Chapter 22
Twenty-Two
ARIA
Mamma had so many outbursts in public that I’d grown embarrassed if I showed emotion or if someone else expressed passionate sentiment in front of others.
However, when I looked back on the day’s events, I’d realize that maybe I’d loosened up a little from having distance from my mother.
Sarah and Jared’s grief had been public, but I’d felt nothing but empathy for them and couldn’t care less what the members thought, even though my priority was supposed to be their comfort and pleasure.
And when my little sister told me she loved me after traveling to get to me just to say it, I hugged her tight in the middle of the castle hallway while she burst into tears and held on to me like she used to as a kid.
North had pressed a reassuring hand to my back and whispered he’d check in later, and Wakefield had departed with him. I’d gotten Allegra calm enough to take her to my office, and I sent for refreshments because she looked exhausted.
“I’m sorry I upset you so much,” I told her, feeling terrible that I’d put her through the emotional wringer.
Allegra wiped at her cheeks with the tissues I’d given her as she sat across from me in a guest chair. “Don’t. Don’t apologize for giving me the truth.” She sucked in a watery breath. “You know, as awful as I felt listening to your voicemail, I was kind of relieved too.”
“Relieved?”
“You and Dad have been tiptoeing around me since rehab. You deciding not to help me drop out of college was the first sign that you were starting to treat me normally.”
Confused, I hesitantly asked, “Then why have you been so distant?”
Allegra scowled. “Because I’m a brat who couldn’t see past my own nose.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Allegra, you’re not—”
“I am a brat. An impulsive brat who conned herself into thinking she was so mature because of everything she’d been through. But listening to you on that voicemail … I realized I was doing to you what Mamma does to us, and I was horrified.” She looked horrified.
“You’re not Mamma,” I assured her. “Mamma wouldn’t have gotten on a plane to come and tell me she loved me.”
Allegra leaned forward, expression pleading. “I want you to know that I wasn’t consciously trying to hurt you. Yeah, I was pissed that I have to stay another semester in LA—hello, brat—but really I was pissed because I left here feeling like everyone else in your life.”
“What does that mean?”
She shrugged. “I thought as I got older, you’d become less of a parental figure and more of a best friend.
That you’d tell me everything. But until that voicemail, I’ve felt locked out of what’s going on with you.
You’re so scared to tell people how you’re really feeling in case you get hurt that you’ve even started to protect yourself from the people who love you.
So, you telling me I hurt you shocked me. ”
Had I done that? Had I gotten so closed off like that? “Oh, God, Ally, I didn’t even … I’m sorry if I did that. I guess I’ve always been in parent mode with you. Mamma never protected you from her feelings, and I wanted you to have someone whose only thought was to protect you.”
My sister grabbed my hand. “I get that. And I want you to know that I am so grateful for the childhood you gave me because I know that it’s not the childhood you got. But I’m nineteen, Ari, and a lot of shit has happened to me. You don’t need to parent me anymore. I just need you to be my sister.”
Understanding, I tightened my hold on her. “I can do that.”
“Okay. Then I’m sorry for being distant and making you feel like my love depended on you doing what I want you to do.
Because it’s so far from the truth. You’re my calm in the storm, Ari.
I love you better than I love anyone in this world.
” She smiled as she wiped at her fast-falling tears, and I barely saw it through the tears blurring my vision.
I got up, pulling her out of the chair to hug her tight. “I love you so much.”
For the first time in weeks, that worry and tension I’d gotten used to carrying melted away.
Wakefield interrupted not long later, bringing in tea and snacks. After he was gone and I’d forced Allegra to eat and drink, I asked about her trip to the South of France.
“Oh, I went with some people from school. I just wanted out of LA for a bit. But I got good news … Rhode Island accepted me as a transfer. I start there next semester. And I’m excited.
I showed them the glasswork I’ve been doing, and they’re already talking about making contacts for me with some East Coast galleries. ”
Joy for my sister lit through me. “Oh, Ally, that’s amazing. I’m so proud and happy for you.”
She beamed, her smile chipping away at the weariness in her eyes. “I can’t wait. I haven’t told Mamma and Dad yet. Mamma is going to shit a brick.”
“Then she’ll shit a brick,” I decided. “Nothing and nobody is stopping you from attending the school you want to attend.”
“What about you?” Allegra raised an eyebrow, her smirk mischievous. “I noticed North Hunter was holding your hand.”
Remembering her words about me shutting her out, I decided to tell her the truth. “We’re sleeping together. But that’s it.”
She did not seem surprised or annoyed. “What? You mean, no strings attached?”
“Exactly. We’re purely physical,” I lied.
Allegra seemed to see right through my deception. “And does North know that because he looks like a guy who’s kinda deep into it with you?”
He did?
Butterflies fluttered wildly in my belly at the thought.
“Well … it’s perhaps been a little more than physical.
He has helped me with some insecurities I’ve had since Lucas cheated.
And … he was also the one who encouraged me to be honest with you.
” Saying that out loud made me nervous to think about just how big an effect North had had on me these past weeks.
Panic tightened my chest.
But Allegra, oblivious to it, continued, “Then it’s not just sex. It sounds like you two are in a relationship. I sensed that spark between you. Obviously. Not that I’m taking credit for stupidly locking you in a room all night with a strange dude.”
I smirked at her sheepish expression. “We’re … friends. With benefits.”
My sister didn’t look convinced. “I’d be upset that you’re hiding the truth from me if I didn’t know that you’re also hiding the truth from yourself.”
“Ally—”
She waved me off. “I get it. You don’t want to get hurt.
So I won’t push because I’m just glad you and I are back in a good place.
I saw Caitlyn before I left for spring break.
She’s started doing coffee runs at this place by my school.
” Allegra glowered. “She keeps trying to have friendly conversations with me, asking why you don’t reply to her emails.
I just assumed you weren’t getting them. ”
“No. She’s been emailing from different accounts. I just keep deleting them.”
My sister grimaced. “Ari, that’s fucked up. You should tell someone she’s emailing all the time. It freaks me out she’s started getting her coffee at this place because we both know it’s nowhere near Curiosity.”
Unease replaced my butterflies. “Do you think it’s deliberate? To be near you?”
“She did pretty much go after your life. And she still hasn’t backed off. I think you should tell someone.”
“I don’t want to make a big deal out of it or give her the satisfaction of acknowledging her.”
Allegra considered this. “Yeah, I guess ignoring someone like her is probably the best kind of punishment. Still, stay alert. She gives me bunny-boiler vibes.”
I nodded, glad I hadn’t mentioned the other emails I’d received from the anonymous “member.” A second had come in after the first. It was pretty much a repeat of what they’d said before.
And I knew if a third arrived, I’d have to share it with Lachlan and security, even though the thought of doing so mortified me.
Brushing those concerns aside, I asked, “How long can you stay?”
Allegra gave me a sad smile. “Two nights, then I need to head back.”
“Well, it’s two nights we didn’t have before.”
We shared a loving look, and as I thought about poor Jared and Sarah who’d left here in a state of agonizing grief, I’d never been more grateful to have Ally close, physically and emotionally.
North was right.
There was nothing more important than family.