Chapter 44
Forty-Four
SLOANE
To my darling Sloane,
If you’re reading this, then I ran out of time. All my life, my actions were dictated by a drive for success. To never again know hunger and shame. To give my child the life I didn’t have growing up.
If only I’d known that time, not poverty, was my enemy, I would have done so many things differently. But mostly, I would have set aside my foolish pride and brought you and my grandchild home. When I looked for you too late and couldn’t find you, I’ve never felt such regret.
Time has stolen my chance for your forgiveness.
It has stolen the chance for me to tell you in person how sorry I am and to see you one last time before I go.
I want you to have everything I have, darling.
To use it to make your life better. But more than anything, I want you to know that I love you more than I have ever loved anyone.
And if there’s one good thing I can leave you with, it is the wisdom of my failures.
Never let pride stand in the way of the people you love.
Never live a life that you’ll leave in regret.
I wish we’d had the chance to say goodbye. For me to know where you are and to know that you’re happy. All I can do is leave, hoping that wherever you are, you’re being loved far better than I was capable of.
You’ll be my last thought, my last hope, my last wish.
I love you always,
Dad
I read my father’s letter for the hundredth time since his lawyers sent it to me.
The first time I opened it, I didn’t think I’d recover from my grief.
It was the only time in my life I’d truly lost it in front of Callie.
Thankfully, Walker, even though he was still recovering, had been there to hold me through the sobs that seemed to rattle my entire being, to reassure my daughter when I could do nothing but lie in bed.
Clutching the letter. Crying silent tears the whole night.
Perry had my father cremated. I’d missed his memorial. And he’d died not only not knowing where I was, but not knowing his wife had kept us apart and tried to goddamn kill me.
Every day since the letter arrived had been one of the hardest struggles I’d ever gone through. But Walker was barely out of the hospital, his reconciliation with his parents still an ongoing and difficult process, and Christmas was here.
For Callie, I needed to be strong. She’d already been through way too much. I needed this time to be a haven for her.
“I love you, Daddy,” I whispered, kissing the letter before tucking it back into my bedside table. “I forgive you.”
I said it to him every day, hoping that wherever he was, he heard me and it brought him peace.
The sound of Callie and Walker talking downstairs got me up. I dragged on my robe and slippers and drew up my shoulders, preparing to be a glass half-full today.
And I was.
It was Christmas Eve. The man I loved was recovering from being shot but still insisted on staying here with us over the holidays. I’d watched him like a hawk as he got into bed with me last night, noting the tentative way he moved.
Callie’s laughter rang up toward me, and as I descended the stairs, I smelled bacon and coffee.
Regan had festively decorated the cottage while Walker was recuperating in hospital, and I spent all my evenings with Callie at his bedside.
She’d found the cutest tree to sit by the window and covered it in pretty vintage Christmas baubles and gold fairy lights.
Regan strung garlands of gold and red flowers along the fireplace and across our main wall.
Mistletoe hung above the doorway between the kitchen and living room, and three stockings hung from the fireplace.
I’d never been more grateful for my friends as they rallied around us.
Brodan was a constant presence in Walker’s hospital room.
He brought Nox with him whenever he could.
I think it surprised Walker to realize how much his friend and ex-boss clearly loved him.
How much so many people cared about him.
In fact, Walker seemed to be the only one who didn’t realize how incredibly lovable he was.
Giggles drew me to the kitchen, and sure enough, I found my daughter with Walker as he grilled bacon and stirred scrambled eggs on the stove.
“What are you doing?” I huffed, hurrying into the room to take the spatula out of his hand. “You’re not supposed to be doing anything right now.”
Walker gently took the spatula back as he leaned down to press a soothing kiss to my lips. “Happy Birthday, baby.”
I flushed with pleasure even as I opened my mouth to admonish him for exerting himself, when Callie threw her arms around my waist. “Happy Birthday, Mom!”
Hugging her tight, I kissed the top of her head. “Thank you, baby girl.” I turned to Walker and held out my hand. “But you guys know my birthday is tomorrow, right?”
“We’re making a new tradition,” Callie announced decidedly. “Your birthday will no longer be on Christmas Day but on Christmas Eve so we can celebrate it properly.”
“Is that right?” I chuckled.
“Yeah, it’s not fair otherwise.”
“Well, okay. I can do that.” I turned to Walker. “But I can also make breakfast.”
“It’s almost done.” He shrugged. “Grab a coffee.”
Seeing the determined gleam in his eyes, I made us coffee and poured Callie juice and soon we were sitting around our crammed kitchen table eating bacon and eggs.
I tried not to let my eyes rest on Walker’s stomach, to study his careful movements. He was off work now, but he’d be returning on reduced duties after New Year’s. Walker caught my gaze, and I read his expression.
He wanted me to stop worrying about him.
Not possible.
The man meant too damn much to me.
“We have presents for you, Mom,” Callie said, even as she watched me closely. She was probably searching for any sign I was going to break down again. I think she sensed my fragility, and I hated that.
“Oh, yeah?” I grinned. “So I get presents today, too, instead of all on Christmas Day?”
Her eyes lit up. “Yup! It’s not fair you have to share your birthday with someone so famous.”
I laughed. “I have been saying the same thing my whole life.”
It was easy to be glass half-full for Callie as we talked and teased over breakfast and Walker sat in silent amusement, listening to our banter.
This was how I wanted it to be. I didn’t want to focus on my stepmother, who was out on bail but facing criminal charges of conspiracy to commit murder.
My dad had indeed left me the bulk of his fortune and, though it would take a few weeks of legal back-and-forth, I was soon to be a multimillionaire.
It was hard to wrap my head around that too.
If necessary, I’d use every single cent to make sure Perry withered away in prison along with Nathan and Kyle.
The kidnapping had made the national news, and we’d been inundated with media requests for interviews. Ardnoch was now becoming known as the surprising thriller capital of Scotland, considering how many near misses its inhabitants had experienced over the last few years.
And as soon as Perry’s part in that was leaked to the press, the sensationalism of an inheritance conspiracy was too much for them to ignore.
The story was more widely reported in the States, but once something went online, there was no escaping it.
I’d been beating off calls from news outlets here in the UK for the last two weeks.
Finally, things seemed to quiet a little, but I knew it would all explode again once the case went to trial.
Among all that, Walker had spent some time with his parents, who had returned to Portobello.
They’d had a few awkward phone calls since, but they were planning to visit again in the new year.
I think seeing my heartbreak over losing my chance to reconcile with my dad had made Walker determined to work through two decades of estrangement with his parents.
It turned out his mom had tried to find him over the years but Walker had moved around so much with his job, she’d never been successful.
Then she’d discovered after our wordless meeting in Edinburgh that Walker was still in contact with a childhood friend and had used the connection to reach out.
I was grateful Walker had allowed her to.
His capacity for forgiveness was extraordinary and I couldn’t be prouder of him.
Callie barely let us finish our breakfast before dragging me out of the kitchen and into the sitting room.
There were gifts under the tree from her friends from school and from the housekeeping team at Ardnoch as well as presents for Walker and our Adair family friends.
I soon learned two birthday presents were tucked behind there too.
Walker settled beside me on the couch, his arm resting along my back as I leaned into his uninjured side, and Callie brought the gifts over. One was a small, gift-wrapped box and the other an envelope.
I glanced quizzically at Walker. “When did you two have time to do this? We’ve barely had time to buy Christmas presents.”
His lips quirked up at the corners. “Open the box first.”
Callie handed over the box wrapped in bright pink shiny paper I knew Walker had let her choose. “Ooh, what could it be?” I grinned at my daughter because she looked like she was ready to explode with excitement.
To my bemusement, I found inside a door key tied with a ribbon. I gestured to them both with the key. “Explain?”
“Now open the envelope,” Walker instructed.
My curiosity on overdrive, I opened the envelope and pulled out a couple of folded sheaves of paper. Scanning the contract, my lips parted in shock. “Is this what I think it is?”
Walker leaned over and tapped the bottom of the second page. “It just needs your signature.”
I flipped back to the first page and read the address.
“How?” I whispered.
“There are four tourist shops in Ardnoch,” Walker explained. “Two on Castle Street alone. This one on Castle Street used to be a restaurant in the ’90s. There’s an old kitchen in the back that needs updating, but we can do that, no problem.”
“This is the tourist shop next to Morag’s?” That was prime real estate.
He shrugged slightly and said, as if it was no big deal, “I convinced Gordon he’d be better off renting the place to you than competing with the other tourist stores.
And everyone, including Gordon, knows you can afford the rent.
In fact, I think if it works out for you, we could persuade him to sell the place. ”
I picked up the key with the ribbon on it, tears filling my eyes. “You got me … a bakery?”
“Happy Birthday, baby,” he said gruffly.
When I looked at Callie, her eyes filled with tears too. Happy tears. I held my arms out to her and she rushed me, almost shoving me back into Walker with the force of it. “I love you so much,” I choked out.
“I love you too.” She squeezed me tight before releasing me. Her eyes went to Walker. “But it was Walker who did it.”
He tugged affectionately on a strand of her hair. “It was your idea, though.”
I stared in wonder at this magnificent man, questioning what I’d ever done to deserve him. “I love you. Thank you.” I knew it had probably taken some fierce persuasion to get Gordon to relent to this.
His eyes glimmered with pleasure. “You’re welcome. I love you too.”
“Okay, this is the last thing, and then we’re gonna stop being mushy,” Callie announced like a little adult before she stared at Walker with eyes that seemed too wise for her young age. “Walker, thanks for saving my mom’s life. I love you.”
My heart swelled as Walker swallowed hard. It took him a minute, as if he was beating back emotion, but then he sat forward and drew Callie into a tight hug. His voice was like sandpaper over stone as he replied, “I love you, too, wee yin.”
I didn’t know where to look. At the two people I loved most loving on each other or at the gift they’d given me.
“Jesus,” I said to the ceiling, “I hate to break it to you, pal, but I totally won Best Birthday this year.”