesn’t know yet! I’m going to go tell her you broke Richard and Iona up.”
“But I didn’t! And don’t you d—”
Already he’s rushing towards the kitchen. I race after him, but bloody hell, even though his rugby days are long behind him, he’s still fast.
He gets there before I can intercept him and proudly announces, “Richard is moving out!”
“ What? ” Elspeth, who was in the process of tasting the mushroom and barley soup, drops her spoon in surprise.
“And Lewis is the one who split them up.” Jamie points at me.
“That isn’t true!” I protest. “I had nothing to do with it.”
“Oh, aye? And yet this comes just days after you sang with Iona at the Pheasant, an incident that was the subject of a lot of town gossip. Before the day is through, everyone in Bannock will be buzzing about how you broke up a happy couple.”
“But—”
“That’s how gossip works, Lewis,” Jamie says. “The truth is less important than what people think the truth is.”
My mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water. “I . . . but . . .”
“Boys! Will one of you please fill me in on what’s going on?”
I find my voice. “Aye, I will. Jamie, you can keep an eye on the snug and reception. If you stay here, you’ll only confuse things with your inevitable meddling additions.”
“Aw, but this is going to be so good!”
“ Jamie! ” I use my no-nonsense tone so he knows I’m not messing around.
“Pfft, fine.” Dragging his feet, he shoots me a mischievous grin before leaving.
Alone with Elspeth, I explain about Richard packing up his belongings, and I assure her once again that it was nothing to do with me.
“Hmm.” She taps her foot. “Are you sure? Because I wouldn’t mind at all if you’ve finally come to your senses.”
“Come to my senses?” I repeat.
“Oh, Lewis.” She smiles kindly. “Why don’t we be frank for once? I have eyes—I’m pretty sure you’ve been in love with Iona since you were both fifteen.”
My breath catches in my throat. A lot of people have teased me about my feelings for Iona over the years—not least, Jamie—but Elspeth has never before referred to the subject so bluntly.
“Your mother saw it too,” she goes on. “Back when you’d visit Iona in Glasgow, we both suspected there was more to your relationship than simply friends catching up. We gossiped about it, naturally. We were so pleased.”
My chest tightens. It’s impossible not to replay my final conversation with Maw—her excitement about my accidental revelation. Without warning my eyes sting, and I have to look away for a moment. Jesus, am I about to cry? What the fuck is wrong with me?
“Oh, Lewis. Come here.” Elspeth wraps me in her arms. She’s always given good hugs. Not as good as Maw’s, but not bad.
“I... broke Iona’s heart.” I can’t quite believe I’m admitting this. I take a breath and try to go on. “It was years ago now, but...”
Suddenly shame washes over me, and a mental gate slams shut. I can’t continue. Elspeth wouldn’t be holding me like this if she knew the details.
Drawing back, but keeping her hands on my arms, she looks me in the eye. “Whatever you did, maybe this is a chance for you to fix things. I remember, as a lad, you got up to just as much mischief as your siblings, and yet, of the four of you, your kind and caring nature shone the brightest. Your maw loved you all equally, but she had a soft spot for you because she understood you could be a wee bit more... sensitive at times.”
Instinctively I cringe. I doubt many guys would appreciate that word being used to describe them.
“Not that anyone would know it to look at you, of course.” Elspeth pats my biceps. “Anyway, the specifics of what happened are between you and Iona, but my point is, maybe you’ve already beaten yourself up enough about it? As your maw’s best friend, I’m confident if she were here, she’d tell you to be kinder to yourself.”
“Aye. I can imagine her saying that.”
That smile again, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “Now, I don’t want to run away, but if Iona and Richard have split up, I really should go see how my daughter is doing.”
“Oh shit, of course.”
“Will you be okay here for a while preparing things by yourself? I know you’re confident about the menu—I mean, okay emotionally.”
“Jesus, of course I’ll be fine. I’m not that sensitive.”
“Good. There’s a lot that needs to be done, so I’ll be back as soon as I can, but I need to see how Iona is getting on. Anyway, food prep has always been a calming distraction for you.”
I nod. “It has.”
“All right, bye for now.”
Alone, I make a start on preparing the garnishes, so they’re ready for when it’s time to plate up. Be kind to yourself , I repeat in my head as I work. But can I really forgive myself for what I did?