Chapter 36
Thirty-Six
SLOANE
Sometimes I got so used to living in Scotland that I forgot to take in its beauty.
As a distraction, the past few days I’d forced myself to look around me.
The Highlands in the summer were lush and wild, but as winter moved in, there was a starkness to its beauty.
Emerald and olive greens gave way to burnt umber, smoke, and amber.
Clouds with heather-colored bellies hung above a North Sea tinted by its reflection in the sky.
Mountain peaks in the distance were topped with snow.
Naked tree branches glowed copper in the early setting sun.
We get to live here, I reminded myself as I drove to Monroe and Brodan’s.
Every day I tried to remember something good.
It helped keep a heartbroken meltdown at bay.
Callie was in the back of the car, cooing to Nox as we drove him home.
It was just past three thirty and the winter twilight was drawing in.
We’d had Nox since nine o’clock in the morning.
The car had lulled him to sleep, but before we’d left the cottage, he’d thrown a baby fit, and I deduced he was missing his mom and dad.
“Can’t we keep him a little longer?” Callie asked.
I glanced at her in the rearview mirror, knowing my smile couldn’t quite reach my eyes. “Nox wants his mom, sweetie.”
Two days.
It had been two days since I’d broken up with Walker. I had a good cry with Aria until it was time to collect Callie. My daughter had taken one look at my swollen eyes and knew something was wrong. I lied and told her Aria and I had watched a tearjerker together.
“I thought you were hanging out with Walker?” Callie had quizzed.
“Girls’ night instead,” I choked out.
I hadn’t told her we’d broken up. I didn’t know how to.
The fact of the matter was I was furious with myself for acting so selfishly and involving Walker so completely in her life.
This would hurt her, too, and was a massive lesson for me to never introduce a guy to my daughter until months into the relationship.
Months. That wasn’t Walker’s fault. That was all mine.
Eventually, I’d have to tell Callie, but for now I’d made excuses that Walker was busy these past few days.
At night, I cried myself to sleep. By day, I pretended everything was all right.
Today had been a pleasant distraction. We’d taken Nox for a long walk around the village. He’d napped while we ate lunch, and then Callie had fun playing with him this afternoon until he got too tired.
“Do you think I’ll ever have a brother or sister?” she asked from the back seat.
My throat closed up at the thought. It took me a minute to push away the sting of tears. “Maybe.”
“Walker should have a kid, Mom,” Callie advised, like she was a wise old lady. “He’d make a really good dad.”
Emotion threatened to break me, so I quickly changed the subject, asking her about a girlfriend at school who’d been pissed at her because I’d bought Callie the same pencil case. Seriously, the things that set some kids off.
“We’re fine now. I gave her some emoji stickers I got free in the cereal box, and she stuck them all over hers, so it looks totally different.”
Ah, to be ten and problem solving on that level.
“Can we stop in and say hi to Lewis?” she asked as we drove down the narrow road past Thane and Regan’s.
“It’s rude to just drop by, baby girl. I’m sure they’re doing family time, anyway.”
“Did I tell you that McKayla told Lindsey she fancies Lewis?”
I glanced at Callie in the rearview. She was growing all Scottish on me with her word choices these days. “Fancies, huh?”
She shrugged, her eyes lowered to Nox. “It’s what they call it here.”
Were we at that age already where kids had crushes on each other? I tried to think back to being ten.
Yup.
I distinctly remember thinking Colt Matthews was the cutest boy in my class. He gave me a Valentine rose that year. “How … do you feel about that?”
She shrugged, still not looking at me. “It’s fine. Lewis thinks she’s a pain in the butt. He … he thinks McKayla’s pretty, though.”
Uh-oh. “He told you that?”
“He told Michael who told me.”
“Do you … do you fancy anyone?”
Callie’s eyes flew to meet mine in the mirror, and she wrinkled her nose. “Boys are annoying.”
I chuckled softly, relaxing. She was still too young for all that nonsense, and I couldn’t be more relieved.
“But … I wouldn’t want Lewis to spend all his time with McKayla instead of me.”
I smiled at her in reassurance. “Never going to happen. That kid loves you.”
She made another face, but a smile curled at her lips.
My eyes flicked back to the road. We’d passed the Adair siblings’ homes and arrived at the end of the lane where Brodan and Monroe’s impressive, LA-style home sat.
The sight of a familiar Range Rover made my heart lurch in my throat. Blood rushed in my ears as I swung into their driveway and parked next to Walker’s vehicle.
“Walker’s here?” Callie asked excitedly. “I thought he was working?”
Rummaging quickly in my purse for my phone, I snatched it up to find three warning texts from Monroe that Walker had stopped by.
Shit, shit, shit.
He had not texted, called, or dropped by since I walked out of his house two nights ago.
For him, it was over too.
A lead weight sat on my chest, painful. Momentarily debilitating.
“Mom?”
Get it together.
“Coming.” I gritted my teeth and jumped out of the car to open Nox’s door. “Will you take him while I unclip the car seat?” I’d borrowed it from Monroe.
“Sure.”
After I’d settled a still sleepy Nox into my daughter’s arms, I quickly unbuckled the car seat and carried it with me as we walked up to the entrance. The door opened before we reached it, and Monroe stood there.
As if alerted to her presence, Nox woke up and started wailing.
She hurried out to take him from Callie, holding him against her and crooning as she swayed him from side to side. “How was he?” Her eyes were wide and apologetic.
“He was great,” I assured her. “We’ll leave this with you”—I placed the car seat at her feet—“and go.”
“We have to say hi to Walker.” Callie threw me a confused look before darting past Monroe with uncharacteristic rudeness.
“Callie!”
But it was too late.
She was already in.
Roe whispered, “He just stopped by. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
It was not fine.
She knew that, too, and patted my arm before I followed her into the house to retrieve my daughter.
We found her standing with Walker at the kitchen island, leaning into him as if she belonged at his side. “Mom, look who I found!”
I know she expected me to smile, cross the room, and press a kiss to Walker’s lips like she’d seen me do a hundred times in the last few weeks. Guilt crushed me as I refused to meet his gaze. The sight of him with Callie was already too hard to bear.
“Hi,” he greeted me, voice gruff.
“Hey.” My attention moved to Brodan who leaned against the island, observing all. “We’re just bringing Nox back.”
“So I can see.” He pushed off the island with a handsome grin and took his son in his arms. Nox smiled big and gummy for his dad. “I like the nickname, by the way.” Brodan shot me an approving smile.
My return grin felt strained. “Glad to be of service.”
“And thank you for today.”
“I hope you guys had a good time.” I looked between Monroe and Brodan.
My friends shared a tender look of love, and Roe turned to me. “It was quiet, but lovely. Thank you.”
“No problem.” I turned to Callie, still not raising my eyes to Walker’s face. “But we need to hit the road, baby girl.”
Callie scowled at me. “I want to stay for a bit.”
“Callie—”
“It’s fine,” Roe assured.
“Want to say hello to Uncle Walk, wee man?” Brodan asked quietly, as he bridged the distance between them.
Walker didn’t miss a beat, taking Nox in his arms and settling him against his chest like he’d done it a million times.
I let my eyes finally rest on his handsome face as he stared down at the little boy with affection.
“You being cool, wee man?” he asked with hilarious seriousness. “You cool for Uncle Walk?”
Nox flashed his gums again.
What was it about kids and this man? They loved him.
My heart clenched in my chest because Callie was right. He was caring, protective, invested … He’d make a damn fine father.
That hurt too.
Lowering my gaze to Callie, my tone brokered no argument. “Callie, let’s go.”
Her expression was uncharacteristically mulish as she asked Walker, “Are you coming with us?”
A frown furrowed Walker’s eyebrows, and then I was subjected to his scowling confusion. Realization lightened his eyes. He knew now I hadn’t told Callie the truth about us yet.
“Walker’s working later, so no,” I lied. “Let’s go. Now.”
Finally registering my tone, Callie said a painfully sad goodbye to Walker and Nox, then Roe and Brodan, and followed me out of the house like I was leading her to prison.
I didn’t look back at Walker, though I felt his eyes on me until we disappeared down the hall. Monroe hugged me and murmured another apology in my ear, but I shook it off. It wasn’t her fault.
Walker was a part of my friend group.
We were going to have to get used to being around each other.
Or I was going to have to get a new friend group.
That thought cut deep, too, so I threw it away.
We were barely in the car thirty seconds when Callie asked belligerently, “Why were you rude to Walker?”
“I wasn’t rude.”
“You were too. Is there something going on?”
“Nothing is going on,” I lied. Another wrong to add to my list.
My girl grew quiet. And sullen. Because she wasn’t stupid, and she knew I was lying.
Guilt crushed me for not protecting her from this.
From the inevitability of me and Walker’s demise.
She was the last person I ever wanted to hurt or disappoint.
Tomorrow, when I felt stronger for her, I would tell her the truth.