Chapter 30
Thirty
THEO
“I’m scared.”
The image of Sarah looking up at me after I confessed I was in love with her was branded on my brain. As were the two words she’d whispered with a tearful apology.
She was afraid to say it back.
Who wouldn’t be after the way I’d treated her?
But even though I recognized that, even though I’d kissed her softly and promised her I understood and told her to take her time, that I would wait patiently … it hurt. It hurt that she didn’t say it back.
It reminded me of this one girl I’d slept with just a few years after what Saffy did.
I’d told the girl it wasn’t serious, but we’d been screwing around for a few months.
Until she told me she loved me, and I’d rejected her callously on the basis that I hadn’t let her know me. So how could she love me?
What a bastard I was.
How many people had I inadvertently hurt because I was pissed off at Daddy Dearest and my ex-girlfriend?
“Where are you?” Sarah cuddled into my side on the couch.
Her cousin had been gracious enough to let me stay at the farmhouse over Christmas. Sarah wanted me there the day before Christmas Eve through to Boxing Day, and since I was turning into a giant sap, I, of course, agreed.
Jared was working. The days were so short, he worked every day to make up for it.
Sarah said he’d take Christmas Day off, but she hadn’t been able to convince him to take Boxing Day.
The plan was that Sarah and I would cook, and we’d just returned home from the most chaotic, terrifying supermarket experience of my life.
There hadn’t been a Christmas since my mother died in which I hadn’t finagled an invitation to someone else’s festivities, so I’d avoided the Christmas food shopping hell my entire life. Until today.
Someone had attempted to rip the last bag of potatoes out of Sarah’s hands and when I stepped in to protect her, they had the audacity to claim I was the threatening one. The wannabe thief took off when he spotted someone trying to claim the last of the carrots.
By some miracle, we managed to get everything we wanted, but it was a harried experience and reinforced my belief that there were basic elements of human nature that could not be dragged out of the cave.
“Just thinking about how we nearly died for a bag of potatoes and a turkey,” I murmured back, watching the flames in the large fireplace crackle and dance.
Sarah shook against me, and I glanced down to find her grinning. “How quickly people devolve.”
“I was just thinking something similar.” I studied her face, feeling such overwhelming love that sometimes it was difficult to not let the fear win. To not just run. But then I remembered how I felt when she left me in London, and any thought of leaving her was obliterated.
“I can put another movie on if you like?” She gestured to the television. We were watching an old classic, Meet Me in St. Louis.
I slid my hand down her leg. “I was thinking of doing something a little more entertaining.”
Her eyes widened, another smile tugging at her mouth. “What? Now? Jared will be home soon.”
“We can be quick,” I murmured in her ear, trailing kisses down her neck. Sarah’s head fell back, giving me access to her throat. At the sound of her gasp, I stood abruptly.
Then I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder with ease. Her laughter filled the house as I hurried upstairs to her old bedroom. I laid her on the bed and made quick work of undressing her. “I bet you never thought you’d have sex in here,” I teased.
She pulled an adorable face. “I did have sex.”
I raised an eyebrow as I unclipped her bra.
Sarah shrugged. “I had lots of very quiet sex with myself.”
Chuckling, I kissed and moved over her, my hands exploring her perfect body. “Poor darling. I’m here now.”
She laughed, shoving me playfully. Grinning smugly, I sat up to remove my shirt and she retorted, “I’ll have you know that up until you, sex with myself was the best sex I’d ever had.”
“That’s because some men are selfish fuckers in bed.” I pressed my lips to her slender belly, following a trail to her jeans. I unbuckled them, looking up at her from beneath my lashes. “Lucky for you, I’m a possessive bastard who wants to ruin you for all other men.”
Sarah gasped as I yanked down her jeans, taking her knickers with them. “Lucky for me, you only mean that in the sense of the bedroom. We wouldn’t get along—oh!” She arched into me as I licked at her clit.
“We wouldn’t what, my love?”
“Wouldn’t …” She clawed at the duvet covers. “I don’t … oh … just keep doing that.”
So I did.
Tasting her, sucking, nibbling, licking, fucking her with my tongue … pushing her to almost breaking but then pulling back before she could come. She was flushed and lost, her face etched with passion and need.
“Theo, please,” she begged.
The sound of gravel kicking up under a vehicle outside cut through her panting. Her eyes widened. “Jared.”
I lifted my head. “Do you want me to stop?”
Sarah looked adorably outraged. “You better make me come right now or you’ll have blue balls for the next month.”
Laughing, I gripped her thighs and pulled them over my shoulders, grabbing her arse in my hands to pull her deeper into my mouth.
Sarah keened and I growled against her, my cock rock hard.
I ate at her hungrily and then, just as the back door slammed downstairs, Sarah came. She clamped her teeth down on her fist as she shattered.
“Sarah!” Jared called. “You in?”
Suddenly, Sarah scrambled away from me and I collapsed onto the bed, confused. Until she jumped up and grabbed my arm. “Come with me,” she whispered frantically. So I did, following her into her en suite bathroom.
As soon as we were inside, she locked it and reached into the shower to turn it on. Her cheeks were flushed bright pink as she looked up at me with laughter in her eyes. “Thankfully, Grandpa added this bathroom for me a year after I came to live with them so I’d have a wee bit of privacy.”
I raised an eyebrow.
She gestured to my engorged cock. “Do you think I’d leave you in that state?”
Grinning, I let her pull me into the shower. I pressed her up against the cool tiles, kissing her, throbbing against her stomach. I pulled back to reassure her, “You know I would have waited. While I cannot handle a month, I can handle a few hours of blue balls.”
Sarah grasped my cock in her hand, and I grunted as she guided it between her thighs. She was so wet. Fuck. “I don’t want you to wait.”
As I surged into her, one hand gripping her thigh to open her to me, the other braced on the tiles above her head, I thought, At least I have this of her. I knew at that moment that Sarah would never give this part of her to someone else. Trust. I trusted her as much as I loved her.
And that’s why I’d wait forever to hear her say those words back.
Because I never thought I’d trust this way again, never mind love.
“Fuck, I love you,” I groaned as she came around me, milking my cock and urging me closer to my own climax. I buried my head in her neck, thrusting harder, deeper, because nothing ever felt enough with this woman.
“Theo …” Her breath hitched on my name as her fingernails dug into my waist. “Theo.”
“Yes.” I lifted my head, locking eyes with her. “I’m yours, Sarah,” I panted. “Are you mine?”
She nodded, grasping tighter to me. “I’m yours.”
The words triggered my orgasm and sensation coursed down my spine and legs as I emptied inside her. Giving her everything.
“Good God.” I rested my temple against hers as my cock pulsed. “I never knew …” I’d never known it could be like this. I’d had plenty of sex in my life, but until Sarah, I’d never realized how bloody hollow all those other times had been.
I pressed a kiss to her temple, then her cheek, another to her nose and then her mouth. Our kiss was slow, reassuring, and a sense of calm came over me for the first time since I’d told her I loved her.
She might not be able to say it back yet, but she’d admitted we belonged to each other. It was enough for now.
“How was your day?” Sarah asked Jared as we ventured into the kitchen to start dinner.
Like us, his hair was wet, suggesting he’d showered as soon as he returned home.
He shot us a look over his shoulder as he stirred milk into a coffee. He glowered at me, and I tried not to laugh. Clearly, he knew what we’d been up to. No one showers in the middle of the day unless they were a farmer returning from work.
“It was fine.” He leaned against the kitchen counter, near the sink, watching us as we moved around, pulling ingredients out of the fridge. “What’s happening?”
“We’re making dinner.” Sarah beamed at him. Her cheeks were still a little flushed from our earlier exertions. “Theo’s making fajitas and I’m helping.”
Jared eyed me. “You cook?”
“I do. I hope you like Mexican.”
“I’ll eat anything. Thanks,” he reluctantly added.
“I noticed a lot of prepacked meals in the fridge.” Sarah gave her cousin an admonishing look.
Jared scrubbed a hand over the back of his neck. The man appeared exhausted. “Sarah, I don’t have time to cook for myself at the moment. The meals do in a pinch.”
Guilt clouded Sarah’s expression. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“Not being here.”
He shook his head even as he reached out to pull her into his side for a hug. Jared kissed the top of Sarah’s head. “Never feel guilty for living your life.” He squeezed her. “I’m proud of you.”
I decided at that moment to forgive him his high-handedness when he’d barged in on us in Gairloch. It was clear the cousins shared a deep affection, and I was glad, after learning what Sarah had put up with in her early years, that she had Jared. I was maybe even a little envious of it.
As I chopped peppers, my phone buzzed in my back pocket. I set the knife on the counter and looked to see who was calling. My agent. What on earth … “Fern?” I answered, sensing Sarah’s and Jared’s regard.
I walked out of the kitchen and into the living room that looked like something out of a cozy Christmas catalogue.
“Theo, sorry to call you during the holidays, but I thought you should know that an admin assistant here at the agency has come forward with some information that might relate to the Hangman murders.”
A chill skated down my spine. “What kind of information?”
“We just handed it over to the police in charge of the investigation. I’m sure they’ll be in touch, but I felt awful at the thought of leaving you out of the loop.
Because …” She sighed heavily. “Theo, it’s fan mail.
Addressed to you. You know when we usually receive fan emails, we either forward them to the intended or delete.
These were actual letters, and the assistant thought they were odd, so she just filed the letters away to be forwarded to you later.
Except she’s been doing that for two years.
” She sounded angry. “The letters are disturbing. The person seemed to believe that he was Charlie King and wanted to thank you for bringing his story to life.”
Dread coiled in my gut. “It could be him. The murderer.”
“Yes. The last few letters asked for your response to the murders. He was looking for praise,” she spat in disgust.
“Oh, hell.” I sank into the nearest chair, feeling a little light-headed. “Can I see them?”
“The police took them. I’m sorry, Theo. I’m sorry we didn’t catch this sooner. Rest assured the admin assistant will be dealt with.”
“Don’t fire her for a clerical oversight.”
“It was a big bloody oversight, Theo.”
“She wasn’t to know what was in those letters. And who sends letters anymore?”
Fern sighed. “I know. I’m just … I can’t believe this is happening. My clients have been making shows like this for over two decades, and … you never expect someone to take something they’ve created and use it for this kind of evil. I’m so sorry, Theo.”
I bowed my head. “I’m sorry too.”
“No. You have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing. I just wanted you to know what was happening.”
I nodded, trying to speak around the sorrow thickening my throat. “I appreciate it … Merry Christmas, Fern.”
She laughed unhappily. “Yes. Merry Christmas, Theo.”
We hung up and I stared into the fire, all the peace I’d found with Sarah upstairs turning to ash.
A hand rested on my shoulder and I jerked in surprise.
Sarah stood over me, concern marring her brow.
I reached for her hand and pressed a hard kiss to the back of it.
“Tell me?” she whispered, brushing her fingers through my hair.