Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
“Why are ye eatin’ so fast, Father?” Agnes asked, tilting her head at him from the other side of the table.
Liam swallowed his mouthful and looked at his daughter. She had been growing increasingly bold, asking questions she never would have asked before Katherine moved in with them. If her confidence hadn’t also seemed to be blooming, Liam might have scolded her.
“I am quite busy today,” he said smoothly. It wasn’t entirely a lie though if he wanted, he could eat at a normal pace.
“Is it because ye’re worried about runnin’ into Katherine?” she asked bluntly, seemingly not caring that residents sitting around them might hear. “I ken she’s loud, but she’s nae that bad.”
Liam straightened his back and squared his shoulders. Slowly, with measured movements, he cut a piece of meat. Before bringing the bite to his mouth, he said, “I daenae mind her volume, nor am I avoidin’ her. Me duty is simply more important than eatin’ slowly.”
Agnes watched him as he chewed, her attention unyielding. She waited until he swallowed to say, “The healer says it isnae healthy to scarf down yer food. Yet ye are doin’ so.”
“Aye, because ye could choke,” he told her. “If I choke, ye are free to lecture me. But ye may nae right now.”
Agnes nodded, clearly holding back a long-suffering sigh.
She resumed eating though her eyes flicked between him and the hall doors every few seconds.
He maintained a steady pace, not giving the girl any indication that he was eating faster than necessary.
The last thing he needed was the rest of the clan paying too much attention to how he interacted with Katherine.
He was nearly finished with his meal when the air in the great hall changed. Carefully, he placed his fork back on the table. Before he looked toward the door, he already knew who’d be standing there.
Katherine was wearing a bright smile, a lightness hanging off of her that had settled over her after the afternoon she’d spent with the other ladies of the clan. Somehow, it made her even more radiant. It was like looking at the sun.
Suddenly, he pushed himself away from the table, the legs of his chair scraping loudly against the stone floor. All eyes were on him, but the only ones he seemed to notice were Katherine’s. She watched him, her face showing confusion, amusement, and something that suspiciously resembled warmth.
He paused, inclining his head toward her in respectful greeting.
Then, he pushed his chair under the table and turned his back on her.
As he walked away as naturally as he could, he could hear her hurried footsteps behind him.
It was almost as if she were trying to catch up, but he had slipped into the kitchens before she had a chance to get close enough to say anything.
“Saints, I cannae stay away from her,” he grunted, closing his eyes and massaging the tension out of his temples.
When he opened them again, he looked around the kitchen. A few of the staff members glanced at him, but none of them seemed surprised at his presence. The head cook seemed to be attuned to Liam’s arrival though he was busy preparing bread for the following morning.
Liam walked over to him purposefully, playing off his sudden arrival as a genuine business visit.
He took a moment to observe the way the cook kneaded each loaf, the steady movement of his hands.
When he placed aside the bread ball he was working on, Liam asked him, “Have ye received Lady Katherine’s menu for the upcomin’ ceilidh? ”
“Aye, sMe Laird,” the cook said, wiping away the excess flour from his hands onto his apron. “We’ve started the preparations already, sourcin’ only the best ingredients for the gatherin’. Is there anythin’ ye’d like to add?”
“Nay, I trust that she’s put together enough,” Liam said, glancing around the kitchen at what the rest of the staff was working on.
Several of them seemed to be portioning out the ingredients that wouldn’t spoil over the next two weeks.
“Ye daenae need me to look into tradin’ for anythin’ else, aye?
I can redirect funds for anythin’ we cannae trade for. ”
“I believe that all of our shipments have been adjusted to accommodate the ceilidh,” the cook replied, stepping out from behind the counter. “Allow me to fetch ye the inventory forms so ye look them over.”
Liam grunted, welcoming the mental challenge. He trusted he wouldn’t have any issues with the list he was given and was glad to have something to distract himself. And if he stayed here long enough, Katherine would be back in her quarters.
He accepted the list from the cook and began reading through it. As he expected, the adjustments were accurate. There would be more than enough for the ceilidh without creating too much waste, and anything leftover could be sent to the orphanage in a neighboring village.
After checking the math twice, he returned the inventory list to its place. Then, he left the kitchens, avoiding the great hall completely and using the servants’ corridor. As soon as he emerged from the main hallway, he nearly collided with Katherine.
She came to a skidding stop, looking up at him with wide eyes. Softly, she said, “Liam. I missed ye at supper. I hope everythin’ is all right.”
Her politeness felt forced, as though she were holding back some of the familiarity she’d been trying to build with him. It should have been a good thing. Yet, he felt as though there was something fundamentally wrong between them now.
“I had to take care of the inventory list with the cook,” Liam said, tearing his gaze away from her and beginnin’ to walk forward again.
As he moved, his shoulder grazed hers, sparking a wave of heat through his body. His jaw tightened, but he forced himself to keep going. He sensed her behind him, and the absence of footsteps indicated she was standing still.
I could turn around and kiss her. I should turn around and devour her.
Grinding his teeth together so hard that he thought his molars might crack, he walked away from her. With each inch he put between them, he felt more and more like he was denying a deep-seated desire. The castle was slowly starting to feel like his own personal hell.
* * *
I should call out to him and insist he speaks with me.
Katherine didn’t, though. She stood quietly, more than a little confused at the feelings in her heart and in her mind.
If she were to protect her heart, she’d avoid him as well.
She’d let their relationship fall into the professional, stiff business arrangement that he continued to insist they maintain.
Yet I allow every tiny thing to get me hopes up. I must control meself, or I’m only goin’ to be miserable.
When he turned the corner, likely heading to his study where he spent most of his time, she exhaled a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.
Part of her expected him to turn around and come back.
There was something tingling in the air between them so strong that she could still feel it stirring over her skin.
I’ve been warm all over for the better part of today, though. Perhaps this is nae just from him.
She headed back toward her own quarters, the room she couldn’t stop thinking of as the one she was meant to share.
Each night as she slipped into the large bed, she couldn’t help but imagine how much warmer it would be if she had someone to share it with.
Her heart, the traitorous thing, knew exactly who she wanted to share it with.
I should be glad to have such a large bed all to meself. Nay… I am glad.
Telling herself didn’t seem to change her feelings, though.
“Katherine?”
A tiny voice brought her to a stop. Katherine turned, smiling at Agnes’ small figure standing in the doorway of her chambers.
The girl was dressed for bed, her hair brushed neatly, and a light blue nightgown hanging off her frame.
The thick book of stories she seemed to carry with her everywhere was folded against her chest.
“Are ye well?” Katherine asked, taking a few steps toward Agnes. “Do ye need me to get anythin’ for ye?”
“Nay, I daenae need anythin’,” she said, shifting from foot to foot as she seemed to carefully pick her next words. “But I was wonderin’ if ye could read me a tale before I fall asleep.” She paused for another beat, stilling her body. “Has it ever been too quiet for ye to drift off?”
“Aye,” Katherine said, softening her tone. She took a few more steps forward. “I ken exactly what that’s like. Yer mind fills the silence and keeps ye from driftin’ off.”
“It’s exactly like that,” Agnes said, grabbing onto Katherine’s wrist and bringing her into the room. “When it happened before Grandmother passed away, I would ask her to read to me. But now?—”
She cut herself off, seeming frustrated at her train of thought. Letting go of Katherine’s hand, she climbed onto her mattress. Then, she patted the space beside her, watching Katherine expectantly.
Katherine slid in beside Agnes, accepting the book with gentle hands when she handed it over. This was the first time she’d ever been allowed to touch the beautifully bound book. She ran her finger appreciatively down the spine, feeling the craftsmanship in every inch of the collection.
“This is a gorgeous book,” Katherine whispered reverently, knowing that it was special to Agnes.
“Me mother left it to me,” Agnes explained, reaching out to flip the cover open. She traced her finger over the name ‘Siobhan’ scrawled in the front. “I daenae remember anythin’ about her, but yer teachin’ me to read the same stories that she read. I can touch somethin’ that she wrote.”
“Ye’re still connected to her,” Katherine said, her voice thick with sympathy.
She was no stranger to the loneliness that Agnes felt though she wasn’t fortunate enough to own anything that belonged to the woman who gave birth to her.
“I’m honored that ye’re lettin’ me read to ye from it.
I willnae so much as turn a page too quickly. ”
“Do ye have a mother?” Agnes asked, her focus sharpening. She tilted her head up at Katherine. “I mean, do ye ken yer mother?”
“I didnae get to meet her,” Katherine admitted, staring down at Siobhan’s name. “It was just me and me father.”
“Like me and me father,” Agnes said with a hint of wonder.
“Aye. I think ye got quite lucky with yer father,” Katherine said, careful to keep from unloading her own troubles. She preferred that Agnes believe her childhood had been wonderful. “He cares about ye so much. Even if he’s a wee bit… difficult.”
“Grandmother always told me that Father and I were too similar for our own good,” Agnes muttered, the corner of her mouth twitching.
“She always said that if we were too serious, our lives would pass us by too quickly. And Father always told her that if we didnae perform our duties, life wasnae worth livin’ at all. ”
“I’m inclined to believe she may have had a point,” Katherine said, nudging Agnes playfully with her elbow. “But yer father isnae wrong either. Ye’ve been learnin’ how to balance the two. Ye take care of yer duties, so ye can have moments where ye arenae serious.”
Agnes considered that for a moment, slowly flipping through the pages as she looked for a story. “Do ye think that he will ever learn? The balance?”
“I daenae ken,” Katherine admitted quietly, keeping her gaze firmly on the pages in front of them. “I do hope that he does, but it’s difficult to learn new things as ye get older.”
“Well, Grandmother always told me that it is never too late to change,” Agnes said simply, pausing her flipping for a second before deciding that she’d prefer a different story.
“She used to tell me that even women her age could change if they put their mind to it. They just have to decide they want to. She said she often didnae want to.”
“She was so wise,” Katherine breathed. “I do believe that ye can do anythin’ with yer life if ye decide it is so. Yer father could decide to be a warm, emotional man tomorrow.”
Agnes giggled, bringing her hand over her mouth to cover the sound. When she recovered, she said, “He willnae!”
“Daenae ye ken that people are unpredictable?” Katherine countered, beaming. “Why, ye could decide that instead of growin’ up to be a lady of the clan, ye want to spend yers days ridin’ through the countryside with yer horse and sword to defend yerself.”
Agnes’s brow furrowed as she processed the suggestion.
Then, the smile on her face split into a full-blown grin.
She stopped looking for her story, meeting Katherine’s eyes once more as she said, “I think that I might like that very much. I must learn how to ride, though. And defend meself with a sword. And swim.”
“Ye’ll need to learn some healin’, too,” Katherine added, going along with the girl’s planning. “The plants that will help ye if ye get a cut and the kinds that will help if ye catch a cold.”
With a good-natured sigh, Agnes said, “So I cannae just start ridin’ through the Highlands tomorrow.”
“Nay, but if that’s somethin’ that ye want to do,” Katherine said, watching as Agnes finally settled on a tale after turning a few more pages, “then I suppose I could adjust yer lessons.”
“Startin’ with ridin’?” Agnes asked, overeager.
“I will see if I can convince yer father to allow me to teach ye,” Katherine said, scooting in close so she could better see the words in front of her. “But that would require him to decide he’s goin’ to be a bit more relaxed.”
“He will get there,” Agnes said, leaning her cheek against Katherine’s bicep. “Will ye read to me now?”
Without dwelling too much on the first part of what Agnes said, Katherine began to read. As she did, her body warmed, her throat dried, and she cursed herself for not being able to keep her mind off Liam.