Chapter 26
With the battle between Raphael and Gresham over and the threat to her safety extinguished, Keira anxiously waited for Raphael to untie her. The moonlight painted a serene backdrop to the pivotal moment, but as she observed his expression, she detected a sense of apprehension and withdrawal.
He rushed over to her quickly, freeing her from her bindings, and she couldn’t contain her relief and gratitude. Her heart swelled with emotion, and she gratefully fell into his arms.
“Raphael,” she whispered, her cheek pressed against his shoulder, her voice choked with emotion. “Thank you for coming for me.”
“Of course,” he replied softly.
However, as she nestled against him, she sensed a lingering distance in his demeanor, as if something had shifted in their connection. Despite the dangers they had faced and her overwhelming gratitude, she couldn’t ignore the undercurrent of unease that seemed to separate them.
His arms around her were not the arms of a man who, a moment ago, had thought he would lose the one he loved. He held onto her loosely, ready to let go at any moment. So, she let go of him first, pulling away.
She made sure to look at him, and not the lifeless body of the man who had caused all this tragedy.
She focused her gaze on Raphael, but even in his eyes, she didn’t like what she saw.
It brought her little relief, little comfort.
Then, she remembered everything he had said, and an avalanche of pain fell down on her once again.
“All those things you said,” she whispered, not trusting her voice enough to convey the message. “Did you really mean it?”
Raphael swallowed heavily as he hesitated to reply.
Her heart clenched inside her chest. He didn’t need to say anything.
Sometimes, silence spoke more than a thousand words ever could.
But she still needed to hear him say it.
Otherwise, hope would gnaw at her forever.
Saying those words aloud, releasing them into the world, would mark the end of everything.
“Aye,” he said simply.
“I see.” She nodded, looking down at her feet.
She felt stupid for believing that there could ever be anything between them other than what he had already told her. Even his coming for her was him merely being a good laird. It had nothing to do with her.
He would have come for anyone from his clan because he was a good leader of his people. She couldn’t hold this against him. But she could feel her heart breaking into a million little pieces, and she knew that she would never be able to piece them together into a properly functional whole again.
“In that case, I will return to England with my parents,” she murmured. “As soon as tomorrow morning.”
She gazed at him longingly. She hated herself for still hoping, for silently screaming his name and pleading with him not to let her go, that they could be so happy together if he only gave her a chance.
But his eyes refused to ignite that hope inside of her.
His eyes were cold, standing by the words he had just said, the same words that destroyed her world.
At that moment, they heard Jasper and Dallas approach. Both men could see that something momentous was taking place, neither of the two wishing to interrupt. But there was nothing to interrupt. It was all already over.
“Can we go back to the castle, please?” Keira asked.
“Of course,” Raphael said, gesturing for Dallas to bring their horses.
A few minutes of silence passed, and then Dallas returned with the animals.
Raphael gestured for her to ride with him, but she shook her head. “I will ride with Jasper if you don’t mind. You must be very tired yourself. I don’t want to be a burden on the way back.”
She hated herself for saying this. It was the hurt and pain speaking on her behalf, but she couldn’t suppress these words even if she wanted to.
“Ye arenae a burden, Keira, ye ken that,” Raphael said in a broken manner, but she knew that he could not be nearly as broken as she was right now.
“Thank you for saying that, but I would like to ride back with Jasper, nonetheless.”
“As ye wish,” he murmured.
Half an hour later, Keira sat behind Jasper, her thoughts a tumultuous storm of relief and apprehension. Jasper had been quiet most of the ride, but now he whispered, “If ye want me to kill him, lass, just say the word.”
“That sounds tempting, but no. Thank you, Jasper,” Keira whispered back and then gave a bitter laugh that earned her a curious look from Raphael. That was the only time he looked at her. She knew, because her eyes occasionally stole glances at him as he rode alongside her.
The distance between them, despite their close proximity, weighed on her heart.
She wanted to break the silence, to express the depth of her gratitude, but an unspoken understanding seemed to keep her words at bay.
It was far too late to say anything now.
The matter was settled. All they had to do now was tell everyone when they returned to the castle.
The path ahead seemed to stretch on endlessly, illuminated by the moonlight, and as the castle drew nearer, the weight of their shared experience remained palpable.
But, that was all she was left with. Stolen moments and an adventure much different than the one she had hoped for when she had first met him.
At least, it might make it easier to forget. To leave him behind and—
Who was she trying to fool? It was her heart that she would leave behind. And Raphael could do whatever he wanted with the pieces, for she knew she would never see him again.
With Jasper and Dallas gone to the stables to feed the horses, Raphael led Keira into the castle, towards the drawing room, where their families were waiting.
There was no more music from the cèilidh.
The guests who remained in the castle had already retired to their chambers, while those who had come with their carriages had left a long time ago.
As they entered the drawing room, the atmosphere was charged with tension and concern.
All eyes were on them, with Keira’s parents shocked to see them.
The whole room seemed to righten with the weight of the unspoken fears gripping their hearts.
But the moment their eyes fell upon Keira, relief washed over them.
Tears welled up in the eyes of both mothers, and the Duchess held her daughter close. It seemed that the worry and anxiety that had plagued her heart had melted away in the warmth of their embrace.
Even the Duke, a usually stern man, had his countenance softened by a smile of relief as the family basked in the happiness of their daughter’s safe return. Then, the man turned his attention to Raphael.
“Will someone offer some sort of an explanation for what happened?” he demanded, back to his stern self. “You claimed that our daughter was safe here, and now look at this! She had been taken from your own home!”
It didn’t escape Raphael’s attention that the man had not assumed even for a single moment that Keira had left on her own.
After all, it had happened once. No, it was his fault immediately.
But he didn’t say anything because it was his fault.
Keira had been taken because of his past debts that were not settled.
“Ye’re right—” Raphael started, but Keira suddenly interrupted him.
“Raphael does not owe anyone any explanations,” she snapped.
Raphael couldn’t believe that after everything that had happened, she was still defending him. His heart ached so much it clenched inside his chest. He wanted nothing more than to throw all caution to the wind and admit that he loved this little lass more than he could ever describe in mere words.
But the danger was still there, looming over him, and that meant it was looming over her as well. She had almost died once. He couldn’t allow her to find herself in such a situation ever again. Not because of him.
“What do you mean?” Her father’s eyes were wide and incredulous.
“None of this is his fault,” she continued.
“And as such, there is nothing for him to explain. I am the one who should be explaining things, and I don’t want to stay here in Scotland anymore.
I… I miss London too much. I would never be able to live here, in the middle of nowhere.
It simply isn’t me. I don’t know why I thought it would ever be possible. ”
Her father was still frowning. “You cannot just keep changing your mind like that, Keira.” The tone of his voice was becoming increasingly more agitated. “There is the question of your reputation—of your courtship.”
“I know,” she replied hastily. “I’m sure that word of this might not even reach London, or if it does, perhaps I can soften it somehow.
In any case, there has to be someone back in London who will want me as his wife, despite my reputation.
Perhaps I could even get Edward to forgive me and take me back. ”
Take me back.
The words echoed in Raphael’s mind like a million little daggers, all pinning him and pricking him at the same time, causing horrible pain.
He didn’t want her to go back to anyone other than him.
But he bit his tongue so he would keep quiet.
He had to keep reminding himself that this was for the best. All he wanted was for her to be happy and safe. His own happiness was irrelevant.
“Well…” The Duchess gently placed her hand on her husband’s upper arm. This was obviously her way of softening the situation and regaining control over everyone. “If this is truly how you feel, darling…”
“Yes.” Keira nodded without hesitation.
“In that case, we shall all return home,” her mother affirmed.
“Tomorrow morning,” Keira informed them.
“Well, we’d need to pack and ready the carriage—” her mother said, but she was not allowed to finish her thought.
“Tomorrow morning, Mother.” Keira was adamant. “I see no reason to linger here any longer than we already have.”
Raphael was hurt beyond words. And all the while, she refused to look at him, to even acknowledge that he was here.
He was grinding his teeth angrily, helpless to do or say anything, while all he wanted to do was grab her by the shoulders and force her to stay because this was where she belonged. Here, with him.
“All right,” her mother finally acquiesced.
At that moment, Elspeth interjected, “I will send servants up to yer chamber to help ye pack if ye need help.”
Keira turned to her. “Thank you, that would be most kind.”
Raphael could see the pain in his mother’s eyes as well. Another innocent person who had been harmed by his past, simply for being someone close to him, someone who loved him. He curled his fingers into a fist, trying to keep a semblance of control over himself.
“We’d best go and start packing, then,” Keira said, finally turning to him.
He could see her nostrils flaring, her eyes boring into him a hole that would never be filled by anyone else. He would forever mourn her loss, but it was something he had to do.
Only, he couldn’t control himself any longer.
With long, hasty strides, he walked out of the drawing room and slammed the door behind him.
He tried to convince himself that it didn’t matter.
That none of this mattered. Keira would be safe and sound as soon as she was back in London, while he would be left to wither away here in, as she said, the middle of nowhere.